Too much choice

 The confluence of 3 books:

The Body Keeps the score, Bad Therapy and Scattered Minds

And it reminds me that we can often be wrong

That we live in a world with too much noise, where everyone has a loudspeaker.

But also, a world where we have too much time and too many choices.

It is said that Indian and Buddhist meditative practices arose because they had the free time to just sit and breathe; and when we rested, we found out that our mind is constantly in a state of flux.

In my journey of parenting, I can see now that the abundance of time means that I am continually assessing how to allocate time, how to be mindful and be present.

But I look back at my one parent who was constantly there, and I can see that she too failed me. And even though she failed me, I have turned out quite ok, I am indebted to both of them and quite appreciative of my path.

And hence, it seems to me that there is no magic path.

Its just a constant tug between selfish and selfless (which is indeed selfish), between good and bad (habits, diet, lifestyle, thoughts, behaviour).

And eventually its just about getting through life without, hopefully, any serious disasters.

Our current lives are filled with so many choices, that it seems to me a root cause for a lot of mental ills in the world. The doomscrolling, and the ability to whine and worry because of a surfeit of time and resources. 

If you are reading this, the odds are you can overeat, oversleep, overexercise, overlounge, overdoomscroll without any immediate repercussions. 

But as soon as you glance at another who is too busy or too worried about money, the odds are that the 'depression' of theirs stems from something else entirely. 

We now live amongst a populace of whiners and wasters (me too).  

And again, my kids teach me. Today, K was dancing and walking saying " I daaat a taaaain!!!" (I got a coin). Thats mindfulness.

Avoiding the Mistakes

Humans are fallible and that makes us special because we can reason.

I'm watching Lance Armstrong's interview with Oprah Winfrey - and he said that, look... I've made mistakes, we all do...
Lance said that the word 'cheat' is for people who gain an unfair advantage over others. Based on that, he was not a cheat, he was playing on a leveled field... this is what he said.
To which Oprah said, but you are Lance Armstrong - you are held to a higher standard.

Isn't that unfair? Just because somebody is more popular, he/ she is not allowed to 'cheat'.
It's an interesting conundrum...

And this goes to the effects of popular behaviour... when many people do a 'something', does it become acceptable behaviour?
The broken windows theory - a run down house has its windows intact for a long time until one day, somebody comes by and throws a stone, breaks a window and walks away... Over time, as other people see the broken window, they believe it's OK to break more windows for fun. Eventually, all windows are broken.

We use this in our lives everyday.
Well, that guy just threw plastic on the street - I guess it's OK to do so.
My uncle told me that only fools pay full taxes - hell! I ain't gonna pay up...

We use reason from time to time and say that, 'Well, it's wrong to do so and so...But... just this once."
We succumb to group behaviour.
People are docile when alone and in groups, they can wreak havoc - think gang rapes, looting, rioting, protesting.



We play a game in our lives where we battle with elements much bigger than ourselves - based on that, it is difficult to win; the best that most can do is to avoid mistakes.

The slippery slope - we are all prey to it. We find ways to justify unacceptable behaviour; it may be unacceptable by your mind, your body, by the people around you or by some other barometers.

'Just this once, I am going to cheat on my diet" And there we go... we make it a habit.
Not paying taxes is acceptable behaviour justified easily by saying that the government does barely anything for us. It's as though we take a democracy for granted. Look it countries in Africa, look at Pakistan, Nepal, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Sri Lanka - most of our neighbours - many other countries. We have had a 60+ year democracy without military rule - that is an amazing fact. Very few countries make it.
The slippery slope is difficult to avoid.
We make a habit of exaggerations, white lies, falsifying data, self-adulation.

Humans are fallible and that makes us special because we can reason.
Sadly, most people stop reasoning. It's just too hard.

Angry people become stubborn. They create irrefutable arguments. They make their own decisions which may not make sense. They go through with them because ego rears its ugly head.

Avoid the mistakes.
Stay away from negative influences and use a rational head.
Keep a diary.
Question the norm.
Done. 

House MD

Once again, House MD makes me right, yes, right, this post. Season eight is marvellous. Chase was stabbed and what ensued was classic House. House and Wilson share a wonderful relationship. Chase said, "He is the only one who can fix me". Something like that.
The frailty of that which we call life is astounding. Most of the times, good things happen and sometimes, bad things happen. There need not be a reason. Bad things happen.
I am undergoing physiotherapy for something odd with my left leg; the mere thought of not being able to walk is demoralising. The thought of being left alone is unnerving. And yet, that is the way life is deemed to serve us, or may be the other way around.
Often have I been called odd. I do see myself as a misfit and oddly, many people think so too about themselves. But I guess life is well-lived in one way - the individual way. I am reading the biography of Steve Jobs and the following part of the ad campaign which is now popular says a lot about who we, as humans, are supposed to be.

Here's To The Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in thesquare holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they haveno respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push thehuman race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world - are the ones who DO !

Going back to House, how does compassion change facts? Why are morals expected of people in a way that is deemed fit by the assessors? What good is a life lived in subjugation? It could be taken away anytime. 

Jobs had often said that he didn't expect himself to live long.

Indian-ness

When I was studying in the US I found it difficult to explain India and Indian-ness. We are a queer lot and I am extremely proud about being Indian. Am I patriotic? I wouldn't say so.
But let's expand that shall we... If somebody were to blast India's external affairs decisions or talk about India being a poor country I wouldn't be a fanatic sitting to pounce on anything 'anti-Indian'.
However, if something derogatory is said against Indians and our Indian-ness - that is something derogatory against me. I am forever ready to poke fun at my Indian-ness and everything said in jest will be well accepted :)

Shashi Tharoor has done an outstanding job at capturing this Indian and has tried rather well at defining an Indian in his book: India: From midnight to the millennium.
It is a miracle that Indians co-exist together when we are, in fact, very very distinct, but I see something changing now. A large portion of urban Indians tend to be rather similar and define themselves as Indian, Mumbai-ite or Bangalore-an than as Hindu, Muslim, blah.
Asking for a person's religion or geography or mother tongue is first-nature to us because we love stereotyping and we love creating an opinion about a person without knowing the person. That is something quite Indian.

Another thing that is quite extraordinary is our history. The Babri Masjid fiasco supposedly started in the 1500s when Babar demolished an Indian temple, which makes me think - America was only just discovered in 1492.
The oldest Christian community outside Palestine is in India - Kerala. I tend to be abrupt in the way I write and my point is this...
As Indians, we have a very fruitful history behind us with the Panchayat system, Business System, Accounting System and Sciences. As Indians, we have allowed a multitude of external 'forces' to influence us: Aryans, Romans, British, Mughal, Mongolian, blah...

There is something intangible that is immensely powerful about being an Indian but when we are faced with confident white-skinned people we tend to take a step back. Some of you may frown at this comment and say, "Hey!! That is not true!!!" But I am confident that when they choose to mock us or show their superiority or enthrall us with their personality or looks we are influenced.

Be proud and stand your ground :)

Hubris

There are times when we are confident, when there is a spring in our step, when our head is slightly raised high and an attitude creeps in... Those times are good, because it's not often that we feel that way. But once in a while, the confidence gains permanence and that gives rise to a peak; a peak from where it is easy to fall down and from where the fall is hard. The pinnacle is not an issue, getting down is.
Once we fail to look within, continually, we develop a sense of self-esteem; a sense that is, at times, baseless.
"We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." - People utter this sentence often, trying to sound cool that they liked such a weird movie, but rarely do they realise the different connotations of this statement.
Pride is good, but it should be largely independent of external forces. Just because you are good at something, does not imply that you deserve something.
We deserve nothing. Happenstance is oft overlooked and there is very little that we have worked for. Remember, justness is a human creation; we have come to believe that life is a natural progression based on meritocracy.
"We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." We are nothing, and what we are here for is to try and exist or to try and prove ourselves (to whom?).
Hubris shall lead to your fall; I suffer from it, and I shall fall, for I am human too.

The Circus

There is a difference between humility/ pride enjoyed within oneself and humility/ pride showcased.
Sometimes, one should just sit back and watch the show that is society, instead of bellow.
I love proving a point and I am unhesitant in backing down if I am wrong.
But I hate listening to people who go nowhere and believe they are going somewhere.
Therefore, I too need to relax and enjoy this crazy show.
People are humourous :D
The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can start laughing at ourselves.

Competition

People are competitive, and may be for the wrong reasons. 2 of my friends are going to take the GMAT soon and I hope they get a good score. Why? Well, for one thing, I believe they are extremely intelligent, one more than the other. For another thing, I performed way below my capacity (which is a good defense but may not be accepted as the truth ;)); and lastly, it's only when one gets a good score that one has a chance at changing, adapting or renewing oneself. There are exams, promotions, competitions, awards and to top it all... Money. People keep competing and I sometimes don't like it that way. I like competitors who vanish, and competitors who accept defeat for selfish reasons. I like competitors who don't lose sight of those around them and smile once in a while. I like competitors who, at the least, have a want to do something interesting, meaningful or daunting. I am afraid that I may drop out of this competition one day and I am afraid that the competition is going to be too difficult to tolerate. However, there is always a way. Somehow, we always find that way.

The wind blows strong, wild and naked

I have been meddling with this term today. Superiority demand.
I coined it; it arose from superiority complex.
I have to understand humans who behave as though they own entities around them.
Who walk with a swagger that would put a cowboy to shame.
Who talk loud enough for people more than his audience.
Notice how I said 'his'. Because methinks a lady would rarely indulge in such behavior.
Then again, I am going to the heartland of accomplishment and oversized egos.
I wait to see what I get there.

Superiority complex is behaviour due to a belief that one is superior with respect to a certain aspect.
Superiority demand is akin to ego in the Ayn Rand sense of the word.
Only for one to judge oneself and understand one's capabilities.
Plausibly a benchmark, a goal, an ambition, a motivator.

A blunt question : " What do you think you can achieve you loser!?? "

It is sad that money, prestige, fame, power, showmanship and materialism can be drivers for people to pursue their respective lives.

I wonder what happened to the thrill of the thrill?
I wonder where did vanish the ego of the heart?
The adrenaline and the ecstasy?
I believe it is next to impossible to find such creatures in the world today.

A Modigliani.
A Galt.
A Mr. X
A miserly unknown philantrophist.