Sailing away

I have begun reading this book called "The Zurich Axioms", seems to be a wonderful read about living a life, speculating and being un-Indian.
Recently, I completed reading this book called Civilization by Niall Ferguson and I thought to myself, "Why, when Europeans and Chinese kept over-reaching and doing extraordinary stuff with innovation and the like, did Indians not do anything worthwhile on the global scene?" We never sailed far away, we never craved to conquer other countries, our economic might through our spices and agriculture was only for the East India Company's benefit.

In India, one community does stand out for its chutzpah and that is the Patels of Gujarat. They have always been the ones up for an adventure and that is why they are found all over the world.

Going back to history and to the Zurich Axioms, the book says that Switzerland succeeded because of its knack for adventure and speculation - I don't know if that is true but it is truly an interesting way to live a life.
When I think of Indians, I think of the following words:

Society
Compromise
Peace
Contentment

Indian culture has been predominantly influenced by Hinduism and not by Islam, may be because Islam is a relatively new religion in India, and Indian Muslims are Indians at heart (or so I want to believe). I am not against any religion!!! I am against idiots ;)

Going on, Hinduism - if one looks at the Gita - stresses on doing what should be done. There is no urgency in any of our historical texts/ myths. The concept of meditation stresses on attaining peace. Only society allows an individual to be safe from external aggressive forces. Hinduism also stresses on striving to escape the cycles of birth and re-birth. The concept of Karma has been misconstrued to doing 'good' and avoiding doing 'bad'.
All of this meant that there was no need to do anything new and independent. It also meant that it makes sense to live life with the primary motive of attaining peace.


All of this still influences the India of the 21st century.
We care too much for what the society thinks of us, and how much money we have for later in life and how producing little human beings is imperative for continuation of 'the family name'.
Of course, by now we dont care about how dirty we make our community, because we only care about our own houses - but this is a topic that it quite futile to cover.

Ah, India. We are complex, no? Yes, no?

Compromise

Yesterday, I was speaking with my Mom about how my generation is so different (on the topic of marriage and relationships); there was a time when people adjusted and compromised.
My mother's take was that it was out of respect for the elders and for the society. I refuted that claim; I said that it was more because there was no individualism, there were no choices. If your father told you to travel 20 kms to do something, you couldn't say, "Hey, I have this and this to do... please send somebody else for this menial task."

This lack of choices influenced a person's behaviour when married. Divorce was a no-no. Fighting was a no-no. Pizza was not allowed. There was no TV. There were no eligible hotties to tempt one.

My mother said then that today's people don't like to compromise. And I agreed. My mother said that it is important to compromise. And I agreed. And I framed a hypothetical situation:

Your (My mother's) daughter is 25 years old and gets married to a 25 year old guy. What should she do if, at the age of 30 the guy meets with an accident, becomes impotent and loses both his hands?
Another question in my mind is: What if, at the age of 30 she finds out that he is cheating on her? Regularly.

The answer, I believe, would be vastly different between:
the 1970s and the 2010s
one's own child and another's child
one's own plight and another's plight
a guy and a girl
a young married person and an old married person

Bharat believes in compromises. For the benefit of the whole. For the peace that goes with one's reputation and standing in society.
India believes in opportunities. India wants to do new things and doesn't want to adjust.
Life is now about taking chances and standing up for oneself, even though it may be at the cost of societal standing or parental disapproval.

Do read this story from Satangel's Review. It influenced this post.

Fortune 500 in 2030

I like Doghouse because they/ he tend(s) to make unconventional and slightly outrageous, although at times, inane comics.
But this one takes the cake!! (for this week at least) - had to repost it.

Haaaa!!! And I love the revenue and profit numbers
And the fact that Berkshire and Exxon Mobil are gonna stay there!

Solitude

Oh, I love being alone. Only with other people around.

You boy!!

"Oh my! I have never seen a man laughing as much as you do"... "You must be keeping her very happy!!"...
My friend and I debated whether the boisterous aunty was Punjabi or... well.. guess, she had to be Punjabi. Her daughter was clearly embarrassed with her mother's loud persona at the store - she quietly asked us to leave while we still had the chance. There I started laughing again, much to the delight of the Punju aunty.
I turned to my friend, "Wow... aise logg kahan miltey hai!!??"
She managed to turn an OK day into a good day :)

Activity makes one believe in one's worth. When I tell my friends that all I do is read in my office, many snicker and quietly wonder if I do any work... This topic has been broached before but the essence is that somebody running around while working at a McDonald's would seem to be doing more 'work' than a writer. Against this backdrop, I see around me that people often find it unnerving to be in a public place, alone and useless. And this feeling has been exacerbated by mobile devices (which are often used to cover up times of vulnerability and loneliness and uselessness).
May be that is why meditating, aka sitting still and breathing, is rewarding.
More people ought to try it.

Who will cry when you die?

When I was dying, I wondered whether or not I was loved. But then, oddly, I thought of who I loved. Do you know who I thought of? I thought of her. Chitrangada Singh.
Ha.
But well, I do believe that it's really irrelevant because once you die, you are, well, dead; so it doesn't really matter who thinks of you in a kind or an unkind way. And yet it does. It does because the alive when thinking of their death like to think of pleasant things and yes, it is warranted.
I am certain that people will cry when I die and even years after I'm dead - but does that show who I am  and what I have done or does it show who they are and how well they thought of me? I believe it is the latter.

Boxes

A painter paints, a farmer farms, a singer sings.
A human being in the 21st century works and manages to live.
We like compartmentalising. I like that word by the way... compartmentalise.
It is pervasive; humans like knowing what is to be done and at times are more comfortable being assigned tasks.

For example, what can one person be doing if on a vacation for 30 days? Odds are that by the 2nd week, the person will re-think the vacation and would want to go to familiar surroundings or watch a familiar movie or have a drink with a friend.
For example, a human would much rather believe in God and heaven and hell and karma that consciously, continually and strongly challenge it. The middle ground is agnosticism wherein there is no need for an answer - may be because 'just in case God exists, you don't wanna anger him!'

A similar analogy is the way a life ought to be lived. In India, marriage is not an option and children are not an option. Not so long ago, living away from the parents was not an option. Not so long ago, bias against blacks in the US was not an option. Not so long ago, accepting homosexuality - especially in the Christian world - was not an option. Non-commitment is still barely an option. Abstinence used to be an option but seems not to be any more.

Humans like rules and like believing that they can break them. At times, they like to break the rules. And at times, well... they should be broken. Sex before marriage. Polygamy. Green hair. Euthanasia. Capitalistic slavery. Prostitution. Tax evasion. Money laundering.

Leave a Mumbai-ite with some money, alone in New York city with USD 5000. He/She would have the freedom to do whatever provided he spends 4 weeks in the US. Odds are that he will get bored and will crave to fly back.
Make a human leave his job with the condition that he can't take up any other job but do give him more than enough money - I believe that he won't know what to do with the entire day. After all, how much can he travel, read, watch TV? 3 days? 7 days? 6 months - Ha.

We like knowing what to do because that allows us to break away once in a while and relish that break. The novelty of anything brings with it joy.

But what is the mindframe of a yogi? How does a philosopher live his life? How does a writer live her life? What if joy itself is a part of the construct may be just because he/she has had that option/ control in his/her hand? Does that change the impact of the compartment? Should that be an endeavour?

India should not strive to become a superpower

"For very many years, the Indian experiment with nationhood and democracy was written off by Western observers. Indians were informed, through a series of premature obituaries, that our country was too diverse to be a single nation, and too poor to be run on democratic lines. To be sure, the nation was scarcely stable or secure – it lurched, as it were, from crisis to crisis, from riot to assassination to border conflict to open war. But somehow, India survived; somehow (and despite the Emergency) it even stayed democratic."


"But to fly from Bangalore to Delhi, and back, is literally to fl y over a serious challenge to the 
emergence of India as a global superpower. Obscured from the bird in the sky is the Naxalite insurgency in central India, which covers at least one-tenth of the country’s surface, and which has at its core the sufferings and discontent of tens of millions of tribal people."



"The challenge of the Naxalites; the insidious presence of the Hindutvawadis; the degradation of the once liberal and upright Centre; the increasing gap between the rich and the poor; the trivialisation of 
the media; the unsustainability, in an environmental sense, of present patterns of resource consumption; 
the instability and policy incoherence caused by multi-party coalition governments – these are seven 
reasons why India will not become a superpower. To this, so-to-speak objective judgment of the 
historian, I will now add the subjective desires of a citizen – which is that India should not even attempt 
to become a superpower."

These are excerpts from a fantastic Guha creation.
India is a mystery. It should not be a country - It should have been a continent comprised of many nations. It seems to me that there is nothing that binds us together except history.

"Back in 1948, doubts were also being cast about the Indian experiment with nationhood. Never before 
had a new nation not based its unity on a single language, religion, or common enemy. As an inclusive,
plural, and non-adversarial model of nationalism, the idea of India had no precedent or imitator."


The concept and practise of capitalism has changed human nature. It has made humans more useless, more shortsighted and oddly stupid in their real selves. Sure, it makes people create the LHC or discover the Higgs Boson or create skyscrapers or ships that fly to the ends of the Universe - but we have left the true animal behind. Somewhere, India was and still is a strong bastion of what it was to be human - Bhutan may still be there. The pursuit of excellence and a good life has been replaced with that for power and more. It is not the right path.
The urge to pee is greater than the urge to pray is greater than the urge to dominate.

Do Nothing

Action Bias. It is a plague that has hit large swaths of humanity. The incessant need to do something. May be that's why I like walking alone because then I am not answerable to anything or anyone. Just like the time, recently, when I walked alone at this village in Ladakh called Stok and I stopped walking and I sat down for a half hour may be just because I wanted to.

An ad made me right this. I think it is write in the message it's trying to convey. Go nowhere. Do nothing.

It's your time
To waste time
Coz you'll never be young again
So go nowhere
And do nothing
Chat up the wind!
Kiss every frog
Stare at nothing
Waste more time
Coz you'll never be young again
Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock...
Waste away (Empty your head)
Float away...
Coz you'll never be young again...

There was a time not so long ago when people had time. It seems to me that people don't have time nowadays. Ok, will leave office at 6pm and go to gym and eat and watch TV and sleep. I will wake up early because it's the healthy thing to do, eat some food and watch a movie and go shopping and meet a friend and talk and talk...
What happened to not doing?

Life and Ladakh

The fragility of life haunts me in a romantic way. I still think of my friend who died more than a month ago, and the way he died makes me really believe in the power of life and that which we don't cherish - life itself. Tsunami, earthquakes, car crash, an odd fall, a virus or a bacterium, a deranged human being, a missile from an unfriendly country - anything can hurt us and there is nothing we can do. I have written this way often and yet have not grown tired of it. Should I tell her that I love her? Should I tell him that he is awesome? Should I smile more often and be crazy for no reason? Should I breathe some pure air because I have the ability to? Is the process of earning money interfering with one's desire to live one's life? Can this be balanced? I can't eat Korean food once I'm dead, nor can I kiss a girl or drink some wonderful water.


In other news...once again, I am off to the mountains (This Sunday). I love them because they don't care.
And once again I must say goodbye in case I don't come back alive; it would be a wonderful way to leave existence - in the mountains. Am not ready of course, far from it :)
Have sustained an injury in my right knee but still going for a 4 day trek through Sham valley. After that, plan to live in a village away from Leh. Let's hope I make it through all of this.
PS I weigh 73 kilos. Shall let you guys know what the number stands at when (and if) I'm back.

Farrokh!

Somehow, I have managed to stay away from Queen for the last 25 odd years. I am happy now for I have found Freddie Dikra :d a.k.a. Freddie Mercury aka Farrokh Bulsara
The music, the lyrics, the insanity, the voice, the voice, the voice.

Dynamite with a laser beam
You say Shark, I say - Hey man! Jaws was never my scene and I don't like Star Wars!!
All I wanna do is... Bicycle!!
I dont have no time for no monkey business!!
200 degrees!! That's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit!!

I have been a little insane about their songs - but I wonder what Queen would have been without Freddie.

Freddie!! Sing away in my head por favor!!

SHUT UP YOU IDIOT

Spoiler Alert.
The final season of House MD has ended. A fitting end. Am happy we did not have to deal with the misery of Wilson's death or House's imprisonment/ death/ suicide/ murder...
Am truly going to miss the show. My eyes were watery when the house burnt down on house and Wilson tried to run towards him.
I hope that some of the 'lessons' don't leave me - those related to being an ass, having fun, not believing people at face value, the value of relationships, but foremost may just be the fear of imprisonment - may it be through a physical injury, a mental illness, a prison, bearing with personal commitments or just living a woeful life.

Kleptocracy

Yes, please look up the meaning of the term first. Kleptocracy.
Generally, I write about China on my other blog but I thought I should write here for a change. First, is this post by a very interesting man who lives in Australia and operates a very small short-focused hedge fund. The post talks about how the country is a little bit difficult to decipher. The one-child policy and the country's economic regime has created very unique behavioral patterns which ought to culminate towards a revolution.
Second, is this video which is a 40 minute interview of a guy who speaks of China becoming a mafia state. All plausible. 

House MD

Once again, House MD makes me right, yes, right, this post. Season eight is marvellous. Chase was stabbed and what ensued was classic House. House and Wilson share a wonderful relationship. Chase said, "He is the only one who can fix me". Something like that.
The frailty of that which we call life is astounding. Most of the times, good things happen and sometimes, bad things happen. There need not be a reason. Bad things happen.
I am undergoing physiotherapy for something odd with my left leg; the mere thought of not being able to walk is demoralising. The thought of being left alone is unnerving. And yet, that is the way life is deemed to serve us, or may be the other way around.
Often have I been called odd. I do see myself as a misfit and oddly, many people think so too about themselves. But I guess life is well-lived in one way - the individual way. I am reading the biography of Steve Jobs and the following part of the ad campaign which is now popular says a lot about who we, as humans, are supposed to be.

Here's To The Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in thesquare holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they haveno respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push thehuman race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world - are the ones who DO !

Going back to House, how does compassion change facts? Why are morals expected of people in a way that is deemed fit by the assessors? What good is a life lived in subjugation? It could be taken away anytime. 

Jobs had often said that he didn't expect himself to live long.

Yangry

For long have I skirted this issue... why do we lose our cool? And by we, I mean I. :)
Personally, I guess it has to do with being stuck in situations which are leading nowhere, which in turn cause frustration. This could have to do with a simple conversation with a strongly opinionated person who is not open to backing down from a conversation that is leading nowhere.
I also lose my cool when emotions and societal norms are mixed with logical/ correct or business-oriented decisions; that is to say when bureaucratic delays and known errors are caused through egos which can't be countered.
Sadly, I can't remember the last time I got really angry. I wonder if that's bad. I get frustrated, yes, but not downright angry.
I want to walk.

Seriously!

Was listening to the radio today... yes... radio still rocks!! Anyways... someone said... "I don't take myself too seriously; I see quite a few spiritual types who become very serious - that is when I get bored." I couldn't help but smile with fondness. Suits are dangerous and so are the people within. Life is a bit of a joke and it's best to dance your way through it. It is a bit of a jolt that I received in the last year regarding the importance of sincerity and the futility of seriousness.
And hence, quite a bit of my hair was coloured purple and may be why I mustered up the courage to sing regularly at karaoke and may be why I wear more colours on myself and may be why I decided to begin meditating on a regular basis and may be why I started paying attention to my fitness and may be why I love music at a different level now. The peeps are a little missing... but the peeps shall be found... here's to life y'all. Here's to life. 

To Life

I spoke to a friend from Junior College yesterday and it took me back to those days. How I detest and love who I used to be... I still don't know why it took me such a long time to become comfortable with myself. I used to be insecure and now some people see me as quite self-assured; I believe I'm just a shadow of my past now. It frightens me when I think of how enjoyable life is right now but yes, the core of man's spirit comes from new experiences. Gosh, how I love my 'profession'. Very odd that be. Let the music flow. Cherish the alcohol. Stay away from boring people. Do new things. Look into the horizon. Pay due respect to the mice. 42. Always know where your towel is.

Ben

So he died yesterday. This post is not with the intention of receiving comments or making a mark. May be it's just a reminder. Things happen which are outside our realm of control. I loved him for selfish reasons, but I loved him nonetheless. I hate that this happened.

100 100

So I had to write about this. This will be one of the many 1000s of articles/ posts about Tendulkar's 100th century. Although a '100' is quite an arbitrary number, being human we consider it a milestone. If he had ended his career at 99 centuries, we would have longed for that one more.
For many Indians, cricket for the last half of the 90s and the 2000s was a lot about Sachin Tendulkar. This guy is five feet five inches tall and has been called one of the worst sledgers in cricketing history because of his uncounth stubbornness at the crease and his focused and composed demeanour. He has always let his cricket speak for him and cricket fans the world over hail him as the little master.
For me, it is emotional just seeing him play well. The way he removed his helmet, looked at his bat and then looked up - may be at his father - it made me want to cry a little. When India won the world cup, I was happy for him because he needed it for the country. I wonder what he feels everytime he does his country proud and when he knows that he is such a revered figure in this country. I remember his performance in the '96 world cup and in '98 in Sharjah. The younger population will never understand what it meant to us when we saw him unleashing the demon within and clobbering mighty bowlers with his mouth shut.
For me, he has been larger than the Indian team and he has been a face of India in many parts of the world. A 100 100s don't mean much, may be it is as good as 99 or 101 centuries. There have been so many times that he has been dismissed in the 90s, and he in fact holds the record for the most number of times dismissed in his 90s, largely due to his fantastic and long batting career.
I remember his slight stride with a the straight face of the bat at a 45 degree-ish angle off the vertical and the ball would go soaring away for a six. People would be perplexed with his technique and with his effortlessness. I remember how charged the atmosphere was in the Sharjah series when we had to attain a certain number of runs to qualify for the final. Am not sure why that series was so important but it is etched in my mind. 143 runs. Long live Sachin.

Fund

So I have started what can be termed as a proprietary fund and at times when I think back at what I have been through and what I am currently going through, especially the last 4-5 months, I feel fortunate for having access to such an opportunity. I already see myself developing in odd ways. However, the risks are difficult to comprehend.
As an employee, one's issues are competitive and seniority oriented. One looks forward to promotions, appreciation, beating another person in the team/ company, getting recognition from a senior but is never too worried because diligence tends to pay off.
As an owner and as a fund manager who is responsible for a corpus, everyday is an intellectual and mental struggle which is also very rewarding because of the freedom and control and lack of fear. However, the risks are such that I could not have comprehended them a year ago. Here I am, sitting on a corpus which needs to be invested, but I am slothy about it because it needs to be deployed qualitatively and carefully - not rapidly for the quick buck. The strain of sitting on cash is quite something. The strain of waiting for an investee company to perform is also difficult to adjust to because in a normal business, one is more in control of what is happening whereas here, one has to hope for the investee management to do good work.