Money as the metric

Someone just estimated me at 10x of where I was. And that made me feel small; have I achieved so little?

I started defending all my steps, and my journey.

It finally dawned on me that his maths was flawed.

And now I understand that all of us are flawed.

Why is money the metric for achievement?

I told my wife the other day, that I see prisons everywhere...

My 2 year old kid HAS TO go to school; and my 5 year old also sees that.

And until they are 18 or so, they dont see an alternative; that is just how lives are lived.

These same prisons allow for an unencumbered life, full of joy and love and anxiety and performance pressures.

They then move to "what do you want to learn, in order to be employable"

The college life is a lot more carefree, where personalities are formed and clothing is finally your choice! You finally get to meet real strangers and you start fending for yourself in the world.

What happens next after the age of 22 to 26 is astounding... You HAVE TO report to work. You dress a particular way, speak a particular way, and you HAVE TO show up everyday and put a smile on your face. Unlike school, you cant choose to be in a grumpy mood or plain refuse to speak to anyone.

And the sad reality is that a lot of people spend a huge chunk of their hours being at work, managing chores, and very simply, imprisoned by the daily grunt of being fit, looking fit, and showing up at work. 

And then, by the age of 55-70 there is another astounding change. 

People stop working, and start preparing for a life of 'nothing'. There is finally, no showing up at work, fewer pretenses,  and there is now a mad scramble to hope you are fit and wealthy enough to live a full life.

And all of this can be traced back to forms of industrial revolution and colonialism, where the school culture and the work culture began.

And this brings us to what they call the 30s crisis, where people have now started having kids and they are forced to assess their health and if this is the life they want to live. They quit, go freelance, and start their own business so as to be more free.

Just last month, when I was faced with absolute freedom, I realised that beyond books, TV, reading for work and exercise there was precious little to life unless we find ways to reconnect with people. I suppose that this is the current plight of the people - we would much rather doom scroll than face life. 

Mimetic

 I have been going through a mid-life assessment for the last year or so:

1. Do I want to travel and experience the world with my kids?

Yes, but I dont want the grunt and I will be poorer without the work it involves :|
I am free to make my own time, but seemingly, not free to do it on my own selfish terms.

2. Why do I work? Is it not for fun?
I guess I am emulating these investors who read for a living; and the question is: Do I enjoy reading? Or do I like the idea of being a reader? An inch wide and a mile deep my friend said; but I prefer 2 inches deep and a mile wide. 

3. Isnt it time I prioritize health and happiness over mindless gluttony, sloth, greed, envy and ambition?

Yes, and my move to the new home has helped me immensely - surprising how life's events can surprise us. 

4. Do I have any friends? Do I long for anyone?

Here too, I have felt the tug of life's pace. 

Therapy made me realise that I was caught living between 2 ends of the spectrum; the person I didnt want to become and the person my wife wanted me to be. Non-blissfully ignorant of my strained situation. 

The self knew it and did not know it at the same time. 

5. Have I begun racing through life because of the need to optimise time and ROI?

Yes. There is an X amount I make per day, so how can I waste time going to a book store? I ought to buy it online right?
Rory Sutherland awakened me to this and so did the Good Life book, four thousand weeks book, Wait; Rick Guerin's obituary.

The joy of doing is slipping away because we can suddenly do so much.

Is there any merit in physically shopping for groceries? I am taking N to a market tomorrow

Shouldnt I pick what I want to watch, before I begin browsing? The cable TV allowed us to surf aimlessly, but that graduated to the OTT VOD platforms, where we are no longer watching anything intently? Hence, I aim to build a DVD collection of old movies

6. My old story of ' this TV works fine, and hence I dont need a new TV' , vs ' Why am I using an old broken kettle, when Louis XI would have killed to have a beautiful useful piece at home'

Shouldnt I upgrade my life to maximising joy from the leisurely things I love? A good manually ground coffee in a french press, a beautiful pair of shoes that can elevate my walking, a handsome kettle in which I can boil water for my tea? or should it be a stove top old school kettle that is energy inefficient and time consuming?

7. Is it important to read 40 books a year, or shouldnt I prioritise re-reading some great books? Why do I not have the time to read the Lord of the Rings again?

Our world of plenty is throwing at us options for what to do with our free time. It could be mindlessly scrolling through Insta, a leisurely walk, learning how to make a dosa, reading a book or reading a synopsis and believing  that you have done it.

Slow down. Watch my children grow. Take charge of my health. Be mindful. Minimize regret. 

10 years

 Am I the same person?

My body is stiffer, my mind is more distracted, my gene pool is flourishing, I am richer, I am wiser.

But may be, the starkest difference is that I am full of gratitude, I am more humble because there is a lot I have to be humble about and that I am dying.

Nothing serious really, it's just that life is something you experience right until the moment you die. And then, all you have is eternity.

I have two small kids now and my world is larger because of them; there is more to be alive for and be more aware of and be fitter. I am on my way out and I continually see me through their eyes - and its a joyful out of body experience.

____

The fleetingness of love, marriage, life, money and most importantly, happiness keeps chipping at me.

I had once written about happiness and contentment - and how the motive ought to be joy and contentment.

I would be a fool if I asked for a better life.

These last 10 years have seen a big shift in how we manage our time. We dont sit at a computer anymore do we? We dont wait for the news - we dont even know what is new. I see anxiety around me and inside me and I hope that we find a way back to the cassette and to the waiting for the train and to the silence.

I wonder if I will write more...

Life at 26

A lot has changed in the time that I have lost the will to write; somebody crazy has entered my present and promises to mold my future. Am not sure how this came to be; is this what I hoped for? Sure it is. This is an amazing place and I have not felt this breeze in a while.

8 months ago, life seemed alright and drudgery was beginning to rear its head. Somehow, my work life has drastically improved - to the point where I can't distinguish between within and without.

It's a scary time this, because my road seems to have changed; the dense, beautiful forest has given way to vast plains of new shoots. My troubled past seems to be overwhelmed by this change, and parts of me which had been lost are finding themselves again.

This country has evolved to the point of acceptance and withdrawal. There are many far-fetched thoughts in my head, all of which seem attainable, and if not, then worth the endeavour. Suddenly, everything seems to have become exciting. Sure, there is deep fear that I will be disappointed and broken. And if I am broken again, I wonder where my soul will wander off to. 

I wish to study again
I wish to live away from India for a year if not many
I wish to allow room for changes in my insolence
I wish to read ever more.

Who are you supposed to be?

The other day a friend spoke of gender biases - "he allowed her to cut her hair."
"What did he mean by the word "allowed"? And why doesn't that happen the other way around?"

To this, another interjected and said that it's not a question of gender but of a partnership - one often seeks another's approval, either sincerely or just to keep the swords sheathed. (No pun)

So, I think today that, quite often, who we are is a resultant of who we are with. That said, at a certain age and at a certain stage we choose those with whom we would like to be associated. We shed the lipids and we bulk up on the protein and vitamins. At a certain stage, we proclaim to ourselves that this person is who I am and this is how I choose to go along on my journey henceforth.

The big caveat here is - do we have the freedom to do the said? That freedom is a choice; it's another thing that most people choose to live in a creation of the large society around them, and that they believe that they are left with no choice.

As the Oracle had said, there is always a choice and we have already made the choice - it's up to us to understand why we have made that choice.

And then there are the hedonists. The purists. The egoists as portrayed in Ayn Rand's creations. Mr. Rituparno Ghosh seemed to have lived for himself - he lived his way. There are many who decide that they don't have to subject themselves to categorisations as accorded by society - the religious badges have begun withering away with many classifying themselves as agnostic, which, for me seems to be "I dont know, I dont care and it's none of your business"

This brilliant piece for Ghosh, who died last week, written by my friend, says a lot about the man. He created for himself at times, they were parts of human life which were easily glossed over. He looks (looked) weird - may be a man, may be a woman - but the point is, does it matter?


To end, it is difficult enough to tolerate much of what is thrown at us. There is no need to torture oneself by ignoring the choices that we indeed have. There are things which are beyond us and there are things which are very much within our locus of control. Had written about this 3 years ago.

And on that note. I shall eat some meat.

Walking

Sickness can change people. Yesterday, I got out at night for a drive and a walk. Jaundice had kept me away from wonderful Mumbai winter nights and yesterday I pushed myself to get out.
As I walked near my school I thought of all the poor rich souls cooped up in their beautiful homes, tired after a long day at work and an even more tiring back home and I thought to myself - what is it worth if you can't get out at night for a peaceful walk?

What do I think of? Nothing really... times gone by, times ahead, changes in my life and how the moon looks in the dead of the night.

We need the simple things - chai, walks, good food, good rest, good work, good growth AND good health.

To Life

I spoke to a friend from Junior College yesterday and it took me back to those days. How I detest and love who I used to be... I still don't know why it took me such a long time to become comfortable with myself. I used to be insecure and now some people see me as quite self-assured; I believe I'm just a shadow of my past now. It frightens me when I think of how enjoyable life is right now but yes, the core of man's spirit comes from new experiences. Gosh, how I love my 'profession'. Very odd that be. Let the music flow. Cherish the alcohol. Stay away from boring people. Do new things. Look into the horizon. Pay due respect to the mice. 42. Always know where your towel is.

Who are we?

I have written about this guy before, here, and luckily, I came across another article on him. More of an interview. The guy is nearing Chennai - please do read this interview/ article about Max Chandra and The One Step at a Time Foundation. I liked this:

"Do you miss anything?

I cannot say that I miss much. I miss intimacy - not sex - intimacy in holding hands, in a kiss, in a hug... I miss having a friend to talk to when I am suffering or when I am excited. I miss sharing moments."

May be this speaks a lot about who we really are. And somehow it is at conflict with who we are genetically supposed to be - food and sex should spur us on, but it is not the same anymore. We, as living beings, have changed.
__________________________________________________________________________


Moving from one charitable foundation to another initiative: CancerFights
I was at Pritvhi Cafe with my friend who had come down from the US and at the tea/ snacks counter I saw a familiar face. AP seemed shock to see me; we were seeing each other after school (10 years ago!) and what followed was a flurry of words about what we are doing and how life has been. I knew she had been on TV as a presenter on a business news channel and I also kinda knew that she was doing her PhD in finance. And then she drops a bomb - she was starting a charitable organisation/ foundation. I was taken aback because a person who has been on TV, professionally, and who is pursuing her PhD is not expected to do something as 'altruistic' as this. However, this post is not about her.  
This post started with Max and is now at AP. It amazes me that there are still some of us who are capable of doing this - leave the line, care less about the material, care less about accepted norms of progress. Who are we if not willing to do something meaningful? Odd that I just wrote about this very topic some days ago. When I read a bit of what CancerFights had on their site, it disturbed me because... I was there, back from a lazy day of work, the purpose of which is to potentially live life with a better temperament and improving rationality and knowledge along the way. I managed to quit my job and stay away from the family business and I believe I'm doing a great job with my life; I also believe that I will soon try to teach a case study oriented course to undergraduates who could really use such a non-rote course. I wasn't disturbed because I am 'not doing anything meaningful', I think I am on my way to doing worthwhile things; I was disturbed because I envy such people.
To walk for consciousness.
To work closely with cancer patients - the quality not the quantity.
Here's to living a meaningful life. Congratulations Max and AP.

Why?

Zed.
So it's SE, LK and RS whom I quite miss. Am sure I wouldn't be able to tolerate them for too long but I can't most people. Oh, how easy it is to succumb to the lure of the material world and the fear of being penniless. SE asked me, "What is the purpose of life?". "To enjoy life to the maximum extent", I replied. And then I added, "Bearing in mind limitations such that the enjoyment can be sustained until the end." He frowned. Why? Zed.
So here I am, working out financial valuation in my odd way while listening to this new piece of alternative, folk Indian band, in my office which looks more like a studio. My head is spinning (is that English?) for I am contemplating the investment decision I have made. Monday shall be decision day.
What value am I adding to society by pursuing this career? Not sure. However, this career allows me free time to then participate in this society. Spanish classes for now, teaching is on the cards, so is travelling. I hope I can teach something that is case-study oriented to students - the shallowness of Indian education will ruin us as it has been for a while. Why? Zed.
Procrastination is evil. I should work on this soon!!!

Time

In Inception, the movie, we are introduced to the varying degrees of time based on the difference between the real world and the dream world. Similarly, it is interesting how humans tend to give credence to seconds, minutes or hours based on the nature of the activity. But usually, by the time a human being draws closer to his death, he remembers time in years and at times as bundles of years together. Each day with a girlfriend at the age of 24 is kinda remembered or cherished; which, by old age, becomes compressed into a statement. In the words of Juliet (from the song by the Killers), "O Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him."

As humans we have calibrated time down to seconds, for most useful purposes. But the mountains don't care. I believe that they measure time in centuries or millenia. And the planets don't care. They may be seeing time in hundreds of thousands of years, may be even millions... and yet here we are, this intelligent species that crawls through time as ingrates continually succumbing to societal pressures and becoming more lethargic and less alive with each passing year.

A few people believe that I tend to talk about pessimistic or depressing stuff, but most of what I talk about tends towards hope and living. This year, 2011, is drawing to a close. I closed an important and ruinous chapter in my life. I have started an important phase - my office and my company - and I see an important chapter opening soon enough. 2011 has made me younger, healthier, more introspective, calmer and more adventurous. I hope that truth doesn't leave me, although I'm pretty sure that will be my undoing.

160911

I quit my job at Ladderup Corporate Advisory yesterday. I have now incorporated a Company. I am ~25 years old and circumstances are conducive for creating a long-term vision based on my temperament, life desires and my competency. Of course, all of those are beliefs. But we have to start somewhere and at times get out of our comfort zones.
The plot seems very promising. Monetary rewards are quite assured. Intellectual and emotional rewards are also quite certain. My competency is not. Therefore, I am confused. But I am a firm believer that intelligence is incorrectly calibrated and enjoyment is overlooked. This is the next phase of my life. Cheerj to that. Let the crazies be unleashed. 

Just

I met a friend in Dubai. Rather, I went to meet a friend in Dubai. Amazing how different the two statements be. At a table I said, "I thunk about it..." Someone interjected and asked/ exclaimed, "Thunk??!!!". I smiled at my friend, may be he nose that I love messing with the English language.
Random trips are fun because they can be so unplanned and therefore quite the adventure even if one might be in a boring place like Dubai. On my flight back from Dubai I saw Dhobi Ghat on the plane. Quite annoying how poor the quality of the video can be on that contraption that ejects from the side of one's seat - the ones in the beginning of the columns of seats. The airhostess was from Spain - always nice to look at and speak to a pretty face. It's one of those shallow indulgences. Beautiful. Told her about Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, half knowing that another brown bugger must have already said that...
"Have you been to Bombay? No. How is it? Crowded. Aaah.. but the rains in Bombay, the rains are marvelous. Nothing like it. The smell of the rains. "

I was down three small bottles of Shiraz from Australia. It was quite alright. I remember losing some motor control after the third bottle.
I helped a mother haul her suitcases because she had her child in her arms. There I was, drunk and helping a pretty woman. Oddly enough, people who greeted her thought I was her husband. Freakkkkkyyy. 'Tis the small things my friends...

I remember talking to a young British boy (boys are always young aren't they?) on top of a sand dune. He was rattling away about how he has been to Kenya and Egypt and how her grandma is quite old.. "When she dies, she said she would leave her mansion to us so we can go whenever we wished to." I liked that he said 'when'.

Got some mehendi on my forearm - my name in Arabic with some grotesque design surrounding it.

I felt younger and older. I always do. Bursts of spark greet my everyday in my journey through life towards death.

Much

Today, while driving, the thing that connects the steering wheel to the right front tyre broke. Luckily, I was at the traffic signal and not driving per se. It is inconceivable what might have happened had I been driving...
Then, thanks to my ovarian lottery, there was somebody from home, a driver, who came to my 'rescue'. We flagged down a towing van and got the car back home. 1.5 hours have been encapsulated into 2 sentences; but such is our memory. We forget things quite easily and rather effortlessly.
There is much to live for and I have seen myself drift away from this ideology. Many people go through this phase when they think, "OMG, there is just so much to live for. When I see how people around me are living, and when I see how good my quality of life is on a relative basis, it just makes so much sense to live it up!"
But as I said earlier, our memory deceives us. We forget often, that which needs to be remembered.
My driving ordeal and the movie I am watching right now, Guzaarish, make me think of the things I have going for me and how easily some of those things could be taken away from me. I know that this is only a fleeting feeling - I will forget it soon. Sadly, this feeling needs to be cherished! :)
Carpe Diem. I really want to live it up and want to let go of my inhibitions. Even though this is a message that ought to go in my personal diary, I felt like writing it here. I felt like keeping this thought open to the world. This post, like many others that I write, will melt away into obscurity.
I have gone through a life where I have been an outstanding student. I have secured brilliant marks and distinctions. Those, now, are quite useless. I have seen myself outperform in personal forums, I have seen my weaknesses and I have seen that which makes me superior to many others. I have gone through bouts of,  what I would really prefer calling, depression. I have felt helpless, useless and inferior. I have felt alone, aimless and unhealthy. I am 24 years old now and I have started seeing life in a different light. There is much to live for and I am excited.
I heard from a friend the other day (it was said to her by a doctor), "What's wrong with you?! This is your time to look good and feel good!" "You heard what I said to him right? No-one!!! is worth dying for".
The doctor was referring to how little people tend to care of themselves and how, at times, they put unnecessary people and events before them.

We humans are unbelievable. There is a lot to live for. I hope my memory serves me well.

The stupid reign

When I was a child (physically at least) life was short-term competitive. Extremely competitive. I remember believing that I was 'smarter' than many others, one, because of my marks, and two, because of my thought processes which I believe I was aware of.
I remember segregating people into interesting and 'everyone else'; needless to say that the two pools were unevenly sized. Upon entering the 'work' world I see that those differences tend to melt away. Kids whom one would think not able enough to cope well with the competitive world are doing well (some of them). There are people with lesser intellect and lesser curiosity and lesser practicability succeeding. By success, I refer to designation, appreciation and monetary well-being; I do not refer to an interesting personality, an interesting life, an affable nature or a self-actualized being.

I see around me, in various organizations, people in positions (figurative :| ) that are enviable and unbelievable knowing how utterly insignificant I think of their existence relative to competition. It is true that luck and happenstance (may be a tautology here) are key determinants of people's progress or journeys through life.

I see now a sticky behaviour perpetrated by organisations and by people at the helm. Minds are narrow at times and oft distrustful. It is under these circumstances that people opt to switch fields due to disenchantment or become (supposed) masters of their own progress through what can be loosely termed as entrepreneurship. It does sadden me often when I see capable hands indulging in menial tasks with the promise of climbing the corporate ladder or the promise of the 'learning experience'.
Ladders break and so do promises. People fall and find their way through as long as they have their respective heads resting on able shoulders. This capitalistic world seems to have made us machines living in fear of an uncertain tomorrow and I hope to remember the child that I was...

The travails of society

My blogging has reduced primarily because of work and secondarily because my eyes have been giving me grief. To clear the air; my eyes are tired, dry and in pain especially by the time I come back from work; this makes me avoid the computer once I come home.
My third eye-specialist is trustworthy and has given me tear-inducing drops which will  start being effective 2.5 months from now. However, all of this is of little relevance to any reader.

The other day I was reading a post by 'Neo Indian'. It's quite a hilarious site with very meaningful statements talking about the India that is, was and should be. He asked people to stop posting 'supportive' comments on social networks and start doing something meaningful like supporting soldiers or actually being a part of the rally.. For me, that was one of many such littered posts on the net.
A dilemma facing some of us new Indians is our affection for our country.
I have clarified before that more than India I belong with the Indian culture - not the villages and the bureaucracy but the language spoken by a Mumbai-ite, the food, the issues, the joys and the sentiments. I get annoyed when people say that we should work for our country or for our parents, not because that could possibly be ridiculous but because nobody ought to suggest why and how one should live with the 'suggestion' being the face to a guilt producing demand.
As a contrast, I read a letter by Theodore Deden which seems to be speaking about investing but is in fact speaking about a way of life; a way of life that we ought to be living but contrasts with how most people live today. What I drew from the letter was individualism and a greater consciousness of that which surrounds us, that which has come to pass and that which we ought to work towards.

I crave independence - could be because of the way my life has panned out or what I have heard or read or seen - and I ache to create a difference to my own life. This is in stark contrast to what I used to be.

I remember the time when I said, very sincerely, that I want to change the world.
I remember the time when, for love, I changed what I used to be in favour of supporting the relationship.
I also remember the time when I used to excel at academics and was rather proud of my achievements.
There was a time when I ached to get back to work and to give something back to society.
I now believe that only if I live for my personal success will I be in a position to be with someone or live for something or give something back to society. It's alright if I fail at following through after attaining my success, because I know that that will be an endeavour and not an end.
Personal success has little to do with wealth. It has a lot to do with the freedom to travel, read, listen to music and grow individually. "We are all here to learn" said my ex-professor and that I hold close to me.

Working for somebody when one has access to more potential is ridiculous. But in the short-term it could be justified. Only if I am to find my balls (figurative) will I start my progress. I am appalled at how little time I have to read, travel and experience the fruits of life. Studying and following a way of work will only create knowledge which is shared by many others. I would love to know more about people, cultures, histories and progresses - may be I will be a couple of steps ahead in seeing the progress of civilization. And this could be a great support system to the way I am.

I used to be content. Am not anymore. I know the field of work I am bound to enjoy, the workplace I would love to tap-dance to (credit goes to Mr. Buffett), the kind of books I would love to own and read, the kind of people I would love to eat or drink with, the kind of time I would love to have on my hands and the kind of health I would love to develop. Am I a few steps ahead or am I creating my own little cocoon?

A Stolen Essay

" Today, I thought of how much I detest what this city has become. And then I thought that the standard of living has improved and is still better than those in many other cities.

Sadly, humanity, civility and simplicity have been lost.
I want to fight for these things but find it simpler to overlook them and potentially leave this city and may be this country. "

1000 Awesome Things

http://1000awesomethings.com/

http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

Take a step back - life can be simple. Believe it.

Rumination

Europe has changed me for the better (or less worse). Today, I attended a lecture on 'superparticles' which could be a part of particle physics; may be for the first time I sat for a lecture without the compulsion to learn and remember and that made the lecture quite enjoyable...
I read about Sufjan Stevens, Casimir Pulaski, Nick Drake, Modigliani and I see the horror that this society has transformed into...
I still thank my friend for telling me about Into the Wild because it made me sincerely question materialism. Yes, yes ... I'm not a complete disaster yet (or would I be called a victor?).
We still have artists and brilliant scientists in our midst (not so much in our midst, but you get the vibe...) however, they don't seem to be as strong as earlier. They seem weak, succumbing to the lure of materialism which is understandable but deplorable for society as a whole.

Yes, a decade from now people might appreciate some artists whom we don't right now but I don't see a painter, a sculptor, a writer or a poet then... I see successful bands which will have made people happy not through their art but through their canvas.

I said that Europe has been beneficial because I saw a weird joy in people - as the french say "joie de vivre" which means "the joy of living". I see in India people who are old at 25 years of age where the only form of them being young is partying and boozing (extreme generalization).

Next week I'm going for a contemporary dance performance at the NCPA. Will I like it? I don't know but it's a brilliant mode of escapism.


I love the world of particle physics and quantum physics - particularly because it is so difficult to imagine some of the things postulated or proven.
2 galaxies colliding 4 billion light years away?
A very small amount of energy in daily life, such as 1TeV, which is difficult to 'create' or 'capture'...
Weakly Interacting Massive Particles which could hold the key to finding a 'theory of everything'. For the record, experiments are underway in a mine where supercooled Germanium crystals are used to capture the faintest of vibrations from particles such as WIMPs.

Take a step back my friend and you will see how inconsequential our lives are...
We live for 60-90 years.
We pursue money and affection.
We are heartbroken and we feel loved.
We sleep less, we sleep too much, we smile too little, we are serious and not as jovial as we ought to be...
You ask me why I loved Into the Wild?
Here's why:



"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
— Chris McCandless

"The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences."
— Chris McCandless

Joy changes to Fear

Stephanie D'sa-Colaco wrote this,


"When did the joy of making a choice reduce itself to the fear of making another mistake?"


The rest of her note is pretty awesome too:

When did I get too old for hugs?
I remember the fragrance of my grandma’s hair.
It smelled of everything good and sacrosanct.
Being encircled in her arms without any morose thought tainting the moment.

When did relationships get so complicated?
‘I love u’ used to be a declaration, a fact.
It never made one vulnerable and I was always certain of a reply.

When did the rain become so melancholy?
I remember ‘forgetting’ my umbrella and arriving drenched but with soaring spirits.
The cool droplets coloring my vision made the world seem new and refreshing.
Now I hide, confined in my mind while those old visions disintegrate.

As the days go by and I find every decision harder than the last, I find myself looking into the mirror, engrossed in my soliloquy.




'Tis the tale of a sorry life, a life that we have withdrawn to.
People like saying 'Carpe Diem' and quoting from fascinating movies trying to show to the world they are something they are not. The Fight Club is the first movie that comes to mind.
But more often than not, the quotes are more about that which they would want to be and the hope that it carries along with it.

Extremes are difficult and rather stupid. But take a step today and find the child within.

Special

I write in a diary. At the last page of my diary, I have a cut-out of an article that was published in Times Life Sunday April 12, 2009.
I kept that article because it encapsulates a lot that is dysfunctional in society as we see it evolving. I have had the luxury of studying in the US for a year and I did not see the same emotions there, but I do see them in Mumbai. In short, people believe they are special and they ought to be doing something better than what they are going towards or are currently doing.
It also tells us of how simple life ought to be and how complex we tend to make in pursuit of that which is never static - happiness.