Thursday, October 29, 2009


There are dum fuks all around.
There are witless, brainless snails crawling all around us.
Clutching and gnawing to get ahead.
The funny bit is, they do!
However, I have to accept these brainless bafoons simply because I am a part of society.
Even though this answer seems mundane.
At least these idiots make me laugh :)

I don't think I am reaching anywhere.
I see myself in India by May / June 2010.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Decisions and Fear

I think to myself - too often and too much for my own good.
I thought the other day that it completely reasonable to assume that I will not get a job in the US after MSF, nor will I get a job anywhere else.
In which case, I will be going back to India.
What then?
The idea of being away from this field that I love, is sad.
There will definitely be pressure to work with my Dad and I will do my best not to work there.
Then again, will it be possible to shun a ready, stable and strong financially business for ambitions?
It scares me.
I believe in myself - in terms of my capacity to resist pressure and in terms of my potential in this field.
I could fail, but the chances of my success based on my understanding of myself are very high.
It shall be a joyous ride.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


India scares me.
It is because I don't feel safe in that country.
The legal system is so weak that very few would think of approaching it.
I don't feel that there is any sort of protection against crimes.
What would you do if someone you know is attacked?
What can you do (as a girl) if you are sexually assaulted?
I am scared of policemen in India - and I believe most of us are.
We know the way they speak to the 'common people' - and it is appalling.
We bribe our way through almost everything; education, traffic, licenses, legalities, property issues, law enforcement, taxation.
I could in effect get someone arrested and beaten up if I had adequate (not necessarily a lot of) money.
If my company wants to raise money, the legal enforcement to protect creditors is not present, therefore money is not as freely available.
There is no great M&A market.
What respite does an employee have if he/she is wrongfully sacked?
Some politicians are known to have criminal backgrounds.
What do you about religious/fundamentalist political parties?
If people from Shiv Sena come and burn my car, what can I do?
If I am driving late at night and a cop pulls me over, he could in effect ask me to sexually service him with the threat of beating me up and throwing me in jail for the night, feigning any reason that he could use against me.
What if a woman is driving home at that point of time?
India is a country where even marginally rich people are more equal than poorer people.
Why do you think it is so difficult to ask for decent roads?
Why don't we have electricity in parts of major cities - sometimes?
Why is infrastructure so neglected?
Why are government offices never expected to be overhauled?
The country will never succeed unless there is accountability and legal enforcement.
Growth rate is one thing.
Happiness, welfare and security is another.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


At a Train station - man speaking to Dagny Taggart

"I don't like the thing that's happening to people, Miss Taggart."

" I don't know. But I've watched them for twenty years and I've seen the change. They used to rush through here, and it was wonderful to watch, it was the hurry of men who knew where they were going and were eager to get there.
Now they are hurrying because they are afraid.
It's not a purpose that drives them, it's fear.
They're not going anywhere, they're escaping.
And I don't think they know what it is they want to escape.
They don't look at one another. They jerk when brushed against.

They smile too much, but it's an ugly kind of smiling; it's not joy, it's pleading.

I don't know what it is that's happening to the world."
He shrugged.

"Oh well, who is John Galt?"

Atlas Shrugged was written by Ayn Rand in 1957.

25 things about myself

25 thinks abaaawt maaaa shelf
Originally posted on Facebook Friday, February 13, 2009 at 11:38am

B coz the coz causes grave frustration and becoz life is an experiment n becoz peepal dont go to blogs
here i lay myself bare - not naked coz tht wud be gross.

1. I like messing with the English language because it is completely illogical. Pronunciations are not like spellings and spellings are illogical. Which is why I like riting like dhis at tymes.

2. I like talking to myself - not that it is uncommon; I know it is fairly common; but I like talking to myself as if I were talking to a person standing opposite me. . . Anybody seen the Secret Window?
"I wonder why he did that. . . " -- "Yeah . . even I do, I think he did that because so and so . . "
That is how I talk to myself.

3. I wave my hands like a bird and walk at times, or I walk hopping at times or moving my mouth because I am actually talking to myself and not like the cowards who talk in their head.
I wave my hands because I love what children are - completely oblivious to society.

4. I miss myself so much at times that I like going away alone, like this one time that I stayed overnight at Lonavala alone, drove alone, ate alone, slept alone, read a book alone, walked alone, got tired alone.
Next Mission: Mahabaleshwar alone for 3 days

5. I laugh at people everyday because they are just so stupid - please refer to my blog for more intricate details. Blog named "Hilarious Fools"

6. I love being weird, such that I prefer wierd to weird. No point being mundane. Which makes me wonder at time whether I am purposely wierd or naturally stupid.

7. I start laughing at times even in the midst of my friends without there being a reason for laughter.
Once I laughed so much I had to bend down and grab my knees so that I would not fall. And when Ishan and Chickoo (my friends) asked me what happened; I had nothing to say.

8. I believe in euthanasia and do not understand the difference between suicide and euthanasia.

9. I do not believe in the existence of a higher power, god, etc. It does not seem right. In fact, it sounds hilarious.

10. I have lost the will to read fiction especially after reading a few of Ayn Rand's creations.
I hate that beach (another misuse of the English language)

11. I like reading useful newspapers (business news) and useless newspapers (HT Cafe, BT, etc.)
Normal news is so stupid and irrelevant that I stick to a headline for approximately 0.15 seconds.

12. I get scared of people because they are so stupid at times.
Eg. Someone might find something offensive written here and come to kill me - not that I am of any importance - but hey, that guy must be so lukkha that he has nothing better to do than to kill me.

13. I aim to build a hospital, a school, a college, an orpahnage, an old people's home and if possible, multiplications of the same thereafter.

14. I hate girls because they make me look at them because they are pretty at times.
Clarification: I never stare and always make it a point to keep my mouth shut even if someone is drop dead gorgeous - precisely why I hate them.
Firstly, they look pretty; secondly, they don't like guys staring at them.
Eventually a guy has to pretend to not have looked at them.
It's a sad sad situation (Elton John - even though he is gay).

15. I like pretending I am gay, because that is the simplest way of getting people to accept them as part of us. I do not like homphobics (alas! the stupid dominate the world).
Gay Sera Sera

16. I am a romantic fool.

17. I don't like photos where people look at the camera and smile.
Make it real!!!

18. I am proud of my academic achievements but realise that ki farak paindaaaaaa. Because it already does not matter.

19. I like not talking to my close friends at times - it feels nice.

20. I am a perpetually frustrated soul who has realised that he will never be happy.
21. I wore a turquoise / blue / navy Hawaiian style shirt with beige shorts, black socks, red shoes and a blue bracelet for a funky themed party.

22. I love Biryani and am still searching for the ultimate biryani. It is sad, how underrated that dish is. The smell sometimes tends to fill my tummy.

23. I feel glad when people call me wierd, stupid, pagal, crazy, joker, etc.

24. I love Garfield, The Joker, Howard Roark, Calvin and Tirath.

25. I love being impulsive at times and actually carrying on action based on impulse. It is the closest I can be to an animal.

26. I like crying.

27. I can recite the alphabet backwards.

28. I discovered a formula in Maths in 6th Std.

29. I hate stupid but stupid makes me laugh if I am in to mood for it.

30. I am bad at counting.

Monday, October 19, 2009


It is purpose that drives us all. Purpose, when we were younger, used to be pretty immediate. The next homework, the next time we can go out to play, the next tasty treat, waiting till one can cuddle up in bed. Purpose somehow tends to become stretched farther away from the immediate future. As we grow, we plan more. We plan for things because we believe that that will lead us to our plateau of happiness. The purpose changes to having a great family, a long lived relationship, a one night stand each day, a trek to a far away place, a well paying job, a great car, a nice plate of food at a good restaurant and/or social status. It is interesting to note how we change our purpose; not the purpose itself but the magnitude or the immediacy of the purpose. Instant gratification is all we have left that leads us back to our roots. Ignorance is bliss, and I love that statement. One amusing turning point in some people's lives is retirement. Some like to postpone it because they enjoy their work life or hectic life, some like to postpone it because they are afraid of such a drastic change, some wait for it because all the things that they want to do post-retirement are chalked out.

It amuses me that we spend 20-25 years of our lives learning how to live our lives and earn money, the next 35-45 years are spent battling society and competition, striving to excel and reach goals. What is left, when we are too old to do some sorts of physical activities, we try to use that time to 'enjoy' ourselves.
It amuses me that we are kids till our 20's and then we become responsible adults and start waiting for parenthood. Our parents always see their kids in us even though we may be 40 years old.
It amuses me that we will barely ever empathize with our parents because by the time we are that age, we would have forgotten what our original relationship was exactly like.
It amuses me when I see people spending time with other people whom they don't even like. It is never easy to be non-nice.
It fascinates me whenever I hear certain songs that are well written and are open to interpretation.
It fascinates me whenever I think of my past and what I had been, have become and am becoming.
For now, I wait for the 2 relatively immediate moments.
Just waiting till the shine wears off.

Sunday, October 18, 2009


The english that the world is learning nowadays is american english. I realized this a while ago. Whenever I see a non-native speaker around my campus, I see that the english that they speak and therefore believe to be the 'one and only form of english' is american.
Nothing wrong with that... but it is interesting to note how english has left the UK to become an American identity.

Yesterday, one guy asked me "What language do you speak back home?"
The answer surprised me - when I said that I speak 3 languages on a daily basis and for all practical purposes, english is in fact my native language or my first language.

It is also interesting to note that the British, the Australian, the New Zealanders or the Americans might have their typical way of using the language - however, the Indian way is not used as confidently by Indians as is by the aforementioned nationalities.

I believe (and that is the flaw - believe) that if an Australian comes to the US he will not switch to the American accent. However, many Indians will. Much of it has to do with the speed with which we speak english and the fact that as an Indian it is mildly difficult to speak in english only, as we Indians usually use english in conjunction with some other 'native' language.

Some people may come to believe that I have issues with people speaking in non-native accents. That is not entirely true.
What I do have a problem with is the partial accents (It's almost there but not quite) and the temporary accents (changes as the colour of the addressee changes).
Even the partial accents I will very willingly accept, however the temporary accents are just hilarious.

Bubblegum v/s Suit

There is a difference between a guy chewing bubblegum explaining something - about let's say the chemical industry - intuitively and a guy wearing a suit standing at a podium and presenting to an audience of many people and talking theoretically.

There is a reason why people are impressed with marketing people or verbose people. The skill of putting things in prettier, more technical or more impressive words is highly appreciated and often overlooked.

But such is human behavior.
We form judgments based on first impressions.


I wonder if Facebook is a stalking device.
It is just so very sad that technology has removed the element of "who knows!!??"
I have written about this before. So shall not write again.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


People like talking about other people. If it pertains to people who matter and people who you care about - may be that is pardonable.
However, people talk about other people who really do not matter to them.
It's fun to listen to.

Another case: Dude talking about the derivatives class. "People have got so badly burnt in derivatives; it all depends on luck. You know, derivatives is like playing poker with sharks. One day you will definitely get killed."
I laugh in my head.

The road ahead - 7 months and less

Time flies by and I miss you each day. How did things come to this and where shall things go from here? I sit here as I see the sunny sky and I look for my purpose. There is nothing in my head and I cry to myself. I cry to myself as I long for sleep. I am deprived of joy and crave for a high. My heart burns now, as I see things that are not really real. It is all in my head and may be I go nowhere. All that is there is pretense. Eventually, everything pans out well methinks. However, I cannot help but whine. For now, I believe there are 2 broad things that I need to attain and those 2 things ought to make me stable in my outlook. This is what makes happiness a pursuit. It's all about a hope and I have made no contingencies. I am scared of what things will be like if I don't attain these 2 things. Then again, memories are short and life has a way of paving a road. A few tears here and there, and I should be alright.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Sadness Prevails

I face dilemmas, like most other creatures.
If I don't care about a subject, it is difficult for me to contribute even reasonably to it.
My primary concern as of now is to land a job - one that I want.
I feel tired
I feel strained
Because, somehow I just do not have a nice plan chalked.
Then again, very few people do.
Then again, I should not care about others' behaviors.
Frankly, I am scared.
The repercussions of me not landing a favorable job are, well, unthinkable.
In addition to this, there is something very high on my priority list - may be as important as the job - that I need to settle upon reaching India.

The fundamental issue is due to my belief that I am way above mediocre.
In addition, what I want to create is questionable and distant.
The problem is desires.
If my desires were set low, I would have been alright.

I sometimes wonder if I am capable of doing all that I dream of.
Capability stems from capacity and from perseverance.
Wonder if I have it in me to slug it out.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Mr. Nobody

There are people who I laugh at - in my head.
Sometimes I just cannot tolerate them.
I saw today, that I have nothing against people who cannot talk well in english.
I saw that those people are trying very hard to fit into a different world.
People have ambitions and people strive to reach them.

There are people, who I believe have a potential to succeed, be it socially, be it materially, be it based on happiness.
The will and the steady head is amiss at times.

I realised one thing yesterday night... it was that the people who I truly like - I have not judged them.
It is clearly an anomaly, but works out well for me.

People love to seem impressive.
People love to follow things that could make them seem impressive.
"The Subprime crisis is crazy!" - People will love murmuring about it.

I write these things about people - but I know who I am.
Mr. Nobody.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Open your mouths and eat all that you can!!
You filthy creatures sitting all around!
There is nothing that you shall grow up to be!!
For there is nothing nutritious about the things you can digest...
It is what you create - that determines your value.
May be.

I am sitting in a classroom where the 'professor' is teaching something very elementary.
Secondly, this particular professor has rigid beliefs: "Debt is good! Because you get a tax benefit!"

There are people around who do not care or enjoy or love finance as much as I do. The deal is, in effect, I am saying that I am great.
But greatness is relative and - simply - I know that I am nothing.
But nothing is also relative.

It is sad that I have a belief that I am good.

This warrants me to appreciate Prof. Brooke. She is a hulk when it comes to teaching. Real examples, real cases, all opinions welcome and she will strike down stupid opinions without appearing demeaning. One just knows that she works really hard to build her course to make it amazing. Hopefully she does well in her career.

Thursday, October 1, 2009


People will never cease to amuse me. There are questions. There are answers. Most of them worthless. People do not have any real motive. Things are just done. There is a need to impress others. There is a want to be someone who one is clearly not. But where is the difference. There is a lot of weightage given to how impressive one can appear to be. The problem with most studies is, studies need to be quantified and detailed. At least now, that is the case. In the past, one could form opinions and that would be good enough. I believe that the world is struggling to be independent. There is a need to be a part. Then again, there is another thought that believes people have become much more independent.
May be what I am hinting at is that the number of people who can be independent is very small as compared to the herd. And may be that is how the world can best function. It may be human nature in itself - dominance is possible only when there are 'lesser' people.