Sunday, July 24, 2011


Today, while driving, the thing that connects the steering wheel to the right front tyre broke. Luckily, I was at the traffic signal and not driving per se. It is inconceivable what might have happened had I been driving...
Then, thanks to my ovarian lottery, there was somebody from home, a driver, who came to my 'rescue'. We flagged down a towing van and got the car back home. 1.5 hours have been encapsulated into 2 sentences; but such is our memory. We forget things quite easily and rather effortlessly.
There is much to live for and I have seen myself drift away from this ideology. Many people go through this phase when they think, "OMG, there is just so much to live for. When I see how people around me are living, and when I see how good my quality of life is on a relative basis, it just makes so much sense to live it up!"
But as I said earlier, our memory deceives us. We forget often, that which needs to be remembered.
My driving ordeal and the movie I am watching right now, Guzaarish, make me think of the things I have going for me and how easily some of those things could be taken away from me. I know that this is only a fleeting feeling - I will forget it soon. Sadly, this feeling needs to be cherished! :)
Carpe Diem. I really want to live it up and want to let go of my inhibitions. Even though this is a message that ought to go in my personal diary, I felt like writing it here. I felt like keeping this thought open to the world. This post, like many others that I write, will melt away into obscurity.
I have gone through a life where I have been an outstanding student. I have secured brilliant marks and distinctions. Those, now, are quite useless. I have seen myself outperform in personal forums, I have seen my weaknesses and I have seen that which makes me superior to many others. I have gone through bouts of,  what I would really prefer calling, depression. I have felt helpless, useless and inferior. I have felt alone, aimless and unhealthy. I am 24 years old now and I have started seeing life in a different light. There is much to live for and I am excited.
I heard from a friend the other day (it was said to her by a doctor), "What's wrong with you?! This is your time to look good and feel good!" "You heard what I said to him right? No-one!!! is worth dying for".
The doctor was referring to how little people tend to care of themselves and how, at times, they put unnecessary people and events before them.

We humans are unbelievable. There is a lot to live for. I hope my memory serves me well.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

130711 Mumbai Blasts

I was driving home with my colleagues when what-I-thought-was-a-rumour started floating around... Slowly, the confirmation dawned on us in the car. Surprisingly, I wasn't scared. One friend made the wise decision of going back to office. It's wise because my decision to drive home was rather irresponsible; more blasts/ events could have transpired.
So there I was driving. I felt cold, heartless and numb. My head said, "Ah! So another 2 years go by and we have another series of blasts/ attacks. Good I'm alright and the odds are that all my friends are going to be alright." We, in Mumbai, have accepted such occurrences. We understand how easy it is to create chaos and how easy it is to blow up a bomb in a crowded place, and please don't tell me that something like this can't happen in a European city because it is really very easy to make a rudimentary bomb that can cause havoc.

I feel sad that I was as cold as I was. The logical reason is quite simple; there are so many human beings and frankly, most human lives are worthless to most others. I have 500+ facebook friends, of whom I care about may be 30-50. In a city that accommodates more than 15 million people, the people I know form a small small portion. I care about my peeps but I don't think much could probably happen to them.
I know quite well how most other nationalities would react; shock, horror, concern, etc. But when life in India is so cruel and when life in India is best lived with optimism, there is no room to be concerned for those who you don't care about.
I understand the, "This could have happened to me/ her/ him", but no point wallowing over it.
This city is a shit-hole. A shit-hole that is loved by its inhabitants because it is so much better than most other Indian cities. And shit happens in shit-holes like Mumbai. Don't get me wrong, but I love Mumbai immensely - no other place I could call home. But yes, there are times when we hate home.

I will now move to human behaviour. (This might cause a subdued uproar among my millions of readers).
So there were blasts. And we start calling/ messaging friends and family with "Are you alright?". Understandable. If my Mom was stuck somewhere, I would find a way of getting to her.
When we reach the second tier of friends, which is where most of our friends belong, we start somewhat faking the concern. If I message a second tier friend "Are you alright?" - how differently would I react to a 'yes' or a 'no'?
And please, if he/ she is not alright, he is not going to reply to my message... he's gonna be working on finding his way out or doing whatever he is up to. This behaviour of ours makes me believe how big a part peer pressure and guilt play in our lives. It is a truth that most of us will not accept, but it's true. We like showing concern and we like being shown concern. Guess that's what makes us human?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

You can't take my soul

I have had trouble accepting myself for many years now. My thoughts have been questionable and my questions have been thought-provoking. There was a time that I felt I was smart, that time has now passed me by. I now see that I want to see a lot of what humanity and nature has to offer to me; not just visually but also emotionally and socially.
For a long time now, I have questioned people's behaviour in various circumstances and I truly believe that we as a kind are becoming overly superficial in our approach to our lives. I was reading about Charlie Munger and came across a statement he made about how his endeavour is a lot about learning and growing than about much else.
I like the word 'iconoclast' and I like the word 'contrarian'. Why can't there be a global war around the corner? Why can't Indian G-Secs touch 10%? Why can't more of us leave the clutches of capitalism and the spiral that ensues? There are possibilities everywhere and even then I see us following, largely, a single file.
I am about to embark on my next phase knowing fully well how hopeless my prospects might be and how woefully inadequate I am (that's what she said, sorry... bad joke), but I also want to embrace the knowledge that time is on my side unless something untoward happens. Alas.

I am immensely hopefully and a part of me is joyous. There is little that I remember, but I kinda remember the child I used to be and I am happy to say that the same child is within me now. Now, after a very long time.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Nanking Massacre

The Nanking massacre was conducted by Japanese troops in 1937, over a period of 6 weeks after The Japanese captured the city of Nanking. I am reading about it right now and it's sad that I had never heard about it. 20,000 to 80,000 women were raped during that period and 100,000s people were killed. Forced incest, child rape, mutilation were some of the things accounted by journalists and other people in that city.
It appalls me to think that humans could be that cruel; it almost seems unbelievable. Almost.
I cannot imagine the world in the midst of war again, and yet, because I can't imagine it I think it will happen within a decade or so. Axioms are dangerous. The world has been largely peaceful for a very long time, it should continue being so for many years to come.

I cannot imagine troops of the 21st century being as vengeful as those of yester-years. But humans can surprise.