A few days ago I went to a pub with a friend - Korean. Nice time, had "Blue Moon" beer. Fantastico....
Anyways - - crux being...
A large American guy comes up to us: "Hey!! You mind if I sit with you guys???!!"
Before I could say .. "Yeahh..", Sean (Korean friend) says: "Sure... join us."
So this guy sits with us. I bottle up thinking what this bugger wants to do, joining a brown and a yellow guy :S
Things get interesting...
Excerpts:
"My name's Rummy, yeah... Rummy. Well my real name is Christopher something something... but I go by a lot of names."
"O... I am here for a course to become a trained masseuse."
"How much is the pitcher for around here??"
Sean: 11 bucks.
"11 bucks!!! Wow... I know this place where you get a pitcher for like 4$
If you want we could go there..."
Sean and me: Naaah - - we are done with this one..
"Okk.. you guys got a car? We should go there... It's on ****** Street.
It's a gay bar, but hey! You can be straight and still go there you know!!
It's very relieving to be at that sorta place."
At this time, Sean starts making a puking sound.
"You know.. my dad was in Korea once. He fought as an American over there long ago.
Funny thing is, he got gonorrhea by the time he came back.
So my mum flipped and she told my dad : "I'm gonna sleep with our neighbour just to spite you!
I hate that bitch; cause you know... my dad apologised. He said that it was really lonely there and he really regretted it. But I hate that bitch for what she did. She left us you know..."
"Once, the cops came over to my house wanting to arrest me for murder. I was like, hey!! I just had a lobster... you can't arrest me for murder."
"Hey.. 11 bucks huh? I know this place where we can get a pitcher for 4 bucks!!"
(Yeah he said it again.)
"You know I give very nice massages.. I know some (wink) tricks for a good massage."
(Turning around to another table pointing to a girl) " I'm gonna buy YOU a drink!!!!
And I don't even know why!!!"
(Turning to another table) "Daymm!!! Can't you keep it down!!! We are trying to have a conversation here."
"Why don't you guys give me your number?? I can call you guys for a party if there is one... It would be fun!"
"My friend got his friend over for a few days ;)
And she got her friend... So you know... I slept with her and it was awesome..
She said she was 18.
Turns out she was 16 - I was like O ****!!!
Later, her parents come looking for her.. and she had to camp at my place for a week!!
She would clean the apartment and everything!! Wow.. those were some good days."
Aaaah...
Words cannot do justice to how adorable that masseuse was :(
Alas.
We may not meet him again.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Random
I am now in my new apartment - well, actually it has been almost a week now - and I love it. It is comfortable and convenient. The bus to Walmart Savoy is right outside my place :)
Walmart Savoy - a night visit is a must. Firstly, it is one of the poorly organised Wallys, but I loved it because it seemed to have a larger flow of people than the one in north Champaign. Also, one will see very few Asian and college folks. It is mostly Americans. The beauty of a night visit is the number of cars willing to shop at that place at may be 9, 10 pm. The other beauty is, the view. It is black.
And this is no exaggeration. It is black in 2.5 directions. Something that made me very happy, relative to what I have seen up until now at UIUC. So now, Wally Savoy is my new haunt. Kind of.
I am away from most people. Because most people tend to stay towards the north of campus, near the campus grocery store. Do I prefer it this way? Yeah. Will I get lonely in the winters? May be. But I prefer that. Kind of. Good thing is, the school is 2 blocks away.
I faced my first addiction 3 days ago. Surprisingly, it was coffee. I got this new coffee machine, and made Folgers coffee in it. OMG it was amazing. Never had coffee that good before. The next 2 days, I was battling myself. I was determined not to give in. I did not, till the end of the 2nd day :(
I went jogging 4 days ago. My shins still hurt. Let's call it gujju jeans :P
Thing is, I went jogging to a secluded part of the campus. Of course, it was not that secluded because I saw a few buggers jogging too. Few = 2. So I veered of the pavement - of course - and I entered a parking lot surrounded on 3 sides by grass. The nearest building in sight was a good 10 minute walk away. So I stood there staring at the sky for may be ... 10-15 minutes.
I slept for an hour on the couch yesterday - which was more comfy than the bed :S
I decided to start cooking with garlic instead of "minced garlic" - and let me tell you... it is a totally a worth a it. Yeah baby!!
Baby reminds me... I missed babycorn - - - and finally I found a can of babycorn at the new wally :D
Wooooooohoooooooooooooo
Campbell chicken noodle soup with sugar and garam masala is awesome!
Walmart Savoy - a night visit is a must. Firstly, it is one of the poorly organised Wallys, but I loved it because it seemed to have a larger flow of people than the one in north Champaign. Also, one will see very few Asian and college folks. It is mostly Americans. The beauty of a night visit is the number of cars willing to shop at that place at may be 9, 10 pm. The other beauty is, the view. It is black.
And this is no exaggeration. It is black in 2.5 directions. Something that made me very happy, relative to what I have seen up until now at UIUC. So now, Wally Savoy is my new haunt. Kind of.
I am away from most people. Because most people tend to stay towards the north of campus, near the campus grocery store. Do I prefer it this way? Yeah. Will I get lonely in the winters? May be. But I prefer that. Kind of. Good thing is, the school is 2 blocks away.
I faced my first addiction 3 days ago. Surprisingly, it was coffee. I got this new coffee machine, and made Folgers coffee in it. OMG it was amazing. Never had coffee that good before. The next 2 days, I was battling myself. I was determined not to give in. I did not, till the end of the 2nd day :(
I went jogging 4 days ago. My shins still hurt. Let's call it gujju jeans :P
Thing is, I went jogging to a secluded part of the campus. Of course, it was not that secluded because I saw a few buggers jogging too. Few = 2. So I veered of the pavement - of course - and I entered a parking lot surrounded on 3 sides by grass. The nearest building in sight was a good 10 minute walk away. So I stood there staring at the sky for may be ... 10-15 minutes.
I slept for an hour on the couch yesterday - which was more comfy than the bed :S
I decided to start cooking with garlic instead of "minced garlic" - and let me tell you... it is a totally a worth a it. Yeah baby!!
Baby reminds me... I missed babycorn - - - and finally I found a can of babycorn at the new wally :D
Wooooooohoooooooooooooo
Campbell chicken noodle soup with sugar and garam masala is awesome!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Forrest Gump
For some odd reason, I thought of the day when I was watching Forrest Gump with 3 of my friends. The matter was, my belief, that day, that 2 of them were getting bored because nobody was speaking. You know, usually during a house movie screening people talk. Usually. It is the 'social' thing to do. I, of course, could not get myself to do that. Funny bit is, why do people care about other people.
In this case I would have to say that I cared for them not to be bored. Knowing their plight - they would have had no option. They could not have said, "We are getting bored, we want to leave."
The situation was such that the said people would have had to stay put. So there I was, feeling mildly awkward at that situation, but soon the movie gripped me and I stopped caring. I said that if they get bored - it's their problem. They should be voicing it.
Funny bit: I spoke to 1 of those friends some months ago about that day and the reply was; that is how movies are preferred by some people. Which is why that movie day was actually preferred to other scenarios by 1 of those 2 friends.
Amusing.
In this case I would have to say that I cared for them not to be bored. Knowing their plight - they would have had no option. They could not have said, "We are getting bored, we want to leave."
The situation was such that the said people would have had to stay put. So there I was, feeling mildly awkward at that situation, but soon the movie gripped me and I stopped caring. I said that if they get bored - it's their problem. They should be voicing it.
Funny bit: I spoke to 1 of those friends some months ago about that day and the reply was; that is how movies are preferred by some people. Which is why that movie day was actually preferred to other scenarios by 1 of those 2 friends.
Amusing.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
School
I remember a thought when I was pretty young.
I remember saying to myself, if there was no war - there would be a crazy lot of unemployment.
I remember thinking, why can't Pakistan and India unite and - the animosity would end.
I remember thinking, why can't all the countries unite? - people could not and cannot follow only one leader.
I remember not talking to too many people.
I remember keeping to myself and being shy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
I remember memorizing the alphabet backwards.
I remember walking and talking with my friend - thereby bypassing the exercise - during physical training periods.
I remember being made fun of for having white hair and I remember crying.
I remember the teacher asking me when India celebrates its independence day - and I did not know because I was scared.
I remember running up to the teacher being one of the first few to complete mental maths practices.
I remember crying - so often - before leaving for school.
I remember crying as soon as I woke up.
I distinctly remember having difficulty in walking down the stairs, and no problem walking up them.
I remember being unable to run - UNABLE to run.
I remember crying insane songs to which some of my classmates would laugh with joy.
I remember volunteering as the class representative for the head of the foyer because no other guy raised his hand.
I remember preparing a speech all by myself, eventually saying only the first and the last line.
I remember the cartoons and the food and the endless study sessions.
I remember the ignorance.
I remember picking up a knife because I was sick and tired of life - and this was in 7th or 8th Standard.
I remember putting it down because I cared to much about the people who cared about me.
I remember me cursing 'God'.
I remember me praying to 'God' sometimes.
I remember me enjoying 'needle work ' classes.
I remember me not taking a leak - almost never - during school because I was too shy.
I remember passing the water bottles to my classmates after school because we had been taught the 'Law of Karma'.
I remember the teacher astonished when I went up to her and told her about a formula that I had 'discovered'.
I remember my fascination with looking down from the fourth floor of the building, especially at the interior hollow hexagon (something that JNS students would know of).
I remember a school mate once telling me, "You should start speaking in English, because once we leave school - that is what will be important."
I remember a school mate siding me when some guys were making fun of me.
I remember their fake apologies.
I remember accidentally killing a snail along with its big shell - and then me running away, because I thought God was going to punish me.
I remember never craving a specific toy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
I remember saying to myself, if there was no war - there would be a crazy lot of unemployment.
I remember thinking, why can't Pakistan and India unite and - the animosity would end.
I remember thinking, why can't all the countries unite? - people could not and cannot follow only one leader.
I remember not talking to too many people.
I remember keeping to myself and being shy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
I remember memorizing the alphabet backwards.
I remember walking and talking with my friend - thereby bypassing the exercise - during physical training periods.
I remember being made fun of for having white hair and I remember crying.
I remember the teacher asking me when India celebrates its independence day - and I did not know because I was scared.
I remember running up to the teacher being one of the first few to complete mental maths practices.
I remember crying - so often - before leaving for school.
I remember crying as soon as I woke up.
I distinctly remember having difficulty in walking down the stairs, and no problem walking up them.
I remember being unable to run - UNABLE to run.
I remember crying insane songs to which some of my classmates would laugh with joy.
I remember volunteering as the class representative for the head of the foyer because no other guy raised his hand.
I remember preparing a speech all by myself, eventually saying only the first and the last line.
I remember the cartoons and the food and the endless study sessions.
I remember the ignorance.
I remember picking up a knife because I was sick and tired of life - and this was in 7th or 8th Standard.
I remember putting it down because I cared to much about the people who cared about me.
I remember me cursing 'God'.
I remember me praying to 'God' sometimes.
I remember me enjoying 'needle work ' classes.
I remember me not taking a leak - almost never - during school because I was too shy.
I remember passing the water bottles to my classmates after school because we had been taught the 'Law of Karma'.
I remember the teacher astonished when I went up to her and told her about a formula that I had 'discovered'.
I remember my fascination with looking down from the fourth floor of the building, especially at the interior hollow hexagon (something that JNS students would know of).
I remember a school mate once telling me, "You should start speaking in English, because once we leave school - that is what will be important."
I remember a school mate siding me when some guys were making fun of me.
I remember their fake apologies.
I remember accidentally killing a snail along with its big shell - and then me running away, because I thought God was going to punish me.
I remember never craving a specific toy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Happiness anyone?
Happiness is intriguing, simply because it could plausibly be the most looked forward to state in a person's life, even though that person might have higher priorities.
In setting goals and ambitions and final destinations - I believe a lot of people side line this feeling.
Who am I to pass my queer judgments? A human being - excuse me... a lame excuse for a human being.
Again... I know I am quite ordinary - but it can't hurt to dream right?
Left?
Tell yourself about a time when you were really happy.
Tell yourself about a time when you were really angry or distraught.
No, don't read ahead...
Tell yourself.
Did you like the quality of your answers in both the cases?
My guess, happiness is easily stored away, because we look forward to the next bout of happiness than cherish what has passed.
However, for the second case; we remember it and draw it over and over again and hope to not come across something like that again.
Proof?
Tell yourself about how you would like yourself to be immensely happy in the future / near future.
Tell yourself what would make you amazingly sad or angry.
The difference here is - - and again I could very plausibly be wrong; the second case has been brought up in your head before but not stored.
The 1st case however, is what you secretly desire all along.
Secretly because the actual state that need be achieved - happiness - masquerades as something different.
In setting goals and ambitions and final destinations - I believe a lot of people side line this feeling.
Who am I to pass my queer judgments? A human being - excuse me... a lame excuse for a human being.
Again... I know I am quite ordinary - but it can't hurt to dream right?
Left?
Tell yourself about a time when you were really happy.
Tell yourself about a time when you were really angry or distraught.
No, don't read ahead...
Tell yourself.
Did you like the quality of your answers in both the cases?
My guess, happiness is easily stored away, because we look forward to the next bout of happiness than cherish what has passed.
However, for the second case; we remember it and draw it over and over again and hope to not come across something like that again.
Proof?
Tell yourself about how you would like yourself to be immensely happy in the future / near future.
Tell yourself what would make you amazingly sad or angry.
The difference here is - - and again I could very plausibly be wrong; the second case has been brought up in your head before but not stored.
The 1st case however, is what you secretly desire all along.
Secretly because the actual state that need be achieved - happiness - masquerades as something different.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
6 Lines
I pass judgments easily.
But I do not pass them to people easily.
I do not believe most things easily.
But the things I do, I do so very easily.
I believe I may be incapable of the things I want to achieve.
If only I knew what I wanted to achieve.
But I do not pass them to people easily.
I do not believe most things easily.
But the things I do, I do so very easily.
I believe I may be incapable of the things I want to achieve.
If only I knew what I wanted to achieve.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Days gone by
I think of the days gone by and I realise how relieved I am.
I am relieved to be without the burden of the past.
But as it is with most things,
Most things are not cherished.
Especially the good things
Referring to 'cherished' in mathematical absolute terms.
I am in a great position and I am not talking about sex.
I have the ability - mind you, I have not said 'capability', because that is grey - to get towards my path.
Or at the least, find that rotten path.
Why - because it is the 2nd last letter of the english alphabet.
It is amazing how we dump the past so effortlessly at times and hang on to it so rigidly at other times.
I am relieved to be without the burden of the past.
But as it is with most things,
Most things are not cherished.
Especially the good things
Referring to 'cherished' in mathematical absolute terms.
I am in a great position and I am not talking about sex.
I have the ability - mind you, I have not said 'capability', because that is grey - to get towards my path.
Or at the least, find that rotten path.
Why - because it is the 2nd last letter of the english alphabet.
It is amazing how we dump the past so effortlessly at times and hang on to it so rigidly at other times.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Eye - dent - it - ee
It is funny how the pursuit of luxury and comfort drives us - at least most of us.
Good clothes, presentable looks, coming to a neat home which may be spacious, a decent car to drive, the need to not think before going to an expensive restaurant...
It all seems to fit in with all things capitalist.
Or are they all things societal?
I would like to call it societal.
Simply because society determines relativity.
The concept of success and power and money have yet not ceased to amaze me.
Which may be why I have been speaking of it for - may be - ever.
I like observing humans because I see that they are always struggling because there is somewhere they have to reach.
Money, power, the perfect figure, the perfect date, looking good, learning something to new, getting in in time for office, trying the best to enjoy a vacation.
Nothing seems simple.
And frankly, I am terrified of the simplicity because there is a need for distinction.
And that need I just cannot gt rid of - nor do I want to.
For some reason let me hypothesize that that is the only source of identity in this world.
Distinction.
Sometimes I wonder if this is messing with my identity.
Most of the times I prefer my solitude and sometimes it strikes me that hey! I dont really have anybody.
And at times I feel that I have some people who I can call my own.
Do you need people of your own...?
I wonder... because what is the real need to belong.
A friend once told me not to be high and almighty.
I don't think I am mighty at all.
I feel frail and mighty at the same time.
I don't like belonging to paths.
And I cannot seem to get over it.
Life is cruel and life is a game.
May be I am just not that much into gaming.
Alas.
With this I should end my rambling of the inconsequential.
After all... we all end up in the same box.
Good clothes, presentable looks, coming to a neat home which may be spacious, a decent car to drive, the need to not think before going to an expensive restaurant...
It all seems to fit in with all things capitalist.
Or are they all things societal?
I would like to call it societal.
Simply because society determines relativity.
The concept of success and power and money have yet not ceased to amaze me.
Which may be why I have been speaking of it for - may be - ever.
I like observing humans because I see that they are always struggling because there is somewhere they have to reach.
Money, power, the perfect figure, the perfect date, looking good, learning something to new, getting in in time for office, trying the best to enjoy a vacation.
Nothing seems simple.
And frankly, I am terrified of the simplicity because there is a need for distinction.
And that need I just cannot gt rid of - nor do I want to.
For some reason let me hypothesize that that is the only source of identity in this world.
Distinction.
Sometimes I wonder if this is messing with my identity.
Most of the times I prefer my solitude and sometimes it strikes me that hey! I dont really have anybody.
And at times I feel that I have some people who I can call my own.
Do you need people of your own...?
I wonder... because what is the real need to belong.
A friend once told me not to be high and almighty.
I don't think I am mighty at all.
I feel frail and mighty at the same time.
I don't like belonging to paths.
And I cannot seem to get over it.
Life is cruel and life is a game.
May be I am just not that much into gaming.
Alas.
With this I should end my rambling of the inconsequential.
After all... we all end up in the same box.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Binoculars
People live to make money.
Some to spend money.
Some don't know what to do with money, so they save it.
Some like to flaunt it.
Some people like to live for a purpose or a 'greater good'.
Some people like to feel nice by doing good to other people.
Some people like saying that they good to other people.
Society completes each person - pun intended.
Some people love certain fields and immerse themselves in them.
Feeling important is important.
Some people like praising themselves about how they have such good intentions in their heads.
Some people believe that they are intuitively or psychologically superior to others.
There are some who go into their cocoons and look at the world very rarely.
Some people love family and friends.
Some people drink and eat.
Some people like sex and like sleep.
Some care about their standing in society but like to believe that they don't really care what society thinks of them.
Some are 'forced' to live for their families.
Some are 'forced' to take care of people who are dear to them, in effect end up walking through their lives.
There are people who are scared because they have no idea what they want to do with their lives.
There are people who don't understand why there is a reason to find a reason in life.
Some dedicate themselves to religion.
Some people believe that there is nothing wrong in committing suicide as soon as one finds no reason to live one's life.
We have our reasons, but no matter what we do, we end up in the same form.
Some to spend money.
Some don't know what to do with money, so they save it.
Some like to flaunt it.
Some people like to live for a purpose or a 'greater good'.
Some people like to feel nice by doing good to other people.
Some people like saying that they good to other people.
Society completes each person - pun intended.
Some people love certain fields and immerse themselves in them.
Feeling important is important.
Some people like praising themselves about how they have such good intentions in their heads.
Some people believe that they are intuitively or psychologically superior to others.
There are some who go into their cocoons and look at the world very rarely.
Some people love family and friends.
Some people drink and eat.
Some people like sex and like sleep.
Some care about their standing in society but like to believe that they don't really care what society thinks of them.
Some are 'forced' to live for their families.
Some are 'forced' to take care of people who are dear to them, in effect end up walking through their lives.
There are people who are scared because they have no idea what they want to do with their lives.
There are people who don't understand why there is a reason to find a reason in life.
Some dedicate themselves to religion.
Some people believe that there is nothing wrong in committing suicide as soon as one finds no reason to live one's life.
We have our reasons, but no matter what we do, we end up in the same form.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Another observatory
There is a great desire to monitor human behavior.
The other day a friend asked me, "So what do you think of that person?"
I had the answer in my head - and I decided not to divulge.
I am harshly judgmental but I dont think I am an anomaly.
One problem that I see is that being judgmental is perceived to be 'bad' by most people.
And that is sad.
For what is so bad about noticing people and laughing at them or pitying them or being in awe of them?
These opinions keep resounding in my head...
Ok, that person is interesting.
Daym!! that person is dumb - please be away from him Tiru.
Wow, how juvenile can that guy be, I thought he was 23 years old...
I see the look on your face, and you are so full of yourself that I see it poring out from your skin; stay away.
Don't you just love putting people down?
I have an affinity for silent people and people who enjoy humans.
I am quick to rate people as intelligent, and quick to denounce one's intelligence due to an absence of social intelligence or creative brilliance.
I wonder what people think of me; it would be insane of me to say that I don't care what people think of me, but it would be correct if I say that I don't want to care.
I question the society, and the goals.
A functional mind is painful - and this goes out to all the insane people out there.
People love being heard, esp. if it is a smart comment or a wisecrack.
One thing that intrigues me is, during a movie a person might say, "O crap!!!"
Now my belief is, if that person was watching the movie alone at home, he might not have said that. He would most probably not have said anything at all. If he would have said it, it would have been without the emotion in his voice. There is a change in behavior as soon as a person is part of fellow kind.
Most of what I say could very well be irrelevant, and completely juvenile and downright horrible. So a thought just occurred to me, why do I write on a blog that is visible to people. I could very well just write in a personal space. So may be, I want people to read this and praise me or at the least comment about it.
And now I just thought of it; if there were no people on this planet, I would still have liked to write this, but comments are always welcome.
People who believe they are smart are wonderful specimen,
People who like feeling important and worthy are also nice observations.
Loud people turn me off, but then again I like to think that I know how to differentiate between noise and melody.
I wonder if most people, in reality, like being with themselves.
The other day a friend asked me, "So what do you think of that person?"
I had the answer in my head - and I decided not to divulge.
I am harshly judgmental but I dont think I am an anomaly.
One problem that I see is that being judgmental is perceived to be 'bad' by most people.
And that is sad.
For what is so bad about noticing people and laughing at them or pitying them or being in awe of them?
These opinions keep resounding in my head...
Ok, that person is interesting.
Daym!! that person is dumb - please be away from him Tiru.
Wow, how juvenile can that guy be, I thought he was 23 years old...
I see the look on your face, and you are so full of yourself that I see it poring out from your skin; stay away.
Don't you just love putting people down?
I have an affinity for silent people and people who enjoy humans.
I am quick to rate people as intelligent, and quick to denounce one's intelligence due to an absence of social intelligence or creative brilliance.
I wonder what people think of me; it would be insane of me to say that I don't care what people think of me, but it would be correct if I say that I don't want to care.
I question the society, and the goals.
A functional mind is painful - and this goes out to all the insane people out there.
People love being heard, esp. if it is a smart comment or a wisecrack.
One thing that intrigues me is, during a movie a person might say, "O crap!!!"
Now my belief is, if that person was watching the movie alone at home, he might not have said that. He would most probably not have said anything at all. If he would have said it, it would have been without the emotion in his voice. There is a change in behavior as soon as a person is part of fellow kind.
Most of what I say could very well be irrelevant, and completely juvenile and downright horrible. So a thought just occurred to me, why do I write on a blog that is visible to people. I could very well just write in a personal space. So may be, I want people to read this and praise me or at the least comment about it.
And now I just thought of it; if there were no people on this planet, I would still have liked to write this, but comments are always welcome.
People who believe they are smart are wonderful specimen,
People who like feeling important and worthy are also nice observations.
Loud people turn me off, but then again I like to think that I know how to differentiate between noise and melody.
I wonder if most people, in reality, like being with themselves.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Notebook
So I saw this movie, and in the beginning of the movie itself, I had figured out who the old couple were. But that is just me praising myself - so enough of that.
Point is: I cried, because they were just so nice together.
Daym I AM a girl - alas...
But the thought that stayed with me was regarding memory loss and therefore I questioned reality. In one of my earlier posts I had written about waking up each day with a different consciousness and thereby, reality.
One thought that sprung up due to the movie was regarding companionship and society.
How sad would it be if one did not remember anything? If one is not aware of that memory loss, one would not be affected - however, how pathetically sad would it be for one's companion or loved ones? It is just a thought about how attached we are or become to fellow humans. That is one reason why I love House, he is a real outlier - mew + may be 4 sigma.
The other thought was regarding reality. The woman in the movie, would never know if it was the same day or the next day. Therefore, what is her belief of reality?
The movie was sad in the beginning - sad in the sense of lame - where it was like a 90's hindi movie :D
Hmmmmm - but then got really interesting.
Just makes me realise at times how much I like humans and their behavior.
Again, reiteration is warranted - - - I am nobody.
Point is: I cried, because they were just so nice together.
Daym I AM a girl - alas...
But the thought that stayed with me was regarding memory loss and therefore I questioned reality. In one of my earlier posts I had written about waking up each day with a different consciousness and thereby, reality.
One thought that sprung up due to the movie was regarding companionship and society.
How sad would it be if one did not remember anything? If one is not aware of that memory loss, one would not be affected - however, how pathetically sad would it be for one's companion or loved ones? It is just a thought about how attached we are or become to fellow humans. That is one reason why I love House, he is a real outlier - mew + may be 4 sigma.
The other thought was regarding reality. The woman in the movie, would never know if it was the same day or the next day. Therefore, what is her belief of reality?
The movie was sad in the beginning - sad in the sense of lame - where it was like a 90's hindi movie :D
Hmmmmm - but then got really interesting.
Just makes me realise at times how much I like humans and their behavior.
Again, reiteration is warranted - - - I am nobody.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Some basic truths said by a child.
Large eyes popped out from the white clouds that hung overhead.
They gazed at the world below.
All seemed at ease.
And all seemed perfect.
May be all was perfect.
But in a corner of a lonely house sat a lady.
She was young, around 24 years of age.
It was a questionable age, full of confusion and deceit.
She wailed alone in that dark room.
For her sobs could not be heard.
And down he came from the clouds, in the guise of a child.
Tapping her on the shoulder, he startled her.
Noticing only a boy, the girl found comfort in his innocence.
The boy asked the girl, " Who are you? "
The girl did not have an answer.
She did not have an answer, because, when the boy asked that question - she knew that what is evident was not asked.
The girl was alone because she just completed a marathon, where she fell before the finish line.
The girl was alone because she fell from the sky without a parachute.
She was alone for she had no shoulder to cry on.
She was alone for she had not a reason to wake up each morning.
She had not cried before, because she had not questioned before.
The girl countered the boy with a mundane question.
"Why must we look presentable?"
Boy: "Do we? Hmmm. If you say so."
"Why must I take care of my body? Is it only to please the eyes of the lecherous?"
Boy: "O no! You do it because you believe that inadvertently you will attract suitable beings. You ought to do it, because a healthy body allows a healthy function of the mind."
"Why do we have to earn money?"
Boy: "It is a means to attain that what is desired. It could be food or convenient food, it could be a house or a home, it could be work or a utilised life. Your eyes are yours and your mind is yours."
"Why do we need companions?"
Boy: "That is one question that even I have had trouble with. The thing is, one does not necessarily need companions. But the society has evolved in such a way that after a while 2 things happen. One - you want to come home to somebody, either to fulfill romantic / sexual indulgences or to fulfill emotional holes. Two - Option one has developed from the fact that after a while, single people find other people - because that is the way of society. So if you have friends right now and if you want to meet them - - it's all good.
But after a while, when they are with their respective companions, you cannot be an odd number in the group, and you cannot ask one to leave the other so that the one can be with you.
It is a sad truth.
I also believe that romance and love and fidelity are secondary. The primary is the fact that you need to get yourself a good companion for as long as possible.
It is one of the easiest, and troublesome paths that one must adopt."
"Why must I believe in god?"
Boy: "O that one is simple - one believe because one wants to believe. It is easier to believe than not to believe. Does god exist? How do I know?"
"Why is there a pursuit of excellence, be it in terms of wealth, power, materialism, intellect or even vanity?"
Boy: "It is the way of the world O wonderful girl. What makes you different makes you special. With all that we try to shun the without, it is the without that we are a part of. One may keep believing that the individual is superior, but the individual is an individual because he / she is a subset of the whole.
Of course, there are anomalies, and these outliers are the ones that are the true great.
Do you know any of these anomalies? I don't.
The great beings of the past many years have been close to that title, but because they are known, they are not the ones."
"How do I stop crying?"
Boy: " You already have. As soon as your mind is preoccupied with something, sorrow leaves you. "
Know not what you ought to do to become someone you want to.
Do what you feel like.
It is a fine balance amongst the ignorant, the intellectuals and the insane.
They gazed at the world below.
All seemed at ease.
And all seemed perfect.
May be all was perfect.
But in a corner of a lonely house sat a lady.
She was young, around 24 years of age.
It was a questionable age, full of confusion and deceit.
She wailed alone in that dark room.
For her sobs could not be heard.
And down he came from the clouds, in the guise of a child.
Tapping her on the shoulder, he startled her.
Noticing only a boy, the girl found comfort in his innocence.
The boy asked the girl, " Who are you? "
The girl did not have an answer.
She did not have an answer, because, when the boy asked that question - she knew that what is evident was not asked.
The girl was alone because she just completed a marathon, where she fell before the finish line.
The girl was alone because she fell from the sky without a parachute.
She was alone for she had no shoulder to cry on.
She was alone for she had not a reason to wake up each morning.
She had not cried before, because she had not questioned before.
The girl countered the boy with a mundane question.
"Why must we look presentable?"
Boy: "Do we? Hmmm. If you say so."
"Why must I take care of my body? Is it only to please the eyes of the lecherous?"
Boy: "O no! You do it because you believe that inadvertently you will attract suitable beings. You ought to do it, because a healthy body allows a healthy function of the mind."
"Why do we have to earn money?"
Boy: "It is a means to attain that what is desired. It could be food or convenient food, it could be a house or a home, it could be work or a utilised life. Your eyes are yours and your mind is yours."
"Why do we need companions?"
Boy: "That is one question that even I have had trouble with. The thing is, one does not necessarily need companions. But the society has evolved in such a way that after a while 2 things happen. One - you want to come home to somebody, either to fulfill romantic / sexual indulgences or to fulfill emotional holes. Two - Option one has developed from the fact that after a while, single people find other people - because that is the way of society. So if you have friends right now and if you want to meet them - - it's all good.
But after a while, when they are with their respective companions, you cannot be an odd number in the group, and you cannot ask one to leave the other so that the one can be with you.
It is a sad truth.
I also believe that romance and love and fidelity are secondary. The primary is the fact that you need to get yourself a good companion for as long as possible.
It is one of the easiest, and troublesome paths that one must adopt."
"Why must I believe in god?"
Boy: "O that one is simple - one believe because one wants to believe. It is easier to believe than not to believe. Does god exist? How do I know?"
"Why is there a pursuit of excellence, be it in terms of wealth, power, materialism, intellect or even vanity?"
Boy: "It is the way of the world O wonderful girl. What makes you different makes you special. With all that we try to shun the without, it is the without that we are a part of. One may keep believing that the individual is superior, but the individual is an individual because he / she is a subset of the whole.
Of course, there are anomalies, and these outliers are the ones that are the true great.
Do you know any of these anomalies? I don't.
The great beings of the past many years have been close to that title, but because they are known, they are not the ones."
"How do I stop crying?"
Boy: " You already have. As soon as your mind is preoccupied with something, sorrow leaves you. "
Know not what you ought to do to become someone you want to.
Do what you feel like.
It is a fine balance amongst the ignorant, the intellectuals and the insane.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
The American and the Asian
Circularity; a thought just occurred to me.
People like looking good, at the least presentable, because that is what is bred.
Who would you have mistakenly sleeping on your shoulder on a bus? -
A drunk unshaven guy or a decent looking guy.
I know, neither - but if one would have to choose - we know who we would choose.
I did not talk about a girl, coz no one would like an bearded girl...
May be there is a belief of lesser danger from a cleaner looking person.
May be we are disgusted by the mere thought of dirty people.
Is there something wrong with this?
No.
But my thought is, why do we discriminate.
Not being self righteous here - just that it is a thought.
At this very moment - I have a quintessential american guy on a table not far away, sitting with an asian guy, and I believe that the american is talking to him about the american culture or the english language.
Anything wrong with that?
No.
Why am I talking about it?
Simply because of the way the american is conducting himself.
May be he is himself - but I dont buy that.
I see the way he is trying to look impressive and seem to have a command over the english language. There is a variance in his tone, the way he looks at the asian, the way he is sitting with a tie around his shirt collar.
Anything wrong with that?
I dont think so.
But why do I get annoyed?
I think it is because I admire the humble and simple and the sheer brilliance.
Just imagine that a guy in shorts is talking to the asian in a friendly manner and trying to teach him english.
It is plausible that the tied and shirted guy is going to command more respect.
I believe this is just the way we have been made, or lets say - molded.
I saw this movie today - Good Will Hunting.
One of the things that struck me was how, after Will proved a question he did not care about the adulation. I believe that all of us have also been molded to want some respect or praise or acknowledgment.
It is difficult to remain silent and bask in one's glory without the knowledge that others know of you.
May be why I loved (love) Roark, or why I am attracted towards the silent impressive lookers.
Human behaviour shall never be quantified.
Addendum:
American to asian girls walking by: " Do you speak chinese? "
Girls: " No - sorry "
American: " O that's alright . . I speak some chinese... "
People like looking good, at the least presentable, because that is what is bred.
Who would you have mistakenly sleeping on your shoulder on a bus? -
A drunk unshaven guy or a decent looking guy.
I know, neither - but if one would have to choose - we know who we would choose.
I did not talk about a girl, coz no one would like an bearded girl...
May be there is a belief of lesser danger from a cleaner looking person.
May be we are disgusted by the mere thought of dirty people.
Is there something wrong with this?
No.
But my thought is, why do we discriminate.
Not being self righteous here - just that it is a thought.
At this very moment - I have a quintessential american guy on a table not far away, sitting with an asian guy, and I believe that the american is talking to him about the american culture or the english language.
Anything wrong with that?
No.
Why am I talking about it?
Simply because of the way the american is conducting himself.
May be he is himself - but I dont buy that.
I see the way he is trying to look impressive and seem to have a command over the english language. There is a variance in his tone, the way he looks at the asian, the way he is sitting with a tie around his shirt collar.
Anything wrong with that?
I dont think so.
But why do I get annoyed?
I think it is because I admire the humble and simple and the sheer brilliance.
Just imagine that a guy in shorts is talking to the asian in a friendly manner and trying to teach him english.
It is plausible that the tied and shirted guy is going to command more respect.
I believe this is just the way we have been made, or lets say - molded.
I saw this movie today - Good Will Hunting.
One of the things that struck me was how, after Will proved a question he did not care about the adulation. I believe that all of us have also been molded to want some respect or praise or acknowledgment.
It is difficult to remain silent and bask in one's glory without the knowledge that others know of you.
May be why I loved (love) Roark, or why I am attracted towards the silent impressive lookers.
Human behaviour shall never be quantified.
Addendum:
American to asian girls walking by: " Do you speak chinese? "
Girls: " No - sorry "
American: " O that's alright . . I speak some chinese... "
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Where are we going?
Firstly, thank you to my friend who provides me with outrageous movies.
Going on, Chaos.
Saw this movie today, Pi. Outrageous, simply because it stimulates one's mind.
I said, if nature is natural, and if a bee is natural, and what it does is natural then why is what a human does, "man-made" and not natural. There could possibly be an order to the chaos or the apparent individualism.
I believe this is where Ayn Rand also steps in, with her belief of individualism.
Humans, love being in control - thereby, love being individuals.
A person may be part of a group and may be following a herd. But if I tell that person, 'O, so you are just following the herd?' - we know how offended that person would be.
There are people who love being safe.
There are people who love believing they are safe.
There are people who love believing they control certain aspects of their lives.
Why is there a concept of 'fate' or 'destiny'?
Was it a control that was imposed ti provide people with a belief of being safe?
Is it possible that there is an order to everything?
It is possible.
Do I want to believe it?
No.
Could I accept it?
Yes.
Do I believe in the outrageous being possible?
Yes.
I discovered a maths formula in school - and that formula still intrigues me.
I believe that not many people would know it - and if there be people who read this post and ask me for it, I do not want to share it without my will. Does it prove that I was/am brilliant?
Far from it.
Why is the Pythagoras theorem so absolute?
Why is the fibonacci sequence observed in nature?
Why is 2 such an important number?
Why is a circle so amazing, that in 3 dimensions, it influences astrophysics?
I know too little to ask more questions.
How has a floppy disc that held 1.44 Mb evolved to more than 4 Gb?
When will this system crumble under its own advances?
Sciences are around us, even though the skeptics love believing that science has made lesser advances in the recent past.
If the computer has evolved so drastically in 14 years, from windows 95, low ram, low hard disk, black and white curved screens, no internet to what it is now - where are we going with this?
And how far can we go with this?
I believe in cleaner technology, greater computing, increased efficiencies, nuclear war, biological wars, firesales and annihilation.
I believe that humans will not get past 2020 without a huge catastrophe.
Alas.
Going on, Chaos.
Saw this movie today, Pi. Outrageous, simply because it stimulates one's mind.
I said, if nature is natural, and if a bee is natural, and what it does is natural then why is what a human does, "man-made" and not natural. There could possibly be an order to the chaos or the apparent individualism.
I believe this is where Ayn Rand also steps in, with her belief of individualism.
Humans, love being in control - thereby, love being individuals.
A person may be part of a group and may be following a herd. But if I tell that person, 'O, so you are just following the herd?' - we know how offended that person would be.
There are people who love being safe.
There are people who love believing they are safe.
There are people who love believing they control certain aspects of their lives.
Why is there a concept of 'fate' or 'destiny'?
Was it a control that was imposed ti provide people with a belief of being safe?
Is it possible that there is an order to everything?
It is possible.
Do I want to believe it?
No.
Could I accept it?
Yes.
Do I believe in the outrageous being possible?
Yes.
I discovered a maths formula in school - and that formula still intrigues me.
I believe that not many people would know it - and if there be people who read this post and ask me for it, I do not want to share it without my will. Does it prove that I was/am brilliant?
Far from it.
Why is the Pythagoras theorem so absolute?
Why is the fibonacci sequence observed in nature?
Why is 2 such an important number?
Why is a circle so amazing, that in 3 dimensions, it influences astrophysics?
I know too little to ask more questions.
How has a floppy disc that held 1.44 Mb evolved to more than 4 Gb?
When will this system crumble under its own advances?
Sciences are around us, even though the skeptics love believing that science has made lesser advances in the recent past.
If the computer has evolved so drastically in 14 years, from windows 95, low ram, low hard disk, black and white curved screens, no internet to what it is now - where are we going with this?
And how far can we go with this?
I believe in cleaner technology, greater computing, increased efficiencies, nuclear war, biological wars, firesales and annihilation.
I believe that humans will not get past 2020 without a huge catastrophe.
Alas.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Random, The Art and The Hair
A friend once told me - "You are an artist - why finance?"
I thought, "Well, insanity is one side, creativity is one side, questions are one side, ego is one side, purpose is one side, self portrayal is one side, facades are everywhere."
I constantly battle with these variables, simply because there are many things that I want. Or at least want to consider. There is only so much that I can cram into this stupid day.
Eye One Duh if I could be suffering from split personality disorder.
May be I am bottling all of this inside of me, and one fine day it is going to erupt.
I want to read the whole day.
I want to sit on the grass and do nothing.
Listen to music.
Sleep at a stretch.
Be ignorant.
Be aware.
Learn, discuss, romance, forge a relation, and control certain beliefs.
I suffer from bouts of insanity - which is sadly thrust upon onlookers.
Somewhere, I make a conscious effort to let the insanity out.
And I also think to myself - "Do I act insane so that people look at me and remember me or at the least, laugh at me?"
I know the answer to that question.
I actually, ask myself that question on numerous occasions.
Knowing thyself - greater than knowing thyself'
Note: Just tackled one of the greatest disturbances in my life.
Could possibly have been the greatest influence to me.
Some of my hair started greying (the term should be 'whitening' - don't know what is so grey about it) when I was in 5th of 6th grade. Trauma - this term can be applied here - disbelief, fear and low self esteem led me to colour my hair.
Up until 2009. After colouring, about a month thence, the hair starts changing colour due to discolouration and pollution.
So extra care to not stand with the back of my head facing a known person.
A lot of crap.
And just a month ago - owing to various circumstances - I said fuck it.
Well, because with all this perception of being unordinary, weird, and crazy - might as well stand out physically too. Who knows if I get cancer or some crap due to prolonged exposure to hair colour from such a young age at regular intervals.
So now, my hair is natural colour. May be people might remember me as the guy with salt and pepper hair. So be it - hahahahaha...
Just think that such a thing is not worth my mind.
A load dumped.
A mind free.
Other things to focus on.
I thought, "Well, insanity is one side, creativity is one side, questions are one side, ego is one side, purpose is one side, self portrayal is one side, facades are everywhere."
I constantly battle with these variables, simply because there are many things that I want. Or at least want to consider. There is only so much that I can cram into this stupid day.
Eye One Duh if I could be suffering from split personality disorder.
May be I am bottling all of this inside of me, and one fine day it is going to erupt.
I want to read the whole day.
I want to sit on the grass and do nothing.
Listen to music.
Sleep at a stretch.
Be ignorant.
Be aware.
Learn, discuss, romance, forge a relation, and control certain beliefs.
I suffer from bouts of insanity - which is sadly thrust upon onlookers.
Somewhere, I make a conscious effort to let the insanity out.
And I also think to myself - "Do I act insane so that people look at me and remember me or at the least, laugh at me?"
I know the answer to that question.
I actually, ask myself that question on numerous occasions.
Knowing thyself - greater than knowing thyself'
Note: Just tackled one of the greatest disturbances in my life.
Could possibly have been the greatest influence to me.
Some of my hair started greying (the term should be 'whitening' - don't know what is so grey about it) when I was in 5th of 6th grade. Trauma - this term can be applied here - disbelief, fear and low self esteem led me to colour my hair.
Up until 2009. After colouring, about a month thence, the hair starts changing colour due to discolouration and pollution.
So extra care to not stand with the back of my head facing a known person.
A lot of crap.
And just a month ago - owing to various circumstances - I said fuck it.
Well, because with all this perception of being unordinary, weird, and crazy - might as well stand out physically too. Who knows if I get cancer or some crap due to prolonged exposure to hair colour from such a young age at regular intervals.
So now, my hair is natural colour. May be people might remember me as the guy with salt and pepper hair. So be it - hahahahaha...
Just think that such a thing is not worth my mind.
A load dumped.
A mind free.
Other things to focus on.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Intrigue
Amusing, how people motivate themselves through pride.
Amusing, how they look at other people expecting them to be astonished at what they may have done.
Amusing, how they carry themselves.
Amusing, how people crave to achieve a certain few things in life.
How people like to believe that they have a meaning to their lives.
How people never understand that they are cockroaches.
People will evolve and some are more equal than others.
Did you know that?
I believe not.
Do you know why?
It is because you believe that you are more equal than others but you are not currently because there is a 'potential' in you.
Procrastination and perceptions also start with 'p'.
Why do people love to look nice?
Why do they believe that looks will get them somewhere?
Read: Self fulfilling prophecy.
I once met a person who was about to (knowingly) lose his job due to a certain function he wanted to perform. He believed that he had to perform that function because that is what a function implied. The risk to the firm was transitory. The risk to himself was transitory.
But on executing that function he would have done the extraordinary and that in itself would have been a reason to exist.
Hmm - what I saw here was a conscious mind.
So I think sometimes - that a person who does not look presentable - would he ever receive acknowledgment?
The world is flawed because society is flawed because we are flawed because society is flawed because perceptions differ and flaws are a constant.
Where I am right now - people are pretending to have found a meaning or purpose to their useless lives.
One of those people is currently crapping these thoughts.
Amusing, how they look at other people expecting them to be astonished at what they may have done.
Amusing, how they carry themselves.
Amusing, how people crave to achieve a certain few things in life.
How people like to believe that they have a meaning to their lives.
How people never understand that they are cockroaches.
People will evolve and some are more equal than others.
Did you know that?
I believe not.
Do you know why?
It is because you believe that you are more equal than others but you are not currently because there is a 'potential' in you.
Procrastination and perceptions also start with 'p'.
Why do people love to look nice?
Why do they believe that looks will get them somewhere?
Read: Self fulfilling prophecy.
I once met a person who was about to (knowingly) lose his job due to a certain function he wanted to perform. He believed that he had to perform that function because that is what a function implied. The risk to the firm was transitory. The risk to himself was transitory.
But on executing that function he would have done the extraordinary and that in itself would have been a reason to exist.
Hmm - what I saw here was a conscious mind.
So I think sometimes - that a person who does not look presentable - would he ever receive acknowledgment?
The world is flawed because society is flawed because we are flawed because society is flawed because perceptions differ and flaws are a constant.
Where I am right now - people are pretending to have found a meaning or purpose to their useless lives.
One of those people is currently crapping these thoughts.
Analysis
I was thinking about why I have blogged so less off late. And here is my hypothesis :P
Too lazy (read: tired) at home.
Too tired throughout the day.
Actually busy throughout the day - which I still find hard to comprehend - although I do wake up at 615 - 630 everyday and sleep by 11-1145 pm
I was trying to figure out what I really do.
And I realised that I just read, walk, cook, clean and attend lectures.
Am I 'chilling'? - No.
But why have I stopped blogging?
Well, in Mumbai - I used to be wasted everyday, in terms of utility. I used to reach home relatively early and chill. There was accumulated angst which would require an outlet. Lack of better things to do would justify thoughts.
It is surprising how drastically life has changed and how busy I really am here.
I feel fulfilled and sad at the same time.
I read what I wanted to - finance.
I think about what I wanted to - finance.
I have access to what I wanted - finance.
I have already checked out 2 books from the library which are way too advanced for the class - just because of my interest and the sheer option of having that choice.
I cannot find the time to read those books.
Another thing - I cook. And I mean, I cook. Cut onions, cook chicken, mess up my taste buds and grow tired of cleaning vessels.
I wonder if this is a curve that I am lucky to be passing through.
As my friend once mentioned
You have everything you need to get what you want. Take chances.
Too lazy (read: tired) at home.
Too tired throughout the day.
Actually busy throughout the day - which I still find hard to comprehend - although I do wake up at 615 - 630 everyday and sleep by 11-1145 pm
I was trying to figure out what I really do.
And I realised that I just read, walk, cook, clean and attend lectures.
Am I 'chilling'? - No.
But why have I stopped blogging?
Well, in Mumbai - I used to be wasted everyday, in terms of utility. I used to reach home relatively early and chill. There was accumulated angst which would require an outlet. Lack of better things to do would justify thoughts.
It is surprising how drastically life has changed and how busy I really am here.
I feel fulfilled and sad at the same time.
I read what I wanted to - finance.
I think about what I wanted to - finance.
I have access to what I wanted - finance.
I have already checked out 2 books from the library which are way too advanced for the class - just because of my interest and the sheer option of having that choice.
I cannot find the time to read those books.
Another thing - I cook. And I mean, I cook. Cut onions, cook chicken, mess up my taste buds and grow tired of cleaning vessels.
I wonder if this is a curve that I am lucky to be passing through.
As my friend once mentioned
You have everything you need to get what you want. Take chances.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Exhibit A
There is a difference between return on money and return of money.
Anyone who is insane enough to think about their lives is bound to be numb.
Just because there is no proof, it does not mean there is no proof.
Somethings are just not visible. Ref. Details of a balance sheet. Ref. Ghosts.
Dreams dont cost a thing - Sleep does.
Anyone who is insane enough to think about their lives is bound to be numb.
Just because there is no proof, it does not mean there is no proof.
Somethings are just not visible. Ref. Details of a balance sheet. Ref. Ghosts.
Dreams dont cost a thing - Sleep does.
Bee - have - year
I have to comprehend people's behaviour. I know that it is unlikely that I will understand the general level of stupidity and / or rigidity. It is gruesome but it is how humans behave. Humans love to put other humans down and feel better about themselves - especially when there is an audience. I do not like the idea of being helpless especially in terms of being subject to absolute monotonic criticism - because then, it is not criticism, it is an absolute opinion.
I prefer a discussion, you know - prove me wrong, I am absolutely fine with it. If there is no conclusion - that too is alright. Let us say, " Chuck it man - - we are not going anywhere with this. You have your opinion and I have mine. "
Well - I would have to reiterate that I am a mitch - male bitch. It is not that necessary and may be I am a good guy. But let us just believe that people ought to dislike me. Sadly, they dont.
I know the grin that is associated with pride. The eyes and how they glare at people in a condescending way. I find it repulsive. But hey, I am supposed to be human right? So I shall continue to observe these filthy creatures and be a part of society
I prefer a discussion, you know - prove me wrong, I am absolutely fine with it. If there is no conclusion - that too is alright. Let us say, " Chuck it man - - we are not going anywhere with this. You have your opinion and I have mine. "
Well - I would have to reiterate that I am a mitch - male bitch. It is not that necessary and may be I am a good guy. But let us just believe that people ought to dislike me. Sadly, they dont.
I know the grin that is associated with pride. The eyes and how they glare at people in a condescending way. I find it repulsive. But hey, I am supposed to be human right? So I shall continue to observe these filthy creatures and be a part of society
Saturday, May 30, 2009
A new life
People here confuse me because I cannot seem to differentiate between the truth and the layers. Especially some of the Americans - they are just so loud that it is difficult to believe that they are really that chirpy.
Is politeness the norm? And is speaking with expressions the only way to communicate?
I see the infrastructutre here and it makes me believe that there is a system to the organisation. I can see the consumption that we only heard or read through media.
If a person cannot decide between 2 vacuum cleaners - he does not choose both.
People have to use cars it seems. People always need comforts - something to hold their latest cell phones in, a motorized lawn mower, a well paved maze of roads, concrete slabs surrounding their buildings, washers, dryers, cycles, food, drinks, vending machines, shoes, clothes, watches, clothes for different occasions, cutlery for different occasions, variety of restaurants, cup holder in a car because there is no long distance driving without a drink in your car, a fan, lights, air conditioning, unnecessary ornamentation.
There is a need to talk loudly regardless of who may be nearby. A need to buy whatever may be required even though it just may be easily discarded.
I see obesity, stupidity, followers of the rules, people walking in circles.
I see a new crop of different colour engaged in forming visions, creating some of those visions, making money, learning how to spend money, learning how to be machines.
I see people indulging in unnecessary conversations about when leukemia is most dangerous, about what schools have opened, about how unlawful some people are, about what is happening in another restaurant, about how the bus was 3 minutes late, about how boring the weekend was, about how they are planning to go away for the next weekend.
From the land of Alexander Supertramp - I see antonyms. Of course, this does prove the fact that I am a mitch.
May be I am,
the point is - it is important to look at things from high above.
How inconsequential most things in life are.
It is for me to find out.
Is politeness the norm? And is speaking with expressions the only way to communicate?
I see the infrastructutre here and it makes me believe that there is a system to the organisation. I can see the consumption that we only heard or read through media.
If a person cannot decide between 2 vacuum cleaners - he does not choose both.
People have to use cars it seems. People always need comforts - something to hold their latest cell phones in, a motorized lawn mower, a well paved maze of roads, concrete slabs surrounding their buildings, washers, dryers, cycles, food, drinks, vending machines, shoes, clothes, watches, clothes for different occasions, cutlery for different occasions, variety of restaurants, cup holder in a car because there is no long distance driving without a drink in your car, a fan, lights, air conditioning, unnecessary ornamentation.
There is a need to talk loudly regardless of who may be nearby. A need to buy whatever may be required even though it just may be easily discarded.
I see obesity, stupidity, followers of the rules, people walking in circles.
I see a new crop of different colour engaged in forming visions, creating some of those visions, making money, learning how to spend money, learning how to be machines.
I see people indulging in unnecessary conversations about when leukemia is most dangerous, about what schools have opened, about how unlawful some people are, about what is happening in another restaurant, about how the bus was 3 minutes late, about how boring the weekend was, about how they are planning to go away for the next weekend.
From the land of Alexander Supertramp - I see antonyms. Of course, this does prove the fact that I am a mitch.
May be I am,
the point is - it is important to look at things from high above.
How inconsequential most things in life are.
It is for me to find out.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The times they are a changing
Entertaining session that I an going through right now.
Meeting friends before leaving for the US.
Emotions tend to surface and realizations seem to creep up.
Should things be said ? - because certain people dont like things to be said.
Somethings are best left unsaid.
May be because there needs to be room to sway one's arms.
May be because somethings are not meant to be said.
May be because somethings tend to ruin simple matters.
May be because sometimes there is nothing to be said.
Sometimes - somethings are hoped to be understood.
I shall miss quite a few people.
I wont be boo hoo without them.
But will miss them nonetheless.
Then I thought of family - and how I will never tell my mom that I will miss her.
Because - saying something like that is in fact demeaning.
So anyhu - I say goodbye to my city
I say goodbye to the security.
I now stare at an enlarged world.
I hope I find support along the way.
And I hope that the current support does not leave me.
Meeting friends before leaving for the US.
Emotions tend to surface and realizations seem to creep up.
Should things be said ? - because certain people dont like things to be said.
Somethings are best left unsaid.
May be because there needs to be room to sway one's arms.
May be because somethings are not meant to be said.
May be because somethings tend to ruin simple matters.
May be because sometimes there is nothing to be said.
Sometimes - somethings are hoped to be understood.
I shall miss quite a few people.
I wont be boo hoo without them.
But will miss them nonetheless.
Then I thought of family - and how I will never tell my mom that I will miss her.
Because - saying something like that is in fact demeaning.
So anyhu - I say goodbye to my city
I say goodbye to the security.
I now stare at an enlarged world.
I hope I find support along the way.
And I hope that the current support does not leave me.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Who shall control the rulers?
Something I have pondered over for a while now; who shall rule the rulers and who shall regulate the regulators?
The UPA is on its way to forming the next government of India - with a clear majority of seats held by the Congress.
Backdrop - Financial C(rap)isis; Crazy Fiscal Deficit, Deficient Infra, Plausible uncontrollable inflation in the near future, wild movements in many financial assets.
I laugh at the possibilities that lay ahead and how most probably, nothing great may be done with India.
Do Indians believe in the UPA?
Methinks, UPA looks younger and more dynamic compared to NDA or the stupid Leftists (You know how much I like socialism).
So India chose the less worse of the 2 giants.
Personal opinion - Keep people like Rahul G, Manmohan, Montek Singh at the helm.
I am so happy that the foolish oldies and Hindutva promoting fools were kicked out.
Will I be secretly be assassinated for writing these things?
Eye 1 Duh . . .
The UPA is on its way to forming the next government of India - with a clear majority of seats held by the Congress.
Backdrop - Financial C(rap)isis; Crazy Fiscal Deficit, Deficient Infra, Plausible uncontrollable inflation in the near future, wild movements in many financial assets.
I laugh at the possibilities that lay ahead and how most probably, nothing great may be done with India.
Do Indians believe in the UPA?
Methinks, UPA looks younger and more dynamic compared to NDA or the stupid Leftists (You know how much I like socialism).
So India chose the less worse of the 2 giants.
Personal opinion - Keep people like Rahul G, Manmohan, Montek Singh at the helm.
I am so happy that the foolish oldies and Hindutva promoting fools were kicked out.
Will I be secretly be assassinated for writing these things?
Eye 1 Duh . . .
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Passersby
As kids we are quite ignorant - and this is in reference to friends.
But life kicks us hard as we grow older because we tend to get choosy. Some prefer fools, some prefer intelligentsia, some lookers, or just out of circumstance.
May be when we get older we realize that we dont really fancy the company of certain people but because there is a history - it is a given that they are your friends an will be for a long time.
Then there is an issue reg. gender.
Currently, I could go out alone with a female friend - no strings attached; but post marriage ( if I ever do get married ;) ) - would my wife not feel insecure about it. esp. if she is stuck at home, then my outing is out of bounds.
Currently, I can still make great new friends - but not far down the timeline, your emotional satisfaction and entertainment is taken care of by earlier friends - so the need or the room for a new friend is absent.
Even though that person may have great potential to be closer to you - neither do you have the time nor the inclination.
So what can all this mean? I believe this is very similar to what was a glimpse in Before Sunset. There will be people who you will have to pass unknowingly who could very well have molded your lives in different ways.
The consciousness of another person's entry into your life can allow you to value that person in different ways. Nothing may come of it - but it will be worth etching the entry in your mind.
This calls for reiteration - I write insane rubbish.
But life kicks us hard as we grow older because we tend to get choosy. Some prefer fools, some prefer intelligentsia, some lookers, or just out of circumstance.
May be when we get older we realize that we dont really fancy the company of certain people but because there is a history - it is a given that they are your friends an will be for a long time.
Then there is an issue reg. gender.
Currently, I could go out alone with a female friend - no strings attached; but post marriage ( if I ever do get married ;) ) - would my wife not feel insecure about it. esp. if she is stuck at home, then my outing is out of bounds.
Currently, I can still make great new friends - but not far down the timeline, your emotional satisfaction and entertainment is taken care of by earlier friends - so the need or the room for a new friend is absent.
Even though that person may have great potential to be closer to you - neither do you have the time nor the inclination.
So what can all this mean? I believe this is very similar to what was a glimpse in Before Sunset. There will be people who you will have to pass unknowingly who could very well have molded your lives in different ways.
The consciousness of another person's entry into your life can allow you to value that person in different ways. Nothing may come of it - but it will be worth etching the entry in your mind.
This calls for reiteration - I write insane rubbish.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Influence is what
2 things - Adam almost out of American Idol and ovation that artists receive in this society.
There is something childlike and alien about Adam. The way he stands, the way he is chilled on stage, the way he goes mad when he performs.
I am sure there are others like him - but I use him as a model of the things that are missing with humanity. I hope he succeeds, simply because he loves his field and his face glows when he smiles with ambition.
The final 3 of AIdol went to their respective home states / towns, and people were nuts. I believe the same would be for an actor, a filmmaker, a sportsperson or a musician.
But if Narayan Murthy walks down a street, he might be flooded with eyes but hardly ever admiration or a fan following.
There is something wrong with how society greets capitalists.
Here are people who have set up vast businesses with their teams, generated great direct and indirect employment.
On the other hand you have a Shah Rukh who has acted in movies.
Tell me who is the greater. Rich, selfish guy who has created sustainable employment and a perpetual entity or an actor who has grown rich and famous and entertained society.
Rich people are ridiculed because they are rich. Remove a Larsen & Toubro and see where India slides down to. Remove a Dell and see how an entire world is affected.
All that I ask for is that capitalists be shown gratitude.
There is something childlike and alien about Adam. The way he stands, the way he is chilled on stage, the way he goes mad when he performs.
I am sure there are others like him - but I use him as a model of the things that are missing with humanity. I hope he succeeds, simply because he loves his field and his face glows when he smiles with ambition.
The final 3 of AIdol went to their respective home states / towns, and people were nuts. I believe the same would be for an actor, a filmmaker, a sportsperson or a musician.
But if Narayan Murthy walks down a street, he might be flooded with eyes but hardly ever admiration or a fan following.
There is something wrong with how society greets capitalists.
Here are people who have set up vast businesses with their teams, generated great direct and indirect employment.
On the other hand you have a Shah Rukh who has acted in movies.
Tell me who is the greater. Rich, selfish guy who has created sustainable employment and a perpetual entity or an actor who has grown rich and famous and entertained society.
Rich people are ridiculed because they are rich. Remove a Larsen & Toubro and see where India slides down to. Remove a Dell and see how an entire world is affected.
All that I ask for is that capitalists be shown gratitude.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The wind blows strong, wild and naked
I have been meddling with this term today. Superiority demand.
I coined it; it arose from superiority complex.
I have to understand humans who behave as though they own entities around them.
Who walk with a swagger that would put a cowboy to shame.
Who talk loud enough for people more than his audience.
Notice how I said 'his'. Because methinks a lady would rarely indulge in such behavior.
Then again, I am going to the heartland of accomplishment and oversized egos.
I wait to see what I get there.
Superiority complex is behaviour due to a belief that one is superior with respect to a certain aspect.
Superiority demand is akin to ego in the Ayn Rand sense of the word.
Only for one to judge oneself and understand one's capabilities.
Plausibly a benchmark, a goal, an ambition, a motivator.
A blunt question : " What do you think you can achieve you loser!?? "
It is sad that money, prestige, fame, power, showmanship and materialism can be drivers for people to pursue their respective lives.
I wonder what happened to the thrill of the thrill?
I wonder where did vanish the ego of the heart?
The adrenaline and the ecstasy?
I believe it is next to impossible to find such creatures in the world today.
A Modigliani.
A Galt.
A Mr. X
A miserly unknown philantrophist.
I coined it; it arose from superiority complex.
I have to understand humans who behave as though they own entities around them.
Who walk with a swagger that would put a cowboy to shame.
Who talk loud enough for people more than his audience.
Notice how I said 'his'. Because methinks a lady would rarely indulge in such behavior.
Then again, I am going to the heartland of accomplishment and oversized egos.
I wait to see what I get there.
Superiority complex is behaviour due to a belief that one is superior with respect to a certain aspect.
Superiority demand is akin to ego in the Ayn Rand sense of the word.
Only for one to judge oneself and understand one's capabilities.
Plausibly a benchmark, a goal, an ambition, a motivator.
A blunt question : " What do you think you can achieve you loser!?? "
It is sad that money, prestige, fame, power, showmanship and materialism can be drivers for people to pursue their respective lives.
I wonder what happened to the thrill of the thrill?
I wonder where did vanish the ego of the heart?
The adrenaline and the ecstasy?
I believe it is next to impossible to find such creatures in the world today.
A Modigliani.
A Galt.
A Mr. X
A miserly unknown philantrophist.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
An encounter with God
Now that I am writing this - I find it hilarious. But when I saw it, it was slightly chilling. Jai Shri Krishna - the TV Series.
" Why do you worry, Krishna is there no?? " - and that was that. So what does this signify? God was created to take care of us and the mere belief of the presence of a higher power is calming in nature.
The episode today was kind of emotional - because it got me gripped. Yashodha was crying that her husband has been imprisoned so she locks herself in her room. The sight of Krishna almost about to cry that her mother is so sad because of him, got me somewhere. Not about mother daughter - but about what a leader means to people who look up to him.
So Krishna is told, " Go and get your father from that evil kingdom " So Krishna says, " Theek Hai " - which is " Cool ". The simplicity of that statement was overwhelming. Here is a kid about 2 feet tall and chilled about going and teaching someone a lesson.
It just makes me imagine how similar man's greatest creations are to the concept of god. Superman, Batman, He Man, John Galt, A King, a spiritual leader, Fate, Destiny, prophets.
Also makes me question our abilities as individuals.
Also makes me wonder if we humans are primarily bad or good. Very naive thought, but intriguing.
If I need some help and you can help me and you have the time; but you do not know me, will you help me? I am not saying superficially, I am saying helping with adequate dedication.
Somewhere, all humans have evolved to be selfish to such an extent that smiling at an opposite human seems like a task.
Our preliminary belief is always suspicious.
If a person you do not know wants to help you - will you believe that person. I believe - no. That person must possess an ulterior motive.
If a decent looking person trips and falls down near you, you might want to help that person.
But if a dirty figure trips, your first instinct is that of ignorance.
If you are single, who would you be more keen on being friends with?
A decent looking opposite gender who is single?
Or a decent looking opposite gender who is with somebody?
I have to believe that no 2 humans will ever be the same.
I therefore have to leave room to a belief that life could very well be unreal.
I am prejudiced towards the dark possibilities of life.
" Why do you worry, Krishna is there no?? " - and that was that. So what does this signify? God was created to take care of us and the mere belief of the presence of a higher power is calming in nature.
The episode today was kind of emotional - because it got me gripped. Yashodha was crying that her husband has been imprisoned so she locks herself in her room. The sight of Krishna almost about to cry that her mother is so sad because of him, got me somewhere. Not about mother daughter - but about what a leader means to people who look up to him.
So Krishna is told, " Go and get your father from that evil kingdom " So Krishna says, " Theek Hai " - which is " Cool ". The simplicity of that statement was overwhelming. Here is a kid about 2 feet tall and chilled about going and teaching someone a lesson.
It just makes me imagine how similar man's greatest creations are to the concept of god. Superman, Batman, He Man, John Galt, A King, a spiritual leader, Fate, Destiny, prophets.
Also makes me question our abilities as individuals.
Also makes me wonder if we humans are primarily bad or good. Very naive thought, but intriguing.
If I need some help and you can help me and you have the time; but you do not know me, will you help me? I am not saying superficially, I am saying helping with adequate dedication.
Somewhere, all humans have evolved to be selfish to such an extent that smiling at an opposite human seems like a task.
Our preliminary belief is always suspicious.
If a person you do not know wants to help you - will you believe that person. I believe - no. That person must possess an ulterior motive.
If a decent looking person trips and falls down near you, you might want to help that person.
But if a dirty figure trips, your first instinct is that of ignorance.
If you are single, who would you be more keen on being friends with?
A decent looking opposite gender who is single?
Or a decent looking opposite gender who is with somebody?
I have to believe that no 2 humans will ever be the same.
I therefore have to leave room to a belief that life could very well be unreal.
I am prejudiced towards the dark possibilities of life.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Business Class
I kept my cool and told my uncle very simply that I did not want to travel by business class. It is not about the money - but about the distinction that one garners with the help of money. I am nobody right now - which he fails to understand (narrow closed ignorant mind that he has) - and therefore I am going abroad because of my Dad's hard work. Buffett introduced me to a potent term - Ovarian Lottery - which I often cite. His belief is, if you have money, irrespective of source, you should enjoy it.
I find it sad when people's minds are not open to other's beliefs. I understood his concept and I understood where he came from - but that is not me. It may be one of the virtues of self actualisation.
Action backed by a strong belief and understanding - howmuchever naive it may be - allows me confidence. I found it exhilirating to know how calm I was when I spoke of this because I knew exactly what I was saying.
Another thing that I have learnt is talking surely. Slowly, calculatively and with a belief that what you are saying has meaning behind it (at times).
May be why I cannot just talk about absolute BS and inconsequence. May be reg. matters which I do not understand or I may not be interested in.
This is a thoroughly useless post and my regards to any reader who may have had to bear through this assembly of words.
I find it sad when people's minds are not open to other's beliefs. I understood his concept and I understood where he came from - but that is not me. It may be one of the virtues of self actualisation.
Action backed by a strong belief and understanding - howmuchever naive it may be - allows me confidence. I found it exhilirating to know how calm I was when I spoke of this because I knew exactly what I was saying.
Another thing that I have learnt is talking surely. Slowly, calculatively and with a belief that what you are saying has meaning behind it (at times).
May be why I cannot just talk about absolute BS and inconsequence. May be reg. matters which I do not understand or I may not be interested in.
This is a thoroughly useless post and my regards to any reader who may have had to bear through this assembly of words.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Monoprix
This is January end 2009 and I was in Paris. I made my way to Galleries Lafayette just to find it shut. It was crazy cold and I made my way round a corner to a relatively empty street. And there I saw a store that many people were walking in and out of. It was called Monoprix - only later did I realise that it is in fact a huge chain in France as a supermarket and sometimes selling clothes.
Even though we have our fair share of supermarkets and huge food stores in India, the multitude of products one gets abroad is amazing. So I am walking like my crazy self inside the store checking things out. And then I come across Guinness beer. So I thought I would pick it up. Problem was, it was a 6 pack. And I wanted only 2 cans. So I had to find a person to ask whether I could pluck only 2 cans out or not.
1st guy I mildly approach and he starts getting fussy and annoyed in French - may be saying " U mad o wat, Im not helping u.. dont u come near me.. no no no no " So I start laughing and he goes away.
Next, a girl / lady decides to help me and she is like "Sure pick 2 .. no problem. "
And then Im on my way roaming through the place again. I pick up a bottle of water and some peanuts. Now, the interesting part (at least for me).
I am about to approach the billing counters where I see huge queues and then I see a small patch of land with few people. This, I find out, is a self billing center through which you can go, if you have less than 7 items (or may be it was 10).
I find it intriguing, so I go in.
I look at the instructions in French, which I know so well so I bother a guy behind me.
He was the perfect character that you see in an American series, shirt tie pants, before going home - go to supermarket to buy stuff to return to an empty home. Luckily he speaks some English. So he tells me the process.
You register a new billing.
The scanner is on the shelf, face up, so you have to roll or scan your item on that so it bills you.
You keep scanning all your items and eventually press OK.
The screen reads out the exact billed amount and one can pay through either notes or coins. I put in my coins and out pops a bill.
The guy in the shirt tells me to take a plastic bag put before me - had to pull one out, because they were stuck to each other.
I thank him and he says..
O - even I am doing this for the 1st time - just that I know French.
And then I realize why there were such few people in my section.
People were scared of new technology / process.
Apparently, Monoprix had just introduced this new system to help customers.
What I found intriguing was that I was more willing to try this new thing that other folks. May be because I was younger. Who nose.
And the next interesting thing - I thanked the guy and before leaving, lightly patted him on his back, which is entirely common for me.
But I then realised that may be these French buggers dont do this.
Nothing was made of it, he smiled and said - Au revoir.
I made my way out and to the hotel room to stuff myself on the peanuts and guinness.
Even though we have our fair share of supermarkets and huge food stores in India, the multitude of products one gets abroad is amazing. So I am walking like my crazy self inside the store checking things out. And then I come across Guinness beer. So I thought I would pick it up. Problem was, it was a 6 pack. And I wanted only 2 cans. So I had to find a person to ask whether I could pluck only 2 cans out or not.
1st guy I mildly approach and he starts getting fussy and annoyed in French - may be saying " U mad o wat, Im not helping u.. dont u come near me.. no no no no " So I start laughing and he goes away.
Next, a girl / lady decides to help me and she is like "Sure pick 2 .. no problem. "
And then Im on my way roaming through the place again. I pick up a bottle of water and some peanuts. Now, the interesting part (at least for me).
I am about to approach the billing counters where I see huge queues and then I see a small patch of land with few people. This, I find out, is a self billing center through which you can go, if you have less than 7 items (or may be it was 10).
I find it intriguing, so I go in.
I look at the instructions in French, which I know so well so I bother a guy behind me.
He was the perfect character that you see in an American series, shirt tie pants, before going home - go to supermarket to buy stuff to return to an empty home. Luckily he speaks some English. So he tells me the process.
You register a new billing.
The scanner is on the shelf, face up, so you have to roll or scan your item on that so it bills you.
You keep scanning all your items and eventually press OK.
The screen reads out the exact billed amount and one can pay through either notes or coins. I put in my coins and out pops a bill.
The guy in the shirt tells me to take a plastic bag put before me - had to pull one out, because they were stuck to each other.
I thank him and he says..
O - even I am doing this for the 1st time - just that I know French.
And then I realize why there were such few people in my section.
People were scared of new technology / process.
Apparently, Monoprix had just introduced this new system to help customers.
What I found intriguing was that I was more willing to try this new thing that other folks. May be because I was younger. Who nose.
And the next interesting thing - I thanked the guy and before leaving, lightly patted him on his back, which is entirely common for me.
But I then realised that may be these French buggers dont do this.
Nothing was made of it, he smiled and said - Au revoir.
I made my way out and to the hotel room to stuff myself on the peanuts and guinness.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Angst-iety
Waiting for the alarm to wake you up.
Waiting for the water to heat up.
Waiting for the driver.
Waiting at the petrol pump.
Waiting for the food.
Waiting at the coffee machine.
Waiting at the ticket counter.
Waiting at the photocopy machine.
Waiting for the computer to start.
Waiting for the mails to download.
Waiting for the food to warm up.
Waiting for your spouse.
Waiting for your freinds.
Waiting for the movie to start.
Waiting for the movie to end.
Waiting for the trail room to be free.
Waiting for an erection.
Waiting for an orgasm.
Waiting to start a family.
Waiting for people to give you space.
Waiting to proclaim your territory.
Waiting for the exams to end.
Waiting to reach your bed.
Waiting to feel your spouse.
Waiting at the restaurant.
Waiting to take a leak.
Waiting for the computer to shut down.
Waiting for the signal to change.
Waiting for the traffic to move.
Waiting for the sun to set.
Waiting for the sun to rise.
Waiting for the rain.
Waiting for the snow.
Waiting for the holidays.
Waiting till death
Waiting to reach heaven
Waiting for this post to end.
Waiting for the water to heat up.
Waiting for the driver.
Waiting at the petrol pump.
Waiting for the food.
Waiting at the coffee machine.
Waiting at the ticket counter.
Waiting at the photocopy machine.
Waiting for the computer to start.
Waiting for the mails to download.
Waiting for the food to warm up.
Waiting for your spouse.
Waiting for your freinds.
Waiting for the movie to start.
Waiting for the movie to end.
Waiting for the trail room to be free.
Waiting for an erection.
Waiting for an orgasm.
Waiting to start a family.
Waiting for people to give you space.
Waiting to proclaim your territory.
Waiting for the exams to end.
Waiting to reach your bed.
Waiting to feel your spouse.
Waiting at the restaurant.
Waiting to take a leak.
Waiting for the computer to shut down.
Waiting for the signal to change.
Waiting for the traffic to move.
Waiting for the sun to set.
Waiting for the sun to rise.
Waiting for the rain.
Waiting for the snow.
Waiting for the holidays.
Waiting till death
Waiting to reach heaven
Waiting for this post to end.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Songs
A Bad Dream - Keane.
This song disturbs me and makes me want to cry because there is something disturbing about, "I wake up, it's a bad dream - noone on my side; I was fighting but I just feel TOO TIRED to be fighting"
Something desperate about, " Where will I meet my fate? Baby I'm a man I was born to hate; When will I meet my end; In a better time you could be my friend"
Funny how people think of love et romance with songs like this - braaah. Stupid Fux
The opening line captures me - " Why do I have to fly? "
For some reason I can imagine the singer crying, I can see myself howling while singing this song.
Call to apathy - the Shins
The name of this song should have attracted me to it. It took a while to get to me though.
"Untie me! I have said no vows."
"Get on with my lonely life"
"You love a sinking stone that will never elope - so get used to the lonesome girl you must atone some girl"
"You want to fight for this love but honey you cannot wrestle a dove"
Absolutely hilarious and aggressive song. I can see myself tearing up my room and breaking what I see and howling with laughter. Muahahhahaa
"But now I stand on honest ground"
Something about " Untie me !!!!! I have said no vows "
Ooooooo the singer would be screaming in pain and begging for mercy just to pick up a chair and smash it against the wall to vent his furor.
Am I a psychopath?
This song disturbs me and makes me want to cry because there is something disturbing about, "I wake up, it's a bad dream - noone on my side; I was fighting but I just feel TOO TIRED to be fighting"
Something desperate about, " Where will I meet my fate? Baby I'm a man I was born to hate; When will I meet my end; In a better time you could be my friend"
Funny how people think of love et romance with songs like this - braaah. Stupid Fux
The opening line captures me - " Why do I have to fly? "
For some reason I can imagine the singer crying, I can see myself howling while singing this song.
Call to apathy - the Shins
The name of this song should have attracted me to it. It took a while to get to me though.
"Untie me! I have said no vows."
"Get on with my lonely life"
"You love a sinking stone that will never elope - so get used to the lonesome girl you must atone some girl"
"You want to fight for this love but honey you cannot wrestle a dove"
Absolutely hilarious and aggressive song. I can see myself tearing up my room and breaking what I see and howling with laughter. Muahahhahaa
"But now I stand on honest ground"
Something about " Untie me !!!!! I have said no vows "
Ooooooo the singer would be screaming in pain and begging for mercy just to pick up a chair and smash it against the wall to vent his furor.
Am I a psychopath?
Detours
Judgments about people and their behaviour is - well - resourceful. It allows one's mind to function more clearly. Judging one's own behavior is also fruitful. A friend asked me 2 days ago - "How is it like on the other side?"
I said, "O, it is nice. . . the dark sky looks nice"
He said, " No, no, not that way - - how it like being, umm, antosocial. . . ?"
I smiled and said, "Well, it is uplifting, depressing and grounding. You can feel lonely after a while - but all in all, it is a highly interesting feeling."
It is just that when you look at people with a different set of eyes and think of them as puppets or machines or cartoon characters or aliens it is highly amusing.
I am not THAT antisocial; I just try to have a different view so I can pass judgments and for me it is a beautiful feeling. Human behaviour intrigues me to say the least and looking at people and their mad world gives me a smile.
Self Doubt - that is what a friend of mine wrote about and I cursed him because those 2 words capture what I have gone through especially in the past 2 months. The time that I have had to spend with Tirath and the movies I have seen and the lyrics I have heard and the music I have heard and the people I have seen and the new friends I have - I have digested all of this in a different manner.
Evolution is a loosely handled world and I believe I may be flaky to say that I have been evolving esp. in the past 3-6 months.
I never thought I would want to plan a getaway like the one that is in my head right now. Planning a trip to Goa or Kerala end May or beginning of June with Tirath, Tiru and Tir.
Something that is so disorienting about the days I go through nowadays that I need to look at these days from far away. I can do this because I have the luxury of doing this.
Ignorant people I envy because - "Dude, lets go to Goa dude! Babes and beach and music and freedom - dude its gonna be awesome dude!"
Aaaaaah - Alas. I am not to be.
I may be sounding all ' high and almighty ' as my friend likes to mock me. Braaaahh - -I am far from it. I am too crazy right now - that is it. I am trying to find meaning to this life and all that it may hold when I should realise that life is just meant to be lived and enjoyed; not to be assessed and mulled over.
Then again - the way I am living right now seems like the only acceptable option.
I said, "O, it is nice. . . the dark sky looks nice"
He said, " No, no, not that way - - how it like being, umm, antosocial. . . ?"
I smiled and said, "Well, it is uplifting, depressing and grounding. You can feel lonely after a while - but all in all, it is a highly interesting feeling."
It is just that when you look at people with a different set of eyes and think of them as puppets or machines or cartoon characters or aliens it is highly amusing.
I am not THAT antisocial; I just try to have a different view so I can pass judgments and for me it is a beautiful feeling. Human behaviour intrigues me to say the least and looking at people and their mad world gives me a smile.
Self Doubt - that is what a friend of mine wrote about and I cursed him because those 2 words capture what I have gone through especially in the past 2 months. The time that I have had to spend with Tirath and the movies I have seen and the lyrics I have heard and the music I have heard and the people I have seen and the new friends I have - I have digested all of this in a different manner.
Evolution is a loosely handled world and I believe I may be flaky to say that I have been evolving esp. in the past 3-6 months.
I never thought I would want to plan a getaway like the one that is in my head right now. Planning a trip to Goa or Kerala end May or beginning of June with Tirath, Tiru and Tir.
Something that is so disorienting about the days I go through nowadays that I need to look at these days from far away. I can do this because I have the luxury of doing this.
Ignorant people I envy because - "Dude, lets go to Goa dude! Babes and beach and music and freedom - dude its gonna be awesome dude!"
Aaaaaah - Alas. I am not to be.
I may be sounding all ' high and almighty ' as my friend likes to mock me. Braaaahh - -I am far from it. I am too crazy right now - that is it. I am trying to find meaning to this life and all that it may hold when I should realise that life is just meant to be lived and enjoyed; not to be assessed and mulled over.
Then again - the way I am living right now seems like the only acceptable option.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Evaporation
We believe water evaporates even though we do not see where the water goes.
Today I dedicated about 20 minutes of my life to staring at a big droplet of water on my arm evaporating.
My neck hurt after a while - but I tried my patience and succeeded.
The water eventually vanished.
Highly intriguing.
Today I dedicated about 20 minutes of my life to staring at a big droplet of water on my arm evaporating.
My neck hurt after a while - but I tried my patience and succeeded.
The water eventually vanished.
Highly intriguing.
Adam Lambert
This guy makes me smile whenever I see him singing. Simply because he changes appearance as soon as he is performing. I smile because may be I see the Howard Roark in him. I am too simple about my perceptions but he just seems like the perfect example of a human life - when he is on stage.
Passion - may be I have missed out on this word when describing life. I find it absent from people. Before I talk about it wrt to people - I must say that it is missing in me. And may be that is exactly what I strive for and hope to attain one fine day.
Passion - may be I have missed out on this word when describing life. I find it absent from people. Before I talk about it wrt to people - I must say that it is missing in me. And may be that is exactly what I strive for and hope to attain one fine day.
4 Individual Days
I wanted to register myself as a voter. I had enrolled at JaagoRe.com quite a while ago and might I say that they have done a fantastic job!
Anyhu; I go to this god forsaken, society forsaken, life forsaken, logic forsaken place - New Airport Colony. Huge land, hardly anybody staying there and those who do stay in kachra homes it seemed. Humari govt. zindabaad!
Park next to kachra, walk on a dusty road to reach a decently big building where there were only 2 tables and a host of frustrated humans.
Illiterate fools were taking registration forms. No line, no decorum, no pointers on how to fill forms, nobody to help a person out. So every individual has to ask the same question individually to the guy at the desk who cares so much about the people.(it is sad how sarcasm cannot pour out from a blog)
I end up going to that place on 4 separate days. Photo missing, signature missing, attestation missing, voter id photocopy of family member missing, signature on photocopy of voter id of family member missing and so on. But the prize goes to: "O - today it is shut - come tomorrow"
So finally, it is the last day that I think I shall ever go there. I am cofident that I have everything with me. I go up, someone cuts me and goes ahead. Then the guy at the table wants to go for lunch - he is tired of sitting so much :-(
I felt so bad for him you know??!!
So I have to queue in the adjacent line.
The guy has my form in his hand.
A girl butts in and gets her form across.
Guys tend to like girls - alas.. so I am pushed back
He again has my form in his hands.
Guy comes from behind him and blurts something in Marathi.
"OK - I cant take any more forms, the date of elections is out."
And that is that.
People us the term 'disbelief' very easily.
But just imagine my predicament.
This was sheer DISBELIEF.
I mean, wow - I have been coming here, you have the bloody form on your sweaty palms.
Sign the damned thing and allow me to vote.
But no - why should I allow you to vote.
I am the almighty. . .
Do you know that it was I who gave Eve the right to bite that stupid apple?
Yes sir - Yes sir.
I bow to thee.
May this country not rott - although it deserves to.
With bafoons like you at the helm
And baboons like us licking your feet and voting you into power.
Please continue to give jobs to people because they are poor or socially backwards - whatever that means.
Do not allow competition to make life better.
Do not make government officers and workers answerable to anybody.
Let money speak the lanugage of justice.
Please allow this country to wither away.
Anyhu; I go to this god forsaken, society forsaken, life forsaken, logic forsaken place - New Airport Colony. Huge land, hardly anybody staying there and those who do stay in kachra homes it seemed. Humari govt. zindabaad!
Park next to kachra, walk on a dusty road to reach a decently big building where there were only 2 tables and a host of frustrated humans.
Illiterate fools were taking registration forms. No line, no decorum, no pointers on how to fill forms, nobody to help a person out. So every individual has to ask the same question individually to the guy at the desk who cares so much about the people.(it is sad how sarcasm cannot pour out from a blog)
I end up going to that place on 4 separate days. Photo missing, signature missing, attestation missing, voter id photocopy of family member missing, signature on photocopy of voter id of family member missing and so on. But the prize goes to: "O - today it is shut - come tomorrow"
So finally, it is the last day that I think I shall ever go there. I am cofident that I have everything with me. I go up, someone cuts me and goes ahead. Then the guy at the table wants to go for lunch - he is tired of sitting so much :-(
I felt so bad for him you know??!!
So I have to queue in the adjacent line.
The guy has my form in his hand.
A girl butts in and gets her form across.
Guys tend to like girls - alas.. so I am pushed back
He again has my form in his hands.
Guy comes from behind him and blurts something in Marathi.
"OK - I cant take any more forms, the date of elections is out."
And that is that.
People us the term 'disbelief' very easily.
But just imagine my predicament.
This was sheer DISBELIEF.
I mean, wow - I have been coming here, you have the bloody form on your sweaty palms.
Sign the damned thing and allow me to vote.
But no - why should I allow you to vote.
I am the almighty. . .
Do you know that it was I who gave Eve the right to bite that stupid apple?
Yes sir - Yes sir.
I bow to thee.
May this country not rott - although it deserves to.
With bafoons like you at the helm
And baboons like us licking your feet and voting you into power.
Please continue to give jobs to people because they are poor or socially backwards - whatever that means.
Do not allow competition to make life better.
Do not make government officers and workers answerable to anybody.
Let money speak the lanugage of justice.
Please allow this country to wither away.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Portraits
Well - I have an exam in 4 hours and I ought to be studying but there are some images in my head that were disturbing me. Just had to let them out.
A man holding a woman tight and finally the woman is like - OK now I can leave you right? But the man requests the woman . . . Just a while longer please. So the woman starts sobbing.
A crawling small man in a sea of people all looking down on him and laughing their throats off. He feels alone and naked and there is absolutely nobody to help him up.
A person on a hill looking at a dark city at night. There is no movement because he is far away. There is no sound and barely any light. He is laughing inside his head at the nonsense going on in civilization.
A woman sitting on a bench at a promenade listening to the ocean with her eyes closed oblivious to the fact that men are leching at the lone sight. There is a burn inside her that will destroy the first person she sees when she opens her eyes. So she decides not to.
A child walking on the beach and falling on her sponge skin with a thud. Giggling and then falling on her back to look at the sky. Stupid because there is nothing she comprehends about the sky. Intelligent because there is nothing she comprehends about the sky.
Finally, a man hung on a mountain top by his arms wide open looking at the people below. The people are in awe of his blasphemy and are murmuring. There is an insane laughter that drives the people mad. It is the guy who is laughing at society and all that they hold dear. He is laughing at himself because he is tortured in his pain. He finally feels complete because he met his desire.
Alone, Tired, in Pain, and Mad.
For some reason I can see the wide grin on his pale face and the ensuing laughter that resonated through the people below. His eyes are striking and large. There is a child in him.
A man holding a woman tight and finally the woman is like - OK now I can leave you right? But the man requests the woman . . . Just a while longer please. So the woman starts sobbing.
A crawling small man in a sea of people all looking down on him and laughing their throats off. He feels alone and naked and there is absolutely nobody to help him up.
A person on a hill looking at a dark city at night. There is no movement because he is far away. There is no sound and barely any light. He is laughing inside his head at the nonsense going on in civilization.
A woman sitting on a bench at a promenade listening to the ocean with her eyes closed oblivious to the fact that men are leching at the lone sight. There is a burn inside her that will destroy the first person she sees when she opens her eyes. So she decides not to.
A child walking on the beach and falling on her sponge skin with a thud. Giggling and then falling on her back to look at the sky. Stupid because there is nothing she comprehends about the sky. Intelligent because there is nothing she comprehends about the sky.
Finally, a man hung on a mountain top by his arms wide open looking at the people below. The people are in awe of his blasphemy and are murmuring. There is an insane laughter that drives the people mad. It is the guy who is laughing at society and all that they hold dear. He is laughing at himself because he is tortured in his pain. He finally feels complete because he met his desire.
Alone, Tired, in Pain, and Mad.
For some reason I can see the wide grin on his pale face and the ensuing laughter that resonated through the people below. His eyes are striking and large. There is a child in him.
Withdrawn
So withdrawn you know. . .
Just planning my next trip - hope it happens soon.
The hollowness inside shall not subside because all seems futile.
The brightness shall not erode because all seems plausible.
I long for a day
When I face the morning with a smile on my face.
Elusive it seems - but within reach nonetheless.
I have no idea where I will go
I know why I am going though.
Just have to get away so I can organize the thought(s) in my head.
I wonder if it appears depressing.
Or whether I am a lone soul.
I am not sure if I care of what people may think
Just that I give a Fk.
I wonder if it is a phase
And one day it strikes me like a truck head on.
That I am just nobody in the middle of somebodies.
Withdrawn.
Guaranteed.
All that I hold dear shall one day vanish I am sure of.
All that I hold wanted shall someday metamorphose into abstract.
Withdrawn.
Guaranteed.
Nullified.
Blown Apart.
Cannot feel my heart beat.
Cannot feel myself sleeping.
Cannot see myself unconscious.
Cannot feel the sun upon me.
Cannot feel the warmth.
Cannot hear the words.
Lost.
Withdrawn.
Guaranteed.
Just planning my next trip - hope it happens soon.
The hollowness inside shall not subside because all seems futile.
The brightness shall not erode because all seems plausible.
I long for a day
When I face the morning with a smile on my face.
Elusive it seems - but within reach nonetheless.
I have no idea where I will go
I know why I am going though.
Just have to get away so I can organize the thought(s) in my head.
I wonder if it appears depressing.
Or whether I am a lone soul.
I am not sure if I care of what people may think
Just that I give a Fk.
I wonder if it is a phase
And one day it strikes me like a truck head on.
That I am just nobody in the middle of somebodies.
Withdrawn.
Guaranteed.
All that I hold dear shall one day vanish I am sure of.
All that I hold wanted shall someday metamorphose into abstract.
Withdrawn.
Guaranteed.
Nullified.
Blown Apart.
Cannot feel my heart beat.
Cannot feel myself sleeping.
Cannot see myself unconscious.
Cannot feel the sun upon me.
Cannot feel the warmth.
Cannot hear the words.
Lost.
Withdrawn.
Guaranteed.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Back to the future
Saw 2 movies today and just thought that I'd make a note of them. Nothing extraordinary about them - but the idea was nice. I liked Before Sunset more than Before Sunrise. The former was just more mature and yet nutty. The latter seemed like it was stuck together. So these 2 people meet in 1994 and spend a day together around Vienna. 9 years later they meet in Paris and they are so happy about it. The funny thing is - both of them are in committed relationships now. It was nice to see 2 people so comfortable around each other. A friend of mine had originated that idea in my head - love is more about comfort than romance.
So anyway - there is this one thing that the guy says during the boat ride in Paris. Something to the effect of - or at least that is the way I interpreted it - you can look back at your past and say that yes that was a person who I would have really loved to be with. Just that I did not grasp the opportunity. It is a hilarious way of thinking how human beings function socially. The guy is with his wife who he does not love but who he is with because of their kid. The girl is with this guy who is away most of the time which is convenient for her so that she can do what she wants to and not be claustrophobic.
This post has to do with the word 'regret'. If one chooses not to take up and utilize an opportunity 'what if' will always remain.
2 people who are just comfortable with each other should get a chance to know each other and just be together.
Time away from one another.
Going out with people apart from one another.
Sex, food, entertainment together.
Silent time together.
Conflicts are not bad - - they are bound to happen - just shows that these are 2 different people.
So what if I am 40 years old and I think to myself that when I was 23 I got to know this great girl who I would have liked to know better. But due to circumstances neither of us had the want to give in too much time and put in too much effort. I am pretty certain that she had some hope in me too.
And then I meet her after 17 years and we laugh. And we are crying inside because we know that - wow - the 2 of us should have been together and at least given it a shot rather than dream hazy dreams about each other.
How bad can regret be?
I wonder. . .
So anyway - there is this one thing that the guy says during the boat ride in Paris. Something to the effect of - or at least that is the way I interpreted it - you can look back at your past and say that yes that was a person who I would have really loved to be with. Just that I did not grasp the opportunity. It is a hilarious way of thinking how human beings function socially. The guy is with his wife who he does not love but who he is with because of their kid. The girl is with this guy who is away most of the time which is convenient for her so that she can do what she wants to and not be claustrophobic.
This post has to do with the word 'regret'. If one chooses not to take up and utilize an opportunity 'what if' will always remain.
2 people who are just comfortable with each other should get a chance to know each other and just be together.
Time away from one another.
Going out with people apart from one another.
Sex, food, entertainment together.
Silent time together.
Conflicts are not bad - - they are bound to happen - just shows that these are 2 different people.
So what if I am 40 years old and I think to myself that when I was 23 I got to know this great girl who I would have liked to know better. But due to circumstances neither of us had the want to give in too much time and put in too much effort. I am pretty certain that she had some hope in me too.
And then I meet her after 17 years and we laugh. And we are crying inside because we know that - wow - the 2 of us should have been together and at least given it a shot rather than dream hazy dreams about each other.
How bad can regret be?
I wonder. . .
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Art
This goes out to the artists in my head. I admire - and let's call it ADMIRE - people who change when they are in their domain; people who are passionate about what they do. Al Pacino, Adam Lambert, Leonardo Dicaprio, Michael Jackson, AR Rehman, Modigliani, Warren Buffett, Jack Nicholson, Fransisco D'Anconia, Sachin Tendulkar, Adolf Hitler, Mahatma Gandhi, Gregory House, Mother Teresa. I had to think to come up with these names. The reason is simple. I see (or perceive) a certain emotion. A burning emotion in their work. Passion and glory irrespective of applause. A focused mind and a thrill in performing at their art. When I see or even hear Adam singing - it is amazing. The word 'amazing' is used too easily - but he is amazing. When I see Leonardo performing, he is mind blowing. I was going to put Tom Hanks in the list but for an odd reason I see Leonardo as the actor. I see him unable to sleep if he does not act to his standards. I am a mitch - which has been established. Sachin - I can see him applauding himself on a century and crying when he is injured. Love - that can be used. Love is what binds these creatures to what they do. Warren - I can just imagine him as a kid pouring over books, gobbling them and this is what is knowledge. Richness aside - just the thought that this is how his mind functions - logically, simply and extensively. Adolf - one focus, nothing lay in his path and burning desire stemming from what, only he may know. But the desire, the aggression. I surely hope that I do not get killed for applauding Hitler.
Some people are set on the correct path - may be. Some people make a path their correct path - may be. Creating or arousing such a passion in life is what excites me. I wonder if Finance will ever make me passionate. It could - but I am too enchanted with the notion of observance, thoughts, questions, judgments, seclusion, society, crazy and restlessness. I do wish that finance allows me to lose myself. I know how I feel about it right now but as most of us know - it is always great before you have it.
I can see the smiles, the tears, the burn, the anguish, the mad haunting laughter, the wild dance, the passion for love. I can see it all before me. In the faces I just imagined. These are the outsiders. These are our gods. I worship them - not to be who they are but to be in awe of how they are. I may not want to be them. Not even something similar. It is just a portrait in my head. I can see these bafoons embracing each other and looking over mankind and the lowly beings trying to justify their poor existence.
Some people are set on the correct path - may be. Some people make a path their correct path - may be. Creating or arousing such a passion in life is what excites me. I wonder if Finance will ever make me passionate. It could - but I am too enchanted with the notion of observance, thoughts, questions, judgments, seclusion, society, crazy and restlessness. I do wish that finance allows me to lose myself. I know how I feel about it right now but as most of us know - it is always great before you have it.
I can see the smiles, the tears, the burn, the anguish, the mad haunting laughter, the wild dance, the passion for love. I can see it all before me. In the faces I just imagined. These are the outsiders. These are our gods. I worship them - not to be who they are but to be in awe of how they are. I may not want to be them. Not even something similar. It is just a portrait in my head. I can see these bafoons embracing each other and looking over mankind and the lowly beings trying to justify their poor existence.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Intelligence is attractive
I was talking to my friend the other day and I said that it is amazingly difficult to find intelligent girls. She was aghast, "And it is amazingly easy to find intelligent guys??!!"
That is when I laughed and in a moment I thought of a lot.
Intriguing how one's mind is shut to another's perspective - and sometimes one just needs a push or a shove to open up.
Intriguing how some people value intelligence - not that it is sexy or awe inspiring. But well, for me it is a means of solace.
It is difficult to describe how that feeling functions.
I could be referring to either sex when I refer to intelligence. Somewhere it is disturbing and exhilirating and enchanting - but somewhere it is just plain blank.
There is an ease with which I may conduct myself around intelligent people.
I must make a disclosure here and say that what I perceive as intelligence is very harsh. A person may create a great business but I may find that person unimpressive. A person may walk alone and sing in his heart - and that I may find fascinating. A person can talk about an outing - and the tone in his or her voice will tell me if I find that person intelligent.
I do not believe intelligence matters a lot for success in life, yadiyadayada . . .
Just that - it is a rare trait.
Rare because intelligence has been diminished to engineering, science, and business. Art, spirituality and a ceaseless burst of questions are also intelligence.
I do not ask for agreement - all I ask for is an open mind.
All I ask for is a song in one's heart.
All I ask for is a pure smile and a lost pair of eyes.
I ask for a warm heart and an insane laughter.
I ask for eccentricity.
I ask for too much . . .
That is when I laughed and in a moment I thought of a lot.
Intriguing how one's mind is shut to another's perspective - and sometimes one just needs a push or a shove to open up.
Intriguing how some people value intelligence - not that it is sexy or awe inspiring. But well, for me it is a means of solace.
It is difficult to describe how that feeling functions.
I could be referring to either sex when I refer to intelligence. Somewhere it is disturbing and exhilirating and enchanting - but somewhere it is just plain blank.
There is an ease with which I may conduct myself around intelligent people.
I must make a disclosure here and say that what I perceive as intelligence is very harsh. A person may create a great business but I may find that person unimpressive. A person may walk alone and sing in his heart - and that I may find fascinating. A person can talk about an outing - and the tone in his or her voice will tell me if I find that person intelligent.
I do not believe intelligence matters a lot for success in life, yadiyadayada . . .
Just that - it is a rare trait.
Rare because intelligence has been diminished to engineering, science, and business. Art, spirituality and a ceaseless burst of questions are also intelligence.
I do not ask for agreement - all I ask for is an open mind.
All I ask for is a song in one's heart.
All I ask for is a pure smile and a lost pair of eyes.
I ask for a warm heart and an insane laughter.
I ask for eccentricity.
I ask for too much . . .
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Conversations of the future.
Waiting for the time when I get to hear -
A: "How are You?"
B: "Do you really care?"
A: "Naaah"
B: " K "
A: "Hey, I'm going out."
B: " With who?"
A: "Noone, just me. . . "
B: "Mind if I join you?"
A: "Ya"
A: "Hey, I dint get the job 0 :-( "
B: " Lemme just cut the crap and say; either you dont deserve it or they are just too fkin stupid - therefore something else will come up. May be better - but you will never know if it is better coz you cant compare it yeah? - But something will come up. Cool?"
A: " Ya thannx - I needed the absence of bullshit"
B: "Welcome"
A: "I hate you!!!"
B: "That makes 2 of us"
A: "How are You?"
B: "Do you really care?"
A: "Naaah"
B: " K "
A: "Hey, I'm going out."
B: " With who?"
A: "Noone, just me. . . "
B: "Mind if I join you?"
A: "Ya"
A: "Hey, I dint get the job 0 :-( "
B: " Lemme just cut the crap and say; either you dont deserve it or they are just too fkin stupid - therefore something else will come up. May be better - but you will never know if it is better coz you cant compare it yeah? - But something will come up. Cool?"
A: " Ya thannx - I needed the absence of bullshit"
B: "Welcome"
A: "I hate you!!!"
B: "That makes 2 of us"
Friday, April 17, 2009
Intolerance
The enormity of me being a male bitch, aka Mitch, is daunting. There is this ever growing repulsion and intolerance towards fools. Of course, I already admitted that I am a Mitch - this justifies me acting like a Mitch. The new found affection for intelligentsia may just lead to manic depression because intelligent people are firstly, a rare breed. Secondly, they are not very nutty. Thirdly, they are hardly ever the right nutty. Fourthly, intelligent nutty people who question most things are amazingly truffle like. Lastly, I would get bored with such people who resemble me.
It is a sin to think that I am an intelligent right nut with a need to question most things. So I have sinned. What I care?
The exterior, when people who are just plain dumb such that the dumbness leaks out of their eyes, ears and nostrils - not to mention other body parts -, I find testing my patience. One, to hold back the insane laughter building inside my tiny head. Two, the frustration that may lead to a burst of excitement. Ah, it is difficult to contain.
Now I wish that people do not read this. And people may not because hardly any people care enough about me or what I think. Then again, I have posted this on my blog which is open to all - this in fact shows that I would like people to read my post.
"Dude, I'm telling you - if you want to learn something na, it is better if you have a faculty from the industry. No dude, trust me..."
Well, you may be right - but your tone just shows how hilarious you are dear.
To state the obvious with as much enthusiasm as though people do not know that.
Ah, I think I may be deported to my home planet along with Tirath.
It is a sin to think that I am an intelligent right nut with a need to question most things. So I have sinned. What I care?
The exterior, when people who are just plain dumb such that the dumbness leaks out of their eyes, ears and nostrils - not to mention other body parts -, I find testing my patience. One, to hold back the insane laughter building inside my tiny head. Two, the frustration that may lead to a burst of excitement. Ah, it is difficult to contain.
Now I wish that people do not read this. And people may not because hardly any people care enough about me or what I think. Then again, I have posted this on my blog which is open to all - this in fact shows that I would like people to read my post.
"Dude, I'm telling you - if you want to learn something na, it is better if you have a faculty from the industry. No dude, trust me..."
Well, you may be right - but your tone just shows how hilarious you are dear.
To state the obvious with as much enthusiasm as though people do not know that.
Ah, I think I may be deported to my home planet along with Tirath.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Responsibilities
The song sung by Gary Jules, made popular by Adam Lambert - makes me shout in disgust.
"Worn out faces, Going for their daily races; when people run in circles - it's a very very mad world". The reason this affects me is simple. The search for consciousness and the resulting nausea and disillusion. "The tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression." I find it surprising that people have seen me queer for a long time now. Till recently I believed that it was a recently acquired trait, but I have been told that I was queer for quite some time. May be I find it exhilarating to be labeled mad, and somewhere it is just me venting my inner self. Experiments with myself and society, if you may. I am nobody great and I may be a unique - most hilarious, depressing, interesting, boring, quiet and talkative person known to me. It was a simple life at first.
Come home and study, open World Book, Childcraft, Dinosaur book, Astronomy Book.
Then there was a need to excel at studies.
There was a creative lost stupid boy.
Then there was a need for society and acceptance.
There was also a need for love.
There was a need for being weird.
There was a weird.
There was a tramp some years ago too.
The tramp, in fact, gave rise to me, my brain and my perceived intelligence.
There was a need to change the world.
There was a great organisation that needed to be built.
There was a social angle to it too.
There was seclusion.
There was loneliness.
There was a sense of purpose just a few months ago.
There was depression.
There was ecstasy.
There was simplicity combined with complexity.
There was a quest for death.
There is . . . blankness + seclusion + adrenaline + disregard for society + frustration + thirst.
The thoughts that determine our present should not be open to others. But I try hard to show it. I wait for the time when I look at this and laugh at what I was.
There are the ignorant and there are the determined. There is a fine line between them that keeps oscillating. The determined are affected by their heads and by the external. There is a very fine line here too, that keeps oscillating. That leaves a very few who are affected primarily by their heads. These beings oscillate between the most powerful and most disgruntled beings.
My thoughts are mine to cherish.
This post may make people smile in amazement, laugh in bewilderment, scowl in hatred, shrug in kay sera sera, lose themselves in thought and seek me in order to kill me, cry out of the enormity of the bull shit written here.
Go on, go to work. You are late. The traffic might build up. The customer is waiting for the goods and you have done the documentation incorrectly. The internet is not working - I wonder how you will get by today. There is no electricity. Your boss wants to reward you with a promotion and a raise. Go on. Your wife is waiting at home because she wants to have sex. Go on. You have to head to gym because you are out of shape. Did you forget to mail the report? - My!! How will you sleep tonight?
Go on. There are forests to burn and air to pollute and trash to throw and water to pee in. Leave nothing unturned. Did you study well for your exam? It shall determine your progress in life. Did you put in ten hours of work today? O - so you are Mr. popular at office. Good for you dear.
Going nowhere with their daily races.
I find it kind of funny.
I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm DYING are the best I've ever had.
On the brink.
Or am I ?
"Worn out faces, Going for their daily races; when people run in circles - it's a very very mad world". The reason this affects me is simple. The search for consciousness and the resulting nausea and disillusion. "The tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression." I find it surprising that people have seen me queer for a long time now. Till recently I believed that it was a recently acquired trait, but I have been told that I was queer for quite some time. May be I find it exhilarating to be labeled mad, and somewhere it is just me venting my inner self. Experiments with myself and society, if you may. I am nobody great and I may be a unique - most hilarious, depressing, interesting, boring, quiet and talkative person known to me. It was a simple life at first.
Come home and study, open World Book, Childcraft, Dinosaur book, Astronomy Book.
Then there was a need to excel at studies.
There was a creative lost stupid boy.
Then there was a need for society and acceptance.
There was also a need for love.
There was a need for being weird.
There was a weird.
There was a tramp some years ago too.
The tramp, in fact, gave rise to me, my brain and my perceived intelligence.
There was a need to change the world.
There was a great organisation that needed to be built.
There was a social angle to it too.
There was seclusion.
There was loneliness.
There was a sense of purpose just a few months ago.
There was depression.
There was ecstasy.
There was simplicity combined with complexity.
There was a quest for death.
There is . . . blankness + seclusion + adrenaline + disregard for society + frustration + thirst.
The thoughts that determine our present should not be open to others. But I try hard to show it. I wait for the time when I look at this and laugh at what I was.
There are the ignorant and there are the determined. There is a fine line between them that keeps oscillating. The determined are affected by their heads and by the external. There is a very fine line here too, that keeps oscillating. That leaves a very few who are affected primarily by their heads. These beings oscillate between the most powerful and most disgruntled beings.
My thoughts are mine to cherish.
This post may make people smile in amazement, laugh in bewilderment, scowl in hatred, shrug in kay sera sera, lose themselves in thought and seek me in order to kill me, cry out of the enormity of the bull shit written here.
Go on, go to work. You are late. The traffic might build up. The customer is waiting for the goods and you have done the documentation incorrectly. The internet is not working - I wonder how you will get by today. There is no electricity. Your boss wants to reward you with a promotion and a raise. Go on. Your wife is waiting at home because she wants to have sex. Go on. You have to head to gym because you are out of shape. Did you forget to mail the report? - My!! How will you sleep tonight?
Go on. There are forests to burn and air to pollute and trash to throw and water to pee in. Leave nothing unturned. Did you study well for your exam? It shall determine your progress in life. Did you put in ten hours of work today? O - so you are Mr. popular at office. Good for you dear.
Going nowhere with their daily races.
I find it kind of funny.
I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm DYING are the best I've ever had.
On the brink.
Or am I ?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Age
Its kind of sad when I think of where I am headed.
There will be no birthdays.
There will instead be anniversaries.
I say goodbye to the lonely nights I spend by myself.
Hello dear companion - just intrude in me.
I may miss the lonely music sessions
And the silent movies.
The innocence shall pass.
No more 2 am messages
No more 1 hour phone chats. . .
Adios to lonely meetings with special friends I hold dear.
No more empty bed
I lose my friends faster than I know of it
No quick fixes - thats the future.
No surprises, no getting away
No Tiru nights out there
People over 30 look all the same
And for a reason
I believe life leaves people who dont care enough
But may be this is from this side of the grass.
May be it is pretty good till you die.
But I wonder what happens to all the solitude
And the surprises
And the seclusion.
It is funny how the entire friend equation changes
And 1 on 1 meetings will become kind of taboo
I believe that the impulse dies away
Everything starts to be charted.
I see some of the plans forming inside of me already.
And I see myself bored of me already.
"Hey, are you free? - Cool see you at 10 - Will pick you up."
"Hey, want to go to Lonavala?"
"Just you and me?"
"Ya - why not - - not going to eat you!"
"OK"
All this is going to go away.
Seems trivial and seems essential.
Is this why societies, in which independence is a way of life since 18 - 20 years of age, ' suffer ' from failed marriages? And not because of infidelity as much?
I wonder where the demography of India is headed. . .
"Circles they grow and they swallow people whole"
There will be no birthdays.
There will instead be anniversaries.
I say goodbye to the lonely nights I spend by myself.
Hello dear companion - just intrude in me.
I may miss the lonely music sessions
And the silent movies.
The innocence shall pass.
No more 2 am messages
No more 1 hour phone chats. . .
Adios to lonely meetings with special friends I hold dear.
No more empty bed
I lose my friends faster than I know of it
No quick fixes - thats the future.
No surprises, no getting away
No Tiru nights out there
People over 30 look all the same
And for a reason
I believe life leaves people who dont care enough
But may be this is from this side of the grass.
May be it is pretty good till you die.
But I wonder what happens to all the solitude
And the surprises
And the seclusion.
It is funny how the entire friend equation changes
And 1 on 1 meetings will become kind of taboo
I believe that the impulse dies away
Everything starts to be charted.
I see some of the plans forming inside of me already.
And I see myself bored of me already.
"Hey, are you free? - Cool see you at 10 - Will pick you up."
"Hey, want to go to Lonavala?"
"Just you and me?"
"Ya - why not - - not going to eat you!"
"OK"
All this is going to go away.
Seems trivial and seems essential.
Is this why societies, in which independence is a way of life since 18 - 20 years of age, ' suffer ' from failed marriages? And not because of infidelity as much?
I wonder where the demography of India is headed. . .
"Circles they grow and they swallow people whole"
Monday, April 13, 2009
My experiments with Consciousness
So here i am again within a span of 40 minutes trying to pen my interpretation of consciousness. I am not trying to sound profound, it is just my foolish self that says that - my judgment matters to me.
People are truly random where each person has a certain belief - conscious or unconscious - of what he/she holds dear. And because the goal will never NEVER be the same for 2 individuals, the world is a random place. Irony - the sentence I hear right now - "When people move in circles, its a very very mad world"
Coming back to my rubbish; the goals may be infinitesimally similar, but never the same. For the past many years I have held this belief that people are selfish. Even a Mahatma or a Mother Teresa did whatever he/she did to suit one's own motive of selfish happiness. Not saying it is right or wrong - just saying that this to me is the truth.
So let me try and word this - the pursuit of money, fame, pride, ego, power, materials, love, comfort - emotional and physical - , detachment stem from a need to fulfill one's needs.
A baby is the purest kind of human I believe, which is why they always intrigue me. I may be great with babies or I may be pathetic but I am truly in awe of them for they have not been influenced by this world.
It is a proven belief that the one thing that babies love is to be held tight - such that there is perfect protection from outside interference. Also why, the best way to pacify a crying baby is to hold it tight and close to one's body. It is the fullest form of security. And somewhere, that mode of security never changes.
People love to be held. But society does not allow purity. Alas.
'No time to stop and stare.'
Somewhere - or rather everywhere - the peace is lost. Such that it actually takes an effort to go back to one's roots. May be meditation does that. May be seclusion does that. May be renunciation does that. But, Peace is very disturbing as soon as consciousness hits you.
All to what end ?
Now is what?
What are you upto - really?
It is funny how humans have evolved around this society where . . .
it is so difficult to look a person in the eye and have a worthless conversation.
it is so difficult to hold another person's hand without a reason.
it is so difficult to embrace someone you like, be it a man or a woman.
it is so difficult to leave things behind and care not.
it is so difficult to cry and howl when you feel rotten.
I wonder what I might think of this when I am 40 years old.
I hope I have a part of me that looks at society from the outside then too.
A me who can still swing his arms in public as though dancing or flying.
A me who talks to himself blatantly.
A me who, wishes to go away on a lonely trip.
A me who understands love for the simplicity that it is.
A me who is trying to define the line between being a part of society and laughing at it from the outskirts.
A me who longs for a death right after I have ended smiling.
People are truly random where each person has a certain belief - conscious or unconscious - of what he/she holds dear. And because the goal will never NEVER be the same for 2 individuals, the world is a random place. Irony - the sentence I hear right now - "When people move in circles, its a very very mad world"
Coming back to my rubbish; the goals may be infinitesimally similar, but never the same. For the past many years I have held this belief that people are selfish. Even a Mahatma or a Mother Teresa did whatever he/she did to suit one's own motive of selfish happiness. Not saying it is right or wrong - just saying that this to me is the truth.
So let me try and word this - the pursuit of money, fame, pride, ego, power, materials, love, comfort - emotional and physical - , detachment stem from a need to fulfill one's needs.
A baby is the purest kind of human I believe, which is why they always intrigue me. I may be great with babies or I may be pathetic but I am truly in awe of them for they have not been influenced by this world.
It is a proven belief that the one thing that babies love is to be held tight - such that there is perfect protection from outside interference. Also why, the best way to pacify a crying baby is to hold it tight and close to one's body. It is the fullest form of security. And somewhere, that mode of security never changes.
People love to be held. But society does not allow purity. Alas.
'No time to stop and stare.'
Somewhere - or rather everywhere - the peace is lost. Such that it actually takes an effort to go back to one's roots. May be meditation does that. May be seclusion does that. May be renunciation does that. But, Peace is very disturbing as soon as consciousness hits you.
All to what end ?
Now is what?
What are you upto - really?
It is funny how humans have evolved around this society where . . .
it is so difficult to look a person in the eye and have a worthless conversation.
it is so difficult to hold another person's hand without a reason.
it is so difficult to embrace someone you like, be it a man or a woman.
it is so difficult to leave things behind and care not.
it is so difficult to cry and howl when you feel rotten.
I wonder what I might think of this when I am 40 years old.
I hope I have a part of me that looks at society from the outside then too.
A me who can still swing his arms in public as though dancing or flying.
A me who talks to himself blatantly.
A me who, wishes to go away on a lonely trip.
A me who understands love for the simplicity that it is.
A me who is trying to define the line between being a part of society and laughing at it from the outskirts.
A me who longs for a death right after I have ended smiling.
Rotten BS
Kalina, Univ. of Mumbai. An appalling place taking into consideration the amount of land they have there. I saw cattle making a 'queue' for the counters. No idea what was happening because it was all very disorganised. I roam for a bit and finally find the counter where I am supposed to be. In the queue, I ask a guy for his pen and some random information regarding the hall ticket. After a while he comments - Are you from BMS , because you adjusted to the environment very easily. And I was like. haaaaaaaaa
Well, coz I chatted pretty easily with a girl standing behind me and also the girl standing on the other side of the counter. It was hilarious how he thought of me.
I saw these people there and amazed me how many people there actually were. All 'struggling' for an Mcom or a Bcom and struggling to achieve in life. No Fin support. Bleak future in spite of how one may try. Not how much, but how. And the scene also reflected it somehow. Dust, Sun, Angry faces, Frustration in the atmosphere, Sloths on the periphery, People all walking inside a perfectly straight line and the ones who veer off course do not have the courage to back it and are in fact scared of their actions.
I wonder where everyone is headed at times.
Aunty in rickshaw, Couple in car quarelling, friends in rick laughing, Lone biker in the heat, rick driver cursing the traffic, baby in pillon seat of bike in mums arms.
Well, my thoughts may be pretty aimless you know - but its better out than in.
People work for money and work harder to enjoy it or mostly, forget to enjoy it.
People build relationships with the perpetual fear of what if?
People work to suffer mentally or physically.
People exercise artificially to stay 'fit'.
Friends meet and talk about rubbish.
Friends smile together.
Rarely do people go to sleep peacefully.
Anxiety fills every moment it seems.
Fear. Longing for society, money, materials, love.
All to be undone when we die.
Highly intriguing.
I might keep writing about this till death.
Well, coz I chatted pretty easily with a girl standing behind me and also the girl standing on the other side of the counter. It was hilarious how he thought of me.
I saw these people there and amazed me how many people there actually were. All 'struggling' for an Mcom or a Bcom and struggling to achieve in life. No Fin support. Bleak future in spite of how one may try. Not how much, but how. And the scene also reflected it somehow. Dust, Sun, Angry faces, Frustration in the atmosphere, Sloths on the periphery, People all walking inside a perfectly straight line and the ones who veer off course do not have the courage to back it and are in fact scared of their actions.
I wonder where everyone is headed at times.
Aunty in rickshaw, Couple in car quarelling, friends in rick laughing, Lone biker in the heat, rick driver cursing the traffic, baby in pillon seat of bike in mums arms.
Well, my thoughts may be pretty aimless you know - but its better out than in.
People work for money and work harder to enjoy it or mostly, forget to enjoy it.
People build relationships with the perpetual fear of what if?
People work to suffer mentally or physically.
People exercise artificially to stay 'fit'.
Friends meet and talk about rubbish.
Friends smile together.
Rarely do people go to sleep peacefully.
Anxiety fills every moment it seems.
Fear. Longing for society, money, materials, love.
All to be undone when we die.
Highly intriguing.
I might keep writing about this till death.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Random Thoughts
Well, these are not entirely random . . .
What if there is no you? What if the Matrix was a real story?
What if we are dreaming right now and we wake up when we sleep; because we are programmed to think that 'this' is our conscious life and what we experience during sleep is not?
What if pain was wholly a mind game?
What if emotions were purely mechanical?
What if a person decides his purpose in life is to be a tramp?
What if, in fact, we all look the same but our eyes change its processing towards different entities which is why we see each other as different entities?
What if we are infact all aliens?
What if 'god' was an invention?
What if death was the beginning?
What if we wake up each morning with a different past and a different consciousness - by which I mean that what we believe happened yesterday did not really happen; but we believe it did because every time we wake up a new memory and a new consciousness is formed?
What if somebody found a way to create energy - practically and economically - from anti particles - - - But decided to destroy his invention?
What if somebody found the secret to happiness but decided to withold the information?
What if complete dissatisfaction was the route to inner peace?
What if animals are infact one form of species who really control us and we are just a part of a petri dish ?
What if the voices in our head are really our conscious selves but we have been taught to drown those voices?
What if the most intelligent people decided to quit society?
What if canibalism was life?
What if survival of the fittest was the mantra of society?
What if sex was disgusting?
What if people were wholly blunt about their feelings?
What if richer people were taxed the most?
What if there was no guilt associated with materialism?
What if the most beautiful people looked the most wretched and vice versa?
What would happen if I died right now?
What would happen if I said that I love you?
What if there is no you? What if the Matrix was a real story?
What if we are dreaming right now and we wake up when we sleep; because we are programmed to think that 'this' is our conscious life and what we experience during sleep is not?
What if pain was wholly a mind game?
What if emotions were purely mechanical?
What if a person decides his purpose in life is to be a tramp?
What if, in fact, we all look the same but our eyes change its processing towards different entities which is why we see each other as different entities?
What if we are infact all aliens?
What if 'god' was an invention?
What if death was the beginning?
What if we wake up each morning with a different past and a different consciousness - by which I mean that what we believe happened yesterday did not really happen; but we believe it did because every time we wake up a new memory and a new consciousness is formed?
What if somebody found a way to create energy - practically and economically - from anti particles - - - But decided to destroy his invention?
What if somebody found the secret to happiness but decided to withold the information?
What if complete dissatisfaction was the route to inner peace?
What if animals are infact one form of species who really control us and we are just a part of a petri dish ?
What if the voices in our head are really our conscious selves but we have been taught to drown those voices?
What if the most intelligent people decided to quit society?
What if canibalism was life?
What if survival of the fittest was the mantra of society?
What if sex was disgusting?
What if people were wholly blunt about their feelings?
What if richer people were taxed the most?
What if there was no guilt associated with materialism?
What if the most beautiful people looked the most wretched and vice versa?
What would happen if I died right now?
What would happen if I said that I love you?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Near Death
50 years from now, when you look back at your life, don't you want to say you had the guts to get in the car? - Transformers.
Uncanny movie for such a deep thought to erupt from.
Regret and Guilt - as I have said before - form the basis of my progress. This has been me for the past 4-6 months where I have started to believe that everything that goes forth is based on perceptions of what I would want to not regret x years hence.
It never ceases to amaze me how we humans live in perpetual fear of what lies ahead - thereby shaping our present footsteps towards that future.
In the end it doesn't even matter; Ek pal ka jeena phir toh hai jaana.
It is all very juvenile and mature at the same time.
Even right now for instance, I am putting so much pressure on life that it ceases to be exciting.
I may never know if we are indeed inside the matrix.
I may never know how jubilant I may be on my deathbed - if I ever do have a death bed!
I have been fascinated with the concept of sleep and death.
Because there is no real way to understand where your mind has been or not been during those phases.
Also, those phases in which you are awake but you just lose yourself - I find them intriguing.
The Antarctic Ice Shelf, The solidified lava, The desert till as far as the eyes can see, Outer Space, The thunderous wonder of a secluded waterfall, the Auroras. I wonder if such experiences enchant and awaken he observers.
I want to smile back at my life when I am nearing death - whatever that may be.
That is the future.
The present comprises of Consciousness and Evolution.
Consciousness may relate to emotions, companionship, materialism, knowledge and detachment.
Evolution may relate to molding myself based on perceptions of human behaviour, knowledge that I gain, detachment that I may exercise, emotions that I showcase and materialism that I enjoy or renounce.
I like Droopy when he says,"I'm Happy".
Uncanny movie for such a deep thought to erupt from.
Regret and Guilt - as I have said before - form the basis of my progress. This has been me for the past 4-6 months where I have started to believe that everything that goes forth is based on perceptions of what I would want to not regret x years hence.
It never ceases to amaze me how we humans live in perpetual fear of what lies ahead - thereby shaping our present footsteps towards that future.
In the end it doesn't even matter; Ek pal ka jeena phir toh hai jaana.
It is all very juvenile and mature at the same time.
Even right now for instance, I am putting so much pressure on life that it ceases to be exciting.
I may never know if we are indeed inside the matrix.
I may never know how jubilant I may be on my deathbed - if I ever do have a death bed!
I have been fascinated with the concept of sleep and death.
Because there is no real way to understand where your mind has been or not been during those phases.
Also, those phases in which you are awake but you just lose yourself - I find them intriguing.
The Antarctic Ice Shelf, The solidified lava, The desert till as far as the eyes can see, Outer Space, The thunderous wonder of a secluded waterfall, the Auroras. I wonder if such experiences enchant and awaken he observers.
I want to smile back at my life when I am nearing death - whatever that may be.
That is the future.
The present comprises of Consciousness and Evolution.
Consciousness may relate to emotions, companionship, materialism, knowledge and detachment.
Evolution may relate to molding myself based on perceptions of human behaviour, knowledge that I gain, detachment that I may exercise, emotions that I showcase and materialism that I enjoy or renounce.
I like Droopy when he says,"I'm Happy".
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Propose
There are 2 options before one.
Sit on a float in a flowing river.
Be Conscious.
Ignorance permits peace and thereby allows further ignorance until you become a part of the herd.
Ignorance is not bad, nor is the herd.
But what is bad is that it is a way of life that people choose unwillingly.
But the few buggers who really decide to choose bear the pain.
Sit on a float in a flowing river.
Be Conscious.
Ignorance permits peace and thereby allows further ignorance until you become a part of the herd.
Ignorance is not bad, nor is the herd.
But what is bad is that it is a way of life that people choose unwillingly.
But the few buggers who really decide to choose bear the pain.
O Fish!
The body is aching and I feel bloated.
Want to sleep for a few days and wake up without my cell in Antarctica.
I think it's possible.
Waiting to be alone and slogging by myself.
Learning alone and exercising my brain.
I understand how people die and just become a part of the system.
I want to cry!
I want to cry!
I want to cry!
Just so useless - sitting with a customer and writing an order does not make me feel any better.
Spare me from this absurdity.
I realize that I am too blunt for social businesses.
Some work require small talk which is absolutely unpardonable for my existence.
Salesmangiri is what I should call it.
If you want to work - I have a discussion with you - no small talk.
Got it?
It's so difficult to be a part of this place.
It's good money, you meet new people, you can travel to new places.
But that is not me - I am not the fake.
I don't like the smiles and the affection.
I like the knowledge and the aggressiveness.
People here are too dumb and very superficial.
I want to be so tired that I cry. May be.
Hope this is not a juvenile passion.
Rather I hope I can be young and aggressive forever.
It's so painful to break the machine that has become me.
My chest feels heavy and I feel that I am about to cry.
The tears just don't want to come out.
I want the change.
Every morning I wake up with the same misery and every night I slip into bed with the same sombre mood.
I hope that one day it will end and that one day you never sail away.
I will never let me forget you.
You are mine forever.
So much hollow and so much pain.
It's almost unbearable.
Hope I never lose your feel.
There is just too much suffering.
And I don't really know why I am going through this.
Want to sleep for a few days and wake up without my cell in Antarctica.
I think it's possible.
Waiting to be alone and slogging by myself.
Learning alone and exercising my brain.
I understand how people die and just become a part of the system.
I want to cry!
I want to cry!
I want to cry!
Just so useless - sitting with a customer and writing an order does not make me feel any better.
Spare me from this absurdity.
I realize that I am too blunt for social businesses.
Some work require small talk which is absolutely unpardonable for my existence.
Salesmangiri is what I should call it.
If you want to work - I have a discussion with you - no small talk.
Got it?
It's so difficult to be a part of this place.
It's good money, you meet new people, you can travel to new places.
But that is not me - I am not the fake.
I don't like the smiles and the affection.
I like the knowledge and the aggressiveness.
People here are too dumb and very superficial.
I want to be so tired that I cry. May be.
Hope this is not a juvenile passion.
Rather I hope I can be young and aggressive forever.
It's so painful to break the machine that has become me.
My chest feels heavy and I feel that I am about to cry.
The tears just don't want to come out.
I want the change.
Every morning I wake up with the same misery and every night I slip into bed with the same sombre mood.
I hope that one day it will end and that one day you never sail away.
I will never let me forget you.
You are mine forever.
So much hollow and so much pain.
It's almost unbearable.
Hope I never lose your feel.
There is just too much suffering.
And I don't really know why I am going through this.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Evolution
My thoughts on mankind's evolving tryst with ego.
Currently we are somewhere between money and fame - of course we have radicals who shun material possessions.
A few decades back, capitalism was not as blatant and therefore, reputation in society and fame held value. A government job, an educator, a scientist, an armyman - may be these were idealistic.
Innovation and entrepreneurship were frowned upon and sounded too individualistic.
I believe the industrial revolution resulted in the seeds of capitalism. Suddenly labour was cut down, production became easier, consumption increased, demand increased spawning what may be the actual super bubble which no one sees currently. May be this is a bubble which may never pop.
Slavery is another aspect which was shared through time.
But if we were to go further back into time - you had vast empires; British, French, Portugese, Japanese. This tells us another tale of the human ego. The king at the top, but people would have a chance to be great, either by winning the ovarian lottery or by being connected to the 'government' - which may be through the ranks of an army or as a part of the administrative (read oppressive) function.
If we go further back where we have smaller empires - Mughal, Chinese - The quality of life was worse. May be ego was more gender specific. It may have been a victory for a guy to have more than 1 wife, or have more food in a family.
So we have grown from sustenance to food to society to aristocracy to society to money to society. And another hypothesis is that every phase of mankind's evolution has removed a prior value.
We no longer value sustenance, food, lineage - but we currently value money and materialism. Slavery has been abolished. Religion has survived somehow - still creating barriers between regions and intellects.
Somehow, people are becoming more individualistic, lonely, self sufficient (socially), random and iconoclastic.
Currently we are somewhere between money and fame - of course we have radicals who shun material possessions.
A few decades back, capitalism was not as blatant and therefore, reputation in society and fame held value. A government job, an educator, a scientist, an armyman - may be these were idealistic.
Innovation and entrepreneurship were frowned upon and sounded too individualistic.
I believe the industrial revolution resulted in the seeds of capitalism. Suddenly labour was cut down, production became easier, consumption increased, demand increased spawning what may be the actual super bubble which no one sees currently. May be this is a bubble which may never pop.
Slavery is another aspect which was shared through time.
But if we were to go further back into time - you had vast empires; British, French, Portugese, Japanese. This tells us another tale of the human ego. The king at the top, but people would have a chance to be great, either by winning the ovarian lottery or by being connected to the 'government' - which may be through the ranks of an army or as a part of the administrative (read oppressive) function.
If we go further back where we have smaller empires - Mughal, Chinese - The quality of life was worse. May be ego was more gender specific. It may have been a victory for a guy to have more than 1 wife, or have more food in a family.
So we have grown from sustenance to food to society to aristocracy to society to money to society. And another hypothesis is that every phase of mankind's evolution has removed a prior value.
We no longer value sustenance, food, lineage - but we currently value money and materialism. Slavery has been abolished. Religion has survived somehow - still creating barriers between regions and intellects.
Somehow, people are becoming more individualistic, lonely, self sufficient (socially), random and iconoclastic.
Note to Self
20th March 2009
Into the Wild
Happiness is real only when shared . . . ?
What if I were smiling right now and running into your arms . . . ?
Would you see then what I see now . . . ?
Into the Wild
Happiness is real only when shared . . . ?
What if I were smiling right now and running into your arms . . . ?
Would you see then what I see now . . . ?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Pane
It is difficult to understand the way in which Ayn Rand, inspirational people, my perceptions of their behaviour and my brain may have influenced my current attitude towards certain matters. I find it excruciating to give fake smiles and show fake concern. I have this need for independence - not in the egoistic way, but in the peaceful way. I sometimes believe that I could not tolerate another person in my life with all her (I am not gay - in spite of what my behavior may make one believe) flaws. Then again - I believe I will need a companion. It is difficult to accept the ovarian lottery and easy to think of renouncing it but frightful to be in the spot where there is no support system. Then again, what good is a life if not challenging. Then again - what if life becomes a complete mess if one keeps searching for adventure. I may be 22 yrs old and too young to burden myself with these thoughts. I wonder why my mind functions this way. I wonder if I am still juvenile or if I am too mature. There is a lot of I inside me. It is a painful acceptance although I have not cried in a very long time. I believe that crying would rid me of some of the pains albeit temporarily.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Obzerwayshuns
I do not understand the 'pride' that some people showcase - of how good they are at a particular aspect.
The stubbornness that is associated with the ego that develops from the pride based on perceptions about oneself.
I find it awe-fully hilarious.
It is like yesterday when I saw a man at a restaurant behaving all 'dignified' with the menu card in his hand in front of the waiter.
It is similar to people who wear spectacles on their foreheads and show how smart they look.
Guys who give a sly smirk around girls who they may want to impress.
Girls who show excitement on meeting their 'long lost loved friends'.
Hand motions while calling someone 'inferior' monetarily or socially.
Raising one's voice when angry such that other people can hear one.
Having accents that make a fool out of one.
Wearing clothes that make you feel proud oblivious to the fact that people are laughing behind your back - which is OK if you give a fuck.
The stubbornness that is associated with the ego that develops from the pride based on perceptions about oneself.
I find it awe-fully hilarious.
It is like yesterday when I saw a man at a restaurant behaving all 'dignified' with the menu card in his hand in front of the waiter.
It is similar to people who wear spectacles on their foreheads and show how smart they look.
Guys who give a sly smirk around girls who they may want to impress.
Girls who show excitement on meeting their 'long lost loved friends'.
Hand motions while calling someone 'inferior' monetarily or socially.
Raising one's voice when angry such that other people can hear one.
Having accents that make a fool out of one.
Wearing clothes that make you feel proud oblivious to the fact that people are laughing behind your back - which is OK if you give a fuck.
Friday, February 27, 2009
How do you feel?
How do you feel when you help another person out?
When you can do something to impress another creature . . .
When you can buy a BM or a Merc . . .
When you can go to a great restaurant and order the waiter around . . .
When you decide to save money even though you are filthy rich . . .
When you spend more than you possess in anticipation of future cash flow . . .
When you guide a junior . . .
When you are looking for a job after securing a good degree . . .
When you cannot find a job . . .
When you do not want to find a job . . .
When you eat more than required . . .
When you smile for a person who you do not care about . . .
When you pretend to feel nice to meet someone . . .
When you put on a fake accent to be a part of the group . . .
When you dress in uncomfortable clothes . . .
When you walk alone for an hour . . .
When you wake up in the morning . . .
Before you sleep at night . . .
When you feel afraid.
When you feel lonely.
When you feel petrified.
How do you feel?
When you can do something to impress another creature . . .
When you can buy a BM or a Merc . . .
When you can go to a great restaurant and order the waiter around . . .
When you decide to save money even though you are filthy rich . . .
When you spend more than you possess in anticipation of future cash flow . . .
When you guide a junior . . .
When you are looking for a job after securing a good degree . . .
When you cannot find a job . . .
When you do not want to find a job . . .
When you eat more than required . . .
When you smile for a person who you do not care about . . .
When you pretend to feel nice to meet someone . . .
When you put on a fake accent to be a part of the group . . .
When you dress in uncomfortable clothes . . .
When you walk alone for an hour . . .
When you wake up in the morning . . .
Before you sleep at night . . .
When you feel afraid.
When you feel lonely.
When you feel petrified.
How do you feel?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Mun-e
Why are people so weird about money?
It is paper which gives one the right to purchase a good or a service.
It is a weird concept where people will pay Rs.1000000 for a car but cry about spending Rs.5000 on repairs.
People save up to spend later and end up not spending it.
People who are born with it don't cherish it as much.
People like to give it away when they have too much of it.
People go crazy at the possibility of making a lot of it without knowing how to spend it.
It is paper which gives one the right to purchase a good or a service.
It is a weird concept where people will pay Rs.1000000 for a car but cry about spending Rs.5000 on repairs.
People save up to spend later and end up not spending it.
People who are born with it don't cherish it as much.
People like to give it away when they have too much of it.
People go crazy at the possibility of making a lot of it without knowing how to spend it.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Misunderstood
The world will never understand what you stand for dear.
It will never be clear - why you do what you do.
It is impossible that people understand why you gaze at others.
It is impossible that people understand why you walk the way you do.
Why you stand the way you do.
Why you tire so easily.
Why you want to sleep so easily.
Why you never get sleep easily.
Why you never want to wake up.
Why you wake up so easily.
Why you sleep every moment.
Why you laugh at almost everything. . .
It will never be clear - why you do what you do.
It is impossible that people understand why you gaze at others.
It is impossible that people understand why you walk the way you do.
Why you stand the way you do.
Why you tire so easily.
Why you want to sleep so easily.
Why you never get sleep easily.
Why you never want to wake up.
Why you wake up so easily.
Why you sleep every moment.
Why you laugh at almost everything. . .
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Hilarious Fools
Before I die, I am sure I will have thought, said or written:
People are Funny
People are Hilarious.
I do not know why a wife must ask a husband to ask a question in a conference.
I wonder why girls blush.
I wonder why men are so egoistic.
No idea why people fidget with their hair/ watches/ ears during encounters with an unknown individual.
People eat too much exercise too little then TRY to eat too little and TRY to exercise too much.
I wonder why people work for a living.
Why people have families.
Why people care about other people who they don't really care about.
Why people hold on to things they eventually let go of.
Why they care about how they look.
What determines good from bad, right from wrong and beautiful from ugly.
Why most people are similar but vastly different.
Why there are divisions in society.
Why there is a 'society'.
Why people believe in God.
Why people believe in fate.
Why people believe in a 'higher purpose'.
Why some people succeed in/ try to/ try not to dominate others.
Why they decide to live.
Why they live.
Why they wear clothes.
Why they smile without meaning it.
Why they enjoy sex.
Why they cry.
Why they want to die.
Why they don't want to die.
Why they get lost sometimes.
Why they believe that a dream is not real and that reality is not a dream.
Why they are never content.
Why they are not impulsive (in the most blunt form).
May be that is:
Why I like the song by The Who - Who are you?
Why I like The Matrix.
Why I like Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Why I like Instinct.
Why I like I am Legend.
Why I like The Truman Show.
Why I like 300.
Why I like Cast Away.
Why I love The Joker in The Dark Knight.
Why I love The Fight Club.
Why I love The Departed.
Why I like the book: Anthem.
Why I like Howard Roark.
People are Funny
People are Hilarious.
I do not know why a wife must ask a husband to ask a question in a conference.
I wonder why girls blush.
I wonder why men are so egoistic.
No idea why people fidget with their hair/ watches/ ears during encounters with an unknown individual.
People eat too much exercise too little then TRY to eat too little and TRY to exercise too much.
I wonder why people work for a living.
Why people have families.
Why people care about other people who they don't really care about.
Why people hold on to things they eventually let go of.
Why they care about how they look.
What determines good from bad, right from wrong and beautiful from ugly.
Why most people are similar but vastly different.
Why there are divisions in society.
Why there is a 'society'.
Why people believe in God.
Why people believe in fate.
Why people believe in a 'higher purpose'.
Why some people succeed in/ try to/ try not to dominate others.
Why they decide to live.
Why they live.
Why they wear clothes.
Why they smile without meaning it.
Why they enjoy sex.
Why they cry.
Why they want to die.
Why they don't want to die.
Why they get lost sometimes.
Why they believe that a dream is not real and that reality is not a dream.
Why they are never content.
Why they are not impulsive (in the most blunt form).
May be that is:
Why I like the song by The Who - Who are you?
Why I like The Matrix.
Why I like Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Why I like Instinct.
Why I like I am Legend.
Why I like The Truman Show.
Why I like 300.
Why I like Cast Away.
Why I love The Joker in The Dark Knight.
Why I love The Fight Club.
Why I love The Departed.
Why I like the book: Anthem.
Why I like Howard Roark.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Thots
There are times when my brain ceases to function.
I adore those times because that is when I am free.
And careless.
And independent.
And lost.
It gives me a feeling of pure relief and satisfaction.
I wonder why we can't, just sometimes, manually switch off our heads.
It is simply glorious.
Only the first and the last sentences of this blog are true.
Behold the Liar's paradox.
I hate the times when my brain ceases to function.
I adore those times because that is when I am free.
And careless.
And independent.
And lost.
It gives me a feeling of pure relief and satisfaction.
I wonder why we can't, just sometimes, manually switch off our heads.
It is simply glorious.
Only the first and the last sentences of this blog are true.
Behold the Liar's paradox.
I hate the times when my brain ceases to function.
Claustrophobia
One needs space to take a deep breath and spew out the rubbish.
To vent one's frustration.
To understand that one's responsibility is primarily towards oneself and not towards another.
- This is what founded the term Ego -
Which is why one goes through a phase to be independent, self sufficient, single and selfish (I hate the negative connotation associated with this word)
One of the reasons why some people drift apart.
One of the reasons why I travel alone.
One of the reasons why a visit to Antarctica lies in my bucket.
May be which is why I believe I may never be with anyone because I expect too much from the other party - or do I?
The human mind is enigmatic and dull.
Enigmatic because it is random.
Dull because the the random is a constant.
Let me be I say!
To vent one's frustration.
To understand that one's responsibility is primarily towards oneself and not towards another.
- This is what founded the term Ego -
Which is why one goes through a phase to be independent, self sufficient, single and selfish (I hate the negative connotation associated with this word)
One of the reasons why some people drift apart.
One of the reasons why I travel alone.
One of the reasons why a visit to Antarctica lies in my bucket.
May be which is why I believe I may never be with anyone because I expect too much from the other party - or do I?
The human mind is enigmatic and dull.
Enigmatic because it is random.
Dull because the the random is a constant.
Let me be I say!
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