Sunday, March 22, 2009

O Fish!

The body is aching and I feel bloated.
Want to sleep for a few days and wake up without my cell in Antarctica.
I think it's possible.
Waiting to be alone and slogging by myself.
Learning alone and exercising my brain.
I understand how people die and just become a part of the system.
I want to cry!
I want to cry!
I want to cry!
Just so useless - sitting with a customer and writing an order does not make me feel any better.
Spare me from this absurdity.

I realize that I am too blunt for social businesses.
Some work require small talk which is absolutely unpardonable for my existence.
Salesmangiri is what I should call it.

If you want to work - I have a discussion with you - no small talk.
Got it?

It's so difficult to be a part of this place.
It's good money, you meet new people, you can travel to new places.
But that is not me - I am not the fake.
I don't like the smiles and the affection.
I like the knowledge and the aggressiveness.
People here are too dumb and very superficial.
I want to be so tired that I cry. May be.
Hope this is not a juvenile passion.
Rather I hope I can be young and aggressive forever.

It's so painful to break the machine that has become me.
My chest feels heavy and I feel that I am about to cry.
The tears just don't want to come out.
I want the change.

Every morning I wake up with the same misery and every night I slip into bed with the same sombre mood.
I hope that one day it will end and that one day you never sail away.
I will never let me forget you.
You are mine forever.

So much hollow and so much pain.
It's almost unbearable.
Hope I never lose your feel.
There is just too much suffering.
And I don't really know why I am going through this.

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