Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Random, The Art and The Hair

A friend once told me - "You are an artist - why finance?"
I thought, "Well, insanity is one side, creativity is one side, questions are one side, ego is one side, purpose is one side, self portrayal is one side, facades are everywhere."
I constantly battle with these variables, simply because there are many things that I want. Or at least want to consider. There is only so much that I can cram into this stupid day.
Eye One Duh if I could be suffering from split personality disorder.
May be I am bottling all of this inside of me, and one fine day it is going to erupt.

I want to read the whole day.
I want to sit on the grass and do nothing.
Listen to music.
Sleep at a stretch.
Be ignorant.
Be aware.
Learn, discuss, romance, forge a relation, and control certain beliefs.

I suffer from bouts of insanity - which is sadly thrust upon onlookers.
Somewhere, I make a conscious effort to let the insanity out.
And I also think to myself - "Do I act insane so that people look at me and remember me or at the least, laugh at me?"
I know the answer to that question.
I actually, ask myself that question on numerous occasions.

Knowing thyself - greater than knowing thyself'

Note: Just tackled one of the greatest disturbances in my life.
Could possibly have been the greatest influence to me.
Some of my hair started greying (the term should be 'whitening' - don't know what is so grey about it) when I was in 5th of 6th grade. Trauma - this term can be applied here - disbelief, fear and low self esteem led me to colour my hair.
Up until 2009. After colouring, about a month thence, the hair starts changing colour due to discolouration and pollution.
So extra care to not stand with the back of my head facing a known person.
A lot of crap.
And just a month ago - owing to various circumstances - I said fuck it.
Well, because with all this perception of being unordinary, weird, and crazy - might as well stand out physically too. Who knows if I get cancer or some crap due to prolonged exposure to hair colour from such a young age at regular intervals.

So now, my hair is natural colour. May be people might remember me as the guy with salt and pepper hair. So be it - hahahahaha...
Just think that such a thing is not worth my mind.
A load dumped.
A mind free.
Other things to focus on.

1 comment:

Rohan Sura said...

internal conflicts have no end. always good to read you brother sir. :)