A few days ago I went to a pub with a friend - Korean. Nice time, had "Blue Moon" beer. Fantastico....
Anyways - - crux being...
A large American guy comes up to us: "Hey!! You mind if I sit with you guys???!!"
Before I could say .. "Yeahh..", Sean (Korean friend) says: "Sure... join us."
So this guy sits with us. I bottle up thinking what this bugger wants to do, joining a brown and a yellow guy :S
Things get interesting...
Excerpts:
"My name's Rummy, yeah... Rummy. Well my real name is Christopher something something... but I go by a lot of names."
"O... I am here for a course to become a trained masseuse."
"How much is the pitcher for around here??"
Sean: 11 bucks.
"11 bucks!!! Wow... I know this place where you get a pitcher for like 4$
If you want we could go there..."
Sean and me: Naaah - - we are done with this one..
"Okk.. you guys got a car? We should go there... It's on ****** Street.
It's a gay bar, but hey! You can be straight and still go there you know!!
It's very relieving to be at that sorta place."
At this time, Sean starts making a puking sound.
"You know.. my dad was in Korea once. He fought as an American over there long ago.
Funny thing is, he got gonorrhea by the time he came back.
So my mum flipped and she told my dad : "I'm gonna sleep with our neighbour just to spite you!
I hate that bitch; cause you know... my dad apologised. He said that it was really lonely there and he really regretted it. But I hate that bitch for what she did. She left us you know..."
"Once, the cops came over to my house wanting to arrest me for murder. I was like, hey!! I just had a lobster... you can't arrest me for murder."
"Hey.. 11 bucks huh? I know this place where we can get a pitcher for 4 bucks!!"
(Yeah he said it again.)
"You know I give very nice massages.. I know some (wink) tricks for a good massage."
(Turning around to another table pointing to a girl) " I'm gonna buy YOU a drink!!!!
And I don't even know why!!!"
(Turning to another table) "Daymm!!! Can't you keep it down!!! We are trying to have a conversation here."
"Why don't you guys give me your number?? I can call you guys for a party if there is one... It would be fun!"
"My friend got his friend over for a few days ;)
And she got her friend... So you know... I slept with her and it was awesome..
She said she was 18.
Turns out she was 16 - I was like O ****!!!
Later, her parents come looking for her.. and she had to camp at my place for a week!!
She would clean the apartment and everything!! Wow.. those were some good days."
Aaaah...
Words cannot do justice to how adorable that masseuse was :(
Alas.
We may not meet him again.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Random
I am now in my new apartment - well, actually it has been almost a week now - and I love it. It is comfortable and convenient. The bus to Walmart Savoy is right outside my place :)
Walmart Savoy - a night visit is a must. Firstly, it is one of the poorly organised Wallys, but I loved it because it seemed to have a larger flow of people than the one in north Champaign. Also, one will see very few Asian and college folks. It is mostly Americans. The beauty of a night visit is the number of cars willing to shop at that place at may be 9, 10 pm. The other beauty is, the view. It is black.
And this is no exaggeration. It is black in 2.5 directions. Something that made me very happy, relative to what I have seen up until now at UIUC. So now, Wally Savoy is my new haunt. Kind of.
I am away from most people. Because most people tend to stay towards the north of campus, near the campus grocery store. Do I prefer it this way? Yeah. Will I get lonely in the winters? May be. But I prefer that. Kind of. Good thing is, the school is 2 blocks away.
I faced my first addiction 3 days ago. Surprisingly, it was coffee. I got this new coffee machine, and made Folgers coffee in it. OMG it was amazing. Never had coffee that good before. The next 2 days, I was battling myself. I was determined not to give in. I did not, till the end of the 2nd day :(
I went jogging 4 days ago. My shins still hurt. Let's call it gujju jeans :P
Thing is, I went jogging to a secluded part of the campus. Of course, it was not that secluded because I saw a few buggers jogging too. Few = 2. So I veered of the pavement - of course - and I entered a parking lot surrounded on 3 sides by grass. The nearest building in sight was a good 10 minute walk away. So I stood there staring at the sky for may be ... 10-15 minutes.
I slept for an hour on the couch yesterday - which was more comfy than the bed :S
I decided to start cooking with garlic instead of "minced garlic" - and let me tell you... it is a totally a worth a it. Yeah baby!!
Baby reminds me... I missed babycorn - - - and finally I found a can of babycorn at the new wally :D
Wooooooohoooooooooooooo
Campbell chicken noodle soup with sugar and garam masala is awesome!
Walmart Savoy - a night visit is a must. Firstly, it is one of the poorly organised Wallys, but I loved it because it seemed to have a larger flow of people than the one in north Champaign. Also, one will see very few Asian and college folks. It is mostly Americans. The beauty of a night visit is the number of cars willing to shop at that place at may be 9, 10 pm. The other beauty is, the view. It is black.
And this is no exaggeration. It is black in 2.5 directions. Something that made me very happy, relative to what I have seen up until now at UIUC. So now, Wally Savoy is my new haunt. Kind of.
I am away from most people. Because most people tend to stay towards the north of campus, near the campus grocery store. Do I prefer it this way? Yeah. Will I get lonely in the winters? May be. But I prefer that. Kind of. Good thing is, the school is 2 blocks away.
I faced my first addiction 3 days ago. Surprisingly, it was coffee. I got this new coffee machine, and made Folgers coffee in it. OMG it was amazing. Never had coffee that good before. The next 2 days, I was battling myself. I was determined not to give in. I did not, till the end of the 2nd day :(
I went jogging 4 days ago. My shins still hurt. Let's call it gujju jeans :P
Thing is, I went jogging to a secluded part of the campus. Of course, it was not that secluded because I saw a few buggers jogging too. Few = 2. So I veered of the pavement - of course - and I entered a parking lot surrounded on 3 sides by grass. The nearest building in sight was a good 10 minute walk away. So I stood there staring at the sky for may be ... 10-15 minutes.
I slept for an hour on the couch yesterday - which was more comfy than the bed :S
I decided to start cooking with garlic instead of "minced garlic" - and let me tell you... it is a totally a worth a it. Yeah baby!!
Baby reminds me... I missed babycorn - - - and finally I found a can of babycorn at the new wally :D
Wooooooohoooooooooooooo
Campbell chicken noodle soup with sugar and garam masala is awesome!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Forrest Gump
For some odd reason, I thought of the day when I was watching Forrest Gump with 3 of my friends. The matter was, my belief, that day, that 2 of them were getting bored because nobody was speaking. You know, usually during a house movie screening people talk. Usually. It is the 'social' thing to do. I, of course, could not get myself to do that. Funny bit is, why do people care about other people.
In this case I would have to say that I cared for them not to be bored. Knowing their plight - they would have had no option. They could not have said, "We are getting bored, we want to leave."
The situation was such that the said people would have had to stay put. So there I was, feeling mildly awkward at that situation, but soon the movie gripped me and I stopped caring. I said that if they get bored - it's their problem. They should be voicing it.
Funny bit: I spoke to 1 of those friends some months ago about that day and the reply was; that is how movies are preferred by some people. Which is why that movie day was actually preferred to other scenarios by 1 of those 2 friends.
Amusing.
In this case I would have to say that I cared for them not to be bored. Knowing their plight - they would have had no option. They could not have said, "We are getting bored, we want to leave."
The situation was such that the said people would have had to stay put. So there I was, feeling mildly awkward at that situation, but soon the movie gripped me and I stopped caring. I said that if they get bored - it's their problem. They should be voicing it.
Funny bit: I spoke to 1 of those friends some months ago about that day and the reply was; that is how movies are preferred by some people. Which is why that movie day was actually preferred to other scenarios by 1 of those 2 friends.
Amusing.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
School
I remember a thought when I was pretty young.
I remember saying to myself, if there was no war - there would be a crazy lot of unemployment.
I remember thinking, why can't Pakistan and India unite and - the animosity would end.
I remember thinking, why can't all the countries unite? - people could not and cannot follow only one leader.
I remember not talking to too many people.
I remember keeping to myself and being shy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
I remember memorizing the alphabet backwards.
I remember walking and talking with my friend - thereby bypassing the exercise - during physical training periods.
I remember being made fun of for having white hair and I remember crying.
I remember the teacher asking me when India celebrates its independence day - and I did not know because I was scared.
I remember running up to the teacher being one of the first few to complete mental maths practices.
I remember crying - so often - before leaving for school.
I remember crying as soon as I woke up.
I distinctly remember having difficulty in walking down the stairs, and no problem walking up them.
I remember being unable to run - UNABLE to run.
I remember crying insane songs to which some of my classmates would laugh with joy.
I remember volunteering as the class representative for the head of the foyer because no other guy raised his hand.
I remember preparing a speech all by myself, eventually saying only the first and the last line.
I remember the cartoons and the food and the endless study sessions.
I remember the ignorance.
I remember picking up a knife because I was sick and tired of life - and this was in 7th or 8th Standard.
I remember putting it down because I cared to much about the people who cared about me.
I remember me cursing 'God'.
I remember me praying to 'God' sometimes.
I remember me enjoying 'needle work ' classes.
I remember me not taking a leak - almost never - during school because I was too shy.
I remember passing the water bottles to my classmates after school because we had been taught the 'Law of Karma'.
I remember the teacher astonished when I went up to her and told her about a formula that I had 'discovered'.
I remember my fascination with looking down from the fourth floor of the building, especially at the interior hollow hexagon (something that JNS students would know of).
I remember a school mate once telling me, "You should start speaking in English, because once we leave school - that is what will be important."
I remember a school mate siding me when some guys were making fun of me.
I remember their fake apologies.
I remember accidentally killing a snail along with its big shell - and then me running away, because I thought God was going to punish me.
I remember never craving a specific toy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
I remember saying to myself, if there was no war - there would be a crazy lot of unemployment.
I remember thinking, why can't Pakistan and India unite and - the animosity would end.
I remember thinking, why can't all the countries unite? - people could not and cannot follow only one leader.
I remember not talking to too many people.
I remember keeping to myself and being shy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
I remember memorizing the alphabet backwards.
I remember walking and talking with my friend - thereby bypassing the exercise - during physical training periods.
I remember being made fun of for having white hair and I remember crying.
I remember the teacher asking me when India celebrates its independence day - and I did not know because I was scared.
I remember running up to the teacher being one of the first few to complete mental maths practices.
I remember crying - so often - before leaving for school.
I remember crying as soon as I woke up.
I distinctly remember having difficulty in walking down the stairs, and no problem walking up them.
I remember being unable to run - UNABLE to run.
I remember crying insane songs to which some of my classmates would laugh with joy.
I remember volunteering as the class representative for the head of the foyer because no other guy raised his hand.
I remember preparing a speech all by myself, eventually saying only the first and the last line.
I remember the cartoons and the food and the endless study sessions.
I remember the ignorance.
I remember picking up a knife because I was sick and tired of life - and this was in 7th or 8th Standard.
I remember putting it down because I cared to much about the people who cared about me.
I remember me cursing 'God'.
I remember me praying to 'God' sometimes.
I remember me enjoying 'needle work ' classes.
I remember me not taking a leak - almost never - during school because I was too shy.
I remember passing the water bottles to my classmates after school because we had been taught the 'Law of Karma'.
I remember the teacher astonished when I went up to her and told her about a formula that I had 'discovered'.
I remember my fascination with looking down from the fourth floor of the building, especially at the interior hollow hexagon (something that JNS students would know of).
I remember a school mate once telling me, "You should start speaking in English, because once we leave school - that is what will be important."
I remember a school mate siding me when some guys were making fun of me.
I remember their fake apologies.
I remember accidentally killing a snail along with its big shell - and then me running away, because I thought God was going to punish me.
I remember never craving a specific toy.
I remember sitting towards the end of the line, when everyone got up in a rush and they ran / walked over me - literally.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Happiness anyone?
Happiness is intriguing, simply because it could plausibly be the most looked forward to state in a person's life, even though that person might have higher priorities.
In setting goals and ambitions and final destinations - I believe a lot of people side line this feeling.
Who am I to pass my queer judgments? A human being - excuse me... a lame excuse for a human being.
Again... I know I am quite ordinary - but it can't hurt to dream right?
Left?
Tell yourself about a time when you were really happy.
Tell yourself about a time when you were really angry or distraught.
No, don't read ahead...
Tell yourself.
Did you like the quality of your answers in both the cases?
My guess, happiness is easily stored away, because we look forward to the next bout of happiness than cherish what has passed.
However, for the second case; we remember it and draw it over and over again and hope to not come across something like that again.
Proof?
Tell yourself about how you would like yourself to be immensely happy in the future / near future.
Tell yourself what would make you amazingly sad or angry.
The difference here is - - and again I could very plausibly be wrong; the second case has been brought up in your head before but not stored.
The 1st case however, is what you secretly desire all along.
Secretly because the actual state that need be achieved - happiness - masquerades as something different.
In setting goals and ambitions and final destinations - I believe a lot of people side line this feeling.
Who am I to pass my queer judgments? A human being - excuse me... a lame excuse for a human being.
Again... I know I am quite ordinary - but it can't hurt to dream right?
Left?
Tell yourself about a time when you were really happy.
Tell yourself about a time when you were really angry or distraught.
No, don't read ahead...
Tell yourself.
Did you like the quality of your answers in both the cases?
My guess, happiness is easily stored away, because we look forward to the next bout of happiness than cherish what has passed.
However, for the second case; we remember it and draw it over and over again and hope to not come across something like that again.
Proof?
Tell yourself about how you would like yourself to be immensely happy in the future / near future.
Tell yourself what would make you amazingly sad or angry.
The difference here is - - and again I could very plausibly be wrong; the second case has been brought up in your head before but not stored.
The 1st case however, is what you secretly desire all along.
Secretly because the actual state that need be achieved - happiness - masquerades as something different.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
6 Lines
I pass judgments easily.
But I do not pass them to people easily.
I do not believe most things easily.
But the things I do, I do so very easily.
I believe I may be incapable of the things I want to achieve.
If only I knew what I wanted to achieve.
But I do not pass them to people easily.
I do not believe most things easily.
But the things I do, I do so very easily.
I believe I may be incapable of the things I want to achieve.
If only I knew what I wanted to achieve.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Days gone by
I think of the days gone by and I realise how relieved I am.
I am relieved to be without the burden of the past.
But as it is with most things,
Most things are not cherished.
Especially the good things
Referring to 'cherished' in mathematical absolute terms.
I am in a great position and I am not talking about sex.
I have the ability - mind you, I have not said 'capability', because that is grey - to get towards my path.
Or at the least, find that rotten path.
Why - because it is the 2nd last letter of the english alphabet.
It is amazing how we dump the past so effortlessly at times and hang on to it so rigidly at other times.
I am relieved to be without the burden of the past.
But as it is with most things,
Most things are not cherished.
Especially the good things
Referring to 'cherished' in mathematical absolute terms.
I am in a great position and I am not talking about sex.
I have the ability - mind you, I have not said 'capability', because that is grey - to get towards my path.
Or at the least, find that rotten path.
Why - because it is the 2nd last letter of the english alphabet.
It is amazing how we dump the past so effortlessly at times and hang on to it so rigidly at other times.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Eye - dent - it - ee
It is funny how the pursuit of luxury and comfort drives us - at least most of us.
Good clothes, presentable looks, coming to a neat home which may be spacious, a decent car to drive, the need to not think before going to an expensive restaurant...
It all seems to fit in with all things capitalist.
Or are they all things societal?
I would like to call it societal.
Simply because society determines relativity.
The concept of success and power and money have yet not ceased to amaze me.
Which may be why I have been speaking of it for - may be - ever.
I like observing humans because I see that they are always struggling because there is somewhere they have to reach.
Money, power, the perfect figure, the perfect date, looking good, learning something to new, getting in in time for office, trying the best to enjoy a vacation.
Nothing seems simple.
And frankly, I am terrified of the simplicity because there is a need for distinction.
And that need I just cannot gt rid of - nor do I want to.
For some reason let me hypothesize that that is the only source of identity in this world.
Distinction.
Sometimes I wonder if this is messing with my identity.
Most of the times I prefer my solitude and sometimes it strikes me that hey! I dont really have anybody.
And at times I feel that I have some people who I can call my own.
Do you need people of your own...?
I wonder... because what is the real need to belong.
A friend once told me not to be high and almighty.
I don't think I am mighty at all.
I feel frail and mighty at the same time.
I don't like belonging to paths.
And I cannot seem to get over it.
Life is cruel and life is a game.
May be I am just not that much into gaming.
Alas.
With this I should end my rambling of the inconsequential.
After all... we all end up in the same box.
Good clothes, presentable looks, coming to a neat home which may be spacious, a decent car to drive, the need to not think before going to an expensive restaurant...
It all seems to fit in with all things capitalist.
Or are they all things societal?
I would like to call it societal.
Simply because society determines relativity.
The concept of success and power and money have yet not ceased to amaze me.
Which may be why I have been speaking of it for - may be - ever.
I like observing humans because I see that they are always struggling because there is somewhere they have to reach.
Money, power, the perfect figure, the perfect date, looking good, learning something to new, getting in in time for office, trying the best to enjoy a vacation.
Nothing seems simple.
And frankly, I am terrified of the simplicity because there is a need for distinction.
And that need I just cannot gt rid of - nor do I want to.
For some reason let me hypothesize that that is the only source of identity in this world.
Distinction.
Sometimes I wonder if this is messing with my identity.
Most of the times I prefer my solitude and sometimes it strikes me that hey! I dont really have anybody.
And at times I feel that I have some people who I can call my own.
Do you need people of your own...?
I wonder... because what is the real need to belong.
A friend once told me not to be high and almighty.
I don't think I am mighty at all.
I feel frail and mighty at the same time.
I don't like belonging to paths.
And I cannot seem to get over it.
Life is cruel and life is a game.
May be I am just not that much into gaming.
Alas.
With this I should end my rambling of the inconsequential.
After all... we all end up in the same box.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Binoculars
People live to make money.
Some to spend money.
Some don't know what to do with money, so they save it.
Some like to flaunt it.
Some people like to live for a purpose or a 'greater good'.
Some people like to feel nice by doing good to other people.
Some people like saying that they good to other people.
Society completes each person - pun intended.
Some people love certain fields and immerse themselves in them.
Feeling important is important.
Some people like praising themselves about how they have such good intentions in their heads.
Some people believe that they are intuitively or psychologically superior to others.
There are some who go into their cocoons and look at the world very rarely.
Some people love family and friends.
Some people drink and eat.
Some people like sex and like sleep.
Some care about their standing in society but like to believe that they don't really care what society thinks of them.
Some are 'forced' to live for their families.
Some are 'forced' to take care of people who are dear to them, in effect end up walking through their lives.
There are people who are scared because they have no idea what they want to do with their lives.
There are people who don't understand why there is a reason to find a reason in life.
Some dedicate themselves to religion.
Some people believe that there is nothing wrong in committing suicide as soon as one finds no reason to live one's life.
We have our reasons, but no matter what we do, we end up in the same form.
Some to spend money.
Some don't know what to do with money, so they save it.
Some like to flaunt it.
Some people like to live for a purpose or a 'greater good'.
Some people like to feel nice by doing good to other people.
Some people like saying that they good to other people.
Society completes each person - pun intended.
Some people love certain fields and immerse themselves in them.
Feeling important is important.
Some people like praising themselves about how they have such good intentions in their heads.
Some people believe that they are intuitively or psychologically superior to others.
There are some who go into their cocoons and look at the world very rarely.
Some people love family and friends.
Some people drink and eat.
Some people like sex and like sleep.
Some care about their standing in society but like to believe that they don't really care what society thinks of them.
Some are 'forced' to live for their families.
Some are 'forced' to take care of people who are dear to them, in effect end up walking through their lives.
There are people who are scared because they have no idea what they want to do with their lives.
There are people who don't understand why there is a reason to find a reason in life.
Some dedicate themselves to religion.
Some people believe that there is nothing wrong in committing suicide as soon as one finds no reason to live one's life.
We have our reasons, but no matter what we do, we end up in the same form.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Another observatory
There is a great desire to monitor human behavior.
The other day a friend asked me, "So what do you think of that person?"
I had the answer in my head - and I decided not to divulge.
I am harshly judgmental but I dont think I am an anomaly.
One problem that I see is that being judgmental is perceived to be 'bad' by most people.
And that is sad.
For what is so bad about noticing people and laughing at them or pitying them or being in awe of them?
These opinions keep resounding in my head...
Ok, that person is interesting.
Daym!! that person is dumb - please be away from him Tiru.
Wow, how juvenile can that guy be, I thought he was 23 years old...
I see the look on your face, and you are so full of yourself that I see it poring out from your skin; stay away.
Don't you just love putting people down?
I have an affinity for silent people and people who enjoy humans.
I am quick to rate people as intelligent, and quick to denounce one's intelligence due to an absence of social intelligence or creative brilliance.
I wonder what people think of me; it would be insane of me to say that I don't care what people think of me, but it would be correct if I say that I don't want to care.
I question the society, and the goals.
A functional mind is painful - and this goes out to all the insane people out there.
People love being heard, esp. if it is a smart comment or a wisecrack.
One thing that intrigues me is, during a movie a person might say, "O crap!!!"
Now my belief is, if that person was watching the movie alone at home, he might not have said that. He would most probably not have said anything at all. If he would have said it, it would have been without the emotion in his voice. There is a change in behavior as soon as a person is part of fellow kind.
Most of what I say could very well be irrelevant, and completely juvenile and downright horrible. So a thought just occurred to me, why do I write on a blog that is visible to people. I could very well just write in a personal space. So may be, I want people to read this and praise me or at the least comment about it.
And now I just thought of it; if there were no people on this planet, I would still have liked to write this, but comments are always welcome.
People who believe they are smart are wonderful specimen,
People who like feeling important and worthy are also nice observations.
Loud people turn me off, but then again I like to think that I know how to differentiate between noise and melody.
I wonder if most people, in reality, like being with themselves.
The other day a friend asked me, "So what do you think of that person?"
I had the answer in my head - and I decided not to divulge.
I am harshly judgmental but I dont think I am an anomaly.
One problem that I see is that being judgmental is perceived to be 'bad' by most people.
And that is sad.
For what is so bad about noticing people and laughing at them or pitying them or being in awe of them?
These opinions keep resounding in my head...
Ok, that person is interesting.
Daym!! that person is dumb - please be away from him Tiru.
Wow, how juvenile can that guy be, I thought he was 23 years old...
I see the look on your face, and you are so full of yourself that I see it poring out from your skin; stay away.
Don't you just love putting people down?
I have an affinity for silent people and people who enjoy humans.
I am quick to rate people as intelligent, and quick to denounce one's intelligence due to an absence of social intelligence or creative brilliance.
I wonder what people think of me; it would be insane of me to say that I don't care what people think of me, but it would be correct if I say that I don't want to care.
I question the society, and the goals.
A functional mind is painful - and this goes out to all the insane people out there.
People love being heard, esp. if it is a smart comment or a wisecrack.
One thing that intrigues me is, during a movie a person might say, "O crap!!!"
Now my belief is, if that person was watching the movie alone at home, he might not have said that. He would most probably not have said anything at all. If he would have said it, it would have been without the emotion in his voice. There is a change in behavior as soon as a person is part of fellow kind.
Most of what I say could very well be irrelevant, and completely juvenile and downright horrible. So a thought just occurred to me, why do I write on a blog that is visible to people. I could very well just write in a personal space. So may be, I want people to read this and praise me or at the least comment about it.
And now I just thought of it; if there were no people on this planet, I would still have liked to write this, but comments are always welcome.
People who believe they are smart are wonderful specimen,
People who like feeling important and worthy are also nice observations.
Loud people turn me off, but then again I like to think that I know how to differentiate between noise and melody.
I wonder if most people, in reality, like being with themselves.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Notebook
So I saw this movie, and in the beginning of the movie itself, I had figured out who the old couple were. But that is just me praising myself - so enough of that.
Point is: I cried, because they were just so nice together.
Daym I AM a girl - alas...
But the thought that stayed with me was regarding memory loss and therefore I questioned reality. In one of my earlier posts I had written about waking up each day with a different consciousness and thereby, reality.
One thought that sprung up due to the movie was regarding companionship and society.
How sad would it be if one did not remember anything? If one is not aware of that memory loss, one would not be affected - however, how pathetically sad would it be for one's companion or loved ones? It is just a thought about how attached we are or become to fellow humans. That is one reason why I love House, he is a real outlier - mew + may be 4 sigma.
The other thought was regarding reality. The woman in the movie, would never know if it was the same day or the next day. Therefore, what is her belief of reality?
The movie was sad in the beginning - sad in the sense of lame - where it was like a 90's hindi movie :D
Hmmmmm - but then got really interesting.
Just makes me realise at times how much I like humans and their behavior.
Again, reiteration is warranted - - - I am nobody.
Point is: I cried, because they were just so nice together.
Daym I AM a girl - alas...
But the thought that stayed with me was regarding memory loss and therefore I questioned reality. In one of my earlier posts I had written about waking up each day with a different consciousness and thereby, reality.
One thought that sprung up due to the movie was regarding companionship and society.
How sad would it be if one did not remember anything? If one is not aware of that memory loss, one would not be affected - however, how pathetically sad would it be for one's companion or loved ones? It is just a thought about how attached we are or become to fellow humans. That is one reason why I love House, he is a real outlier - mew + may be 4 sigma.
The other thought was regarding reality. The woman in the movie, would never know if it was the same day or the next day. Therefore, what is her belief of reality?
The movie was sad in the beginning - sad in the sense of lame - where it was like a 90's hindi movie :D
Hmmmmm - but then got really interesting.
Just makes me realise at times how much I like humans and their behavior.
Again, reiteration is warranted - - - I am nobody.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Some basic truths said by a child.
Large eyes popped out from the white clouds that hung overhead.
They gazed at the world below.
All seemed at ease.
And all seemed perfect.
May be all was perfect.
But in a corner of a lonely house sat a lady.
She was young, around 24 years of age.
It was a questionable age, full of confusion and deceit.
She wailed alone in that dark room.
For her sobs could not be heard.
And down he came from the clouds, in the guise of a child.
Tapping her on the shoulder, he startled her.
Noticing only a boy, the girl found comfort in his innocence.
The boy asked the girl, " Who are you? "
The girl did not have an answer.
She did not have an answer, because, when the boy asked that question - she knew that what is evident was not asked.
The girl was alone because she just completed a marathon, where she fell before the finish line.
The girl was alone because she fell from the sky without a parachute.
She was alone for she had no shoulder to cry on.
She was alone for she had not a reason to wake up each morning.
She had not cried before, because she had not questioned before.
The girl countered the boy with a mundane question.
"Why must we look presentable?"
Boy: "Do we? Hmmm. If you say so."
"Why must I take care of my body? Is it only to please the eyes of the lecherous?"
Boy: "O no! You do it because you believe that inadvertently you will attract suitable beings. You ought to do it, because a healthy body allows a healthy function of the mind."
"Why do we have to earn money?"
Boy: "It is a means to attain that what is desired. It could be food or convenient food, it could be a house or a home, it could be work or a utilised life. Your eyes are yours and your mind is yours."
"Why do we need companions?"
Boy: "That is one question that even I have had trouble with. The thing is, one does not necessarily need companions. But the society has evolved in such a way that after a while 2 things happen. One - you want to come home to somebody, either to fulfill romantic / sexual indulgences or to fulfill emotional holes. Two - Option one has developed from the fact that after a while, single people find other people - because that is the way of society. So if you have friends right now and if you want to meet them - - it's all good.
But after a while, when they are with their respective companions, you cannot be an odd number in the group, and you cannot ask one to leave the other so that the one can be with you.
It is a sad truth.
I also believe that romance and love and fidelity are secondary. The primary is the fact that you need to get yourself a good companion for as long as possible.
It is one of the easiest, and troublesome paths that one must adopt."
"Why must I believe in god?"
Boy: "O that one is simple - one believe because one wants to believe. It is easier to believe than not to believe. Does god exist? How do I know?"
"Why is there a pursuit of excellence, be it in terms of wealth, power, materialism, intellect or even vanity?"
Boy: "It is the way of the world O wonderful girl. What makes you different makes you special. With all that we try to shun the without, it is the without that we are a part of. One may keep believing that the individual is superior, but the individual is an individual because he / she is a subset of the whole.
Of course, there are anomalies, and these outliers are the ones that are the true great.
Do you know any of these anomalies? I don't.
The great beings of the past many years have been close to that title, but because they are known, they are not the ones."
"How do I stop crying?"
Boy: " You already have. As soon as your mind is preoccupied with something, sorrow leaves you. "
Know not what you ought to do to become someone you want to.
Do what you feel like.
It is a fine balance amongst the ignorant, the intellectuals and the insane.
They gazed at the world below.
All seemed at ease.
And all seemed perfect.
May be all was perfect.
But in a corner of a lonely house sat a lady.
She was young, around 24 years of age.
It was a questionable age, full of confusion and deceit.
She wailed alone in that dark room.
For her sobs could not be heard.
And down he came from the clouds, in the guise of a child.
Tapping her on the shoulder, he startled her.
Noticing only a boy, the girl found comfort in his innocence.
The boy asked the girl, " Who are you? "
The girl did not have an answer.
She did not have an answer, because, when the boy asked that question - she knew that what is evident was not asked.
The girl was alone because she just completed a marathon, where she fell before the finish line.
The girl was alone because she fell from the sky without a parachute.
She was alone for she had no shoulder to cry on.
She was alone for she had not a reason to wake up each morning.
She had not cried before, because she had not questioned before.
The girl countered the boy with a mundane question.
"Why must we look presentable?"
Boy: "Do we? Hmmm. If you say so."
"Why must I take care of my body? Is it only to please the eyes of the lecherous?"
Boy: "O no! You do it because you believe that inadvertently you will attract suitable beings. You ought to do it, because a healthy body allows a healthy function of the mind."
"Why do we have to earn money?"
Boy: "It is a means to attain that what is desired. It could be food or convenient food, it could be a house or a home, it could be work or a utilised life. Your eyes are yours and your mind is yours."
"Why do we need companions?"
Boy: "That is one question that even I have had trouble with. The thing is, one does not necessarily need companions. But the society has evolved in such a way that after a while 2 things happen. One - you want to come home to somebody, either to fulfill romantic / sexual indulgences or to fulfill emotional holes. Two - Option one has developed from the fact that after a while, single people find other people - because that is the way of society. So if you have friends right now and if you want to meet them - - it's all good.
But after a while, when they are with their respective companions, you cannot be an odd number in the group, and you cannot ask one to leave the other so that the one can be with you.
It is a sad truth.
I also believe that romance and love and fidelity are secondary. The primary is the fact that you need to get yourself a good companion for as long as possible.
It is one of the easiest, and troublesome paths that one must adopt."
"Why must I believe in god?"
Boy: "O that one is simple - one believe because one wants to believe. It is easier to believe than not to believe. Does god exist? How do I know?"
"Why is there a pursuit of excellence, be it in terms of wealth, power, materialism, intellect or even vanity?"
Boy: "It is the way of the world O wonderful girl. What makes you different makes you special. With all that we try to shun the without, it is the without that we are a part of. One may keep believing that the individual is superior, but the individual is an individual because he / she is a subset of the whole.
Of course, there are anomalies, and these outliers are the ones that are the true great.
Do you know any of these anomalies? I don't.
The great beings of the past many years have been close to that title, but because they are known, they are not the ones."
"How do I stop crying?"
Boy: " You already have. As soon as your mind is preoccupied with something, sorrow leaves you. "
Know not what you ought to do to become someone you want to.
Do what you feel like.
It is a fine balance amongst the ignorant, the intellectuals and the insane.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
The American and the Asian
Circularity; a thought just occurred to me.
People like looking good, at the least presentable, because that is what is bred.
Who would you have mistakenly sleeping on your shoulder on a bus? -
A drunk unshaven guy or a decent looking guy.
I know, neither - but if one would have to choose - we know who we would choose.
I did not talk about a girl, coz no one would like an bearded girl...
May be there is a belief of lesser danger from a cleaner looking person.
May be we are disgusted by the mere thought of dirty people.
Is there something wrong with this?
No.
But my thought is, why do we discriminate.
Not being self righteous here - just that it is a thought.
At this very moment - I have a quintessential american guy on a table not far away, sitting with an asian guy, and I believe that the american is talking to him about the american culture or the english language.
Anything wrong with that?
No.
Why am I talking about it?
Simply because of the way the american is conducting himself.
May be he is himself - but I dont buy that.
I see the way he is trying to look impressive and seem to have a command over the english language. There is a variance in his tone, the way he looks at the asian, the way he is sitting with a tie around his shirt collar.
Anything wrong with that?
I dont think so.
But why do I get annoyed?
I think it is because I admire the humble and simple and the sheer brilliance.
Just imagine that a guy in shorts is talking to the asian in a friendly manner and trying to teach him english.
It is plausible that the tied and shirted guy is going to command more respect.
I believe this is just the way we have been made, or lets say - molded.
I saw this movie today - Good Will Hunting.
One of the things that struck me was how, after Will proved a question he did not care about the adulation. I believe that all of us have also been molded to want some respect or praise or acknowledgment.
It is difficult to remain silent and bask in one's glory without the knowledge that others know of you.
May be why I loved (love) Roark, or why I am attracted towards the silent impressive lookers.
Human behaviour shall never be quantified.
Addendum:
American to asian girls walking by: " Do you speak chinese? "
Girls: " No - sorry "
American: " O that's alright . . I speak some chinese... "
People like looking good, at the least presentable, because that is what is bred.
Who would you have mistakenly sleeping on your shoulder on a bus? -
A drunk unshaven guy or a decent looking guy.
I know, neither - but if one would have to choose - we know who we would choose.
I did not talk about a girl, coz no one would like an bearded girl...
May be there is a belief of lesser danger from a cleaner looking person.
May be we are disgusted by the mere thought of dirty people.
Is there something wrong with this?
No.
But my thought is, why do we discriminate.
Not being self righteous here - just that it is a thought.
At this very moment - I have a quintessential american guy on a table not far away, sitting with an asian guy, and I believe that the american is talking to him about the american culture or the english language.
Anything wrong with that?
No.
Why am I talking about it?
Simply because of the way the american is conducting himself.
May be he is himself - but I dont buy that.
I see the way he is trying to look impressive and seem to have a command over the english language. There is a variance in his tone, the way he looks at the asian, the way he is sitting with a tie around his shirt collar.
Anything wrong with that?
I dont think so.
But why do I get annoyed?
I think it is because I admire the humble and simple and the sheer brilliance.
Just imagine that a guy in shorts is talking to the asian in a friendly manner and trying to teach him english.
It is plausible that the tied and shirted guy is going to command more respect.
I believe this is just the way we have been made, or lets say - molded.
I saw this movie today - Good Will Hunting.
One of the things that struck me was how, after Will proved a question he did not care about the adulation. I believe that all of us have also been molded to want some respect or praise or acknowledgment.
It is difficult to remain silent and bask in one's glory without the knowledge that others know of you.
May be why I loved (love) Roark, or why I am attracted towards the silent impressive lookers.
Human behaviour shall never be quantified.
Addendum:
American to asian girls walking by: " Do you speak chinese? "
Girls: " No - sorry "
American: " O that's alright . . I speak some chinese... "
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Where are we going?
Firstly, thank you to my friend who provides me with outrageous movies.
Going on, Chaos.
Saw this movie today, Pi. Outrageous, simply because it stimulates one's mind.
I said, if nature is natural, and if a bee is natural, and what it does is natural then why is what a human does, "man-made" and not natural. There could possibly be an order to the chaos or the apparent individualism.
I believe this is where Ayn Rand also steps in, with her belief of individualism.
Humans, love being in control - thereby, love being individuals.
A person may be part of a group and may be following a herd. But if I tell that person, 'O, so you are just following the herd?' - we know how offended that person would be.
There are people who love being safe.
There are people who love believing they are safe.
There are people who love believing they control certain aspects of their lives.
Why is there a concept of 'fate' or 'destiny'?
Was it a control that was imposed ti provide people with a belief of being safe?
Is it possible that there is an order to everything?
It is possible.
Do I want to believe it?
No.
Could I accept it?
Yes.
Do I believe in the outrageous being possible?
Yes.
I discovered a maths formula in school - and that formula still intrigues me.
I believe that not many people would know it - and if there be people who read this post and ask me for it, I do not want to share it without my will. Does it prove that I was/am brilliant?
Far from it.
Why is the Pythagoras theorem so absolute?
Why is the fibonacci sequence observed in nature?
Why is 2 such an important number?
Why is a circle so amazing, that in 3 dimensions, it influences astrophysics?
I know too little to ask more questions.
How has a floppy disc that held 1.44 Mb evolved to more than 4 Gb?
When will this system crumble under its own advances?
Sciences are around us, even though the skeptics love believing that science has made lesser advances in the recent past.
If the computer has evolved so drastically in 14 years, from windows 95, low ram, low hard disk, black and white curved screens, no internet to what it is now - where are we going with this?
And how far can we go with this?
I believe in cleaner technology, greater computing, increased efficiencies, nuclear war, biological wars, firesales and annihilation.
I believe that humans will not get past 2020 without a huge catastrophe.
Alas.
Going on, Chaos.
Saw this movie today, Pi. Outrageous, simply because it stimulates one's mind.
I said, if nature is natural, and if a bee is natural, and what it does is natural then why is what a human does, "man-made" and not natural. There could possibly be an order to the chaos or the apparent individualism.
I believe this is where Ayn Rand also steps in, with her belief of individualism.
Humans, love being in control - thereby, love being individuals.
A person may be part of a group and may be following a herd. But if I tell that person, 'O, so you are just following the herd?' - we know how offended that person would be.
There are people who love being safe.
There are people who love believing they are safe.
There are people who love believing they control certain aspects of their lives.
Why is there a concept of 'fate' or 'destiny'?
Was it a control that was imposed ti provide people with a belief of being safe?
Is it possible that there is an order to everything?
It is possible.
Do I want to believe it?
No.
Could I accept it?
Yes.
Do I believe in the outrageous being possible?
Yes.
I discovered a maths formula in school - and that formula still intrigues me.
I believe that not many people would know it - and if there be people who read this post and ask me for it, I do not want to share it without my will. Does it prove that I was/am brilliant?
Far from it.
Why is the Pythagoras theorem so absolute?
Why is the fibonacci sequence observed in nature?
Why is 2 such an important number?
Why is a circle so amazing, that in 3 dimensions, it influences astrophysics?
I know too little to ask more questions.
How has a floppy disc that held 1.44 Mb evolved to more than 4 Gb?
When will this system crumble under its own advances?
Sciences are around us, even though the skeptics love believing that science has made lesser advances in the recent past.
If the computer has evolved so drastically in 14 years, from windows 95, low ram, low hard disk, black and white curved screens, no internet to what it is now - where are we going with this?
And how far can we go with this?
I believe in cleaner technology, greater computing, increased efficiencies, nuclear war, biological wars, firesales and annihilation.
I believe that humans will not get past 2020 without a huge catastrophe.
Alas.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Random, The Art and The Hair
A friend once told me - "You are an artist - why finance?"
I thought, "Well, insanity is one side, creativity is one side, questions are one side, ego is one side, purpose is one side, self portrayal is one side, facades are everywhere."
I constantly battle with these variables, simply because there are many things that I want. Or at least want to consider. There is only so much that I can cram into this stupid day.
Eye One Duh if I could be suffering from split personality disorder.
May be I am bottling all of this inside of me, and one fine day it is going to erupt.
I want to read the whole day.
I want to sit on the grass and do nothing.
Listen to music.
Sleep at a stretch.
Be ignorant.
Be aware.
Learn, discuss, romance, forge a relation, and control certain beliefs.
I suffer from bouts of insanity - which is sadly thrust upon onlookers.
Somewhere, I make a conscious effort to let the insanity out.
And I also think to myself - "Do I act insane so that people look at me and remember me or at the least, laugh at me?"
I know the answer to that question.
I actually, ask myself that question on numerous occasions.
Knowing thyself - greater than knowing thyself'
Note: Just tackled one of the greatest disturbances in my life.
Could possibly have been the greatest influence to me.
Some of my hair started greying (the term should be 'whitening' - don't know what is so grey about it) when I was in 5th of 6th grade. Trauma - this term can be applied here - disbelief, fear and low self esteem led me to colour my hair.
Up until 2009. After colouring, about a month thence, the hair starts changing colour due to discolouration and pollution.
So extra care to not stand with the back of my head facing a known person.
A lot of crap.
And just a month ago - owing to various circumstances - I said fuck it.
Well, because with all this perception of being unordinary, weird, and crazy - might as well stand out physically too. Who knows if I get cancer or some crap due to prolonged exposure to hair colour from such a young age at regular intervals.
So now, my hair is natural colour. May be people might remember me as the guy with salt and pepper hair. So be it - hahahahaha...
Just think that such a thing is not worth my mind.
A load dumped.
A mind free.
Other things to focus on.
I thought, "Well, insanity is one side, creativity is one side, questions are one side, ego is one side, purpose is one side, self portrayal is one side, facades are everywhere."
I constantly battle with these variables, simply because there are many things that I want. Or at least want to consider. There is only so much that I can cram into this stupid day.
Eye One Duh if I could be suffering from split personality disorder.
May be I am bottling all of this inside of me, and one fine day it is going to erupt.
I want to read the whole day.
I want to sit on the grass and do nothing.
Listen to music.
Sleep at a stretch.
Be ignorant.
Be aware.
Learn, discuss, romance, forge a relation, and control certain beliefs.
I suffer from bouts of insanity - which is sadly thrust upon onlookers.
Somewhere, I make a conscious effort to let the insanity out.
And I also think to myself - "Do I act insane so that people look at me and remember me or at the least, laugh at me?"
I know the answer to that question.
I actually, ask myself that question on numerous occasions.
Knowing thyself - greater than knowing thyself'
Note: Just tackled one of the greatest disturbances in my life.
Could possibly have been the greatest influence to me.
Some of my hair started greying (the term should be 'whitening' - don't know what is so grey about it) when I was in 5th of 6th grade. Trauma - this term can be applied here - disbelief, fear and low self esteem led me to colour my hair.
Up until 2009. After colouring, about a month thence, the hair starts changing colour due to discolouration and pollution.
So extra care to not stand with the back of my head facing a known person.
A lot of crap.
And just a month ago - owing to various circumstances - I said fuck it.
Well, because with all this perception of being unordinary, weird, and crazy - might as well stand out physically too. Who knows if I get cancer or some crap due to prolonged exposure to hair colour from such a young age at regular intervals.
So now, my hair is natural colour. May be people might remember me as the guy with salt and pepper hair. So be it - hahahahaha...
Just think that such a thing is not worth my mind.
A load dumped.
A mind free.
Other things to focus on.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Intrigue
Amusing, how people motivate themselves through pride.
Amusing, how they look at other people expecting them to be astonished at what they may have done.
Amusing, how they carry themselves.
Amusing, how people crave to achieve a certain few things in life.
How people like to believe that they have a meaning to their lives.
How people never understand that they are cockroaches.
People will evolve and some are more equal than others.
Did you know that?
I believe not.
Do you know why?
It is because you believe that you are more equal than others but you are not currently because there is a 'potential' in you.
Procrastination and perceptions also start with 'p'.
Why do people love to look nice?
Why do they believe that looks will get them somewhere?
Read: Self fulfilling prophecy.
I once met a person who was about to (knowingly) lose his job due to a certain function he wanted to perform. He believed that he had to perform that function because that is what a function implied. The risk to the firm was transitory. The risk to himself was transitory.
But on executing that function he would have done the extraordinary and that in itself would have been a reason to exist.
Hmm - what I saw here was a conscious mind.
So I think sometimes - that a person who does not look presentable - would he ever receive acknowledgment?
The world is flawed because society is flawed because we are flawed because society is flawed because perceptions differ and flaws are a constant.
Where I am right now - people are pretending to have found a meaning or purpose to their useless lives.
One of those people is currently crapping these thoughts.
Amusing, how they look at other people expecting them to be astonished at what they may have done.
Amusing, how they carry themselves.
Amusing, how people crave to achieve a certain few things in life.
How people like to believe that they have a meaning to their lives.
How people never understand that they are cockroaches.
People will evolve and some are more equal than others.
Did you know that?
I believe not.
Do you know why?
It is because you believe that you are more equal than others but you are not currently because there is a 'potential' in you.
Procrastination and perceptions also start with 'p'.
Why do people love to look nice?
Why do they believe that looks will get them somewhere?
Read: Self fulfilling prophecy.
I once met a person who was about to (knowingly) lose his job due to a certain function he wanted to perform. He believed that he had to perform that function because that is what a function implied. The risk to the firm was transitory. The risk to himself was transitory.
But on executing that function he would have done the extraordinary and that in itself would have been a reason to exist.
Hmm - what I saw here was a conscious mind.
So I think sometimes - that a person who does not look presentable - would he ever receive acknowledgment?
The world is flawed because society is flawed because we are flawed because society is flawed because perceptions differ and flaws are a constant.
Where I am right now - people are pretending to have found a meaning or purpose to their useless lives.
One of those people is currently crapping these thoughts.
Analysis
I was thinking about why I have blogged so less off late. And here is my hypothesis :P
Too lazy (read: tired) at home.
Too tired throughout the day.
Actually busy throughout the day - which I still find hard to comprehend - although I do wake up at 615 - 630 everyday and sleep by 11-1145 pm
I was trying to figure out what I really do.
And I realised that I just read, walk, cook, clean and attend lectures.
Am I 'chilling'? - No.
But why have I stopped blogging?
Well, in Mumbai - I used to be wasted everyday, in terms of utility. I used to reach home relatively early and chill. There was accumulated angst which would require an outlet. Lack of better things to do would justify thoughts.
It is surprising how drastically life has changed and how busy I really am here.
I feel fulfilled and sad at the same time.
I read what I wanted to - finance.
I think about what I wanted to - finance.
I have access to what I wanted - finance.
I have already checked out 2 books from the library which are way too advanced for the class - just because of my interest and the sheer option of having that choice.
I cannot find the time to read those books.
Another thing - I cook. And I mean, I cook. Cut onions, cook chicken, mess up my taste buds and grow tired of cleaning vessels.
I wonder if this is a curve that I am lucky to be passing through.
As my friend once mentioned
You have everything you need to get what you want. Take chances.
Too lazy (read: tired) at home.
Too tired throughout the day.
Actually busy throughout the day - which I still find hard to comprehend - although I do wake up at 615 - 630 everyday and sleep by 11-1145 pm
I was trying to figure out what I really do.
And I realised that I just read, walk, cook, clean and attend lectures.
Am I 'chilling'? - No.
But why have I stopped blogging?
Well, in Mumbai - I used to be wasted everyday, in terms of utility. I used to reach home relatively early and chill. There was accumulated angst which would require an outlet. Lack of better things to do would justify thoughts.
It is surprising how drastically life has changed and how busy I really am here.
I feel fulfilled and sad at the same time.
I read what I wanted to - finance.
I think about what I wanted to - finance.
I have access to what I wanted - finance.
I have already checked out 2 books from the library which are way too advanced for the class - just because of my interest and the sheer option of having that choice.
I cannot find the time to read those books.
Another thing - I cook. And I mean, I cook. Cut onions, cook chicken, mess up my taste buds and grow tired of cleaning vessels.
I wonder if this is a curve that I am lucky to be passing through.
As my friend once mentioned
You have everything you need to get what you want. Take chances.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Exhibit A
There is a difference between return on money and return of money.
Anyone who is insane enough to think about their lives is bound to be numb.
Just because there is no proof, it does not mean there is no proof.
Somethings are just not visible. Ref. Details of a balance sheet. Ref. Ghosts.
Dreams dont cost a thing - Sleep does.
Anyone who is insane enough to think about their lives is bound to be numb.
Just because there is no proof, it does not mean there is no proof.
Somethings are just not visible. Ref. Details of a balance sheet. Ref. Ghosts.
Dreams dont cost a thing - Sleep does.
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