Judgments about people and their behaviour is - well - resourceful. It allows one's mind to function more clearly. Judging one's own behavior is also fruitful. A friend asked me 2 days ago - "How is it like on the other side?"
I said, "O, it is nice. . . the dark sky looks nice"
He said, " No, no, not that way - - how it like being, umm, antosocial. . . ?"
I smiled and said, "Well, it is uplifting, depressing and grounding. You can feel lonely after a while - but all in all, it is a highly interesting feeling."
It is just that when you look at people with a different set of eyes and think of them as puppets or machines or cartoon characters or aliens it is highly amusing.
I am not THAT antisocial; I just try to have a different view so I can pass judgments and for me it is a beautiful feeling. Human behaviour intrigues me to say the least and looking at people and their mad world gives me a smile.
Self Doubt - that is what a friend of mine wrote about and I cursed him because those 2 words capture what I have gone through especially in the past 2 months. The time that I have had to spend with Tirath and the movies I have seen and the lyrics I have heard and the music I have heard and the people I have seen and the new friends I have - I have digested all of this in a different manner.
Evolution is a loosely handled world and I believe I may be flaky to say that I have been evolving esp. in the past 3-6 months.
I never thought I would want to plan a getaway like the one that is in my head right now. Planning a trip to Goa or Kerala end May or beginning of June with Tirath, Tiru and Tir.
Something that is so disorienting about the days I go through nowadays that I need to look at these days from far away. I can do this because I have the luxury of doing this.
Ignorant people I envy because - "Dude, lets go to Goa dude! Babes and beach and music and freedom - dude its gonna be awesome dude!"
Aaaaaah - Alas. I am not to be.
I may be sounding all ' high and almighty ' as my friend likes to mock me. Braaaahh - -I am far from it. I am too crazy right now - that is it. I am trying to find meaning to this life and all that it may hold when I should realise that life is just meant to be lived and enjoyed; not to be assessed and mulled over.
Then again - the way I am living right now seems like the only acceptable option.