Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Happiness anyone?

Happiness is intriguing, simply because it could plausibly be the most looked forward to state in a person's life, even though that person might have higher priorities.
In setting goals and ambitions and final destinations - I believe a lot of people side line this feeling.
Who am I to pass my queer judgments? A human being - excuse me... a lame excuse for a human being.
Again... I know I am quite ordinary - but it can't hurt to dream right?

Tell yourself about a time when you were really happy.
Tell yourself about a time when you were really angry or distraught.
No, don't read ahead...
Tell yourself.

Did you like the quality of your answers in both the cases?
My guess, happiness is easily stored away, because we look forward to the next bout of happiness than cherish what has passed.
However, for the second case; we remember it and draw it over and over again and hope to not come across something like that again.

Tell yourself about how you would like yourself to be immensely happy in the future / near future.
Tell yourself what would make you amazingly sad or angry.
The difference here is - - and again I could very plausibly be wrong; the second case has been brought up in your head before but not stored.
The 1st case however, is what you secretly desire all along.
Secretly because the actual state that need be achieved - happiness - masquerades as something different.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Note this.

I am 22.5 years old.

6 Lines

I pass judgments easily.
But I do not pass them to people easily.
I do not believe most things easily.
But the things I do, I do so very easily.
I believe I may be incapable of the things I want to achieve.
If only I knew what I wanted to achieve.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Days gone by

I think of the days gone by and I realise how relieved I am.
I am relieved to be without the burden of the past.
But as it is with most things,
Most things are not cherished.
Especially the good things
Referring to 'cherished' in mathematical absolute terms.
I am in a great position and I am not talking about sex.
I have the ability - mind you, I have not said 'capability', because that is grey - to get towards my path.
Or at the least, find that rotten path.
Why - because it is the 2nd last letter of the english alphabet.

It is amazing how we dump the past so effortlessly at times and hang on to it so rigidly at other times.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Eye - dent - it - ee

It is funny how the pursuit of luxury and comfort drives us - at least most of us.
Good clothes, presentable looks, coming to a neat home which may be spacious, a decent car to drive, the need to not think before going to an expensive restaurant...
It all seems to fit in with all things capitalist.
Or are they all things societal?
I would like to call it societal.
Simply because society determines relativity.
The concept of success and power and money have yet not ceased to amaze me.
Which may be why I have been speaking of it for - may be - ever.
I like observing humans because I see that they are always struggling because there is somewhere they have to reach.
Money, power, the perfect figure, the perfect date, looking good, learning something to new, getting in in time for office, trying the best to enjoy a vacation.
Nothing seems simple.
And frankly, I am terrified of the simplicity because there is a need for distinction.
And that need I just cannot gt rid of - nor do I want to.
For some reason let me hypothesize that that is the only source of identity in this world.
Sometimes I wonder if this is messing with my identity.
Most of the times I prefer my solitude and sometimes it strikes me that hey! I dont really have anybody.
And at times I feel that I have some people who I can call my own.
Do you need people of your own...?
I wonder... because what is the real need to belong.
A friend once told me not to be high and almighty.
I don't think I am mighty at all.
I feel frail and mighty at the same time.

I don't like belonging to paths.
And I cannot seem to get over it.
Life is cruel and life is a game.
May be I am just not that much into gaming.

With this I should end my rambling of the inconsequential.
After all... we all end up in the same box.

Sunday, July 19, 2009


People live to make money.
Some to spend money.
Some don't know what to do with money, so they save it.
Some like to flaunt it.
Some people like to live for a purpose or a 'greater good'.
Some people like to feel nice by doing good to other people.
Some people like saying that they good to other people.

Society completes each person - pun intended.
Some people love certain fields and immerse themselves in them.
Feeling important is important.
Some people like praising themselves about how they have such good intentions in their heads.
Some people believe that they are intuitively or psychologically superior to others.

There are some who go into their cocoons and look at the world very rarely.
Some people love family and friends.
Some people drink and eat.
Some people like sex and like sleep.
Some care about their standing in society but like to believe that they don't really care what society thinks of them.

Some are 'forced' to live for their families.
Some are 'forced' to take care of people who are dear to them, in effect end up walking through their lives.

There are people who are scared because they have no idea what they want to do with their lives.
There are people who don't understand why there is a reason to find a reason in life.
Some dedicate themselves to religion.
Some people believe that there is nothing wrong in committing suicide as soon as one finds no reason to live one's life.

We have our reasons, but no matter what we do, we end up in the same form.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Another observatory

There is a great desire to monitor human behavior.
The other day a friend asked me, "So what do you think of that person?"
I had the answer in my head - and I decided not to divulge.
I am harshly judgmental but I dont think I am an anomaly.
One problem that I see is that being judgmental is perceived to be 'bad' by most people.
And that is sad.
For what is so bad about noticing people and laughing at them or pitying them or being in awe of them?
These opinions keep resounding in my head...

Ok, that person is interesting.
Daym!! that person is dumb - please be away from him Tiru.
Wow, how juvenile can that guy be, I thought he was 23 years old...
I see the look on your face, and you are so full of yourself that I see it poring out from your skin; stay away.
Don't you just love putting people down?

I have an affinity for silent people and people who enjoy humans.
I am quick to rate people as intelligent, and quick to denounce one's intelligence due to an absence of social intelligence or creative brilliance.

I wonder what people think of me; it would be insane of me to say that I don't care what people think of me, but it would be correct if I say that I don't want to care.

I question the society, and the goals.
A functional mind is painful - and this goes out to all the insane people out there.
People love being heard, esp. if it is a smart comment or a wisecrack.
One thing that intrigues me is, during a movie a person might say, "O crap!!!"
Now my belief is, if that person was watching the movie alone at home, he might not have said that. He would most probably not have said anything at all. If he would have said it, it would have been without the emotion in his voice. There is a change in behavior as soon as a person is part of fellow kind.

Most of what I say could very well be irrelevant, and completely juvenile and downright horrible. So a thought just occurred to me, why do I write on a blog that is visible to people. I could very well just write in a personal space. So may be, I want people to read this and praise me or at the least comment about it.
And now I just thought of it; if there were no people on this planet, I would still have liked to write this, but comments are always welcome.

People who believe they are smart are wonderful specimen,
People who like feeling important and worthy are also nice observations.
Loud people turn me off, but then again I like to think that I know how to differentiate between noise and melody.

I wonder if most people, in reality, like being with themselves.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Notebook

So I saw this movie, and in the beginning of the movie itself, I had figured out who the old couple were. But that is just me praising myself - so enough of that.
Point is: I cried, because they were just so nice together.
Daym I AM a girl - alas...
But the thought that stayed with me was regarding memory loss and therefore I questioned reality. In one of my earlier posts I had written about waking up each day with a different consciousness and thereby, reality.

One thought that sprung up due to the movie was regarding companionship and society.
How sad would it be if one did not remember anything? If one is not aware of that memory loss, one would not be affected - however, how pathetically sad would it be for one's companion or loved ones? It is just a thought about how attached we are or become to fellow humans. That is one reason why I love House, he is a real outlier - mew + may be 4 sigma.

The other thought was regarding reality. The woman in the movie, would never know if it was the same day or the next day. Therefore, what is her belief of reality?

The movie was sad in the beginning - sad in the sense of lame - where it was like a 90's hindi movie :D
Hmmmmm - but then got really interesting.

Just makes me realise at times how much I like humans and their behavior.
Again, reiteration is warranted - - - I am nobody.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Some basic truths said by a child.

Large eyes popped out from the white clouds that hung overhead.
They gazed at the world below.
All seemed at ease.
And all seemed perfect.
May be all was perfect.
But in a corner of a lonely house sat a lady.
She was young, around 24 years of age.
It was a questionable age, full of confusion and deceit.
She wailed alone in that dark room.
For her sobs could not be heard.
And down he came from the clouds, in the guise of a child.
Tapping her on the shoulder, he startled her.
Noticing only a boy, the girl found comfort in his innocence.
The boy asked the girl, " Who are you? "

The girl did not have an answer.
She did not have an answer, because, when the boy asked that question - she knew that what is evident was not asked.
The girl was alone because she just completed a marathon, where she fell before the finish line.
The girl was alone because she fell from the sky without a parachute.
She was alone for she had no shoulder to cry on.
She was alone for she had not a reason to wake up each morning.
She had not cried before, because she had not questioned before.

The girl countered the boy with a mundane question.
"Why must we look presentable?"
Boy: "Do we? Hmmm. If you say so."

"Why must I take care of my body? Is it only to please the eyes of the lecherous?"
Boy: "O no! You do it because you believe that inadvertently you will attract suitable beings. You ought to do it, because a healthy body allows a healthy function of the mind."

"Why do we have to earn money?"
Boy: "It is a means to attain that what is desired. It could be food or convenient food, it could be a house or a home, it could be work or a utilised life. Your eyes are yours and your mind is yours."

"Why do we need companions?"
Boy: "That is one question that even I have had trouble with. The thing is, one does not necessarily need companions. But the society has evolved in such a way that after a while 2 things happen. One - you want to come home to somebody, either to fulfill romantic / sexual indulgences or to fulfill emotional holes. Two - Option one has developed from the fact that after a while, single people find other people - because that is the way of society. So if you have friends right now and if you want to meet them - - it's all good.
But after a while, when they are with their respective companions, you cannot be an odd number in the group, and you cannot ask one to leave the other so that the one can be with you.
It is a sad truth.
I also believe that romance and love and fidelity are secondary. The primary is the fact that you need to get yourself a good companion for as long as possible.
It is one of the easiest, and troublesome paths that one must adopt."

"Why must I believe in god?"
Boy: "O that one is simple - one believe because one wants to believe. It is easier to believe than not to believe. Does god exist? How do I know?"

"Why is there a pursuit of excellence, be it in terms of wealth, power, materialism, intellect or even vanity?"
Boy: "It is the way of the world O wonderful girl. What makes you different makes you special. With all that we try to shun the without, it is the without that we are a part of. One may keep believing that the individual is superior, but the individual is an individual because he / she is a subset of the whole.
Of course, there are anomalies, and these outliers are the ones that are the true great.
Do you know any of these anomalies? I don't.
The great beings of the past many years have been close to that title, but because they are known, they are not the ones."

"How do I stop crying?"
Boy: " You already have. As soon as your mind is preoccupied with something, sorrow leaves you. "

Know not what you ought to do to become someone you want to.
Do what you feel like.
It is a fine balance amongst the ignorant, the intellectuals and the insane.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

The American and the Asian

Circularity; a thought just occurred to me.
People like looking good, at the least presentable, because that is what is bred.
Who would you have mistakenly sleeping on your shoulder on a bus? -
A drunk unshaven guy or a decent looking guy.
I know, neither - but if one would have to choose - we know who we would choose.
I did not talk about a girl, coz no one would like an bearded girl...
May be there is a belief of lesser danger from a cleaner looking person.
May be we are disgusted by the mere thought of dirty people.
Is there something wrong with this?
But my thought is, why do we discriminate.
Not being self righteous here - just that it is a thought.

At this very moment - I have a quintessential american guy on a table not far away, sitting with an asian guy, and I believe that the american is talking to him about the american culture or the english language.
Anything wrong with that?
Why am I talking about it?
Simply because of the way the american is conducting himself.
May be he is himself - but I dont buy that.
I see the way he is trying to look impressive and seem to have a command over the english language. There is a variance in his tone, the way he looks at the asian, the way he is sitting with a tie around his shirt collar.
Anything wrong with that?
I dont think so.
But why do I get annoyed?
I think it is because I admire the humble and simple and the sheer brilliance.
Just imagine that a guy in shorts is talking to the asian in a friendly manner and trying to teach him english.
It is plausible that the tied and shirted guy is going to command more respect.
I believe this is just the way we have been made, or lets say - molded.

I saw this movie today - Good Will Hunting.
One of the things that struck me was how, after Will proved a question he did not care about the adulation. I believe that all of us have also been molded to want some respect or praise or acknowledgment.
It is difficult to remain silent and bask in one's glory without the knowledge that others know of you.
May be why I loved (love) Roark, or why I am attracted towards the silent impressive lookers.

Human behaviour shall never be quantified.

American to asian girls walking by: " Do you speak chinese? "
Girls: " No - sorry "
American: " O that's alright . . I speak some chinese... "