Compromise

Yesterday, I was speaking with my Mom about how my generation is so different (on the topic of marriage and relationships); there was a time when people adjusted and compromised.
My mother's take was that it was out of respect for the elders and for the society. I refuted that claim; I said that it was more because there was no individualism, there were no choices. If your father told you to travel 20 kms to do something, you couldn't say, "Hey, I have this and this to do... please send somebody else for this menial task."

This lack of choices influenced a person's behaviour when married. Divorce was a no-no. Fighting was a no-no. Pizza was not allowed. There was no TV. There were no eligible hotties to tempt one.

My mother said then that today's people don't like to compromise. And I agreed. My mother said that it is important to compromise. And I agreed. And I framed a hypothetical situation:

Your (My mother's) daughter is 25 years old and gets married to a 25 year old guy. What should she do if, at the age of 30 the guy meets with an accident, becomes impotent and loses both his hands?
Another question in my mind is: What if, at the age of 30 she finds out that he is cheating on her? Regularly.

The answer, I believe, would be vastly different between:
the 1970s and the 2010s
one's own child and another's child
one's own plight and another's plight
a guy and a girl
a young married person and an old married person

Bharat believes in compromises. For the benefit of the whole. For the peace that goes with one's reputation and standing in society.
India believes in opportunities. India wants to do new things and doesn't want to adjust.
Life is now about taking chances and standing up for oneself, even though it may be at the cost of societal standing or parental disapproval.

Do read this story from Satangel's Review. It influenced this post.

Fortune 500 in 2030

I like Doghouse because they/ he tend(s) to make unconventional and slightly outrageous, although at times, inane comics.
But this one takes the cake!! (for this week at least) - had to repost it.

Haaaa!!! And I love the revenue and profit numbers
And the fact that Berkshire and Exxon Mobil are gonna stay there!

Solitude

Oh, I love being alone. Only with other people around.

You boy!!

"Oh my! I have never seen a man laughing as much as you do"... "You must be keeping her very happy!!"...
My friend and I debated whether the boisterous aunty was Punjabi or... well.. guess, she had to be Punjabi. Her daughter was clearly embarrassed with her mother's loud persona at the store - she quietly asked us to leave while we still had the chance. There I started laughing again, much to the delight of the Punju aunty.
I turned to my friend, "Wow... aise logg kahan miltey hai!!??"
She managed to turn an OK day into a good day :)

Activity makes one believe in one's worth. When I tell my friends that all I do is read in my office, many snicker and quietly wonder if I do any work... This topic has been broached before but the essence is that somebody running around while working at a McDonald's would seem to be doing more 'work' than a writer. Against this backdrop, I see around me that people often find it unnerving to be in a public place, alone and useless. And this feeling has been exacerbated by mobile devices (which are often used to cover up times of vulnerability and loneliness and uselessness).
May be that is why meditating, aka sitting still and breathing, is rewarding.
More people ought to try it.

Who will cry when you die?

When I was dying, I wondered whether or not I was loved. But then, oddly, I thought of who I loved. Do you know who I thought of? I thought of her. Chitrangada Singh.
Ha.
But well, I do believe that it's really irrelevant because once you die, you are, well, dead; so it doesn't really matter who thinks of you in a kind or an unkind way. And yet it does. It does because the alive when thinking of their death like to think of pleasant things and yes, it is warranted.
I am certain that people will cry when I die and even years after I'm dead - but does that show who I am  and what I have done or does it show who they are and how well they thought of me? I believe it is the latter.

Boxes

A painter paints, a farmer farms, a singer sings.
A human being in the 21st century works and manages to live.
We like compartmentalising. I like that word by the way... compartmentalise.
It is pervasive; humans like knowing what is to be done and at times are more comfortable being assigned tasks.

For example, what can one person be doing if on a vacation for 30 days? Odds are that by the 2nd week, the person will re-think the vacation and would want to go to familiar surroundings or watch a familiar movie or have a drink with a friend.
For example, a human would much rather believe in God and heaven and hell and karma that consciously, continually and strongly challenge it. The middle ground is agnosticism wherein there is no need for an answer - may be because 'just in case God exists, you don't wanna anger him!'

A similar analogy is the way a life ought to be lived. In India, marriage is not an option and children are not an option. Not so long ago, living away from the parents was not an option. Not so long ago, bias against blacks in the US was not an option. Not so long ago, accepting homosexuality - especially in the Christian world - was not an option. Non-commitment is still barely an option. Abstinence used to be an option but seems not to be any more.

Humans like rules and like believing that they can break them. At times, they like to break the rules. And at times, well... they should be broken. Sex before marriage. Polygamy. Green hair. Euthanasia. Capitalistic slavery. Prostitution. Tax evasion. Money laundering.

Leave a Mumbai-ite with some money, alone in New York city with USD 5000. He/She would have the freedom to do whatever provided he spends 4 weeks in the US. Odds are that he will get bored and will crave to fly back.
Make a human leave his job with the condition that he can't take up any other job but do give him more than enough money - I believe that he won't know what to do with the entire day. After all, how much can he travel, read, watch TV? 3 days? 7 days? 6 months - Ha.

We like knowing what to do because that allows us to break away once in a while and relish that break. The novelty of anything brings with it joy.

But what is the mindframe of a yogi? How does a philosopher live his life? How does a writer live her life? What if joy itself is a part of the construct may be just because he/she has had that option/ control in his/her hand? Does that change the impact of the compartment? Should that be an endeavour?

India should not strive to become a superpower

"For very many years, the Indian experiment with nationhood and democracy was written off by Western observers. Indians were informed, through a series of premature obituaries, that our country was too diverse to be a single nation, and too poor to be run on democratic lines. To be sure, the nation was scarcely stable or secure – it lurched, as it were, from crisis to crisis, from riot to assassination to border conflict to open war. But somehow, India survived; somehow (and despite the Emergency) it even stayed democratic."


"But to fly from Bangalore to Delhi, and back, is literally to fl y over a serious challenge to the 
emergence of India as a global superpower. Obscured from the bird in the sky is the Naxalite insurgency in central India, which covers at least one-tenth of the country’s surface, and which has at its core the sufferings and discontent of tens of millions of tribal people."



"The challenge of the Naxalites; the insidious presence of the Hindutvawadis; the degradation of the once liberal and upright Centre; the increasing gap between the rich and the poor; the trivialisation of 
the media; the unsustainability, in an environmental sense, of present patterns of resource consumption; 
the instability and policy incoherence caused by multi-party coalition governments – these are seven 
reasons why India will not become a superpower. To this, so-to-speak objective judgment of the 
historian, I will now add the subjective desires of a citizen – which is that India should not even attempt 
to become a superpower."

These are excerpts from a fantastic Guha creation.
India is a mystery. It should not be a country - It should have been a continent comprised of many nations. It seems to me that there is nothing that binds us together except history.

"Back in 1948, doubts were also being cast about the Indian experiment with nationhood. Never before 
had a new nation not based its unity on a single language, religion, or common enemy. As an inclusive,
plural, and non-adversarial model of nationalism, the idea of India had no precedent or imitator."


The concept and practise of capitalism has changed human nature. It has made humans more useless, more shortsighted and oddly stupid in their real selves. Sure, it makes people create the LHC or discover the Higgs Boson or create skyscrapers or ships that fly to the ends of the Universe - but we have left the true animal behind. Somewhere, India was and still is a strong bastion of what it was to be human - Bhutan may still be there. The pursuit of excellence and a good life has been replaced with that for power and more. It is not the right path.
The urge to pee is greater than the urge to pray is greater than the urge to dominate.

Do Nothing

Action Bias. It is a plague that has hit large swaths of humanity. The incessant need to do something. May be that's why I like walking alone because then I am not answerable to anything or anyone. Just like the time, recently, when I walked alone at this village in Ladakh called Stok and I stopped walking and I sat down for a half hour may be just because I wanted to.

An ad made me right this. I think it is write in the message it's trying to convey. Go nowhere. Do nothing.

It's your time
To waste time
Coz you'll never be young again
So go nowhere
And do nothing
Chat up the wind!
Kiss every frog
Stare at nothing
Waste more time
Coz you'll never be young again
Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock...
Waste away (Empty your head)
Float away...
Coz you'll never be young again...

There was a time not so long ago when people had time. It seems to me that people don't have time nowadays. Ok, will leave office at 6pm and go to gym and eat and watch TV and sleep. I will wake up early because it's the healthy thing to do, eat some food and watch a movie and go shopping and meet a friend and talk and talk...
What happened to not doing?

Life and Ladakh

The fragility of life haunts me in a romantic way. I still think of my friend who died more than a month ago, and the way he died makes me really believe in the power of life and that which we don't cherish - life itself. Tsunami, earthquakes, car crash, an odd fall, a virus or a bacterium, a deranged human being, a missile from an unfriendly country - anything can hurt us and there is nothing we can do. I have written this way often and yet have not grown tired of it. Should I tell her that I love her? Should I tell him that he is awesome? Should I smile more often and be crazy for no reason? Should I breathe some pure air because I have the ability to? Is the process of earning money interfering with one's desire to live one's life? Can this be balanced? I can't eat Korean food once I'm dead, nor can I kiss a girl or drink some wonderful water.


In other news...once again, I am off to the mountains (This Sunday). I love them because they don't care.
And once again I must say goodbye in case I don't come back alive; it would be a wonderful way to leave existence - in the mountains. Am not ready of course, far from it :)
Have sustained an injury in my right knee but still going for a 4 day trek through Sham valley. After that, plan to live in a village away from Leh. Let's hope I make it through all of this.
PS I weigh 73 kilos. Shall let you guys know what the number stands at when (and if) I'm back.

Farrokh!

Somehow, I have managed to stay away from Queen for the last 25 odd years. I am happy now for I have found Freddie Dikra :d a.k.a. Freddie Mercury aka Farrokh Bulsara
The music, the lyrics, the insanity, the voice, the voice, the voice.

Dynamite with a laser beam
You say Shark, I say - Hey man! Jaws was never my scene and I don't like Star Wars!!
All I wanna do is... Bicycle!!
I dont have no time for no monkey business!!
200 degrees!! That's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit!!

I have been a little insane about their songs - but I wonder what Queen would have been without Freddie.

Freddie!! Sing away in my head por favor!!

SHUT UP YOU IDIOT

Spoiler Alert.
The final season of House MD has ended. A fitting end. Am happy we did not have to deal with the misery of Wilson's death or House's imprisonment/ death/ suicide/ murder...
Am truly going to miss the show. My eyes were watery when the house burnt down on house and Wilson tried to run towards him.
I hope that some of the 'lessons' don't leave me - those related to being an ass, having fun, not believing people at face value, the value of relationships, but foremost may just be the fear of imprisonment - may it be through a physical injury, a mental illness, a prison, bearing with personal commitments or just living a woeful life.

Kleptocracy

Yes, please look up the meaning of the term first. Kleptocracy.
Generally, I write about China on my other blog but I thought I should write here for a change. First, is this post by a very interesting man who lives in Australia and operates a very small short-focused hedge fund. The post talks about how the country is a little bit difficult to decipher. The one-child policy and the country's economic regime has created very unique behavioral patterns which ought to culminate towards a revolution.
Second, is this video which is a 40 minute interview of a guy who speaks of China becoming a mafia state. All plausible. 

House MD

Once again, House MD makes me right, yes, right, this post. Season eight is marvellous. Chase was stabbed and what ensued was classic House. House and Wilson share a wonderful relationship. Chase said, "He is the only one who can fix me". Something like that.
The frailty of that which we call life is astounding. Most of the times, good things happen and sometimes, bad things happen. There need not be a reason. Bad things happen.
I am undergoing physiotherapy for something odd with my left leg; the mere thought of not being able to walk is demoralising. The thought of being left alone is unnerving. And yet, that is the way life is deemed to serve us, or may be the other way around.
Often have I been called odd. I do see myself as a misfit and oddly, many people think so too about themselves. But I guess life is well-lived in one way - the individual way. I am reading the biography of Steve Jobs and the following part of the ad campaign which is now popular says a lot about who we, as humans, are supposed to be.

Here's To The Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in thesquare holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they haveno respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push thehuman race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world - are the ones who DO !

Going back to House, how does compassion change facts? Why are morals expected of people in a way that is deemed fit by the assessors? What good is a life lived in subjugation? It could be taken away anytime. 

Jobs had often said that he didn't expect himself to live long.

Yangry

For long have I skirted this issue... why do we lose our cool? And by we, I mean I. :)
Personally, I guess it has to do with being stuck in situations which are leading nowhere, which in turn cause frustration. This could have to do with a simple conversation with a strongly opinionated person who is not open to backing down from a conversation that is leading nowhere.
I also lose my cool when emotions and societal norms are mixed with logical/ correct or business-oriented decisions; that is to say when bureaucratic delays and known errors are caused through egos which can't be countered.
Sadly, I can't remember the last time I got really angry. I wonder if that's bad. I get frustrated, yes, but not downright angry.
I want to walk.

Seriously!

Was listening to the radio today... yes... radio still rocks!! Anyways... someone said... "I don't take myself too seriously; I see quite a few spiritual types who become very serious - that is when I get bored." I couldn't help but smile with fondness. Suits are dangerous and so are the people within. Life is a bit of a joke and it's best to dance your way through it. It is a bit of a jolt that I received in the last year regarding the importance of sincerity and the futility of seriousness.
And hence, quite a bit of my hair was coloured purple and may be why I mustered up the courage to sing regularly at karaoke and may be why I wear more colours on myself and may be why I decided to begin meditating on a regular basis and may be why I started paying attention to my fitness and may be why I love music at a different level now. The peeps are a little missing... but the peeps shall be found... here's to life y'all. Here's to life. 

To Life

I spoke to a friend from Junior College yesterday and it took me back to those days. How I detest and love who I used to be... I still don't know why it took me such a long time to become comfortable with myself. I used to be insecure and now some people see me as quite self-assured; I believe I'm just a shadow of my past now. It frightens me when I think of how enjoyable life is right now but yes, the core of man's spirit comes from new experiences. Gosh, how I love my 'profession'. Very odd that be. Let the music flow. Cherish the alcohol. Stay away from boring people. Do new things. Look into the horizon. Pay due respect to the mice. 42. Always know where your towel is.

Ben

So he died yesterday. This post is not with the intention of receiving comments or making a mark. May be it's just a reminder. Things happen which are outside our realm of control. I loved him for selfish reasons, but I loved him nonetheless. I hate that this happened.

100 100

So I had to write about this. This will be one of the many 1000s of articles/ posts about Tendulkar's 100th century. Although a '100' is quite an arbitrary number, being human we consider it a milestone. If he had ended his career at 99 centuries, we would have longed for that one more.
For many Indians, cricket for the last half of the 90s and the 2000s was a lot about Sachin Tendulkar. This guy is five feet five inches tall and has been called one of the worst sledgers in cricketing history because of his uncounth stubbornness at the crease and his focused and composed demeanour. He has always let his cricket speak for him and cricket fans the world over hail him as the little master.
For me, it is emotional just seeing him play well. The way he removed his helmet, looked at his bat and then looked up - may be at his father - it made me want to cry a little. When India won the world cup, I was happy for him because he needed it for the country. I wonder what he feels everytime he does his country proud and when he knows that he is such a revered figure in this country. I remember his performance in the '96 world cup and in '98 in Sharjah. The younger population will never understand what it meant to us when we saw him unleashing the demon within and clobbering mighty bowlers with his mouth shut.
For me, he has been larger than the Indian team and he has been a face of India in many parts of the world. A 100 100s don't mean much, may be it is as good as 99 or 101 centuries. There have been so many times that he has been dismissed in the 90s, and he in fact holds the record for the most number of times dismissed in his 90s, largely due to his fantastic and long batting career.
I remember his slight stride with a the straight face of the bat at a 45 degree-ish angle off the vertical and the ball would go soaring away for a six. People would be perplexed with his technique and with his effortlessness. I remember how charged the atmosphere was in the Sharjah series when we had to attain a certain number of runs to qualify for the final. Am not sure why that series was so important but it is etched in my mind. 143 runs. Long live Sachin.

Fund

So I have started what can be termed as a proprietary fund and at times when I think back at what I have been through and what I am currently going through, especially the last 4-5 months, I feel fortunate for having access to such an opportunity. I already see myself developing in odd ways. However, the risks are difficult to comprehend.
As an employee, one's issues are competitive and seniority oriented. One looks forward to promotions, appreciation, beating another person in the team/ company, getting recognition from a senior but is never too worried because diligence tends to pay off.
As an owner and as a fund manager who is responsible for a corpus, everyday is an intellectual and mental struggle which is also very rewarding because of the freedom and control and lack of fear. However, the risks are such that I could not have comprehended them a year ago. Here I am, sitting on a corpus which needs to be invested, but I am slothy about it because it needs to be deployed qualitatively and carefully - not rapidly for the quick buck. The strain of sitting on cash is quite something. The strain of waiting for an investee company to perform is also difficult to adjust to because in a normal business, one is more in control of what is happening whereas here, one has to hope for the investee management to do good work. 

Lennon

John Lennon has his band of followers even today. I have loved him only because he was a part of the Beatles; for me the band was bigger than him. But once in a while, I have come across some of his (possible) quotes such as:

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” 

My life

Nick Drake started singing and I wondered why I got his portrait made... and then I heard his voice and the truth he spoke - so I smiled. He sent my mind back to school and college; it seems like somebody else I am thinking of right now.

I remember my insecurities and I remember crying alone. I remember my clumsy gait and my pretenses. I remember my blind pursuits and being called strange. Most of my oddities are from Junior College times, the frugality, the search for who I was, the need to slightly impress those around me. One of the many crazy things I also remember: I never knew how to behave around people, I could never hear myself speak when people said I spoke to rapidly. I remember jumping from the window ledge to the corridor for no particular reason except may be to emulate someone else. I wondered (as I do now) why people behave the way they do. Odd things make me tick and surprisingly, that was the same then.

But I see myself today and I believe that I have become more shallow, much meaner and slightly cold. I have also gotten in touch with myself and I know that I strive to be immensely truthful. A friend asked me if I am different around different people... and I said that, a few years ago I would have said, 'Yes'; now, I say 'No'. I am quite the same around most people: a little lost, a little crazy, quite silent, an open book but immensely personal. My coldness stems from reality and the tiny issues I have with social customs - I usually mean well but can't seem to bother with niceties.

There was a time that I felt I was quite alone, in terms of how I am; now, I am quite sure there are many weirdos like me. Does it matter? May be. "I want to be unique! Everybody else is!!"

I may never understand the influence that music has had on my development, but I hear Nick's voice right now and I know he is beautiful. 

Hotel

I was at the Sahara Star yesterday, which is near the domestic airport terminal in Vile Parle East. Was dinnering with a friend and his wife -OMG this is insane!!! I now have friends who are married!!!! Insanity I say!!! This is madnesss!!! This is not Sparta!!!!

Anyway, we ate at Namak where they have some odd custom where they welcome people to eat with their hands. The servers were sub-par and slightly confused, although the hospitality was stupendous - the greeter made sure we sat down and took care of us until one of the servers could come by with menus and complimentary refreshments. So we had food there, which was nice and not excellent, but nice nonetheless.. loved the biryani :D

We then went around the circumference of the dome inside the hotel and made our way to the coffee lounge, and this is why I am writing this on my blog. We sit down at 1020 pm, the place is about the shut at 11 pm. Yes, there is a normal coffee shop at the lower level which, I believe, is open 24 hrs a day.
We sit down and are lusting after the pastries on display; I feel like having an espresso and the server says something odd. He says that there is a cover charge of INR 500 per person. I am utterly dumbfounded.
I ask him to ask a senior person if we can not pay that ridiculous amount because we had just finished dinner downstairs... The senior dude comes along and says that he is sorry, but it is a policy of the 'restaurant', but he did say that since the place is shutting soon, we were welcome to sit.
So I think, well, if we can sit, and we want to have a coffee and a pastry, why can't we order it? He says that we can, but it will be subject to the cover charge. Ludicrous.
So, we decide not to order anything.

What transpired above was rather ridiculous for a hotel as nice as the Sahara Star, especially because it was with paying guests of the hotel. A cover charge? Really? Some rules need to be bent. Yes.

Ruminating yet again

I attended a dear friend's marriage in Agra. It was cold, I was surrounded by his IITian batchmates and I was happy to be there. 

I saw J. Edgar and got a peek into the life of a person who changed the world in a not-so-insignificant way.

I saw Coriolanus and wondered what Ralph Fiennes is made of. Wonderful actor he is.

I heard Michael Buble for the first time and I heard the mischief of Sinatra in his music.

Advaita, the band, is going to create some truly amazing music in the years to come. I know it.

Max Chandra is in Chennai right now (as far as I know).

Unfaithful made me question the concept of sanity.

The Selfish Gene makes me question the nature of human beings, reaffirms my belief in the insignificance of it all and makes me smile at the thought of our pursuit of the natural us.

And here I am waiting, while I see multitudes of people passing me by.

Often, and without effort, I see people through another eye; as though I am an alien looking at the human population engaged in activity. It scares me when I see myself functioning this way; detached, unemotional and yet immensely sensitive. And even though I am consciously engaged, I am alone. I am not sad, just pensive yet crazy. 

Who are we?

I have written about this guy before, here, and luckily, I came across another article on him. More of an interview. The guy is nearing Chennai - please do read this interview/ article about Max Chandra and The One Step at a Time Foundation. I liked this:

"Do you miss anything?

I cannot say that I miss much. I miss intimacy - not sex - intimacy in holding hands, in a kiss, in a hug... I miss having a friend to talk to when I am suffering or when I am excited. I miss sharing moments."

May be this speaks a lot about who we really are. And somehow it is at conflict with who we are genetically supposed to be - food and sex should spur us on, but it is not the same anymore. We, as living beings, have changed.
__________________________________________________________________________


Moving from one charitable foundation to another initiative: CancerFights
I was at Pritvhi Cafe with my friend who had come down from the US and at the tea/ snacks counter I saw a familiar face. AP seemed shock to see me; we were seeing each other after school (10 years ago!) and what followed was a flurry of words about what we are doing and how life has been. I knew she had been on TV as a presenter on a business news channel and I also kinda knew that she was doing her PhD in finance. And then she drops a bomb - she was starting a charitable organisation/ foundation. I was taken aback because a person who has been on TV, professionally, and who is pursuing her PhD is not expected to do something as 'altruistic' as this. However, this post is not about her.  
This post started with Max and is now at AP. It amazes me that there are still some of us who are capable of doing this - leave the line, care less about the material, care less about accepted norms of progress. Who are we if not willing to do something meaningful? Odd that I just wrote about this very topic some days ago. When I read a bit of what CancerFights had on their site, it disturbed me because... I was there, back from a lazy day of work, the purpose of which is to potentially live life with a better temperament and improving rationality and knowledge along the way. I managed to quit my job and stay away from the family business and I believe I'm doing a great job with my life; I also believe that I will soon try to teach a case study oriented course to undergraduates who could really use such a non-rote course. I wasn't disturbed because I am 'not doing anything meaningful', I think I am on my way to doing worthwhile things; I was disturbed because I envy such people.
To walk for consciousness.
To work closely with cancer patients - the quality not the quantity.
Here's to living a meaningful life. Congratulations Max and AP.

Why?

Zed.
So it's SE, LK and RS whom I quite miss. Am sure I wouldn't be able to tolerate them for too long but I can't most people. Oh, how easy it is to succumb to the lure of the material world and the fear of being penniless. SE asked me, "What is the purpose of life?". "To enjoy life to the maximum extent", I replied. And then I added, "Bearing in mind limitations such that the enjoyment can be sustained until the end." He frowned. Why? Zed.
So here I am, working out financial valuation in my odd way while listening to this new piece of alternative, folk Indian band, in my office which looks more like a studio. My head is spinning (is that English?) for I am contemplating the investment decision I have made. Monday shall be decision day.
What value am I adding to society by pursuing this career? Not sure. However, this career allows me free time to then participate in this society. Spanish classes for now, teaching is on the cards, so is travelling. I hope I can teach something that is case-study oriented to students - the shallowness of Indian education will ruin us as it has been for a while. Why? Zed.
Procrastination is evil. I should work on this soon!!!

Time

In Inception, the movie, we are introduced to the varying degrees of time based on the difference between the real world and the dream world. Similarly, it is interesting how humans tend to give credence to seconds, minutes or hours based on the nature of the activity. But usually, by the time a human being draws closer to his death, he remembers time in years and at times as bundles of years together. Each day with a girlfriend at the age of 24 is kinda remembered or cherished; which, by old age, becomes compressed into a statement. In the words of Juliet (from the song by the Killers), "O Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him."

As humans we have calibrated time down to seconds, for most useful purposes. But the mountains don't care. I believe that they measure time in centuries or millenia. And the planets don't care. They may be seeing time in hundreds of thousands of years, may be even millions... and yet here we are, this intelligent species that crawls through time as ingrates continually succumbing to societal pressures and becoming more lethargic and less alive with each passing year.

A few people believe that I tend to talk about pessimistic or depressing stuff, but most of what I talk about tends towards hope and living. This year, 2011, is drawing to a close. I closed an important and ruinous chapter in my life. I have started an important phase - my office and my company - and I see an important chapter opening soon enough. 2011 has made me younger, healthier, more introspective, calmer and more adventurous. I hope that truth doesn't leave me, although I'm pretty sure that will be my undoing.

Human Nature

The above title may be considered an oxymoron. The picture below is partially the reason why.


The low-hanging fruit were plucked by humans before the middle of the 20th century. Most of our recent advances have been innovation-related - nothing wrong with that. It seems to me that until the age of 21 or so, when people start working for money, humans are rather natural; they are animalistic and constantly developing. And suddenly, as soon as they are thrown into the 'corporate world', something in them dies. I spoke with RS recently about how work done as an employee is usually mechanical, whereas work done when self-employed or when leading a team is raw, fruitful and exciting. Another friend works for a consultancy, one of the best, and says that all he really does is get things sorted and pretty looking - the answer to a client's problem is quite straight-forward but this dogma of mechanical or process-oriented work is slowly chipping away at human ingenuity. I had written about this in an earlier post but I felt the need to elaborate here. The prevalence of 'financial firms' is disturbing because their contribution is minimal relative to their potential of ruining the way modern societies function. Why are more engineers moving into finance and consultancy? And why are scientific brains rotting away in non-research oriented fields? Where have the artists disappeared?

Struck by a nose

At the Laxmi Lawns next to Magarpatta City, Pune, I bumped into a cute girl. "Sorry 'bout that", I said, she turned and smiled. She took two steps and turned back at me, smiling, to see me smiling at her. That is the double take. Small things like this make life interesting.

I was there with a friend for a two day concert. The NH7 weekender concert, we went there for the Dewarists stage. Brilliant crowd with some very fine ladies. Brilliant music and a crazy atmosphere. Indian Ocean, The Raghu Dixit Project, Swarathma, Advaita (a new band we discovered), Papon and the East India Company (another new band!!! Banao is a hit!!!). Imogen Heap was there - she had collaborated with Vishal Dadlani on a new song.
The last day ended with many performers present on a new stage. Insane!!! A massive crowd with a DJ for a while, then Pentagram, then Raghu Ram (from Indian Ocean), Monica Dogra and Shaair joined in, so did Imogen. They mixed their sounds and their music - it was just happiness everywhere. People jumping and swaying and singing and shouting.

I remember lying down flat on the grass listening to music from 50 metres away and a guy comes up to me and asks, "Hey can I take your photo?" "Sure, do I need to keep my eyes open?" "No man, whatever you wanna do!" "Cool"

I went wild during Raghu, Indian Ocean and Papon. Hadn't danced (jumped/ moved wildly/ uncontrollably) like that for a long long time... I asked the girl in front of me for a cigarette. She obliged. I offered to take better snaps because she was short. A small conversation ensued. The music ended.

I walked and moved without care through a spattering of people, some on the grass, some in their groups. It was lovely. I was struck by a nose. Figuratively. Funny how that nose is still in my head. Figuratively. I think I have a thing for noses. Figuratively and, hmm, literally. Muahhahahahahaaaaaaa.

Life is good and the girls are gorgeous.

Them that stare

LK and RS make me smile. Sadly, I can't meet them often and may be that is for the best - it leaves a sense of 'what's new?'.The way they make me smile is unlike how most others can; it has a hint of introspection and provocation.
Here I am in my office at the end of my first real week and already my time seems so qualitatively utilised. The discipline is still very lacking but that can be attained. I am reading the things I really wanted to and I absolutely enjoy this feeling! Sadly, envy is creeping in and Munger comes to my rescue :) He posited that envy is the worst of the 'seven deadly sins', because nothing good ever comes out of it - the same can't be said of sloth or gluttony.
Something is amiss with my personal life and I feel it gnawing at me; and then it strikes me - quicker and firmer than it used to - there is much time left and there are wonderful things to be done and luckily, this is the best of times.

"In sooth, I know not why I am so sad, it wearies me. But how I caught it, found it or came by it, what stuff 'tis made of - I am to learn."

Odd how I still remember this. 

Lunacy

It's nice to be ridiculous. Don't nose what ziss cruel corporate world has done to me!!! I have become tame. I miss being crazy. Luckily, some friends and some 'stuff' bring out the nut in me :)

See, things like the picture above need some serious lunacy :) Had to post this post this post. Damn! It's like spelling B-A-N-A-N-A-N-A  Damn!!!!

Menial, Useful

Fascinating things are happening. Occupy Wall Street for example. How is it that certain people are paid millions of dollars for work - work which is not really that amazing or productive? If Apple creates a revolutionary product and charges people good money, where they have the discretion of buying it, I believe it is more than acceptable. If an organisation jeopardises the financial system through leverage while paying its employees insane amounts of money for long and rather un-intelligent work, that is odd.

I am writing about this because I met a friend yesterday who quit her seemingly cushy job at GS India. She is probably quite intelligent but the work she did, as is in most investment banks, was quite mind-numbing - literally. I have worked at a small investment bank and even though I don't know what really goes on at the larger I-Banks, I do know that they employ an army of people who can work crazy hours at typically 'programmed' jobs. These 'Analysts' (please dont get me started on the first year, second year and third year analysts) and 'Associates' largely mine data and prepare documents. These documents may be for internal review, marketing or presentation purposes. They are paid wild amounts of money for the implied dedicated hours of work they will perform.
An example of disparity: A person working as a copywriter in an advertising agency may be paid INR 50K to 100K per month (I am being very optimistic here). A copywriter is a creative person and quite often he/ she will come up with interesting ideas/ concepts for advertisements or presentation. Real work that be.
An analyst at an investment bank usually prepares pitch books or public information booklets or financial models. According to me, this work is compilation of data in a more presentable format. And these guys are paid upwards of INR 150K per month.
Ridiculous this disparity be.

The reason I write about this is that I see many friends working at sad places and or sad profiles and or for sad money, but thus be life. With this, I go back to Europe. Appreciation for fashion, art, creation, life, outdoors, society and a lesser emphasis on materialistic pursuits. (Lesser not no).
The nature of work has changed drastically. Work used to be more immediate (Bake cookies, sell cookies) or (make steel, sell steel). The supply chain was shorter and life's conveniences were not many. I see that in India, the sheer abundance of people makes many employed people rather useless at their jobs. Tasks can be unbelievably menial.
And this goes out to those who know me. Let's do something really worthwhile with our lives. We should, for what else could life be worth?

Europe has been good to me

A guy aged 20 years works at a dairy farm in Australia, 4 hours from Melbourne, with the motive to save enough money to travel to Europe for 3 months with his friend.
A girl aged 22 years from Linz, Austria is plausibly the biggest fan of a band called Guano Apes and has been to 45+ of their 48 concerts.
An Indian with education from India, some work in Dubai and some more work in the US and in France falls in love with a French woman and is now a proud father of a gorgeous baby boy - he lives in Germany now.
A girl from Azerbaijan has come to Praha, Czech Republic to study and works part-time at a hostel.
A singer for a jazz troupe performs at her last gig in Prague because she is moving to Australia with her Australian boyfriend who had lived in India for 2 years at a certain time.
A French girl finds a language buddy through the internet - the other girl is a blind German - they live with each other for a period of time with the motive of learning the other person's language.
An Indian from Pondicherry falls in love with an exchange student from France; they decide to get married and move in together in Germany where the girl holds a steady job.
An Austrian girl meets an Indian on a train and invites her to Vienna and to the Oktoberfest for the following year.

The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences.

I came to Europe on 30th September and am now towards the end of my trip. I leave for Mumbai on 17th October. I had instructed my Austrian friend to plan my first 4/5 days as per her convenience. After this I would go to Hamburg around the 6th. I would then meet my American friend in Berlin on the 9th of October. He would leave whenever he wished to, after which I would be alone and rather aimless.

It was before dawn when I stepped out of the Praterstern station at Wien (Vienna). Clumsily, I made my way to my friend's place while the city seemed asleep. I see a light in a window and after a while I hear a 'Hello!'. She had a very cute way of saying 'Hello'. I set down my bag and am tired - the flight had been miserable. I am welcomed with a walk to the Danube to see the early sun while I snacked on a sandwich. I sleep for a few hours and greet her roommate in my boxers - I think I was a little messed up with the lack of sleep, I didn't know what time it was when someone tired opening the door. I meet her warm and simple roommate who I get to know over the next 2 days.
I meet her friends, we go drinking, and the next day we go for a short hike up a hill near Wien. Mich (Austrian friend) packed a lunch of an apple, crackers and a sandwich for all of us. We were joined by a girl/ lady who was from Serbia but now lives in Wien. Walking is fun, especially when the sun is nice and the wind is low, add to that clear air and beautiful, pleasant company. I eat fresh, roasted chestnuts, we pick grapes from a vineyard and this weird, small tomato thing, the seeds of which makes one itchy. We stopped on our way down to see a tractor ploughing a hillside at a 30-35 degree incline - inexplicable.

Irish pubs are fun - funny how they didn't know about the Irish car bomb :(
A train ride to Salzburg, a cable car up a mountain and some alone time alongside Mich. Touring through the city with her friends, I felt the beauty of Salzburg. It was evening and most tourists had retired to their hotels. We were being guided by Mich's local friends. We drank and ate at a beer garden, we walked to a protrusion off of a hillock, took an elevator through a hill and walked through the fairytale city. Soft music (composed) by Mozart reached my ears and soon we retreated to our hostel/ hotel room.

In Munich for the Oktoberfest the next day after a good night's sleep. We were wise for I was in wise company. Just walked around the Oktoberfest fair during the day, ate a bit and retreated to our hostel for some rest - preparing ourselves for the evening that lay ahead.
As luck served us well, we found a table next to the band at the centre. Soon, we had on our table Scots, Brazilians and Canadians (not to mention the Austrians and the Indian). Sinatra, Bryan Adams, Beatles, Bavarian songs about Arnold Schwarzenegger, a horny slutty bitch and the glory that is Bavaria were some of the songs we jived to. I remember dancing with random people. I remember people kissing and people drunk. I remember the positive air and the ease with which strangers gelled together. An Oktoberfest visit is a must for every person who can potentially make it there. It is. One of the best things - the waitress forgot to bill us for the food! Wooohoooo!
Munich after the night was nice - it is a nice city, small and rather simple. The Deutches Museum in Munich is quite marvellous; so is the English Garden.

I bid adieu to my Austrian friends. I decide to go to Garmisch-Partenkirchen (Yes, kindly look it up). It is the closest town to Zugspitze - the highest mountain in Germany. Wonderful, wonderful infrastructure. An 8-10 minute cable car ride up a 2800 meter elevation. A train that travels rather swiftly up a 2500 meter elevation - a large chunk of which is actually through the mountain. Brilliant stuff. Eat some Currywurst while you are up there along with weisbeer! O and something that Indians never do - if ever in a hilly town like this, please stay in a pensionne instead of a hotel. It is a wonderful experience.

2.5 days in Hamburg were more social than touristy. We shopped for groceries, cooked Indian food for people who came over, little chit chats and met some interesting and nice people. Reeperbahn is mad!! Very few places where one can window shop for hookers ;) The harbour, the food, the people, the diversity and the planning & infrastructure make Hamburg a lovely city to live in.

Met my American friend at the Berlin Hauptbahnhof - so super cool. The motive for vacations should be: food, walking, seeing, drinking, eating, fooding, talking, eating and sleeping. That is what we did. Berlin is a massive city! It surprised us, especially me, because relative to Wien, Frankfurt, Hamburg or Munich, Berlin is huge! Getting lost is possible. Please see the tower in the middle of "Mitte". Alas, weather was unkind - it rained in 5-10 degree temperatures :(
Dresden, pronounced as 'Draaaaaaaaayzzzzden' (Muahahahhaaaaa) is something. Again, unexpectedly massive. Very old and the walkways are mind-numbingly massive. Very Soviet Union types - I might be politically incorrect here. But frankly, it is a city that one can omit from their travel plans.

In Praha (Prague). The city can seem scary at night - that is when I arrived. Sir Toby's Hostel is so brilliant. A wonderful atmosphere, very nice people (guests and employees), cheap breakfast and an awesome underground pub. It may be one of my favourite cities so far. There is a cosmopolitan air to it with the new city. There are old theatres, and underground clubs (one jazz club I went to yesterday I may never forget - do go there!), nice people, tons to see, the Charles bridge is overcrowded; I did the smart thing (I went at 2 am) Yeah baby!!! Getting lost in the old city is uber fun, and I am surely coming here again (hopefully with a girl I like ;) ) For the romantics out there - I like this city more than Paris.

Side note: staying in a hostel is super super fun. It can get annoying with snoring strangers but it is still well compensated by the new people one might meet.

Next year: South America!!! (Hopefully)

Europe

Last year I travelled to Europe. Austria and Germany. Brilliantness.
Tonight I leave for Europe again - Austria, Germany and may be Czech Republic.
Hopefully I come back alive. 

The Purple Foodie

I love food. I can, I think, eat most land 'stuff'. However, as an Indian, it is difficult to expose myself to non-vegetarian food. I am happy if I get a lasagna at a good Italian restaurant like Mia Cucina at Bandra. When abroad, I love eating meats; steaks, korean food, soups, thai food, sushi, etc. Goa exposed me to eating some fish but the way most of the world relishes seafood astounds me - I feel that way when I see Masterchef Australia or some cooking show. Mussels, oysters, lobsters, fish, squid - would love to try them; well, mussels I have tried. They be nice - a bit like pani puri :D
Moving on to sweet dishes, Indians pride themselves on the 'desi' sweets. Sadly, really good sweets are difficult to come by as are good vegetarian dishes. I say that because many of Mumbai restaurants have moved to churning out food as cheaply and quickly as possible. This has something to do with economics of course - rentals are crazy to support good food. A nice example is Five Spice. A 'Chinese' restaurant that started, I believe, in town and then expanded to the suburbs. The place is still looooved by many but because I am a bit of a bitch, I believe people love it because most Indians don't enjoy flavours and fragrances. We have become a society of food gulpers. True it is. Staple orders - Noodles, rice, paneer/ chicken chilly, manchow soup, dry manchurian! Where is the pork and the duck and the seafood??!! It makes me sad.

You see, I digressed. I was talking about sweets. Kinda. Point is, I am a regular reader of The Purple Foodie. It is a foodie blog created and maintained by a school 'friend'. I don't like using the word 'friend' too easily, so I should say she is a school acquaintance. I absolutely adore the way she writes - her passion for sweet and baked items showers the reader as one progresses through a post. It is a rarity - seeing someone in India so passionate about food. Shaheen is her name.

I wrote this post because it is my way of appreciating passion. Humans have kinda lost that. Sad it be.

Drunk

I hadn't been drunk since more than a year ago. That changed last week. Cool friends are cool. Cool chick friends are cooler. Got semi-high at a pub in Andheri and then quite gone at my place. Well, I was still a little OK, cant say the same about her trip :)
Was quite insane, and so was trying to find a rick to drop her home at 530 am. Fun times.

And yesterday, I had to take care of another friend who is weirdly weird in addition to being cool. I don't know when she managed to down 7 tequila shots because I had only managed a small Gin n tonic :D
Being around drunk people can be fun, especially when one mistakes a firang for a waiter at the pub, or tries on spectacles of the co-owner or wants to wander off in search of menthol ciggies. A dude who knew me seemed quite confused because I was walking away at the same time my friend struck a conversation with one of the servers.

Here is to the drunk people! The drunk fun people! And to the random buggers who like staying outside home in Mumbai at night!

160911

I quit my job at Ladderup Corporate Advisory yesterday. I have now incorporated a Company. I am ~25 years old and circumstances are conducive for creating a long-term vision based on my temperament, life desires and my competency. Of course, all of those are beliefs. But we have to start somewhere and at times get out of our comfort zones.
The plot seems very promising. Monetary rewards are quite assured. Intellectual and emotional rewards are also quite certain. My competency is not. Therefore, I am confused. But I am a firm believer that intelligence is incorrectly calibrated and enjoyment is overlooked. This is the next phase of my life. Cheerj to that. Let the crazies be unleashed. 

Just

I met a friend in Dubai. Rather, I went to meet a friend in Dubai. Amazing how different the two statements be. At a table I said, "I thunk about it..." Someone interjected and asked/ exclaimed, "Thunk??!!!". I smiled at my friend, may be he nose that I love messing with the English language.
Random trips are fun because they can be so unplanned and therefore quite the adventure even if one might be in a boring place like Dubai. On my flight back from Dubai I saw Dhobi Ghat on the plane. Quite annoying how poor the quality of the video can be on that contraption that ejects from the side of one's seat - the ones in the beginning of the columns of seats. The airhostess was from Spain - always nice to look at and speak to a pretty face. It's one of those shallow indulgences. Beautiful. Told her about Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, half knowing that another brown bugger must have already said that...
"Have you been to Bombay? No. How is it? Crowded. Aaah.. but the rains in Bombay, the rains are marvelous. Nothing like it. The smell of the rains. "

I was down three small bottles of Shiraz from Australia. It was quite alright. I remember losing some motor control after the third bottle.
I helped a mother haul her suitcases because she had her child in her arms. There I was, drunk and helping a pretty woman. Oddly enough, people who greeted her thought I was her husband. Freakkkkkyyy. 'Tis the small things my friends...

I remember talking to a young British boy (boys are always young aren't they?) on top of a sand dune. He was rattling away about how he has been to Kenya and Egypt and how her grandma is quite old.. "When she dies, she said she would leave her mansion to us so we can go whenever we wished to." I liked that he said 'when'.

Got some mehendi on my forearm - my name in Arabic with some grotesque design surrounding it.

I felt younger and older. I always do. Bursts of spark greet my everyday in my journey through life towards death.

A poor child

Had to chronicle this. It was a scene from a Bollywood movie. A guy driving a car hails a boy selling some toys. The boy would've been 10 or 12 years old - the same age as the car guy's 2-3 children in the car (You get the point)
The disparity has been seen elsewhere but something stood out in this scene. May be it was the air-conditioned sedan with pesky kids and a doting dad buying from a young child on the street.

Being Human

Humans have been quite the same for the last 3-4,000 years or so. Am saying this because when one looks at sculptures or archaeological evidence one can see that we functioned in very similar ways to how we do today. The last 100 years have changed things drastically. I refer to the definition of 'success' and 'work'. Work used to be labour-oriented and success was based on sustenance. A society's success was at avoiding conflicts or winning conflicts. A woman never really 'worked', it was usually the man, and when we look at other fauna we see that life is based on sustenance, security and survival. The male is usually stronger than the female.
The computer-age and the evolution of sciences changed the divide. The mechanism of currencies changed what work needed to be. A farmer needs strength and hence is usually a man... he grows stuff and barters it for other stuff; this makes the woman reliant on the man. It's a crude assessment but this is what things used to be like.
But now, let's say a girl is creative, she can make more money than a man in some advertising field or so. The mere thought of a creative mind making money through the work 'field' of advertising or marketing or film-making would've been laughable at some decades ago.

Things have changed in a way that has changed the course of evolution as I see it. Never before had natural resources been unnaturally 'processed'. As an analogy, evolution allowed humans to endure dust but will evolution ever allow humans to adjust to new substances like microscopic pieces of brick, or artificially enhanced foods?

The natural instinct of a female of any species is usually to have an off-spring as is the intent of any species - to  propagate. It is odd that so many humans now choose not to create children; it is extremely unnatural but perfectly understandable. The meaning of 'survival' has changed.
It used to mean getting through life by physically searching for food, finding/ creating shelter and fighting/ escaping conflicts. Now, as humans, we 'study', 'play' in an artificial environment - take the notion of video games, quite absurd - we study to become engineers who are supposed to know 'engineering' who eventually work as consultants and then move to private equity... along the way, they get ahead of other people largely due to circumstances or intellectual capabilities.

The natural world did not function this way for the longest time but something has changed. Humans have changed the face of this earth and we have changed the mammals we were, may be, meant to be. It is all very intriguing when we look at ourselves from an alien's point of view. 

Much

Today, while driving, the thing that connects the steering wheel to the right front tyre broke. Luckily, I was at the traffic signal and not driving per se. It is inconceivable what might have happened had I been driving...
Then, thanks to my ovarian lottery, there was somebody from home, a driver, who came to my 'rescue'. We flagged down a towing van and got the car back home. 1.5 hours have been encapsulated into 2 sentences; but such is our memory. We forget things quite easily and rather effortlessly.
There is much to live for and I have seen myself drift away from this ideology. Many people go through this phase when they think, "OMG, there is just so much to live for. When I see how people around me are living, and when I see how good my quality of life is on a relative basis, it just makes so much sense to live it up!"
But as I said earlier, our memory deceives us. We forget often, that which needs to be remembered.
My driving ordeal and the movie I am watching right now, Guzaarish, make me think of the things I have going for me and how easily some of those things could be taken away from me. I know that this is only a fleeting feeling - I will forget it soon. Sadly, this feeling needs to be cherished! :)
Carpe Diem. I really want to live it up and want to let go of my inhibitions. Even though this is a message that ought to go in my personal diary, I felt like writing it here. I felt like keeping this thought open to the world. This post, like many others that I write, will melt away into obscurity.
I have gone through a life where I have been an outstanding student. I have secured brilliant marks and distinctions. Those, now, are quite useless. I have seen myself outperform in personal forums, I have seen my weaknesses and I have seen that which makes me superior to many others. I have gone through bouts of,  what I would really prefer calling, depression. I have felt helpless, useless and inferior. I have felt alone, aimless and unhealthy. I am 24 years old now and I have started seeing life in a different light. There is much to live for and I am excited.
I heard from a friend the other day (it was said to her by a doctor), "What's wrong with you?! This is your time to look good and feel good!" "You heard what I said to him right? No-one!!! is worth dying for".
The doctor was referring to how little people tend to care of themselves and how, at times, they put unnecessary people and events before them.

We humans are unbelievable. There is a lot to live for. I hope my memory serves me well.

130711 Mumbai Blasts

I was driving home with my colleagues when what-I-thought-was-a-rumour started floating around... Slowly, the confirmation dawned on us in the car. Surprisingly, I wasn't scared. One friend made the wise decision of going back to office. It's wise because my decision to drive home was rather irresponsible; more blasts/ events could have transpired.
So there I was driving. I felt cold, heartless and numb. My head said, "Ah! So another 2 years go by and we have another series of blasts/ attacks. Good I'm alright and the odds are that all my friends are going to be alright." We, in Mumbai, have accepted such occurrences. We understand how easy it is to create chaos and how easy it is to blow up a bomb in a crowded place, and please don't tell me that something like this can't happen in a European city because it is really very easy to make a rudimentary bomb that can cause havoc.

I feel sad that I was as cold as I was. The logical reason is quite simple; there are so many human beings and frankly, most human lives are worthless to most others. I have 500+ facebook friends, of whom I care about may be 30-50. In a city that accommodates more than 15 million people, the people I know form a small small portion. I care about my peeps but I don't think much could probably happen to them.
I know quite well how most other nationalities would react; shock, horror, concern, etc. But when life in India is so cruel and when life in India is best lived with optimism, there is no room to be concerned for those who you don't care about.
I understand the, "This could have happened to me/ her/ him", but no point wallowing over it.
This city is a shit-hole. A shit-hole that is loved by its inhabitants because it is so much better than most other Indian cities. And shit happens in shit-holes like Mumbai. Don't get me wrong, but I love Mumbai immensely - no other place I could call home. But yes, there are times when we hate home.

I will now move to human behaviour. (This might cause a subdued uproar among my millions of readers).
So there were blasts. And we start calling/ messaging friends and family with "Are you alright?". Understandable. If my Mom was stuck somewhere, I would find a way of getting to her.
But
When we reach the second tier of friends, which is where most of our friends belong, we start somewhat faking the concern. If I message a second tier friend "Are you alright?" - how differently would I react to a 'yes' or a 'no'?
And please, if he/ she is not alright, he is not going to reply to my message... he's gonna be working on finding his way out or doing whatever he is up to. This behaviour of ours makes me believe how big a part peer pressure and guilt play in our lives. It is a truth that most of us will not accept, but it's true. We like showing concern and we like being shown concern. Guess that's what makes us human?

You can't take my soul

I have had trouble accepting myself for many years now. My thoughts have been questionable and my questions have been thought-provoking. There was a time that I felt I was smart, that time has now passed me by. I now see that I want to see a lot of what humanity and nature has to offer to me; not just visually but also emotionally and socially.
For a long time now, I have questioned people's behaviour in various circumstances and I truly believe that we as a kind are becoming overly superficial in our approach to our lives. I was reading about Charlie Munger and came across a statement he made about how his endeavour is a lot about learning and growing than about much else.
I like the word 'iconoclast' and I like the word 'contrarian'. Why can't there be a global war around the corner? Why can't Indian G-Secs touch 10%? Why can't more of us leave the clutches of capitalism and the spiral that ensues? There are possibilities everywhere and even then I see us following, largely, a single file.
I am about to embark on my next phase knowing fully well how hopeless my prospects might be and how woefully inadequate I am (that's what she said, sorry... bad joke), but I also want to embrace the knowledge that time is on my side unless something untoward happens. Alas.

I am immensely hopefully and a part of me is joyous. There is little that I remember, but I kinda remember the child I used to be and I am happy to say that the same child is within me now. Now, after a very long time.

The Nanking Massacre

The Nanking massacre was conducted by Japanese troops in 1937, over a period of 6 weeks after The Japanese captured the city of Nanking. I am reading about it right now and it's sad that I had never heard about it. 20,000 to 80,000 women were raped during that period and 100,000s people were killed. Forced incest, child rape, mutilation were some of the things accounted by journalists and other people in that city.
It appalls me to think that humans could be that cruel; it almost seems unbelievable. Almost.
I cannot imagine the world in the midst of war again, and yet, because I can't imagine it I think it will happen within a decade or so. Axioms are dangerous. The world has been largely peaceful for a very long time, it should continue being so for many years to come.

I cannot imagine troops of the 21st century being as vengeful as those of yester-years. But humans can surprise.

The stupid reign

When I was a child (physically at least) life was short-term competitive. Extremely competitive. I remember believing that I was 'smarter' than many others, one, because of my marks, and two, because of my thought processes which I believe I was aware of.
I remember segregating people into interesting and 'everyone else'; needless to say that the two pools were unevenly sized. Upon entering the 'work' world I see that those differences tend to melt away. Kids whom one would think not able enough to cope well with the competitive world are doing well (some of them). There are people with lesser intellect and lesser curiosity and lesser practicability succeeding. By success, I refer to designation, appreciation and monetary well-being; I do not refer to an interesting personality, an interesting life, an affable nature or a self-actualized being.

I see around me, in various organizations, people in positions (figurative :| ) that are enviable and unbelievable knowing how utterly insignificant I think of their existence relative to competition. It is true that luck and happenstance (may be a tautology here) are key determinants of people's progress or journeys through life.

I see now a sticky behaviour perpetrated by organisations and by people at the helm. Minds are narrow at times and oft distrustful. It is under these circumstances that people opt to switch fields due to disenchantment or become (supposed) masters of their own progress through what can be loosely termed as entrepreneurship. It does sadden me often when I see capable hands indulging in menial tasks with the promise of climbing the corporate ladder or the promise of the 'learning experience'.
Ladders break and so do promises. People fall and find their way through as long as they have their respective heads resting on able shoulders. This capitalistic world seems to have made us machines living in fear of an uncertain tomorrow and I hope to remember the child that I was...

Climate

Captain Planet was introduced in 1990. I remember seeing it avidly everyday (flashback).
We are in 2011 and news about China's recent drought crop up. There was a similar drought last year that destroyed the wheat crop.
I am worried because we as humans have been focusing on economic development without sustenance. The tipping point seems to be approaching and I am concerned.

Climate

It feels odd to think the way I do bu I grow concerned about how this planet is shaping up. I believe that greater access to information might be influencing my thoughts and I hope that is the case.
Large chunks of the Arctic and Antarctic ice shelfs breaking off, the lowest rainfall in 50 years in a paddy growing region, a drought last year in the wheat growing region of Russia, large swaths of the Brazilian Amazon rainforest being replaced by farmland, the presence of harmful substances in Chinese (and plausibly other countries') produce, semi-random bouts of food produce shortages; events like earthquakes, volcanoes and tsunamis have been part of Earthen history and should hence be overlooked.

We have managed to change the landscape of Earth, especially over the last 100 years, and we still believe that there is nothing that is really going wrong. The tipping point is approaching. I expect shocks to our sedentary system.

Writing music

I was listening to Chopin last night and was spellbound, yes, spellbound, by some of the music. To describe fantastic musical creations in words would be an insult to the creator (not God, please). I then proceeded to reading a bit about the guy who lived in the 1800s; I thought to myself, it's great that the music has survived. I then thought of Indian music and how it hasn't survived; Indian music is, may be, played from the heart and the mind almost extemporaneously but we don't have records of what a musician in a Mughal court in the 1700s would play.
We don't have a language for music whereas the Western European societies did develop a language for music. It's something we take for granted but just imagine how much the world is missing because of lost ancient music.

Deviations

Normal people lead normal lives and go through very small deviations. Contrary to fairy tale beliefs, normal lives are quite alright and can be quite fruitful, however a normal American life, is different from a Japanese life is different from an Indian life. The problem is not with the normal life or the outlier life, the problem is with the inconsequential, uninterested life that is more passed through than lived. It's a thought that recurs often and disturbs me seldom. Enjoyment is a subjective experience and one that can't be explained well.
I crave to have my niche and my share of the un-normal. It's a pursuit I say!

The travails of society

My blogging has reduced primarily because of work and secondarily because my eyes have been giving me grief. To clear the air; my eyes are tired, dry and in pain especially by the time I come back from work; this makes me avoid the computer once I come home.
My third eye-specialist is trustworthy and has given me tear-inducing drops which will  start being effective 2.5 months from now. However, all of this is of little relevance to any reader.

The other day I was reading a post by 'Neo Indian'. It's quite a hilarious site with very meaningful statements talking about the India that is, was and should be. He asked people to stop posting 'supportive' comments on social networks and start doing something meaningful like supporting soldiers or actually being a part of the rally.. For me, that was one of many such littered posts on the net.
A dilemma facing some of us new Indians is our affection for our country.
I have clarified before that more than India I belong with the Indian culture - not the villages and the bureaucracy but the language spoken by a Mumbai-ite, the food, the issues, the joys and the sentiments. I get annoyed when people say that we should work for our country or for our parents, not because that could possibly be ridiculous but because nobody ought to suggest why and how one should live with the 'suggestion' being the face to a guilt producing demand.
As a contrast, I read a letter by Theodore Deden which seems to be speaking about investing but is in fact speaking about a way of life; a way of life that we ought to be living but contrasts with how most people live today. What I drew from the letter was individualism and a greater consciousness of that which surrounds us, that which has come to pass and that which we ought to work towards.

I crave independence - could be because of the way my life has panned out or what I have heard or read or seen - and I ache to create a difference to my own life. This is in stark contrast to what I used to be.

I remember the time when I said, very sincerely, that I want to change the world.
I remember the time when, for love, I changed what I used to be in favour of supporting the relationship.
I also remember the time when I used to excel at academics and was rather proud of my achievements.
There was a time when I ached to get back to work and to give something back to society.
I now believe that only if I live for my personal success will I be in a position to be with someone or live for something or give something back to society. It's alright if I fail at following through after attaining my success, because I know that that will be an endeavour and not an end.
Personal success has little to do with wealth. It has a lot to do with the freedom to travel, read, listen to music and grow individually. "We are all here to learn" said my ex-professor and that I hold close to me.

Working for somebody when one has access to more potential is ridiculous. But in the short-term it could be justified. Only if I am to find my balls (figurative) will I start my progress. I am appalled at how little time I have to read, travel and experience the fruits of life. Studying and following a way of work will only create knowledge which is shared by many others. I would love to know more about people, cultures, histories and progresses - may be I will be a couple of steps ahead in seeing the progress of civilization. And this could be a great support system to the way I am.

I used to be content. Am not anymore. I know the field of work I am bound to enjoy, the workplace I would love to tap-dance to (credit goes to Mr. Buffett), the kind of books I would love to own and read, the kind of people I would love to eat or drink with, the kind of time I would love to have on my hands and the kind of health I would love to develop. Am I a few steps ahead or am I creating my own little cocoon?

Drake makes me ...

Nick Drake makes me sway; there is something haunting about his voice that makes me write freely - only at times though. I smile often when I listen to his sorrowful songs. I smile at the creature he allowed himself to become and at the figure the world will never recognize.

Profound

A wise man once said, "If you are alive, you ought to live."

Please come again!!!

Once in a while we are fated to meet extraordinary people. By extraordinary, I mean 'away from ordinary', because let's face it... most people are quite similar and rather boring.
French chick working at Airbus, vacationing with her brother in Laos and Cambodia by taking a 4-month sabbatical, and finally moving to a town called 'Surkhet' in Nepal for 2 months to work for an NGO. This is the girl I spent time with over 4 memorable evenings/ days, albeit around other people.

What struck me about this creature was the brilliance that she brought into a room... a child at heart and quite crazy. She said it very simply, "Remember, it's not we who are crazy, it's the other people who take their lives too seriously." The time we spent together was usually around other people but our conversations were very simple. We spoke of people, relations, our own insecurities, culture, identity or the lack thereof and what we found amiss in the people around us at times...
I spent about 4 evenings with her and dropped her to the airport - and quite possibly, we might never meet again, which would be very sad.
I loved her attitude towards fights (in relationships)... too much of that going around anyway, and well, we are together to be happy, really no point fighting. Am too busy smiling. Hope she stays a child forever and hope that society doesn't spoil her.
Please come again!! ;)

And for the record: Buffalo milk pancakes cooked in ghee rock!!!

Fabulous One-Liners

"It is important for people to realise that optimism, skepticism and pessimism can co-exist."

"One day was heart-fucking, the next was hard-fucking and the next was mind-fucking."

"Are those hickeys?"
"Jackass!!"

Code 1800

Some things seem so insignificant but in that moment they can be fabulous.
The car I drive, Skoda Fabia - its battery died after 4 years. A new one had to be installed and after installation, for some reason (of course it's always 'some reason'), the music system and device wouldn't work.
On start-up it would say "SAFE" and then it would flash some Code. Random button pushing - like Deedee - would get the screen back to "SAFE". Completely harrowing.
I went for one and a half days without the music and in the evening I picked up the car manual and literature; I had to figure this out. I had assumed something wrong with the circuitry which is why it said "SAFE".

So I flip through the manual rather cautiously, I go through the index and can't find anything meaningful. Annoyed.
I then go through another manual where there is a note on anti-theft. Luckily I see the word "SAFE". Aha!!
Apparently, Skoda has a mechanism wherein whenever a battery is replaced the music system locks itself to hinder a thief's motive :|
The manual tells me to put in a code like "0000" - I figure out the way to change numbers on the screen and press the 'play' button. No use. Nothing happens.
Too add to the agony, the device locks itself for one hour after 2 unsuccessful attempts.

The manual also says something about how the code is stored in the instrument cluster so one usually need not manually enter the code. Right!
When I'm about to lose all hope I see a sticker on the manual with a barcode and a long number with a 4 digit number underneath. Hmmm.. It read : "1800"
I punch it in.

Voila!!!

By now you might be wondering why you're still reading this...
Well, it's more of a reminder to me for how jubilant I was when it started working :)
Music keeps me alive and keeps me ticking :)
I was going to give it to a mechanic or someone, and I didn't have to. You know what that means? No toiling in traffic. No waiting. No questions. No more hassles. I did this! It is small.. but I did this!!
Ha!!!

Into the Wild

Chris / Alex McCandless wrote well.

"The very basic core of a man's living spirit is hit passion for adventure.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience."

This is from the book "Into the Wild" and the above quotes are Alex's own.
The last quote he negates before death when he notes:

"And so it turned out that only a life similar to life of those around us, merging with it without a ripple, is genuine life, and that an unshared happiness is not happiness... And this was most vexing of all. HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED."

Did he have to go through his ordeal to realise this? Could he have been one of the very few who actually realised this? I ask because most of us don't know the other possibility, of living without society and love.


The book is quite excellent. It's not as glorious as the movie but is sobering. Jon Krakauer is the author and he expressed his compassion for the kid in the introduction/ foreword. There are two chapters which I really liked. One in which Jon talks of other weirdos/ loners/ pursuers and the other when he describes his youth and his journey to Alaska to conquer Devil's Thumb. Fantastic stuff.
I enjoyed the part where when he came back to the town and recited his tale to the town folk, they didn't seem to care :)
I relished the part where he compared his ... well... this is the statement (He was 23 years old then):
"At that stage of my youth, death remained as abstract a concept as non-Euclidean geometry or marriage."

This book and books like this make one realise how shallow a city-dweller's journey can be. Yes.

127 Hours

The movie rocks. There was two scenes that reminded me of me.
1. Aron Ralston (James Franco) as a kid with big specs and his father takes him to a part of the canyon to see the sunrise.
I have thought of this a few times; if I ever choose to or am fortunate enough to have a kid I would love to go trekking with him, away from the city to a secluded part of earth. It's something that I'm sure I would not enjoy with my girlfriend or wife.

2. When Aron just realises that he is trapped and says something for the first time.
While walking on the Sheltowee trail in the Red River Gorge; I had been walking for two hours or so and then I said, "I haven't heard my voice for quite a while." That is the first human sound I had heard in two hours or so.
The feeling was precious and I hold it very dear.

Antarctica - and we waste time chasing money and society :)

Yes - that was a long title. For a reason.
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Source: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5x7Hs3/www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/45981

There is a glacier in Antarctica that seems to be weeping a river of blood. It’s one of the continent’s strangest features, and it’s located in one of the continent’s strangest places — the McMurdo Dry Valleys, a huge, ice-free zone and one of the world’s harshest deserts. So imagine you’re hiking through this –





– which has been kept ice-less since God was a child because of something called the katabatic winds, which sweep over the valleys at up to 200 mph and suck all the moisture out of them. Anyway, you’re hiking along, passing dessicated penguin carcasses and such, and you come to this.



A bleeding glacier. Discovered in 1911 by a member of Robert Scott’s ill-fated expedition team, its rusty color was at first theorized to be caused by some sort of algae growth. Later, however, it was proven to be due to iron oxidation. Every so often, the glacier spews forth a clear, iron-rich liquid that quickly oxidizes and turns a deep shade of red. According to Discover Magazine –

The source of that water is an intensely salty lake trapped beneath 1,300 feet of ice, and a new study has now found that microbes have carved out a niche for themselves in that inhospitable environment, living on sulfur and iron compounds. The bacteria colony has been isolated there for about 1.5 million years, researchers say, ever since the glacier rolled over the lake and created a cold, dark, oxygen-poor ecosystem.

Even weirder: scientists think that the bacteria responsible for Blood Falls might be an Earth-bound approximation of the kind of alien life that might exist elsewhere in the solar system, like beneath the polar ice caps of Mars and Europa.

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Disclaimer: I did not write a single word from the above excerpt.

This article and the photos are brilliant. Not because they exist but because we choose to remain so withdrawn from the glorious natural creations. A barren, cold, ice-free desert in Antarctica makes sense once you read about it but I am sure when I make this assumption - one thinks of Antarctica as an ice, ice, ice land.

My point: There is so much world out there. It's a corny statement - but so true :(

A Stolen Essay

" Today, I thought of how much I detest what this city has become. And then I thought that the standard of living has improved and is still better than those in many other cities.

Sadly, humanity, civility and simplicity have been lost.
I want to fight for these things but find it simpler to overlook them and potentially leave this city and may be this country. "

1000 Awesome Things

http://1000awesomethings.com/

http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

Take a step back - life can be simple. Believe it.

Greetings

No. I'm not wishing the insane readers a happy new year.
A thought occurred to me the other day.

When did 'Hello' become a question?

Ref: Whenever someone picks up the phone.