Thursday, April 16, 2009


The song sung by Gary Jules, made popular by Adam Lambert - makes me shout in disgust.
"Worn out faces, Going for their daily races; when people run in circles - it's a very very mad world". The reason this affects me is simple. The search for consciousness and the resulting nausea and disillusion. "The tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression." I find it surprising that people have seen me queer for a long time now. Till recently I believed that it was a recently acquired trait, but I have been told that I was queer for quite some time. May be I find it exhilarating to be labeled mad, and somewhere it is just me venting my inner self. Experiments with myself and society, if you may. I am nobody great and I may be a unique - most hilarious, depressing, interesting, boring, quiet and talkative person known to me. It was a simple life at first.
Come home and study, open World Book, Childcraft, Dinosaur book, Astronomy Book.
Then there was a need to excel at studies.
There was a creative lost stupid boy.
Then there was a need for society and acceptance.
There was also a need for love.
There was a need for being weird.
There was a weird.
There was a tramp some years ago too.
The tramp, in fact, gave rise to me, my brain and my perceived intelligence.
There was a need to change the world.
There was a great organisation that needed to be built.
There was a social angle to it too.
There was seclusion.
There was loneliness.
There was a sense of purpose just a few months ago.
There was depression.
There was ecstasy.
There was simplicity combined with complexity.
There was a quest for death.
There is . . . blankness + seclusion + adrenaline + disregard for society + frustration + thirst.

The thoughts that determine our present should not be open to others. But I try hard to show it. I wait for the time when I look at this and laugh at what I was.
There are the ignorant and there are the determined. There is a fine line between them that keeps oscillating. The determined are affected by their heads and by the external. There is a very fine line here too, that keeps oscillating. That leaves a very few who are affected primarily by their heads. These beings oscillate between the most powerful and most disgruntled beings.
My thoughts are mine to cherish.
This post may make people smile in amazement, laugh in bewilderment, scowl in hatred, shrug in kay sera sera, lose themselves in thought and seek me in order to kill me, cry out of the enormity of the bull shit written here.

Go on, go to work. You are late. The traffic might build up. The customer is waiting for the goods and you have done the documentation incorrectly. The internet is not working - I wonder how you will get by today. There is no electricity. Your boss wants to reward you with a promotion and a raise. Go on. Your wife is waiting at home because she wants to have sex. Go on. You have to head to gym because you are out of shape. Did you forget to mail the report? - My!! How will you sleep tonight?
Go on. There are forests to burn and air to pollute and trash to throw and water to pee in. Leave nothing unturned. Did you study well for your exam? It shall determine your progress in life. Did you put in ten hours of work today? O - so you are Mr. popular at office. Good for you dear.
Going nowhere with their daily races.
I find it kind of funny.
I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm DYING are the best I've ever had.

On the brink.
Or am I ?

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