Friday, August 21, 2009

The Indian, the Korean and the half gay masseuse.

A few days ago I went to a pub with a friend - Korean. Nice time, had "Blue Moon" beer. Fantastico....
Anyways - - crux being...
A large American guy comes up to us: "Hey!! You mind if I sit with you guys???!!"
Before I could say .. "Yeahh..", Sean (Korean friend) says: "Sure... join us."

So this guy sits with us. I bottle up thinking what this bugger wants to do, joining a brown and a yellow guy :S

Things get interesting...

"My name's Rummy, yeah... Rummy. Well my real name is Christopher something something... but I go by a lot of names."

"O... I am here for a course to become a trained masseuse."

"How much is the pitcher for around here??"
Sean: 11 bucks.
"11 bucks!!! Wow... I know this place where you get a pitcher for like 4$
If you want we could go there..."
Sean and me: Naaah - - we are done with this one..
"Okk.. you guys got a car? We should go there... It's on ****** Street.
It's a gay bar, but hey! You can be straight and still go there you know!!
It's very relieving to be at that sorta place."
At this time, Sean starts making a puking sound.

"You know.. my dad was in Korea once. He fought as an American over there long ago.
Funny thing is, he got gonorrhea by the time he came back.
So my mum flipped and she told my dad : "I'm gonna sleep with our neighbour just to spite you!
I hate that bitch; cause you know... my dad apologised. He said that it was really lonely there and he really regretted it. But I hate that bitch for what she did. She left us you know..."

"Once, the cops came over to my house wanting to arrest me for murder. I was like, hey!! I just had a lobster... you can't arrest me for murder."

"Hey.. 11 bucks huh? I know this place where we can get a pitcher for 4 bucks!!"
(Yeah he said it again.)

"You know I give very nice massages.. I know some (wink) tricks for a good massage."

(Turning around to another table pointing to a girl) " I'm gonna buy YOU a drink!!!!
And I don't even know why!!!"

(Turning to another table) "Daymm!!! Can't you keep it down!!! We are trying to have a conversation here."

"Why don't you guys give me your number?? I can call you guys for a party if there is one... It would be fun!"

"My friend got his friend over for a few days ;)
And she got her friend... So you know... I slept with her and it was awesome..
She said she was 18.
Turns out she was 16 - I was like O ****!!!
Later, her parents come looking for her.. and she had to camp at my place for a week!!
She would clean the apartment and everything!! Wow.. those were some good days."

Words cannot do justice to how adorable that masseuse was :(
We may not meet him again.

Saturday, August 15, 2009


I am now in my new apartment - well, actually it has been almost a week now - and I love it. It is comfortable and convenient. The bus to Walmart Savoy is right outside my place :)

Walmart Savoy - a night visit is a must. Firstly, it is one of the poorly organised Wallys, but I loved it because it seemed to have a larger flow of people than the one in north Champaign. Also, one will see very few Asian and college folks. It is mostly Americans. The beauty of a night visit is the number of cars willing to shop at that place at may be 9, 10 pm. The other beauty is, the view. It is black.
And this is no exaggeration. It is black in 2.5 directions. Something that made me very happy, relative to what I have seen up until now at UIUC. So now, Wally Savoy is my new haunt. Kind of.

I am away from most people. Because most people tend to stay towards the north of campus, near the campus grocery store. Do I prefer it this way? Yeah. Will I get lonely in the winters? May be. But I prefer that. Kind of. Good thing is, the school is 2 blocks away.

I faced my first addiction 3 days ago. Surprisingly, it was coffee. I got this new coffee machine, and made Folgers coffee in it. OMG it was amazing. Never had coffee that good before. The next 2 days, I was battling myself. I was determined not to give in. I did not, till the end of the 2nd day :(

I went jogging 4 days ago. My shins still hurt. Let's call it gujju jeans :P
Thing is, I went jogging to a secluded part of the campus. Of course, it was not that secluded because I saw a few buggers jogging too. Few = 2. So I veered of the pavement - of course - and I entered a parking lot surrounded on 3 sides by grass. The nearest building in sight was a good 10 minute walk away. So I stood there staring at the sky for may be ... 10-15 minutes.

I slept for an hour on the couch yesterday - which was more comfy than the bed :S

I decided to start cooking with garlic instead of "minced garlic" - and let me tell you... it is a totally a worth a it. Yeah baby!!

Baby reminds me... I missed babycorn - - - and finally I found a can of babycorn at the new wally :D

Campbell chicken noodle soup with sugar and garam masala is awesome!

Friday, August 7, 2009


Every time I think if I'm really that good...
I think: "Who is?"

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Forrest Gump

For some odd reason, I thought of the day when I was watching Forrest Gump with 3 of my friends. The matter was, my belief, that day, that 2 of them were getting bored because nobody was speaking. You know, usually during a house movie screening people talk. Usually. It is the 'social' thing to do. I, of course, could not get myself to do that. Funny bit is, why do people care about other people.
In this case I would have to say that I cared for them not to be bored. Knowing their plight - they would have had no option. They could not have said, "We are getting bored, we want to leave."
The situation was such that the said people would have had to stay put. So there I was, feeling mildly awkward at that situation, but soon the movie gripped me and I stopped caring. I said that if they get bored - it's their problem. They should be voicing it.
Funny bit: I spoke to 1 of those friends some months ago about that day and the reply was; that is how movies are preferred by some people. Which is why that movie day was actually preferred to other scenarios by 1 of those 2 friends.

Sunday, August 2, 2009


I remember a thought when I was pretty young.
I remember saying to myself, if there was no war - there would be a crazy lot of unemployment.
I remember thinking, why can't Pakistan and India unite and - the animosity would end.
I remember thinking, why can't all the countries unite? - people could not and cannot follow only one leader.
I remember not talking to too many people.
I remember keeping to myself and being shy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
I remember memorizing the alphabet backwards.
I remember walking and talking with my friend - thereby bypassing the exercise - during physical training periods.
I remember being made fun of for having white hair and I remember crying.
I remember the teacher asking me when India celebrates its independence day - and I did not know because I was scared.
I remember running up to the teacher being one of the first few to complete mental maths practices.
I remember crying - so often - before leaving for school.
I remember crying as soon as I woke up.
I distinctly remember having difficulty in walking down the stairs, and no problem walking up them.
I remember being unable to run - UNABLE to run.
I remember crying insane songs to which some of my classmates would laugh with joy.
I remember volunteering as the class representative for the head of the foyer because no other guy raised his hand.
I remember preparing a speech all by myself, eventually saying only the first and the last line.
I remember the cartoons and the food and the endless study sessions.
I remember the ignorance.
I remember picking up a knife because I was sick and tired of life - and this was in 7th or 8th Standard.
I remember putting it down because I cared to much about the people who cared about me.
I remember me cursing 'God'.
I remember me praying to 'God' sometimes.
I remember me enjoying 'needle work ' classes.
I remember me not taking a leak - almost never - during school because I was too shy.
I remember passing the water bottles to my classmates after school because we had been taught the 'Law of Karma'.
I remember the teacher astonished when I went up to her and told her about a formula that I had 'discovered'.
I remember my fascination with looking down from the fourth floor of the building, especially at the interior hollow hexagon (something that JNS students would know of).
I remember a school mate once telling me, "You should start speaking in English, because once we leave school - that is what will be important."
I remember a school mate siding me when some guys were making fun of me.
I remember their fake apologies.
I remember accidentally killing a snail along with its big shell - and then me running away, because I thought God was going to punish me.
I remember never craving a specific toy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.