Mimetic

 I have been going through a mid-life assessment for the last year or so:

1. Do I want to travel and experience the world with my kids?

Yes, but I dont want the grunt and I will be poorer without the work it involves :|
I am free to make my own time, but seemingly, not free to do it on my own selfish terms.

2. Why do I work? Is it not for fun?
I guess I am emulating these investors who read for a living; and the question is: Do I enjoy reading? Or do I like the idea of being a reader? An inch wide and a mile deep my friend said; but I prefer 2 inches deep and a mile wide. 

3. Isnt it time I prioritize health and happiness over mindless gluttony, sloth, greed, envy and ambition?

Yes, and my move to the new home has helped me immensely - surprising how life's events can surprise us. 

4. Do I have any friends? Do I long for anyone?

Here too, I have felt the tug of life's pace. 

Therapy made me realise that I was caught living between 2 ends of the spectrum; the person I didnt want to become and the person my wife wanted me to be. Non-blissfully ignorant of my strained situation. 

The self knew it and did not know it at the same time. 

5. Have I begun racing through life because of the need to optimise time and ROI?

Yes. There is an X amount I make per day, so how can I waste time going to a book store? I ought to buy it online right?
Rory Sutherland awakened me to this and so did the Good Life book, four thousand weeks book, Wait; Rick Guerin's obituary.

The joy of doing is slipping away because we can suddenly do so much.

Is there any merit in physically shopping for groceries? I am taking N to a market tomorrow

Shouldnt I pick what I want to watch, before I begin browsing? The cable TV allowed us to surf aimlessly, but that graduated to the OTT VOD platforms, where we are no longer watching anything intently? Hence, I aim to build a DVD collection of old movies

6. My old story of ' this TV works fine, and hence I dont need a new TV' , vs ' Why am I using an old broken kettle, when Louis XI would have killed to have a beautiful useful piece at home'

Shouldnt I upgrade my life to maximising joy from the leisurely things I love? A good manually ground coffee in a french press, a beautiful pair of shoes that can elevate my walking, a handsome kettle in which I can boil water for my tea? or should it be a stove top old school kettle that is energy inefficient and time consuming?

7. Is it important to read 40 books a year, or shouldnt I prioritise re-reading some great books? Why do I not have the time to read the Lord of the Rings again?

Our world of plenty is throwing at us options for what to do with our free time. It could be mindlessly scrolling through Insta, a leisurely walk, learning how to make a dosa, reading a book or reading a synopsis and believing  that you have done it.

Slow down. Watch my children grow. Take charge of my health. Be mindful. Minimize regret. 

10 years

 Am I the same person?

My body is stiffer, my mind is more distracted, my gene pool is flourishing, I am richer, I am wiser.

But may be, the starkest difference is that I am full of gratitude, I am more humble because there is a lot I have to be humble about and that I am dying.

Nothing serious really, it's just that life is something you experience right until the moment you die. And then, all you have is eternity.

I have two small kids now and my world is larger because of them; there is more to be alive for and be more aware of and be fitter. I am on my way out and I continually see me through their eyes - and its a joyful out of body experience.

____

The fleetingness of love, marriage, life, money and most importantly, happiness keeps chipping at me.

I had once written about happiness and contentment - and how the motive ought to be joy and contentment.

I would be a fool if I asked for a better life.

These last 10 years have seen a big shift in how we manage our time. We dont sit at a computer anymore do we? We dont wait for the news - we dont even know what is new. I see anxiety around me and inside me and I hope that we find a way back to the cassette and to the waiting for the train and to the silence.

I wonder if I will write more...

To be or not to be

Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.

- Victor Frankl

When I heard a friend speak of her fabulous trip to Greece, I grew envious.

And then I realised there was nothing to envy for we always see the greener parts on the other side.

Most of us are doomed to mediocrity, but there is nothing wrong with it.

We will never do the best things we hear of and read of and see... we will always do that which we are able to and allow ourselves to.

One should look back at life as though it has already been lived and once you do that acknowledge that you are about to act as wrongly now as you did the first time. - Frankl again.

The Surrogates are here

We have achieved and destroyed a lot of things very quickly.
The last 20 years have been transformational, with personal computing, air travel, and the internet changing human lives forever.

And now, the surrogates are here.
I didnt know we were so close to the Bruce Willis movie about the future where humans opted for artificial bodies, and artificial looks to lead a more visually appealing, safer and stronger life.

It will start with medical surgeries/ implants/ limb replacements.
It will soon go to making a normal human stronger and reducing and eventually removing his need for using his biological body.
It's not too far fetched.

Humans cant be broken, technology is broken.
I wonder if this will be a curse or a gift.

Not too long ago, mobile phones made the world so much better with the ability to stay in touch.
And now, some companies and the government have the power of knowing where you are and more scarily, people are in touch with others through their mobile phones in the midst of being physically around some other friends.
The ability to stay in touch has transformed into a habit of wanting to be in touch, when there is no real need for the same.

I wonder where Bionics, Apple, FB and Google are going to take us.

Farooque saab

Met Farooque at Dehradun airport in September, and told him about this article that my friend had written.
He was a pleasant man. Spoke to him for 2 minutes at the bookshop at the airport, about how nice the said interview was, and about how simple people are difficult to find.
He died yesterday.
Such is life.

What struck me today morning while reading the newspaper was how fondly people spoke of him and remembered past events. And I thought that, well, that's a life well lived isn't it.
Nobody cared about how much money he made, or how big his hits were, or whom he bedded.
People just remember his lucknowi chikan kurta and his nodding smile.

I was visibly sad when I read about his death.

Life at 26

A lot has changed in the time that I have lost the will to write; somebody crazy has entered my present and promises to mold my future. Am not sure how this came to be; is this what I hoped for? Sure it is. This is an amazing place and I have not felt this breeze in a while.

8 months ago, life seemed alright and drudgery was beginning to rear its head. Somehow, my work life has drastically improved - to the point where I can't distinguish between within and without.

It's a scary time this, because my road seems to have changed; the dense, beautiful forest has given way to vast plains of new shoots. My troubled past seems to be overwhelmed by this change, and parts of me which had been lost are finding themselves again.

This country has evolved to the point of acceptance and withdrawal. There are many far-fetched thoughts in my head, all of which seem attainable, and if not, then worth the endeavour. Suddenly, everything seems to have become exciting. Sure, there is deep fear that I will be disappointed and broken. And if I am broken again, I wonder where my soul will wander off to. 

I wish to study again
I wish to live away from India for a year if not many
I wish to allow room for changes in my insolence
I wish to read ever more.