Tiru's Khadda

Hotel

2012-02-08T23:04:00.000-08:00

I was at the Sahara Star yesterday, which is near the domestic airport terminal in Vile Parle East. Was dinnering with a friend and his wife -OMG this is insane!!! I now have friends who are married!!!! Insanity I say!!! This is madnesss!!! This is not Sparta!!!!

Anyway, we ate at Namak where they have some odd custom where they welcome people to eat with their hands. The servers were sub-par and slightly confused, although the hospitality was stupendous - the greeter made sure we sat down and took care of us until one of the servers could come by with menus and complimentary refreshments. So we had food there, which was nice and not excellent, but nice nonetheless.. loved the biryani :D

We then went around the circumference of the dome inside the hotel and made our way to the coffee lounge, and this is why I am writing this on my blog. We sit down at 1020 pm, the place is about the shut at 11 pm. Yes, there is a normal coffee shop at the lower level which, I believe, is open 24 hrs a day.
We sit down and are lusting after the pastries on display; I feel like having an espresso and the server says something odd. He says that there is a cover charge of INR 500 per person. I am utterly dumbfounded.
I ask him to ask a senior person if we can not pay that ridiculous amount because we had just finished dinner downstairs... The senior dude comes along and says that he is sorry, but it is a policy of the 'restaurant', but he did say that since the place is shutting soon, we were welcome to sit.
So I think, well, if we can sit, and we want to have a coffee and a pastry, why can't we order it? He says that we can, but it will be subject to the cover charge. Ludicrous.
So, we decide not to order anything.

What transpired above was rather ridiculous for a hotel as nice as the Sahara Star, especially because it was with paying guests of the hotel. A cover charge? Really? Some rules need to be bent. Yes.

Ruminating yet again

2012-01-25T01:45:00.000-08:00

I attended a dear friend's marriage in Agra. It was cold, I was surrounded by his IITian batchmates and I was happy to be there.

I saw J. Edgar and got a peek into the life of a person who changed the world in a not-so-insignificant way.

I saw Coriolanus and wondered what Ralph Fiennes is made of. Wonderful actor he is.

I heard Michael Buble for the first time and I heard the mischief of Sinatra in his music.

Advaita, the band, is going to create some truly amazing music in the years to come. I know it.

Max Chandra is in Chennai right now (as far as I know).

Unfaithful made me question the concept of sanity.

The Selfish Gene makes me question the nature of human beings, reaffirms my belief in the insignificance of it all and makes me smile at the thought of our pursuit of the natural us.

And here I am waiting, while I see multitudes of people passing me by.

Often, and without effort, I see people through another eye; as though I am an alien looking at the human population engaged in activity. It scares me when I see myself functioning this way; detached, unemotional and yet immensely sensitive. And even though I am consciously engaged, I am alone. I am not sad, just pensive yet crazy.

Who are we?

2012-01-10T00:51:00.000-08:00

I have written about this guy before, here, and luckily, I came across another article on him. More of an interview. The guy is nearing Chennai - please do read this interview/ article about Max Chandra and The One Step at a Time Foundation. I liked this:

"Do you miss anything?

I cannot say that I miss much. I miss intimacy - not sex - intimacy in holding hands, in a kiss, in a hug... I miss having a friend to talk to when I am suffering or when I am excited. I miss sharing moments."

May be this speaks a lot about who we really are. And somehow it is at conflict with who we are genetically supposed to be - food and sex should spur us on, but it is not the same anymore. We, as living beings, have changed.
__________________________________________________________________________

Moving from one charitable foundation to another initiative: CancerFights
I was at Pritvhi Cafe with my friend who had come down from the US and at the tea/ snacks counter I saw a familiar face. AP seemed shock to see me; we were seeing each other after school (10 years ago!) and what followed was a flurry of words about what we are doing and how life has been. I knew she had been on TV as a presenter on a business news channel and I also kinda knew that she was doing her PhD in finance. And then she drops a bomb - she was starting a charitable organisation/ foundation. I was taken aback because a person who has been on TV, professionally, and who is pursuing her PhD is not expected to do something as 'altruistic' as this. However, this post is not about her.
This post started with Max and is now at AP. It amazes me that there are still some of us who are capable of doing this - leave the line, care less about the material, care less about accepted norms of progress. Who are we if not willing to do something meaningful? Odd that I just wrote about this very topic some days ago. When I read a bit of what CancerFights had on their site, it disturbed me because... I was there, back from a lazy day of work, the purpose of which is to potentially live life with a better temperament and improving rationality and knowledge along the way. I managed to quit my job and stay away from the family business and I believe I'm doing a great job with my life; I also believe that I will soon try to teach a case study oriented course to undergraduates who could really use such a non-rote course. I wasn't disturbed because I am 'not doing anything meaningful', I think I am on my way to doing worthwhile things; I was disturbed because I envy such people.
To walk for consciousness.
To work closely with cancer patients - the quality not the quantity.
Here's to living a meaningful life. Congratulations Max and AP.

Why?

2012-01-05T00:53:00.000-08:00

Zed.
So it's SE, LK and RS whom I quite miss. Am sure I wouldn't be able to tolerate them for too long but I can't most people. Oh, how easy it is to succumb to the lure of the material world and the fear of being penniless. SE asked me, "What is the purpose of life?". "To enjoy life to the maximum extent", I replied. And then I added, "Bearing in mind limitations such that the enjoyment can be sustained until the end." He frowned. Why? Zed.
So here I am, working out financial valuation in my odd way while listening to this new piece of alternative, folk Indian band, in my office which looks more like a studio. My head is spinning (is that English?) for I am contemplating the investment decision I have made. Monday shall be decision day.
What value am I adding to society by pursuing this career? Not sure. However, this career allows me free time to then participate in this society. Spanish classes for now, teaching is on the cards, so is travelling. I hope I can teach something that is case-study oriented to students - the shallowness of Indian education will ruin us as it has been for a while. Why? Zed.
Procrastination is evil. I should work on this soon!!!

Time

2011-12-30T02:29:00.000-08:00

In Inception, the movie, we are introduced to the varying degrees of time based on the difference between the real world and the dream world. Similarly, it is interesting how humans tend to give credence to seconds, minutes or hours based on the nature of the activity. But usually, by the time a human being draws closer to his death, he remembers time in years and at times as bundles of years together. Each day with a girlfriend at the age of 24 is kinda remembered or cherished; which, by old age, becomes compressed into a statement. In the words of Juliet (from the song by the Killers), "O Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him."

As humans we have calibrated time down to seconds, for most useful purposes. But the mountains don't care. I believe that they measure time in centuries or millenia. And the planets don't care. They may be seeing time in hundreds of thousands of years, may be even millions... and yet here we are, this intelligent species that crawls through time as ingrates continually succumbing to societal pressures and becoming more lethargic and less alive with each passing year.

A few people believe that I tend to talk about pessimistic or depressing stuff, but most of what I talk about tends towards hope and living. This year, 2011, is drawing to a close. I closed an important and ruinous chapter in my life. I have started an important phase - my office and my company - and I see an important chapter opening soon enough. 2011 has made me younger, healthier, more introspective, calmer and more adventurous. I hope that truth doesn't leave me, although I'm pretty sure that will be my undoing.

Human Nature

2011-12-08T00:43:00.000-08:00

The above title may be considered an oxymoron. The picture below is partially the reason why.

The low-hanging fruit were plucked by humans before the middle of the 20th century. Most of our recent advances have been innovation-related - nothing wrong with that. It seems to me that until the age of 21 or so, when people start working for money, humans are rather natural; they are animalistic and constantly developing. And suddenly, as soon as they are thrown into the 'corporate world', something in them dies. I spoke with RS recently about how work done as an employee is usually mechanical, whereas work done when self-employed or when leading a team is raw, fruitful and exciting. Another friend works for a consultancy, one of the best, and says that all he really does is get things sorted and pretty looking - the answer to a client's problem is quite straight-forward but this dogma of mechanical or process-oriented work is slowly chipping away at human ingenuity. I had written about this in an earlier post but I felt the need to elaborate here. The prevalence of 'financial firms' is disturbing because their contribution is minimal relative to their potential of ruining the way modern societies function. Why are more engineers moving into finance and consultancy? And why are scientific brains rotting away in non-research oriented fields? Where have the artists disappeared?

Struck by a nose

2011-11-22T06:12:00.000-08:00

At the Laxmi Lawns next to Magarpatta City, Pune, I bumped into a cute girl. "Sorry 'bout that", I said, she turned and smiled. She took two steps and turned back at me, smiling, to see me smiling at her. That is the double take. Small things like this make life interesting.

I was there with a friend for a two day concert. The NH7 weekender concert, we went there for the Dewarists stage. Brilliant crowd with some very fine ladies. Brilliant music and a crazy atmosphere. Indian Ocean, The Raghu Dixit Project, Swarathma, Advaita (a new band we discovered), Papon and the East India Company (another new band!!! Banao is a hit!!!). Imogen Heap was there - she had collaborated with Vishal Dadlani on a new song.
The last day ended with many performers present on a new stage. Insane!!! A massive crowd with a DJ for a while, then Pentagram, then Raghu Ram (from Indian Ocean), Monica Dogra and Shaair joined in, so did Imogen. They mixed their sounds and their music - it was just happiness everywhere. People jumping and swaying and singing and shouting.

I remember lying down flat on the grass listening to music from 50 metres away and a guy comes up to me and asks, "Hey can I take your photo?" "Sure, do I need to keep my eyes open?" "No man, whatever you wanna do!" "Cool"

I went wild during Raghu, Indian Ocean and Papon. Hadn't danced (jumped/ moved wildly/ uncontrollably) like that for a long long time... I asked the girl in front of me for a cigarette. She obliged. I offered to take better snaps because she was short. A small conversation ensued. The music ended.

I walked and moved without care through a spattering of people, some on the grass, some in their groups. It was lovely. I was struck by a nose. Figuratively. Funny how that nose is still in my head. Figuratively. I think I have a thing for noses. Figuratively and, hmm, literally. Muahhahahahahaaaaaaa.

Life is good and the girls are gorgeous.

Them that stare

2011-11-17T22:42:00.000-08:00

LK and RS make me smile. Sadly, I can't meet them often and may be that is for the best - it leaves a sense of 'what's new?'.The way they make me smile is unlike how most others can; it has a hint of introspection and provocation.
Here I am in my office at the end of my first real week and already my time seems so qualitatively utilised. The discipline is still very lacking but that can be attained. I am reading the things I really wanted to and I absolutely enjoy this feeling! Sadly, envy is creeping in and Munger comes to my rescue :) He posited that envy is the worst of the 'seven deadly sins', because nothing good ever comes out of it - the same can't be said of sloth or gluttony.
Something is amiss with my personal life and I feel it gnawing at me; and then it strikes me - quicker and firmer than it used to - there is much time left and there are wonderful things to be done and luckily, this is the best of times.

"In sooth, I know not why I am so sad, it wearies me. But how I caught it, found it or came by it, what stuff 'tis made of - I am to learn."

Odd how I still remember this.

Lunacy

2011-10-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

It's nice to be ridiculous. Don't nose what ziss cruel corporate world has done to me!!! I have become tame. I miss being crazy. Luckily, some friends and some 'stuff' bring out the nut in me :)

See, things like the picture above need some serious lunacy :) Had to post this post this post. Damn! It's like spelling B-A-N-A-N-A-N-A Damn!!!!

Menial, Useful

2011-10-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

Fascinating things are happening. Occupy Wall Street for example. How is it that certain people are paid millions of dollars for work - work which is not really that amazing or productive? If Apple creates a revolutionary product and charges people good money, where they have the discretion of buying it, I believe it is more than acceptable. If an organisation jeopardises the financial system through leverage while paying its employees insane amounts of money for long and rather un-intelligent work, that is odd.

I am writing about this because I met a friend yesterday who quit her seemingly cushy job at GS India. She is probably quite intelligent but the work she did, as is in most investment banks, was quite mind-numbing - literally. I have worked at a small investment bank and even though I don't know what really goes on at the larger I-Banks, I do know that they employ an army of people who can work crazy hours at typically 'programmed' jobs. These 'Analysts' (please dont get me started on the first year, second year and third year analysts) and 'Associates' largely mine data and prepare documents. These documents may be for internal review, marketing or presentation purposes. They are paid wild amounts of money for the implied dedicated hours of work they will perform.
An example of disparity: A person working as a copywriter in an advertising agency may be paid INR 50K to 100K per month (I am being very optimistic here). A copywriter is a creative person and quite often he/ she will come up with interesting ideas/ concepts for advertisements or presentation. Real work that be.
An analyst at an investment bank usually prepares pitch books or public information booklets or financial models. According to me, this work is compilation of data in a more presentable format. And these guys are paid upwards of INR 150K per month.
Ridiculous this disparity be.

The reason I write about this is that I see many friends working at sad places and or sad profiles and or for sad money, but thus be life. With this, I go back to Europe. Appreciation for fashion, art, creation, life, outdoors, society and a lesser emphasis on materialistic pursuits. (Lesser not no).
The nature of work has changed drastically. Work used to be more immediate (Bake cookies, sell cookies) or (make steel, sell steel). The supply chain was shorter and life's conveniences were not many. I see that in India, the sheer abundance of people makes many employed people rather useless at their jobs. Tasks can be unbelievably menial.
And this goes out to those who know me. Let's do something really worthwhile with our lives. We should, for what else could life be worth?

Europe has been good to me

2011-10-14T04:48:00.000-07:00

A guy aged 20 years works at a dairy farm in Australia, 4 hours from Melbourne, with the motive to save enough money to travel to Europe for 3 months with his friend.
A girl aged 22 years from Linz, Austria is plausibly the biggest fan of a band called Guano Apes and has been to 45+ of their 48 concerts.
An Indian with education from India, some work in Dubai and some more work in the US and in France falls in love with a French woman and is now a proud father of a gorgeous baby boy - he lives in Germany now.
A girl from Azerbaijan has come to Praha, Czech Republic to study and works part-time at a hostel.
A singer for a jazz troupe performs at her last gig in Prague because she is moving to Australia with her Australian boyfriend who had lived in India for 2 years at a certain time.
A French girl finds a language buddy through the internet - the other girl is a blind German - they live with each other for a period of time with the motive of learning the other person's language.
An Indian from Pondicherry falls in love with an exchange student from France; they decide to get married and move in together in Germany where the girl holds a steady job.
An Austrian girl meets an Indian on a train and invites her to Vienna and to the Oktoberfest for the following year.

The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences.

I came to Europe on 30th September and am now towards the end of my trip. I leave for Mumbai on 17th October. I had instructed my Austrian friend to plan my first 4/5 days as per her convenience. After this I would go to Hamburg around the 6th. I would then meet my American friend in Berlin on the 9th of October. He would leave whenever he wished to, after which I would be alone and rather aimless.

It was before dawn when I stepped out of the Praterstern station at Wien (Vienna). Clumsily, I made my way to my friend's place while the city seemed asleep. I see a light in a window and after a while I hear a 'Hello!'. She had a very cute way of saying 'Hello'. I set down my bag and am tired - the flight had been miserable. I am welcomed with a walk to the Danube to see the early sun while I snacked on a sandwich. I sleep for a few hours and greet her roommate in my boxers - I think I was a little messed up with the lack of sleep, I didn't know what time it was when someone tired opening the door. I meet her warm and simple roommate who I get to know over the next 2 days.
I meet her friends, we go drinking, and the next day we go for a short hike up a hill near Wien. Mich (Austrian friend) packed a lunch of an apple, crackers and a sandwich for all of us. We were joined by a girl/ lady who was from Serbia but now lives in Wien. Walking is fun, especially when the sun is nice and the wind is low, add to that clear air and beautiful, pleasant company. I eat fresh, roasted chestnuts, we pick grapes from a vineyard and this weird, small tomato thing, the seeds of which makes one itchy. We stopped on our way down to see a tractor ploughing a hillside at a 30-35 degree incline - inexplicable.

Irish pubs are fun - funny how they didn't know about the Irish car bomb :(
A train ride to Salzburg, a cable car up a mountain and some alone time alongside Mich. Touring through the city with her friends, I felt the beauty of Salzburg. It was evening and most tourists had retired to their hotels. We were being guided by Mich's local friends. We drank and ate at a beer garden, we walked to a protrusion off of a hillock, took an elevator through a hill and walked through the fairytale city. Soft music (composed) by Mozart reached my ears and soon we retreated to our hostel/ hotel room.

In Munich for the Oktoberfest the next day after a good night's sleep. We were wise for I was in wise company. Just walked around the Oktoberfest fair during the day, ate a bit and retreated to our hostel for some rest - preparing ourselves for the evening that lay ahead.
As luck served us well, we found a table next to the band at the centre. Soon, we had on our table Scots, Brazilians and Canadians (not to mention the Austrians and the Indian). Sinatra, Bryan Adams, Beatles, Bavarian songs about Arnold Schwarzenegger, a horny slutty bitch and the glory that is Bavaria were some of the songs we jived to. I remember dancing with random people. I remember people kissing and people drunk. I remember the positive air and the ease with which strangers gelled together. An Oktoberfest visit is a must for every person who can potentially make it there. It is. One of the best things - the waitress forgot to bill us for the food! Wooohoooo!
Munich after the night was nice - it is a nice city, small and rather simple. The Deutches Museum in Munich is quite marvellous; so is the English Garden.

I bid adieu to my Austrian friends. I decide to go to Garmisch-Partenkirchen (Yes, kindly look it up). It is the closest town to Zugspitze - the highest mountain in Germany. Wonderful, wonderful infrastructure. An 8-10 minute cable car ride up a 2800 meter elevation. A train that travels rather swiftly up a 2500 meter elevation - a large chunk of which is actually through the mountain. Brilliant stuff. Eat some Currywurst while you are up there along with weisbeer! O and something that Indians never do - if ever in a hilly town like this, please stay in a pensionne instead of a hotel. It is a wonderful experience.

2.5 days in Hamburg were more social than touristy. We shopped for groceries, cooked Indian food for people who came over, little chit chats and met some interesting and nice people. Reeperbahn is mad!! Very few places where one can window shop for hookers ;) The harbour, the food, the people, the diversity and the planning & infrastructure make Hamburg a lovely city to live in.

Met my American friend at the Berlin Hauptbahnhof - so super cool. The motive for vacations should be: food, walking, seeing, drinking, eating, fooding, talking, eating and sleeping. That is what we did. Berlin is a massive city! It surprised us, especially me, because relative to Wien, Frankfurt, Hamburg or Munich, Berlin is huge! Getting lost is possible. Please see the tower in the middle of "Mitte". Alas, weather was unkind - it rained in 5-10 degree temperatures :(
Dresden, pronounced as 'Draaaaaaaaayzzzzden' (Muahahahhaaaaa) is something. Again, unexpectedly massive. Very old and the walkways are mind-numbingly massive. Very Soviet Union types - I might be politically incorrect here. But frankly, it is a city that one can omit from their travel plans.

In Praha (Prague). The city can seem scary at night - that is when I arrived. Sir Toby's Hostel is so brilliant. A wonderful atmosphere, very nice people (guests and employees), cheap breakfast and an awesome underground pub. It may be one of my favourite cities so far. There is a cosmopolitan air to it with the new city. There are old theatres, and underground clubs (one jazz club I went to yesterday I may never forget - do go there!), nice people, tons to see, the Charles bridge is overcrowded; I did the smart thing (I went at 2 am) Yeah baby!!! Getting lost in the old city is uber fun, and I am surely coming here again (hopefully with a girl I like ;) ) For the romantics out there - I like this city more than Paris.

Side note: staying in a hostel is super super fun. It can get annoying with snoring strangers but it is still well compensated by the new people one might meet.

Next year: South America!!! (Hopefully)

Europe

2011-09-29T06:40:00.000-07:00

Last year I travelled to Europe. Austria and Germany. Brilliantness.
Tonight I leave for Europe again - Austria, Germany and may be Czech Republic.
Hopefully I come back alive.

The Purple Foodie

2011-09-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

I love food. I can, I think, eat most land 'stuff'. However, as an Indian, it is difficult to expose myself to non-vegetarian food. I am happy if I get a lasagna at a good Italian restaurant like Mia Cucina at Bandra. When abroad, I love eating meats; steaks, korean food, soups, thai food, sushi, etc. Goa exposed me to eating some fish but the way most of the world relishes seafood astounds me - I feel that way when I see Masterchef Australia or some cooking show. Mussels, oysters, lobsters, fish, squid - would love to try them; well, mussels I have tried. They be nice - a bit like pani puri :D
Moving on to sweet dishes, Indians pride themselves on the 'desi' sweets. Sadly, really good sweets are difficult to come by as are good vegetarian dishes. I say that because many of Mumbai restaurants have moved to churning out food as cheaply and quickly as possible. This has something to do with economics of course - rentals are crazy to support good food. A nice example is Five Spice. A 'Chinese' restaurant that started, I believe, in town and then expanded to the suburbs. The place is still looooved by many but because I am a bit of a bitch, I believe people love it because most Indians don't enjoy flavours and fragrances. We have become a society of food gulpers. True it is. Staple orders - Noodles, rice, paneer/ chicken chilly, manchow soup, dry manchurian! Where is the pork and the duck and the seafood??!! It makes me sad.

You see, I digressed. I was talking about sweets. Kinda. Point is, I am a regular reader of The Purple Foodie. It is a foodie blog created and maintained by a school 'friend'. I don't like using the word 'friend' too easily, so I should say she is a school acquaintance. I absolutely adore the way she writes - her passion for sweet and baked items showers the reader as one progresses through a post. It is a rarity - seeing someone in India so passionate about food. Shaheen is her name.

I wrote this post because it is my way of appreciating passion. Humans have kinda lost that. Sad it be.

Drunk

2011-09-22T03:27:00.000-07:00

I hadn't been drunk since more than a year ago. That changed last week. Cool friends are cool. Cool chick friends are cooler. Got semi-high at a pub in Andheri and then quite gone at my place. Well, I was still a little OK, cant say the same about her trip :)
Was quite insane, and so was trying to find a rick to drop her home at 530 am. Fun times.

And yesterday, I had to take care of another friend who is weirdly weird in addition to being cool. I don't know when she managed to down 7 tequila shots because I had only managed a small Gin n tonic :D
Being around drunk people can be fun, especially when one mistakes a firang for a waiter at the pub, or tries on spectacles of the co-owner or wants to wander off in search of menthol ciggies. A dude who knew me seemed quite confused because I was walking away at the same time my friend struck a conversation with one of the servers.

Here is to the drunk people! The drunk fun people! And to the random buggers who like staying outside home in Mumbai at night!

160911

2011-09-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

I quit my job at Ladderup Corporate Advisory yesterday. I have now incorporated a Company. I am ~25 years old and circumstances are conducive for creating a long-term vision based on my temperament, life desires and my competency. Of course, all of those are beliefs. But we have to start somewhere and at times get out of our comfort zones.
The plot seems very promising. Monetary rewards are quite assured. Intellectual and emotional rewards are also quite certain. My competency is not. Therefore, I am confused. But I am a firm believer that intelligence is incorrectly calibrated and enjoyment is overlooked. This is the next phase of my life. Cheerj to that. Let the crazies be unleashed.

Just

2011-08-23T04:04:00.000-07:00

I met a friend in Dubai. Rather, I went to meet a friend in Dubai. Amazing how different the two statements be. At a table I said, "I thunk about it..." Someone interjected and asked/ exclaimed, "Thunk??!!!". I smiled at my friend, may be he nose that I love messing with the English language.
Random trips are fun because they can be so unplanned and therefore quite the adventure even if one might be in a boring place like Dubai. On my flight back from Dubai I saw Dhobi Ghat on the plane. Quite annoying how poor the quality of the video can be on that contraption that ejects from the side of one's seat - the ones in the beginning of the columns of seats. The airhostess was from Spain - always nice to look at and speak to a pretty face. It's one of those shallow indulgences. Beautiful. Told her about Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, half knowing that another brown bugger must have already said that...
"Have you been to Bombay? No. How is it? Crowded. Aaah.. but the rains in Bombay, the rains are marvelous. Nothing like it. The smell of the rains. "

I was down three small bottles of Shiraz from Australia. It was quite alright. I remember losing some motor control after the third bottle.
I helped a mother haul her suitcases because she had her child in her arms. There I was, drunk and helping a pretty woman. Oddly enough, people who greeted her thought I was her husband. Freakkkkkyyy. 'Tis the small things my friends...

I remember talking to a young British boy (boys are always young aren't they?) on top of a sand dune. He was rattling away about how he has been to Kenya and Egypt and how her grandma is quite old.. "When she dies, she said she would leave her mansion to us so we can go whenever we wished to." I liked that he said 'when'.

Got some mehendi on my forearm - my name in Arabic with some grotesque design surrounding it.

I felt younger and older. I always do. Bursts of spark greet my everyday in my journey through life towards death.

A poor child

2011-08-18T00:37:00.000-07:00

Had to chronicle this. It was a scene from a Bollywood movie. A guy driving a car hails a boy selling some toys. The boy would've been 10 or 12 years old - the same age as the car guy's 2-3 children in the car (You get the point)
The disparity has been seen elsewhere but something stood out in this scene. May be it was the air-conditioned sedan with pesky kids and a doting dad buying from a young child on the street.

Being Human

2011-08-07T03:25:00.000-07:00

Humans have been quite the same for the last 3-4,000 years or so. Am saying this because when one looks at sculptures or archaeological evidence one can see that we functioned in very similar ways to how we do today. The last 100 years have changed things drastically. I refer to the definition of 'success' and 'work'. Work used to be labour-oriented and success was based on sustenance. A society's success was at avoiding conflicts or winning conflicts. A woman never really 'worked', it was usually the man, and when we look at other fauna we see that life is based on sustenance, security and survival. The male is usually stronger than the female.
The computer-age and the evolution of sciences changed the divide. The mechanism of currencies changed what work needed to be. A farmer needs strength and hence is usually a man... he grows stuff and barters it for other stuff; this makes the woman reliant on the man. It's a crude assessment but this is what things used to be like.
But now, let's say a girl is creative, she can make more money than a man in some advertising field or so. The mere thought of a creative mind making money through the work 'field' of advertising or marketing or film-making would've been laughable at some decades ago.

Things have changed in a way that has changed the course of evolution as I see it. Never before had natural resources been unnaturally 'processed'. As an analogy, evolution allowed humans to endure dust but will evolution ever allow humans to adjust to new substances like microscopic pieces of brick, or artificially enhanced foods?

The natural instinct of a female of any species is usually to have an off-spring as is the intent of any species - to propagate. It is odd that so many humans now choose not to create children; it is extremely unnatural but perfectly understandable. The meaning of 'survival' has changed.
It used to mean getting through life by physically searching for food, finding/ creating shelter and fighting/ escaping conflicts. Now, as humans, we 'study', 'play' in an artificial environment - take the notion of video games, quite absurd - we study to become engineers who are supposed to know 'engineering' who eventually work as consultants and then move to private equity... along the way, they get ahead of other people largely due to circumstances or intellectual capabilities.

The natural world did not function this way for the longest time but something has changed. Humans have changed the face of this earth and we have changed the mammals we were, may be, meant to be. It is all very intriguing when we look at ourselves from an alien's point of view.

Much

2011-07-24T02:45:00.000-07:00

Today, while driving, the thing that connects the steering wheel to the right front tyre broke. Luckily, I was at the traffic signal and not driving per se. It is inconceivable what might have happened had I been driving...
Then, thanks to my ovarian lottery, there was somebody from home, a driver, who came to my 'rescue'. We flagged down a towing van and got the car back home. 1.5 hours have been encapsulated into 2 sentences; but such is our memory. We forget things quite easily and rather effortlessly.
There is much to live for and I have seen myself drift away from this ideology. Many people go through this phase when they think, "OMG, there is just so much to live for. When I see how people around me are living, and when I see how good my quality of life is on a relative basis, it just makes so much sense to live it up!"
But as I said earlier, our memory deceives us. We forget often, that which needs to be remembered.
My driving ordeal and the movie I am watching right now, Guzaarish, make me think of the things I have going for me and how easily some of those things could be taken away from me. I know that this is only a fleeting feeling - I will forget it soon. Sadly, this feeling needs to be cherished! :)
Carpe Diem. I really want to live it up and want to let go of my inhibitions. Even though this is a message that ought to go in my personal diary, I felt like writing it here. I felt like keeping this thought open to the world. This post, like many others that I write, will melt away into obscurity.
I have gone through a life where I have been an outstanding student. I have secured brilliant marks and distinctions. Those, now, are quite useless. I have seen myself outperform in personal forums, I have seen my weaknesses and I have seen that which makes me superior to many others. I have gone through bouts of, what I would really prefer calling, depression. I have felt helpless, useless and inferior. I have felt alone, aimless and unhealthy. I am 24 years old now and I have started seeing life in a different light. There is much to live for and I am excited.
I heard from a friend the other day (it was said to her by a doctor), "What's wrong with you?! This is your time to look good and feel good!" "You heard what I said to him right? No-one!!! is worth dying for".
The doctor was referring to how little people tend to care of themselves and how, at times, they put unnecessary people and events before them.

We humans are unbelievable. There is a lot to live for. I hope my memory serves me well.

130711 Mumbai Blasts

2011-07-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

I was driving home with my colleagues when what-I-thought-was-a-rumour started floating around... Slowly, the confirmation dawned on us in the car. Surprisingly, I wasn't scared. One friend made the wise decision of going back to office. It's wise because my decision to drive home was rather irresponsible; more blasts/ events could have transpired.
So there I was driving. I felt cold, heartless and numb. My head said, "Ah! So another 2 years go by and we have another series of blasts/ attacks. Good I'm alright and the odds are that all my friends are going to be alright." We, in Mumbai, have accepted such occurrences. We understand how easy it is to create chaos and how easy it is to blow up a bomb in a crowded place, and please don't tell me that something like this can't happen in a European city because it is really very easy to make a rudimentary bomb that can cause havoc.

I feel sad that I was as cold as I was. The logical reason is quite simple; there are so many human beings and frankly, most human lives are worthless to most others. I have 500+ facebook friends, of whom I care about may be 30-50. In a city that accommodates more than 15 million people, the people I know form a small small portion. I care about my peeps but I don't think much could probably happen to them.
I know quite well how most other nationalities would react; shock, horror, concern, etc. But when life in India is so cruel and when life in India is best lived with optimism, there is no room to be concerned for those who you don't care about.
I understand the, "This could have happened to me/ her/ him", but no point wallowing over it.
This city is a shit-hole. A shit-hole that is loved by its inhabitants because it is so much better than most other Indian cities. And shit happens in shit-holes like Mumbai. Don't get me wrong, but I love Mumbai immensely - no other place I could call home. But yes, there are times when we hate home.

I will now move to human behaviour. (This might cause a subdued uproar among my millions of readers).
So there were blasts. And we start calling/ messaging friends and family with "Are you alright?". Understandable. If my Mom was stuck somewhere, I would find a way of getting to her.
But
When we reach the second tier of friends, which is where most of our friends belong, we start somewhat faking the concern. If I message a second tier friend "Are you alright?" - how differently would I react to a 'yes' or a 'no'?
And please, if he/ she is not alright, he is not going to reply to my message... he's gonna be working on finding his way out or doing whatever he is up to. This behaviour of ours makes me believe how big a part peer pressure and guilt play in our lives. It is a truth that most of us will not accept, but it's true. We like showing concern and we like being shown concern. Guess that's what makes us human?

You can't take my soul

2011-07-12T05:05:00.000-07:00

I have had trouble accepting myself for many years now. My thoughts have been questionable and my questions have been thought-provoking. There was a time that I felt I was smart, that time has now passed me by. I now see that I want to see a lot of what humanity and nature has to offer to me; not just visually but also emotionally and socially.
For a long time now, I have questioned people's behaviour in various circumstances and I truly believe that we as a kind are becoming overly superficial in our approach to our lives. I was reading about Charlie Munger and came across a statement he made about how his endeavour is a lot about learning and growing than about much else.
I like the word 'iconoclast' and I like the word 'contrarian'. Why can't there be a global war around the corner? Why can't Indian G-Secs touch 10%? Why can't more of us leave the clutches of capitalism and the spiral that ensues? There are possibilities everywhere and even then I see us following, largely, a single file.
I am about to embark on my next phase knowing fully well how hopeless my prospects might be and how woefully inadequate I am (that's what she said, sorry... bad joke), but I also want to embrace the knowledge that time is on my side unless something untoward happens. Alas.

I am immensely hopefully and a part of me is joyous. There is little that I remember, but I kinda remember the child I used to be and I am happy to say that the same child is within me now. Now, after a very long time.

The Nanking Massacre

2011-07-08T05:15:00.000-07:00

The Nanking massacre was conducted by Japanese troops in 1937, over a period of 6 weeks after The Japanese captured the city of Nanking. I am reading about it right now and it's sad that I had never heard about it. 20,000 to 80,000 women were raped during that period and 100,000s people were killed. Forced incest, child rape, mutilation were some of the things accounted by journalists and other people in that city.
It appalls me to think that humans could be that cruel; it almost seems unbelievable. Almost.
I cannot imagine the world in the midst of war again, and yet, because I can't imagine it I think it will happen within a decade or so. Axioms are dangerous. The world has been largely peaceful for a very long time, it should continue being so for many years to come.

I cannot imagine troops of the 21st century being as vengeful as those of yester-years. But humans can surprise.

The stupid reign

2011-06-14T23:59:00.000-07:00

When I was a child (physically at least) life was short-term competitive. Extremely competitive. I remember believing that I was 'smarter' than many others, one, because of my marks, and two, because of my thought processes which I believe I was aware of.
I remember segregating people into interesting and 'everyone else'; needless to say that the two pools were unevenly sized. Upon entering the 'work' world I see that those differences tend to melt away. Kids whom one would think not able enough to cope well with the competitive world are doing well (some of them). There are people with lesser intellect and lesser curiosity and lesser practicability succeeding. By success, I refer to designation, appreciation and monetary well-being; I do not refer to an interesting personality, an interesting life, an affable nature or a self-actualized being.

I see around me, in various organizations, people in positions (figurative :| ) that are enviable and unbelievable knowing how utterly insignificant I think of their existence relative to competition. It is true that luck and happenstance (may be a tautology here) are key determinants of people's progress or journeys through life.

I see now a sticky behaviour perpetrated by organisations and by people at the helm. Minds are narrow at times and oft distrustful. It is under these circumstances that people opt to switch fields due to disenchantment or become (supposed) masters of their own progress through what can be loosely termed as entrepreneurship. It does sadden me often when I see capable hands indulging in menial tasks with the promise of climbing the corporate ladder or the promise of the 'learning experience'.
Ladders break and so do promises. People fall and find their way through as long as they have their respective heads resting on able shoulders. This capitalistic world seems to have made us machines living in fear of an uncertain tomorrow and I hope to remember the child that I was...

Climate

2011-06-03T05:01:00.000-07:00

Captain Planet was introduced in 1990. I remember seeing it avidly everyday (flashback).
We are in 2011 and news about China's recent drought crop up. There was a similar drought last year that destroyed the wheat crop.
I am worried because we as humans have been focusing on economic development without sustenance. The tipping point seems to be approaching and I am concerned.

Climate

2011-05-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

It feels odd to think the way I do bu I grow concerned about how this planet is shaping up. I believe that greater access to information might be influencing my thoughts and I hope that is the case.
Large chunks of the Arctic and Antarctic ice shelfs breaking off, the lowest rainfall in 50 years in a paddy growing region, a drought last year in the wheat growing region of Russia, large swaths of the Brazilian Amazon rainforest being replaced by farmland, the presence of harmful substances in Chinese (and plausibly other countries') produce, semi-random bouts of food produce shortages; events like earthquakes, volcanoes and tsunamis have been part of Earthen history and should hence be overlooked.

We have managed to change the landscape of Earth, especially over the last 100 years, and we still believe that there is nothing that is really going wrong. The tipping point is approaching. I expect shocks to our sedentary system.

Writing music

2011-05-10T05:12:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Chopin last night and was spellbound, yes, spellbound, by some of the music. To describe fantastic musical creations in words would be an insult to the creator (not God, please). I then proceeded to reading a bit about the guy who lived in the 1800s; I thought to myself, it's great that the music has survived. I then thought of Indian music and how it hasn't survived; Indian music is, may be, played from the heart and the mind almost extemporaneously but we don't have records of what a musician in a Mughal court in the 1700s would play.
We don't have a language for music whereas the Western European societies did develop a language for music. It's something we take for granted but just imagine how much the world is missing because of lost ancient music.

Deviations

2011-04-30T05:31:00.000-07:00

Normal people lead normal lives and go through very small deviations. Contrary to fairy tale beliefs, normal lives are quite alright and can be quite fruitful, however a normal American life, is different from a Japanese life is different from an Indian life. The problem is not with the normal life or the outlier life, the problem is with the inconsequential, uninterested life that is more passed through than lived. It's a thought that recurs often and disturbs me seldom. Enjoyment is a subjective experience and one that can't be explained well.
I crave to have my niche and my share of the un-normal. It's a pursuit I say!

The travails of society

2011-04-16T21:46:00.000-07:00

My blogging has reduced primarily because of work and secondarily because my eyes have been giving me grief. To clear the air; my eyes are tired, dry and in pain especially by the time I come back from work; this makes me avoid the computer once I come home.
My third eye-specialist is trustworthy and has given me tear-inducing drops which will start being effective 2.5 months from now. However, all of this is of little relevance to any reader.

The other day I was reading a post by 'Neo Indian'. It's quite a hilarious site with very meaningful statements talking about the India that is, was and should be. He asked people to stop posting 'supportive' comments on social networks and start doing something meaningful like supporting soldiers or actually being a part of the rally.. For me, that was one of many such littered posts on the net.
A dilemma facing some of us new Indians is our affection for our country.
I have clarified before that more than India I belong with the Indian culture - not the villages and the bureaucracy but the language spoken by a Mumbai-ite, the food, the issues, the joys and the sentiments. I get annoyed when people say that we should work for our country or for our parents, not because that could possibly be ridiculous but because nobody ought to suggest why and how one should live with the 'suggestion' being the face to a guilt producing demand.
As a contrast, I read a letter by Theodore Deden which seems to be speaking about investing but is in fact speaking about a way of life; a way of life that we ought to be living but contrasts with how most people live today. What I drew from the letter was individualism and a greater consciousness of that which surrounds us, that which has come to pass and that which we ought to work towards.

I crave independence - could be because of the way my life has panned out or what I have heard or read or seen - and I ache to create a difference to my own life. This is in stark contrast to what I used to be.

I remember the time when I said, very sincerely, that I want to change the world.
I remember the time when, for love, I changed what I used to be in favour of supporting the relationship.
I also remember the time when I used to excel at academics and was rather proud of my achievements.
There was a time when I ached to get back to work and to give something back to society.
I now believe that only if I live for my personal success will I be in a position to be with someone or live for something or give something back to society. It's alright if I fail at following through after attaining my success, because I know that that will be an endeavour and not an end.
Personal success has little to do with wealth. It has a lot to do with the freedom to travel, read, listen to music and grow individually. "We are all here to learn" said my ex-professor and that I hold close to me.

Working for somebody when one has access to more potential is ridiculous. But in the short-term it could be justified. Only if I am to find my balls (figurative) will I start my progress. I am appalled at how little time I have to read, travel and experience the fruits of life. Studying and following a way of work will only create knowledge which is shared by many others. I would love to know more about people, cultures, histories and progresses - may be I will be a couple of steps ahead in seeing the progress of civilization. And this could be a great support system to the way I am.

I used to be content. Am not anymore. I know the field of work I am bound to enjoy, the workplace I would love to tap-dance to (credit goes to Mr. Buffett), the kind of books I would love to own and read, the kind of people I would love to eat or drink with, the kind of time I would love to have on my hands and the kind of health I would love to develop. Am I a few steps ahead or am I creating my own little cocoon?

Drake makes me ...

2011-03-04T09:12:00.000-08:00

Nick Drake makes me sway; there is something haunting about his voice that makes me write freely - only at times though. I smile often when I listen to his sorrowful songs. I smile at the creature he allowed himself to become and at the figure the world will never recognize.

Profound

2011-03-04T09:04:00.000-08:00

A wise man once said, "If you are alive, you ought to live."

Please come again!!!

2011-02-26T01:11:00.000-08:00

Once in a while we are fated to meet extraordinary people. By extraordinary, I mean 'away from ordinary', because let's face it... most people are quite similar and rather boring.
French chick working at Airbus, vacationing with her brother in Laos and Cambodia by taking a 4-month sabbatical, and finally moving to a town called 'Surkhet' in Nepal for 2 months to work for an NGO. This is the girl I spent time with over 4 memorable evenings/ days, albeit around other people.

What struck me about this creature was the brilliance that she brought into a room... a child at heart and quite crazy. She said it very simply, "Remember, it's not we who are crazy, it's the other people who take their lives too seriously." The time we spent together was usually around other people but our conversations were very simple. We spoke of people, relations, our own insecurities, culture, identity or the lack thereof and what we found amiss in the people around us at times...
I spent about 4 evenings with her and dropped her to the airport - and quite possibly, we might never meet again, which would be very sad.
I loved her attitude towards fights (in relationships)... too much of that going around anyway, and well, we are together to be happy, really no point fighting. Am too busy smiling. Hope she stays a child forever and hope that society doesn't spoil her.
Please come again!! ;)

And for the record: Buffalo milk pancakes cooked in ghee rock!!!

Fabulous One-Liners

2011-02-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

"It is important for people to realise that optimism, skepticism and pessimism can co-exist."

"One day was heart-fucking, the next was hard-fucking and the next was mind-fucking."

"Are those hickeys?"
"Jackass!!"

Code 1800

2011-02-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

Some things seem so insignificant but in that moment they can be fabulous.
The car I drive, Skoda Fabia - its battery died after 4 years. A new one had to be installed and after installation, for some reason (of course it's always 'some reason'), the music system and device wouldn't work.
On start-up it would say "SAFE" and then it would flash some Code. Random button pushing - like Deedee - would get the screen back to "SAFE". Completely harrowing.
I went for one and a half days without the music and in the evening I picked up the car manual and literature; I had to figure this out. I had assumed something wrong with the circuitry which is why it said "SAFE".

So I flip through the manual rather cautiously, I go through the index and can't find anything meaningful. Annoyed.
I then go through another manual where there is a note on anti-theft. Luckily I see the word "SAFE". Aha!!
Apparently, Skoda has a mechanism wherein whenever a battery is replaced the music system locks itself to hinder a thief's motive :|
The manual tells me to put in a code like "0000" - I figure out the way to change numbers on the screen and press the 'play' button. No use. Nothing happens.
Too add to the agony, the device locks itself for one hour after 2 unsuccessful attempts.

The manual also says something about how the code is stored in the instrument cluster so one usually need not manually enter the code. Right!
When I'm about to lose all hope I see a sticker on the manual with a barcode and a long number with a 4 digit number underneath. Hmmm.. It read : "1800"
I punch it in.

Voila!!!

By now you might be wondering why you're still reading this...
Well, it's more of a reminder to me for how jubilant I was when it started working :)
Music keeps me alive and keeps me ticking :)
I was going to give it to a mechanic or someone, and I didn't have to. You know what that means? No toiling in traffic. No waiting. No questions. No more hassles. I did this! It is small.. but I did this!!
Ha!!!

Into the Wild

2011-01-26T06:58:00.001-08:00

Chris / Alex McCandless wrote well.

"The very basic core of a man's living spirit is hit passion for adventure.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience."

This is from the book "Into the Wild" and the above quotes are Alex's own.
The last quote he negates before death when he notes:

"And so it turned out that only a life similar to life of those around us, merging with it without a ripple, is genuine life, and that an unshared happiness is not happiness... And this was most vexing of all. HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED."

Did he have to go through his ordeal to realise this? Could he have been one of the very few who actually realised this? I ask because most of us don't know the other possibility, of living without society and love.

The book is quite excellent. It's not as glorious as the movie but is sobering. Jon Krakauer is the author and he expressed his compassion for the kid in the introduction/ foreword. There are two chapters which I really liked. One in which Jon talks of other weirdos/ loners/ pursuers and the other when he describes his youth and his journey to Alaska to conquer Devil's Thumb. Fantastic stuff.
I enjoyed the part where when he came back to the town and recited his tale to the town folk, they didn't seem to care :)
I relished the part where he compared his ... well... this is the statement (He was 23 years old then):
"At that stage of my youth, death remained as abstract a concept as non-Euclidean geometry or marriage."

This book and books like this make one realise how shallow a city-dweller's journey can be. Yes.

127 Hours

2011-01-26T02:24:00.000-08:00

The movie rocks. There was two scenes that reminded me of me.
1. Aron Ralston (James Franco) as a kid with big specs and his father takes him to a part of the canyon to see the sunrise.
I have thought of this a few times; if I ever choose to or am fortunate enough to have a kid I would love to go trekking with him, away from the city to a secluded part of earth. It's something that I'm sure I would not enjoy with my girlfriend or wife.

2. When Aron just realises that he is trapped and says something for the first time.
While walking on the Sheltowee trail in the Red River Gorge; I had been walking for two hours or so and then I said, "I haven't heard my voice for quite a while." That is the first human sound I had heard in two hours or so.
The feeling was precious and I hold it very dear.

Antarctica - and we waste time chasing money and society :)

2011-01-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Yes - that was a long title. For a reason.
________________________________________________________________________

Source: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5x7Hs3/www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/45981

There is a glacier in Antarctica that seems to be weeping a river of blood. It’s one of the continent’s strangest features, and it’s located in one of the continent’s strangest places — the McMurdo Dry Valleys, a huge, ice-free zone and one of the world’s harshest deserts. So imagine you’re hiking through this –

– which has been kept ice-less since God was a child because of something called the katabatic winds, which sweep over the valleys at up to 200 mph and suck all the moisture out of them. Anyway, you’re hiking along, passing dessicated penguin carcasses and such, and you come to this.

A bleeding glacier. Discovered in 1911 by a member of Robert Scott’s ill-fated expedition team, its rusty color was at first theorized to be caused by some sort of algae growth. Later, however, it was proven to be due to iron oxidation. Every so often, the glacier spews forth a clear, iron-rich liquid that quickly oxidizes and turns a deep shade of red. According to Discover Magazine –

The source of that water is an intensely salty lake trapped beneath 1,300 feet of ice, and a new study has now found that microbes have carved out a niche for themselves in that inhospitable environment, living on sulfur and iron compounds. The bacteria colony has been isolated there for about 1.5 million years, researchers say, ever since the glacier rolled over the lake and created a cold, dark, oxygen-poor ecosystem.

Even weirder: scientists think that the bacteria responsible for Blood Falls might be an Earth-bound approximation of the kind of alien life that might exist elsewhere in the solar system, like beneath the polar ice caps of Mars and Europa.

___________________________________________________________________

Disclaimer: I did not write a single word from the above excerpt.

This article and the photos are brilliant. Not because they exist but because we choose to remain so withdrawn from the glorious natural creations. A barren, cold, ice-free desert in Antarctica makes sense once you read about it but I am sure when I make this assumption - one thinks of Antarctica as an ice, ice, ice land.

My point: There is so much world out there. It's a corny statement - but so true :(

A Stolen Essay

2011-01-15T21:28:00.000-08:00

" Today, I thought of how much I detest what this city has become. And then I thought that the standard of living has improved and is still better than those in many other cities.

Sadly, humanity, civility and simplicity have been lost.
I want to fight for these things but find it simpler to overlook them and potentially leave this city and may be this country. "

1000 Awesome Things

2011-01-12T09:14:00.001-08:00

http://1000awesomethings.com/

http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

Take a step back - life can be simple. Believe it.

Greetings

2011-01-01T03:41:00.000-08:00

No. I'm not wishing the insane readers a happy new year.
A thought occurred to me the other day.

When did 'Hello' become a question?

Ref: Whenever someone picks up the phone.

Accident

2010-12-25T21:21:00.000-08:00

I have been driving since I was 18 years old and am 24 now... In all this time I've never met with an accident. That changed today on the day after Christmas. I pride my face value assessments so here goes...
I was at the Irla signal which opens up opposite Cooper hospital. I had stopped at the signal and when it just turned green, I started driving my car... As it was a turn, I had not accelerated much. I was in the 2nd-ish lane with two rickshaws to my right. I drove my car ahead and I saw a glimpse of a red motorbike coming towards me, right at my door. I then saw the guy getting flung from his bike against my car and then onto the ground. Quite unnerved, I took my car ahead and stopped it, hoping he was alright and marginally bracing for a fight.
The guy got up, he tried to muster some anger but went for his helmet.
Yes, it's a good thing he was wearing his helmet.
He tried to say something to me; I cut him off and asked him, "You alright boss?"; I then pointed at the light saying that his was long red. He mumbled something as he knew he was in the wrong. I then asked him, "Are you alright man?" He said, "Ya."
Those were my exact words and I am still amazed that I meant them. He seemed like someone my age and definitely someone who spoke English as his daily language.

Just 2 days ago I had told my friend, "I have it so good, I'm really lucky; I'm bound to go through some shit pretty soon.." I believe that this is just the beginning. Some sad things ought to happen to me soon enough.

Request: Please don't jump a red light, especially at too high a speed.
Request: Bikers, please wear your helmets. And just because you are riding pillion, don't excuse yourself from wearing a helmet.

Boston Legal

2010-12-25T01:32:00.000-08:00

The first season of Boston Legal was highly brilliant; however, it began losing its shine from the second season onwards as the makers decided to make it light-hearted. The courtroom scenes and weird encounters saved and make me cherish the series.
One thing that this series has provided is the friendship that Denny Crane and Alan Shore share. "We're flamingos."
Simple 2.5 words. Love them.

One episode (I'm watching it right now) stood out.
A little background first though: At the end of (almost) every episode Denny and Alan drink scotch and smoke cigars at Denny's office balcony. It's usually night and they stare out at the city. They talk about their day and their troubles and their sexual and emotional experiences. It's all very plain - plain, in the best way possible.
This episode: "On the Ledge" Season 3... Alan is supposedly in the process of developing a friendship with Jerry (a lawyer who has Asperger syndrome). Denny sees them bonding on 2 occasions and on witnessing the second encounter, retreats to his office. This follows:

Denny: Don't talk to me.
Alan: It's not like I went fishing with him.
Denny: And don't make fun of me. I don't know whether you know this - not many men take the time every day to have a cigar, a glass of scotch, to talk to their best friend. That's not something most men have.
Alan: No, it isn't.

Denny: What I give to you, what - what I share, I do with no one else. I like to think what you give to me, you do with nobody else. Now that - that may sound silly to you. But here's what I think is silly - the idea that jealousy or fidelity is reserved for romance. I always suspected that there was a connection between you and THAT man. That you got something you didn't get from me.

Alan: I probably do. But gosh, what I get from you, Denny ... People walk around today calling everyone their "best friend". The term doesn't have any real meaning anymore. Mere acquaintances are lavished with hugs and kisses upon a second or, at most, third meeting. Birthday cards get passed around offices, so everybody can scribble a snippet of sentimentality for a colleague they've barely met. And everyone just "loves" everyone. As a result, when you tell somebody you love them today, it isn't much heard. I love you, Denny. YOU are my best friend. I can't imagine going through life without you as my best friend. Not gonna kiss you, however.
Denny: I don't want you on my balcon... on ANY balcony, alone - with THAT man.
Alan: Okay.

End. Special thanks to bostonlegal.wetpaint.com for the conversation between Alan and Denny.

It's sad that text does very little justice to the actual conversation; the same way that books are difficult to convert to movies, visual experiences are difficult to put into text.
Joey and Chandler are good. Long live Denny and Alan.

Marion Grasby

2010-12-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

Masterchef Australia contestant - Marion Grasby.
I remember, when I first saw her in the competition I fell in love with her :) She had the most adorable smile. And then I saw how respected she became through the competition.
It's amazing to see the other contestants sing praises and literally be afraid of facing off against her. It was a shock when she was eliminated - it was a shock for me too...
All I can see is the joy, energy and enthusiasm she has when she cooks, her competition said often that the food that Marion prepares "pops in your mouth" full of flavour.

The reason I am blogging about her is that people like her deserve mention. Singers and dancers on reality shows come and go but this particular show just shows the enthusiasm, guts and creativity that some of the contestants have.

I wonder if I will ever go to Australia, and if I do, will I get to eat a preparation by Marion :)

Social Behaviour

2010-12-08T02:49:00.000-08:00

Autonomous and habitual movement to Facebook, Gtalk. It's quite amazing.
Often, when people have nothing to do online they move to FB just to see random stuff... It's quite appalling at a certain level, particularly when we think about human behaviour.

2-3 years ago, one would wait to get to know a person, one would wait to meet a person and one would be surprised to see another person after a long duration... Now, we really don't have to bother socialising; we can just go to a person's page and see what we like or dislike, it ought to affect the way we behave with that person.
Agreed that it is a fantastic way to stay in touch - but it is quite disruptive at a certain level. Privacy is almost unwillingly given up.

Soros

2010-12-07T21:46:00.000-08:00

Soros works on a philosophy that is rather commonsensical; his books are interesting reads from time to time.
Excerpt:

"Medicine, law and journalism used to be professions."

Julian Assange

2010-12-07T20:44:00.000-08:00

Ballsy.
Wikileaks has been influential even though much of the data which has been released remains to be dissected. He's 39 years old or so right now and yesterday he was arrested under charges of rape or molestation for the supposed crime in Sweden. It's a curious development knowing how influential his acts have been.
I wonder what will happen to this guy... The world has found a ballsy person after a very long time.

Manipulation

2010-12-05T05:05:00.000-08:00

An ancient Aztec ritual : (I wonder if the word 'ancient' is necessary)

2 teams would play a game and the winners would be sacrificed to the gods.

Wikileaks

2010-12-03T04:16:00.000-08:00

Wikileaks has been influential and might become more so with further disclosures announced, one of them relating to a big US bank.
Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing I really can't judge - is it correct for war secrets to be leaked? Because times of war do receive special treatment because subversive and coercive means would be used at those times.
However, Wikileaks is a whistle blowers delight. Big entities can and do hold the world shielded from reality at times... If China is growing concerned about NKorea, it better announce it to the world and not lie like it did some time ago.

Analogy: The way governments are chasing Wikileaks to shut it down is the same as China censoring information and punishing 'perpetrators'. Isn't it sad that people don't care about Wikileaks as much as they do about, let's say Justin Bieber or God? (Poor pair to put together I know...)

But Wikileaks stands for transparency and accountability - may be we should stand by it.

Delight

2010-12-03T01:38:00.000-08:00

I managed to go to gym today morning at 6am despite a late night. Woohoo!!
As I was leaving gym I saw what looked like part of a wallpaper.

Sizeable, dispersed clouds with sun rays actually piercing and 'moving?' past them in a radial pattern. A silent Mumbai with that as a backdrop was a welcome change. I wonder how many people noticed that and if they did, I wonder how many people stopped for a bit.

The other day, when I reached office, I saw a kid walking behind his mother making faces and jumping along... A single thought came to me then... What happened to life?

Women

2010-11-30T09:43:00.000-08:00

Some people need to be appreciated. Barkha Dutt.
Sadly, I have not heard her or seen her much but I'm going to let my judgement rule me today (as I allow quite often).
For some reason (refer to the Radia Tapes) Barkha has been 'pinned down' for her role by other media persons.
I saw a table conference / discussion on NDTV 24x7 where one dude was saying something against Barkha; Barkha was there and she retaliated with pain and emotion.
In those few minutes I chose to see Barkha's might, integrity and passion.
Call me sexist but it was a pleasure to see such a strong voice from a woman with an aggressive body language. I was thinking today about the clichéd statement : "Today, the woman walks shoulder to shoulder alongside man." I find that acceptable in a few cases, however, women, especially in India, even if educated, tend to stand back or are not allowed to progress because of societal structure.
I'm referring to family, marriage, motherhood and an odd suppression by the man. The last reference is to a man / husband / boyfriend who will frown on the woman being vain or her flirty/ playful nature or her ambitious loner nature or her need for independence or her need for a chance to prove herself.
This post is not an attempt at defending women, rather it's an attempt at hoping for a fairer tomorrow. An interesting, independent, strong woman is rare.

Caveat: A woman who chooses a house / family life ought to be respected. Please re-read the statement and put an emphasis on the word 'chooses'. Choice is rare.
Barkha, Thanks.

Wikipedia

2010-11-28T00:27:00.000-08:00

Recently, I made a very small donation to Wikipedia. Wikipedia is an under-appreciated wickedly awesome creation - created by people who are working for barely (or no) money. The need for encyclopedias has dissolved, not because of various internet sources but because of one destination for largely trustworthy data.
I urge the millions who read my blog to make a small donation to this foundation.

Hopefully this link works some years from now...
All of should support this fantastic, free service that (I believe) has no advertisement revenues... don't tarry, send it some money right now. Please.

Bottles and Corks

2010-11-26T04:33:00.000-08:00

There is a very strong post by a guy whose blog I read quite regularly.
The reason I am saying this is that for the past few days I have been thinking of working towards something concrete.
I have an immense passion for global financial markets but I cannot find a way to dedicate a large portion of my intellect and time to it; I also hope to make this society better, be it for selfish reasons... Buildings lack planning, safety and common sense, roads are narrow and flyovers or highways take too long to take physical shape, we live in a dirty dirty city where people seem agitated at every moment and relaxation is an endeavour.
I hope to find the courage to leave this race and do something meaningful.
I would really like to join an organisation that actively does some intelligent and decisive work at tackling issues that we face.
Meaningful? "Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted." John Lennon said that and well, I just love travelling and meeting new people and old friends. What's stopping me from just taking in a bit of this one life that I have (Yes, I don't believe in rebirth and rebirth, if true, is quite inconsequential as a belief in this 'present' life).

Carpe Diem: Robin Williams made it popular... but what follows these 2 words in the original statement is important;
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero – "Seize the Day, trusting as little as possible in the future". I don't think this is a cynical statement, I take it to be a opportunistic and rude statement that hits you just once in a while.

Allow me to cite my Nick Drake here..."So I leave the ways that are making me be, what I really dont want to be."

The industrialized world coined the term 'giving back to society' - I say 'Let's give something to us, coz we barely have much.' And don't start citing poorer nations... I don't care about them as much as I do about me and us.

Slavery and the Pursuit of Happiness

2010-11-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

I bought the new iPod Nano today and it's quite brilliant. I tried my best to stay away from an Apple product but this one was simply fantastic, which brings me to my point for this post.
Human progress.

I had stepped out of my office for a bit and I saw cars on the road, and it just struck me... Billions of years of (supposed) evolution and humans have created a society wherein people fret every moment, travel, 'work', earn money, spend money - all towards a largely insignificant death. Yes, this is all dreary but I'm looking at the bigger picture where I see other creatures quietly going about their stupid lives actually building things, creating things for sustenance.
What I see is a futile exercise which we have accepted as a way for society to function... what we are right now, in terms of our daily functioning would have been inconceivable a thousand years ago and for the record, a thousand years is a very short time period in the grand scheme of things...

And once in a while we come across people like Jimmy Wales - the founder of Wikipedia; an open source information centre on almost anything. Of course, he might have his own ulterior motives but I see that as a real development.
Gerald Ford revolutionized the way we commute but not much has changed since then except for congestion, blatant consumption, a supposed easier lifestyle and most importantly - becoming a slave to the machine that we have created.

What prevents us from vacating the daily grind after we have made an adequate amount of money?
Isn't this equivalent to slavery or succumbing to societal norms and pressures?

A friend described me well when she said that a girl would hate to be in a relationship with me because one day she would wake up without me by her side; she would call me and ask for my whereabouts... I would say, O! I am travelling.. Buzz off...

37

2010-11-11T08:31:00.001-08:00

T: Did you know that Aishwaria is 37 years old??!!
H: Ya. So?
T: 37!!! That's 13 years away!!! That's half our age away... That's a long long time away.

Thots

2010-11-08T02:01:00.003-08:00

Short-term pleasures may cause short, medium or long-term pain.

A humble pauper is a useless sight.

Rumination

2010-11-07T09:09:00.000-08:00

Europe has changed me for the better (or less worse). Today, I attended a lecture on 'superparticles' which could be a part of particle physics; may be for the first time I sat for a lecture without the compulsion to learn and remember and that made the lecture quite enjoyable...
I read about Sufjan Stevens, Casimir Pulaski, Nick Drake, Modigliani and I see the horror that this society has transformed into...
I still thank my friend for telling me about Into the Wild because it made me sincerely question materialism. Yes, yes ... I'm not a complete disaster yet (or would I be called a victor?).
We still have artists and brilliant scientists in our midst (not so much in our midst, but you get the vibe...) however, they don't seem to be as strong as earlier. They seem weak, succumbing to the lure of materialism which is understandable but deplorable for society as a whole.

Yes, a decade from now people might appreciate some artists whom we don't right now but I don't see a painter, a sculptor, a writer or a poet then... I see successful bands which will have made people happy not through their art but through their canvas.

I said that Europe has been beneficial because I saw a weird joy in people - as the french say "joie de vivre" which means "the joy of living". I see in India people who are old at 25 years of age where the only form of them being young is partying and boozing (extreme generalization).

Next week I'm going for a contemporary dance performance at the NCPA. Will I like it? I don't know but it's a brilliant mode of escapism.

I love the world of particle physics and quantum physics - particularly because it is so difficult to imagine some of the things postulated or proven.
2 galaxies colliding 4 billion light years away?
A very small amount of energy in daily life, such as 1TeV, which is difficult to 'create' or 'capture'...
Weakly Interacting Massive Particles which could hold the key to finding a 'theory of everything'. For the record, experiments are underway in a mine where supercooled Germanium crystals are used to capture the faintest of vibrations from particles such as WIMPs.

Take a step back my friend and you will see how inconsequential our lives are...
We live for 60-90 years.
We pursue money and affection.
We are heartbroken and we feel loved.
We sleep less, we sleep too much, we smile too little, we are serious and not as jovial as we ought to be...
You ask me why I loved Into the Wild?
Here's why:

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
— Chris McCandless

"The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences."
— Chris McCandless

Age

2010-11-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Elton John today morning on the radio and the RJ said something about he's 63 years old and still belting out music :)
And I - idealistic and stupid (not) - thought of how we tend to while away our time without due consideration given to our smiles and to the pursuit of something that has no real end...
I thought of my friend's friend, the dude, supposedly, just jams with his amateur band every (other?) Saturday. He's just one example.
But what I see clearly missing in India and in Indians is passion... Need to find it.

The meaning of it all

2010-10-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

Richard Feynman provokes thought. He is described as having been a passionate guy. This is a statement that is often used for other people too but rarely meant.
Branching off... When I read physics or see something on science or when I read about nature and all the simple glory that is away from human settlement, I see how futile our sojourns are (that was an amusing statement if you caught my bitchiness).
Of course, we will work our way through this society that we have created but the least we could do is give a thought to 'why?' and to possibly pursue an escape.
Circles they grow and they swallow people whole.

RRG v/s Berchtesgaden

2010-10-28T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'm writing after a long long time :)
A friend asked me if Berchtesgaden was better than the Red River Gorge - I thought for a bit and I had the answer.
Berchtesgaden was magnificent, but it was picturesquely brilliant; RRG was like going through an old earth.
RRG was plain, raw, brilliant and an awesome place to find solitude; a place where one can pace himself and keep walking endlessly. Berchtesgaden was great for mountaineers and photographers.

Only once did I feel alone and comfortable - on my way from Stahlhaus to Lake Konigsee - I was alone, carefree and scared.
Picture this: I start when the sun is bright, 1 litre of weissbeer downed, I start my journey towards the lake. I pass through the clouds which have enveloped the valley. The sun loses its shine and the weather is pleasant. I stop and I hear me breathing and I hear a gentle stream a few metres away. I walk again and come to a proper path but now the sky is dark and when I say dark I mean... dark. I can see till only a few metres away but luckily there is some light hitting me from the town.
I reach the town - exhausted and settle at the first restaurant. There is only one server and I'm really hungry. I walk for an additional fifteen minutes and reach the restaurant by the lake. I come to it and a guy says HI!! to me - "Hey! we met while we were climbing that mountain!!" - I mumble something because I didn't remember the guy. The dude recommends Goulash which is deer with gravy :)
Then he recommends a plum cake :)
And of course, I need weissbeer :)
Semi drunk and completely satiated I walk to my bed n breakfast. I sleep for 10 hours :D

However, when I saw a picture from Red River Gorge (The auxier ridge trail) I missed it immediately. Berchtesgaden is not a place I would miss or long to go back to but RRG - that was truly gorgeous :)

Commonwealth Games

2010-09-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I haven't written about this fiasco :)
Horrible planning, horrible supervision, poor accountability, disgraceful public relations management and sheer contempt for responsibility and maintaining 'national' pride.
A pedestrian bridge which linked the main stadium to the car park collapsed because of a faulty support while still under construction approx 13 days before the CWG start.
The main stadium suffered from water leaks; yesterday part of the false ceiling fell, the CWG village is in a poor condition.
Does this make me happy? Very.

The fact that responsibility lay in the hands of govt. officials, this was bound to happen. Corruption and bureaucracy - blah blah blah... you know the drill. There was a good opinion the other day in Live Mint and I second that opinion.
The CWG disaster should serve as a stimulus for the government to allocate more infrastructure projects to private parties - established entities with proven track records. Not something like J Kumar Infraprojects who have a crappy website and are doing an even crappier job at completing projects in Mumbai.
I am amazed at how fantastic and practical the L&T link from the international airport looks - it was even completed without much disruption to traffic.

May be the CWG are just what India need to begin serious work towards improving public infrastructure in India.

Death and Celebrations

2010-09-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

There was a train collision in Madhya Pradesh wherein 21 people died and many other injured - cause: human error.
Floods in Uttarakhand and the Yamuna overflowing just north of Delhi - Countless made homeless, don't know how many died.
2 people shot at near Jama Masjid in New Delhi - supposed terror attack.
Ganesh Chaturthi celebrated with much chutzpah in Mumbai.

Are we insensitive? Or is this normal behaviour?
Politically speaking, we like to equate all human lives and frown at untoward incidences, but frankly I don't see people caring about people who they don't really care about. Convoluted statement?

Faith is a wonderful thing. I walked near my place in the evening where the gullies were empty and the roads were filled with people dancing around the Ganpati idols. Nonchalance characterised my walk that evening as I am not a religious person, but I loved looking at people and how simply some of them were sitting patiently and how others were dancing simply merrily - I even saw one guy trying his version of a break dance :)
I see some of our religious festivals as means to unify India across caste divides - clearly seen during Ganesh Visarjan yesterday.

I might never understand what excites foreigners when the come to India and see such social behaviour :)

Underground Metro Peace March at Juhu

2010-09-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

So I went for a 'Peace March' today. It was primarily comprised of Juhu residents asking / demanding an underground metro through the suburbs instead of an overhead metro. It seems like a sensible demand but a rather useless demand.
The more immediate and painful issues are water supply, potholes and the dearth of roads and flyover through the city. However, this 'protest' did ask for accountability and answers.
Why is erection taking so long? (No pun) How much is it really costing Mumbai-ites in kind - time, energy, traffic (you know what I mean). Why have patches of road been under construction for so long a time?
I did not care too much about the metro's elevation because I really see the lack of proper road infrastructure as a pressing issue. Nonetheless, I did go for the rally because I wanted to see the show that people were capable of putting up. Moreover, only when we support protests will we have more meaningful protests.
I left 1 hour into the rally while the others kept marching on, but I would gladly be a part of such movements in the future and hopefully one day help in organising such a rally.

O yes, almost forgot to mention this. The route that the people were going to take had posters by the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena ( O! How I love them from the bottom of my butt) supporting the cause. What a (poop) turnoff! Yes, yes... at least 'they' were supporting the cause... BS

Bridges of Madison County

2010-09-06T01:43:00.000-07:00

This movie compels me to write again about infidelity.
Robert Kincaid (Clint) noted something peculiar about modern society and each person's want for something(s). When Francesca remarked - 'Things Change',

Robert said, "They always do, it's one of the things of nature. Most people are afraid of change, but if you look at it as something you can always count on, then it can be a comfort. There are not many things you can count on."

This one stands out - "I don't think obsessions have a reason, that's why they're obsessions."

Francesca: You have friends too?
Robert: I'm a loner not a monk.
Francesca: You really don't need anyone?
Robert: No, I need everybody.

Francesca: You ever regret not having a family?
Robert: Not everyone's supposed to have a family.

What he noted about society:
"There's too much of 'This is mine' or 'He or she is mine'... Too many lines being drawn; that kinda thing... you know?"
Coming to infidelity. "She is mine!".
This statement ought not to make sense, but it does. We have been tuned to securing our surroundings and possessing things around us. Inanimate object should be fine but another person of free will?
What can stop a guy from pursuing sexual or emotional pleasures with another woman? In our society... Guilt, commitment and responsibility methinks.
People are fickle-minded and can sway from time to time. At times, we need to adjust to unacceptable behaviour.
When a guy has a random one night stand, not much is said... when a girl does the same, she is labeled a slut. Guys having one night stands are more common, but that is not possible... because usually, a guy would have a one night stand with a girl, implying that guys tend to brag about their adventures whereas girls are more secretive.
Secretive because of societal pressures and because a girl usually does not need to proclaim her accomplishments as much as a guy does. Hence, the age old debate about how women are more mature than men. Men succumb easily to ego boosts and proclamation of their achievements and turfs.

What lies ahead for humans...

2010-09-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

"For the first 2 billion years or so , the rate of increase in complexity (of DNA) must have been of the order of one bit of information every hundred years. The rate of increase of DNA complexity gradually rose to about one bit a year over the last few million years.
But then, about six or eight thousand years ago, a major new development occurred. We developed written language.
This meant that information could be passed on from one generation to the next without having to wait for the very slow process of random mutations and natural selection to code it into the DNA sequence."

Stephen Hawking is trying to say that evolution - because of this development - has just become a whole lot faster.
I love the guy's candor.

"Because we claim to be intelligent, though perhaps without much ground, we tend to see intelligence as an inevitable consequence of evolution. However one can question that. It is not clear that intelligence has much survival value. Bacteria do very well without intelligence and will survive us if our so-called intelligence causes us to wipe ourselves out in a nuclear war."

He also posited that advanced life-forms have already found us but are just chilling and looking at us. But then, if they are so advanced why have they not destroyed us - for example, we don't think twice before killing a bug. :D

I had a thought. What if there were more advanced life-forms but similar to what we might do in the future, they destroyed themselves some million years ago on Earth? May be they managed to destroy themselves so well that they left no trace of themselves or their subordinate beings...

7 minutes to write this post...

2010-09-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

As an amateur and largely ignorant human it's quite grounding to read about the universe.
The nearest quasar, for example, is at the least 780 million light years away.
A light year is the distance that light would cover in one year which amounts to approx. 10 trillion kilometers.
A distance such as this is almost impossible to relate to.

Another thought: Everything we look at is the past. Because light takes a finite amount of time to reach the human eye, whatever we see has happened in the past.
It is insignificant in daily life but, for example, the sun we see is as it was 8 minutes ago. Similarly, when we look at the oldest quasars in the universe - approximated at 28 billion light years away - we are looking at that which existed a really long time ago, probably at the beginning of the universe (if the universe did indeed have a 'beginning').

The hypothesis behind the existence of a blackhole is quite intriguing. Earth is a small planet and therefore has a very small escape velocity - 11.2 km/s. The sun has a larger mass and therefore its escape velocity is estimated at 617.5 km/s. The hypothesis that Feynman came up with was that there could possibly be a large enough mass (or gravitational force) that would not let even light escape. Escape velocity higher than 300000 km/s.

Information from Wiki and from 'Universe in a nutshell' - Stephen Hawking. Why do these things intrigue me? Because once in a while, I like to take a step back and look at humans. Hawking said something to the effect of: We should not try to find extra-terrestrial lifeforms because the odds are that they will be more advanced than us and possibly hostile. The future for humans lies in space because the Earth will one day be too small a place for humans.

I just wrote about quasars being 780 million light years away. We can confidently say that humans have developed themselves quite rapidly in the past 2000 years. It is not plausible to discount the existence of other lifeforms even 10000 years ahead of us, let alone millions of years ahead of us.

Calling time a dimension puts a new twist to all that we worry about because in the grand scheme of things everything is quite irrelevant.
What is also questionable is that which we assume to be real and why reality should even matter to us.

With this post I can say that I have come a full circle. Questioning reality has been my most fruitless pass-time. Questioning purpose and daily illusions can also be added to the prior sentence.

Passing Thoughts

2010-09-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

When will pleasing your boss annoy you?
When will you stop floating through life?
Why don't you go out and eat good food or try something new?
Are you really scared of the next morning because it's as mundane as yesterday's?
How much will you regret things if you were to die right now?
Do you want to push away things that make you smaller?

Day once dawned...

2010-08-17T02:03:00.000-07:00

Music is a beautiful creation. This thought (re)dawned on me when I was travelling in a rick listening to Nick Drake. Of course, there is an unusual simplicity to his creations but for a moment, his music took me away from the noise of traffic around me and from the swarm of people crowding the streets. For some unusual reason Bach and Rahul Sharma do something similar. At times, we fall into a trap with our music-listening tendencies and songs that we like are made monotonous, songs that we would pleasantly hum before are mechanically copied and then, just like that, the monotony is broken and we remember the song for what it used to be.
I still remember a school friend who once told me that she does not like music. I was and still am a person who does not get surprised by people's uncharacteristic, individualistic choices but I remember my astonishment then to something I could not comprehend. To this day I believe that she did not really mean what she said then.

A smile hidden by a mustache

2010-08-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

My day started off with a smile. As I neared my house the sweeper outside the building opened the gate for me even though it wasn't his job. When I stepped out I went to him and said, "Boss, thank you haan." I was greeted with an odd simple smile nestled under his thick mustache followed by a gesture with his broom.
A wise man once said, "People wear clothes."
This statement is quite hilarious as soon as we juxtapose man against other species. Clothes provide protection against the elements and also serve as ornaments, possibly to attract mates :| however society has restricted mating through the creation of 'marriage'.
Let's go back a couple of thousand years and we note that man used to be simple. Hunting, farming, eating, procreation, sleeping and miscellaneous chores. It is around this time that the capitalist system or the need to earn, multiply, preserve and spend wealth was created.
What we call technology, innovation and ease of life may be termed futile by another species - which brings me to an earlier post where I mentioned :
Prime Minister Lyonchhen Jigmi Y. Thinley once said, "We are losing our humanness to become robots programmed to be productive through endless labour so as to earn to consume more and more without satisfaction."

Where is the simplicity to life? Is it just a farce? Or are we just doomed to follow this ritual laid out by present-day humans believing this to be the only meaningful way of passing through life?

Tolerance-ism

2010-07-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

History is precious and makes us smile ever so often.

"
I am proud to belong to a religion which has taught the world both tolerance and universal acceptance. We believe not only in universal toleration, but we accept all religions as true. I am proud to belong to a nation which has sheltered the persecuted and the refugees of all religions and all nations of the earth. I am proud to tell you that we have gathered in our bosom the purest remnant of the Israelites, who came to Southern India and took refuge with us in the very year in which their holy temple was shattered to pieces by Roman tyranny. I am proud to belong to the religion which has sheltered and is still fostering the remnant of the grand Zoroastrian nation. I will quote to you, brethren, a few lines from a hymn which I remember to have repeated from my earliest boyhood, which is every day repeated by millions of human beings: "As the different streams having their sources in different paths which men take through different tendencies, various though they appear, crooked or straight, all lead to Thee."

The present convention, which is one of the most august assemblies ever held, is in itself a vindication, a declaration to the world of the wonderful doctrine preached in the Gita: "Whosoever comes to Me, through whatsoever form, I reach him; all men are struggling through paths which in the end lead to me."
"

-Swami Vivekanand, Chicago's World Parliament of Religions in 1893.

May be we should send out this message to regional fanatics threatening violence at the rustle of a peaceful leaf.
O wait, I have something for the stupid Sainiks...

Mughal historian Khafi Khan: Shivaji "made it a rule that wherever his followers were plundering, they should do no harm to the mosques, the book of God, or to the women of any one. Whenever a copy of the sacred Quran came into his hands, he treated it with respect, and gave it to some of his Mussalman followers."

The problem with religions is that as time progresses religions, or rather, the idea of religions is metamorphosed to something that suits a particular set of people. The people who decide are the people whom other people look up to. Power is desirable and through the medium of religion people can contort a fundamental idea such as 'tolerance' to something akin to 'fighting to maintain our identity and pride'.

Special thanks to Shashi Tharoor

Indian-ness

2010-07-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

When I was studying in the US I found it difficult to explain India and Indian-ness. We are a queer lot and I am extremely proud about being Indian. Am I patriotic? I wouldn't say so.
But let's expand that shall we... If somebody were to blast India's external affairs decisions or talk about India being a poor country I wouldn't be a fanatic sitting to pounce on anything 'anti-Indian'.
However, if something derogatory is said against Indians and our Indian-ness - that is something derogatory against me. I am forever ready to poke fun at my Indian-ness and everything said in jest will be well accepted :)

Shashi Tharoor has done an outstanding job at capturing this Indian and has tried rather well at defining an Indian in his book: India: From midnight to the millennium.
It is a miracle that Indians co-exist together when we are, in fact, very very distinct, but I see something changing now. A large portion of urban Indians tend to be rather similar and define themselves as Indian, Mumbai-ite or Bangalore-an than as Hindu, Muslim, blah.
Asking for a person's religion or geography or mother tongue is first-nature to us because we love stereotyping and we love creating an opinion about a person without knowing the person. That is something quite Indian.

Another thing that is quite extraordinary is our history. The Babri Masjid fiasco supposedly started in the 1500s when Babar demolished an Indian temple, which makes me think - America was only just discovered in 1492.
The oldest Christian community outside Palestine is in India - Kerala. I tend to be abrupt in the way I write and my point is this...
As Indians, we have a very fruitful history behind us with the Panchayat system, Business System, Accounting System and Sciences. As Indians, we have allowed a multitude of external 'forces' to influence us: Aryans, Romans, British, Mughal, Mongolian, blah...

There is something intangible that is immensely powerful about being an Indian but when we are faced with confident white-skinned people we tend to take a step back. Some of you may frown at this comment and say, "Hey!! That is not true!!!" But I am confident that when they choose to mock us or show their superiority or enthrall us with their personality or looks we are influenced.

Be proud and stand your ground :)

Bhutan

2010-07-24T01:19:00.000-07:00

A country that has decided to protect itself from probable careless tourists, especially backpackers who may litter in uninhabited places.
Mountaineering is banned and Gangkhar Puensum - the highest peak in Bhutan - remains the highest unclimbed peak in the world.

Prime Minister Lyonchhen Jigmi Y. Thinley once said, "We are losing our humanness to become robots programmed to be productive through endless labour so as to earn to consume more and more without satisfaction."

Beautiful article written in The Mint - Lounge, July 24th 2010.

Changing Indians

2010-07-20T04:36:00.000-07:00

The Indian woman / mom of yesterday used to wear Indian clothes so even when swanky restaurants and sports clubs started opening up they would wear Indian clothes while escorting their husbands / child(ren).
What I ~~saw~~ noticed today is the Indian woman in her late 20s / early 30s wearing 'western' outfits - an upgrade from the drab t-shirt and jeans. What I noticed next was a woman (rather hot) with great hair and well dressed, carrying a school bag and sports bag that belonged to her child.
Is this what I will see my friends as some years from now? We shall wait and see :)

Man - tall, athletic built, and pretty well groomed. Will the new 'fit' Indian metamorphose into a paunchy, tired, yucky looking man - the kind we see quite often?

OMG!! It's soooo beautiful!!!

2010-07-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

There is an infantile joy in travelling. Even though I have been to many places, I remember only a few. In the recent past I have seen London, Paris, Hong Kong, Chicago, Red River Gorge, Murud-Janjira and Korlai Fort (rather magnificent); may be this is more than what most people might see even in their lifetime and more than many people might have seen in their recent past but I don't want to stop.
I have friends in Kazakhstan, Taiwan, Greece, South Korea and I want to go to these places even if for a few days, but more than these places I want to go to nature. Being from Mumbai, nature is rather elusive and getting away from the city is pleasurable.

I wish to visit Patagonia, Antarctica, Hawaii, East India, North India, South India, New Zealand, Scandinavia, South Germany and may be I will. May be I will find my treasures in other locations...
The structure of society is such that soon I will want to 'be' with somebody. I hope that that somebody likes travelling (at least almost) as much as I do and the odds are that she will.
What does bother me (yes, I can't sleep at night because of this thought!!) is the wresting away of my independence for I wont be able to just leave my home on a whim... Life is beautiful :)

Fear

2010-07-18T00:18:00.000-07:00

Fear of that which is not but which may be.

Where death is, I am not; where I am, death is not. - Epicurus

We face it everyday and it shall not cease to amaze me :)
We are afraid of that which has not yet come by and that fear moulds each one of us differently.

Disgust

2010-07-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

When we hear of ill-equipped hospitals, cramped localities, discontinuous or non-existent energy supply, atrocities committed by people with unbridled power or apathy towards a better whole who do we choose to blame?

Is India just too large a populace to be cared for properly? Are the capitalist tycoons answerable towards uplifting sections of society around them? Are the bureaucracies of various systems to be blamed?
Today, I choose to blame the untouchables.

The untouchables of the past were determined by lineage.
The untouchables of today are determined by their lineage and their decisions. They decided to act in their own interests during their ascent to their respective positions.
The IAS officer, the police inspector in a faraway village, the customs officer, the tax inspector, members of political parties - particularly those related to religious propaganda, the 'babu'.

These people are rarely 'touchable' or accountable. Of course, generalizations are evil but generalizations are based on a clear majority based on hearsay and actual experiences.

The capitalist system is such that it makes a richer man richer and in turn, more powerful. I see that, as a man becomes richer he drags or rather pulls towards him, directly and indirectly, sections of society.
What the aforementioned people do is, most of the times, beyond the scope of the system and beyond the reach of the law. A lack of transparency and the continuous focus of people towards their own lives are the root causes of such 'distance' and power.

Because I am a product of the capitalist world, it pains me to see power concentrated in the hands of people who are unwilling to share it or distribute it.
If a business tycoon has amassed a fortune it is his call, whether or not to disburse his riches because he has legally (for the most part) created his personal wealth.
If an official (the list of people I mentioned earlier) has amassed wealth, it will largely be illegally, immorally and laden with guilt (I hope).

The larger effect of the 'babu' is his domineering demeanour and conversely, the inability of a subject to voice concern or opposition. I call it helplessness... which is why even I have to succumb at times to being a part of the system. It is also because of my illiteracy regarding my rights and my selfishness pertaining to my free time which I want to be as hassle-free as possible.
I disgust me and I am a part of the people - for now.

Bandh

2010-07-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

Bandh = Shut = Strike. Today, a national bandh was declared in India. Cause: Fuel Price Hike.

The government in India used to control fuel prices such that it retailed at the same price in a particular region. Some days ago the government decided to put an end to its fiscal burden by taking steps to free up the market to competition.
Short Term Effect: Run-up in prices of many goods
Long Term Effect: Good for all as a sustained fiscal burden which would normally manifest itself in continual inflation is put to an end.

Poor Man: Everything is expensive - the government isn't doing anything to alleviate our pain!!! The government sucks!!! Opposition - Attack!!!!
Intelligent Man: I want to work!!! Why is there a bandh??!! Wait, hmm.. I could use a break :) But I believe the government did the right thing for all of us, especially the next generation.
Opposition: Daym!! I've been bored for so long, finally there's some action!!

People are entitled to object to government policies and political parties are the medium to voice supposed opinions. Is India a dysfunctional democracy? Is there anything like a functional democracy?

Happiness

2010-07-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

It's a Sunday and I was watching a movie - The Great Indian Butterfly.

"Happiness is a rare insect."

As that statement reached my ears, I smiled for I was sipping on tea and watching this movie - was calm and at ease. Life is pretty simple if we only take a deep breath.

The Law of Karma

2010-07-03T23:32:00.000-07:00

Laws are/ were created by man. Laws of Sciences are proven to a certain extent. Laws of Religion and Spiritualism or Metaphysics are heuristic in nature.

The Law of Karma - A fantastic concept to make people feel at ease and withdraw to an answer which cannot be proven. I would have liked to call it a hypothesis, but a hypothesis pertains to observable phenomena.
By creating the law of Karma, followers of the law were governed by a certain legal system. The law was created before any real justice or legal systems as we know them today, in effect it helped create order in a chaotic society.

If a man wanted to rape a woman, based on his brute strength he very well could; the law of karma instilled fear in him as the law said that if you do this today, nature has a way of coming back at you and punishing you for your foul deeds.
O and by the way, in case your quota of bad deeds has not been rewarded with similar poor fate unto you, nature is going to carry forward this quota of bad deeds and punish you in your next incarnation. Beware O wrong-doer!!

Frankly, it's a beautiful concept - one which can never be proven and one, if believed would rid humanity of many of its pains. Through this law and the fear it instills, man becomes a more peaceful and altruistic being. The other thing I like about this law is the consequence of doing something good.
The more good you do, the more good you reap :)
Awesome!! Ain't it?

This law is also used by some to believe that if something bad happens to them, something good will happen to them in the future - but wait, if something bad happens to you, shouldn't that be a culmination of a prior bad deed by you? Hmmm...

I remember that when I was first introduced to this concept in school, I decided to stand at the window sill after school and pass everybody's water bottles back to them. And everyday I would think, 'Daym!! I am a great guy - hope my good Karma is accumulating :)'
O! How I love kids and their puny, simple and honest minds :)

I thought of this once while studying Indian Management Thoughts and Practices - The Law of Karma - You do things. Period. Things happen to you. Period.
Most of everything lie beyond our locus of control - what is within our sphere is our reaction to events and our need to base our actions in anticipation of certain events. It is irresponsible to harm another being in whatever way for whatever reason but if we are harmed in any way, it is up to us to take a step back, relax and fight.

You do things. Things happen to you. There is nobody to keep a tab on what good or bad you may have done. Although it is favourable to believe in such a concept.
I wonder if there is a place in (fiction starts:) hell (fiction ends) for me...

Nehru

2010-07-01T23:50:00.000-07:00

1937:

"Men like Jawaharlal with all their capacity for great and good work, are unsafe in democracy. He calls himself a democrat and a socialist, and no doubt he does so in all earnestness, but every psychologist knows that the mind is ultimately a slave to the heart and logic can always be made to fit in with the desires and irresistible urges of a person. A little twist and Jawahar might turn a dictator sweeping aside the paraphernalia of a slow-moving democracy... His conceit is already formidable. It must be checked. We want no Caesars.

This powerful vilification was published under the pseudonym 'Chanakya', after an ancient political philosopher, and caused great outrage among Nehru's followers. What they did not realise was that 'Chanakya' was actually Jawaharlal Nehru himself. Introspection, honesty, wit and mischief: few other politicians in history could have written such a lucid essay in self-deconstruction. "

- Indian Summer by Alex Von Tunzelmann
Great work :)

Flaws

2010-06-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

Guys:
Short,
Baldness,
Fat
Paunch,
Too much body hair?
Crooked teeth,
Bad breath
Greying Hair
Bad fingernails
Perceived fear of small size of 'member'
Attitude Issues
Personality Issues
Hygiene Issues

Girls:
Out of shape
Fat
Crooked teeth
Small sized 'assets'
Too short
Too tall
Bad Hair
Facial Hair
Periods!
Male Dominance

It's a sad sad species as we find flaws in people all too easily :|

Joy changes to Fear

2010-06-14T03:30:00.000-07:00

Stephanie D'sa-Colaco wrote this,

"When did the joy of making a choice reduce itself to the fear of making another mistake?"

The rest of her note is pretty awesome too:

When did I get too old for hugs?
I remember the fragrance of my grandma’s hair.
It smelled of everything good and sacrosanct.
Being encircled in her arms without any morose thought tainting the moment.

When did relationships get so complicated?
‘I love u’ used to be a declaration, a fact.
It never made one vulnerable and I was always certain of a reply.

When did the rain become so melancholy?
I remember ‘forgetting’ my umbrella and arriving drenched but with soaring spirits.
The cool droplets coloring my vision made the world seem new and refreshing.
Now I hide, confined in my mind while those old visions disintegrate.

As the days go by and I find every decision harder than the last, I find myself looking into the mirror, engrossed in my soliloquy.

'Tis the tale of a sorry life, a life that we have withdrawn to.
People like saying 'Carpe Diem' and quoting from fascinating movies trying to show to the world they are something they are not. The Fight Club is the first movie that comes to mind.
But more often than not, the quotes are more about that which they would want to be and the hope that it carries along with it.

Extremes are difficult and rather stupid. But take a step today and find the child within.

Encounters of a Sexual kind

2010-06-14T03:06:00.000-07:00

In a hotel, 'I have a room upstairs, if you're interested...'
This refers to the potential of having sexual intercourse + / - other things with a person who is largely a stranger. If this hint is proposed to you, would you say:

"O ! Yeah!"
Or
"I'm sorry, I am married."
Or
"I'm sorry, I am seeing someone (but damn, you're yummy!)."

Shouldn't one rather say,
"I'm sorry, I'm in love with someone, and would much rather sleep with him/ her."

Rape

2010-06-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

Sunday June 13, 2010. Times of India
Man held for raping teen daughter.
Body of raped six-year old found in nullah.
Two neighbours spike drink, rape woman.

Empowering women, improving law enforcement and bringing about a socio-cultural change whereby men realise respect for women, but more so, women understand the need to be fiercely independent. Respect for all.

The free naked man

2010-06-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

I was driving home today and I saw a semi-naked man on the highway. He seemed lost. I saw The Soloist today - the story about a gifted potentially schizophrenic man who had 'lost his way'. I saw this same man on the highway it seems. And I asked myself: "Is he free?"

Find me the spark

2010-06-03T04:52:00.000-07:00

Great personalities and great contributions are rarely realized. Random names: Mozart, Ludwig Van, Mohandas Gandhi, Adolf Hitler, Mother Teresa, Michael Jordan?, Elvis Presley, The Beatles!
I believe that striking personalities are difficult to find now and will be even more difficult to find in the future.
There is a lack of independent thought. There is a lack of art (in its various forms).

Do we even know of great artists, poets, composers, authors or leaders from the past 2 decades? Sure, one can say Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi, Rushdie? - but eh...
What I see is that capitalism and prosperity have driven people into (largely) single files where everyone strives for individual 'success'. It's great that the end of the Cold War stimulated global prosperity. But has the pursuit of prosperity robbed humans of their inherent humanity?

The people who don't fall into files don't get the attention that they would have received some decades ago.
People have become part of the machine and it wouldn't be incorrect to say that things are nice, but I would say that there is an absence of human ingenuity today. Medical research, financial innovations, technological changes are largely driven by entrepreneurs - not as much due to curiosity and thrill, but more due to power and success.
The simplicity of yesteryears is lost.

On an individual level, I believe that some of the innocence can still be ploughed back, or rather, brought to life. Losing oneself and withdrawing from society is a fairly recent development and it can do some of us a lot of good methinks.

Too much time is spent on fear and obedience.

Special

2010-06-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

I write in a diary. At the last page of my diary, I have a cut-out of an article that was published in Times Life Sunday April 12, 2009.
I kept that article because it encapsulates a lot that is dysfunctional in society as we see it evolving. I have had the luxury of studying in the US for a year and I did not see the same emotions there, but I do see them in Mumbai. In short, people believe they are special and they ought to be doing something better than what they are going towards or are currently doing.
It also tells us of how simple life ought to be and how complex we tend to make in pursuit of that which is never static - happiness.

Cruel Contentment

2010-06-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

It's quite sad that I have come back to Mumbai and I have written for long. Hope I right soon :|

Thing is, I sleep much better now and have managed to relax my head regarding current unemployment.
In other news, Mumbai rocks.
In further news, the girl who I sub-leased my apartment to found the place a complete mess and utterly disgusting. Therefore, this is a public apology (of sorts) for inconvenience that I (inadvertently) caused.

Victory

2010-05-28T01:56:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from Ted Roosevelt's speech in Paris in 1910:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

Desires

2010-05-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

He said to his friend, "Hey, when you get done with school, if you want, we can go away backpacking through Europe."
Some months later, he quit his job. He went backpacking through Europe for three months.
Now, he secured a job with a great firm, he bought a house by a lake and has a boat docking area. The job pays well and he now has, what seems to be, an excellent house.

Food for thought?

Fined yourself

2010-05-09T07:57:00.000-07:00

What is it about songs that makes them anchors for our memories? What I'm referring to are not visual memories, rather they are emotional or may be subconscious memories. I was listening to Eddie Vedder's creations for the OST of Into the Wild:
"They think of me and my wandering but I'm never what they thought."
"When I stand beside her, I am the better man."
Before you believe me referring to love, let me say in the words of the Joker (Heath Ledger):
I'm not. No, I'm not.

The crux of this write-up is, what I would like to call, a mixture of rumination and self-actualization. The first line I wrote above used to signify something about me, something that I understood very well and that I allowed to fit for me. When I heard the same sentence today, I was in awe simply because the physical manifestation (heavy words :| ) of that sentence was evident in my Kentucky trip, but the actual feeling of that sentence was missing.

It's time to go back to who you used to be, if only to remember how you used to be and what you stood for because there is something unique about every one of us and we fail to exercise that. We let life conquer us and we accept a different form of contentment.
Wrong? No.

It's a tough battle, and may be, it's not even a battle. May be I am thinking to much as I always do - but this is me and I believe I love me :)

CQ

2010-05-05T08:00:00.001-07:00

Pain is critical to success.
I have tried to shirk adversities, may be because it is very human to do so. But then, the greatest learning one gets is from fear, failure, or experience. Due to the way society has developed, we tend to stay on one side of the fence and remain within the realm of that which is acceptable by society.
I see nothing wrong with this, but the way I see certain things, I see that life is meant to be boring and mundane, and the way we programme ourselves, we are able to take care of ourselves through the boredom of life; my question is, why do we like to take care of ourselves?

The answer is obvious, but too often, we tend to be over-protective and hesitate to look beyond the box. Did you ever think of the fact that you could have been a writer or a dancer? Did you do anything to try and achieve that end? I believe not.
Why?
We tend to follow set patterns and we like to believe we are secure. Ask yourself this: You are 70 years old, you have earned money and you have a family; are you happy with the way you lived your life? My guess is: Yes. We tend to find solace in the way we have lived life.
Ask yourself: Would I much rather have done something else? Yes.
Most of those things (which we would have rather done) may be too far-fetched. But some of those things were very achievable. We CHOSE to stay safe and we CHOSE the normal path. Often we blame circumstances, parenting, social pressures and the like, but we CHOOSE things. We decide to ignore the freedom of choice that we possess.

This brings me to my next topic: Materialism. It has been ingrained in us since childhood; earn money, earn prestige, earn a name, be respected, own your home, own your car, provide for your family... Wrong? No.
But have you taken a step back and asked yourself why you have done the things you have done? Why you are doing the things you are doing?
And why you want to do the things you want to do?
We have an inherent understanding of success and contentment and happiness...
When was the last time you shut your eyes and took a deep breath? You are reading this right now but you are barely aware of what you are reading. Wait. Shut your eyes and take a deep breath. Pauses are necessary. Questions are fun. Learning is essential.

I have experienced pain in my life and I am by no means unique. All of us have experienced pain, and that pain has taught us things. I have spent sleepless nights hoping for certain things, I have worried about things in my past, which I now look back upon and laugh... I have left things, I have thrown away things, and things have thrown away me. It's a random continual process that helps us evolve.
I am writing from the US right now; I am scared of coming back to Mumbai and finding myself alone (I'm human after all), but I sincerely look forward to it. Why? I have accepted life as a journey and I await fun. I am waiting for myself to sit alone and cry, sit with friends and laugh and read a book at peace. It's all a learn and life is a uni-directional experience.

This ties in with what I started off with... we tend to fall into files.
We tend to believe we are special seeds and that the world is unaccepting, but we are wrong! The world has a large heart, it is we who tend to shut ourselves up out of fear and we who are afraid of going away for only a bit, even for twenty minutes and walking and talking by ourselves.
May be, just may be, humans were meant to be self sufficient (emotionally) and somewhere along the way heurism got the better of us and we began falling in line. Take a breath, take a step back and look at yourslef in the mirror. Go right now and find the colour in your eyes. Trust me when I say this: It's a brilliant colour :)

A Pond

2010-05-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

Went jogging towards the south from my apartment. Reached the "Research Center" where a lot of companies have their offices (may be on U of I property - Daym its a rich university).
So I'm jogging and I pass this pond inhabited by geese. So I stop. And I sit on the grass with the geese's 'quacking' in the background. Eventually, I lie down on the grass and stare at the blue sky. No other person in sight. And I think to myself:

I may never do this again after 20 days. This moment is nice and it feels good to breathe freely and stretch my arms and see an actual pond and stare at the sky. I hope I travel even after I go back to Mumbai.

Use and Throw

2010-04-30T09:13:00.000-07:00

Sounds like being with a prostitute, but may be that's who we are. We consume and we throw. We consume out of addiction, pleasure, hope, boredom, and need. What am I referring to? Chocolates, food, friends, lovers, feelings, dreams.
The point I am driving in is that in the long run, things tend to be for the short term, very few things remain with us or rather, very few things we choose to keep with us. By the time we are at our respective life's end, most of us will have very few things in our hearts as we did a long time ago (from then).

We tend to get saturated, we change, we get bored of them, we move our attention to a different thing and we learn to let go.
A lot of me is locked up in Champaign and a lot of me is locked in material possessions and my past and current relationships, but those things are also with me. I believe this also holds true for other people.
So tomorrow, when you realize that you use and you throw, realize that the hollow in the stomach is bound to arise but it is also a continual process that tends to tone down as we grow old.

Addic-shunned

2010-04-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

Cigars have a lot of nicotine. Or so I hear :)
I smoked 2 good cigars over the last 10 days or so, and already I feel the craving to smoke another. Had always wanted to know what a (mild) pull of addiction was like, and now I know.
No more cigars, at least for a while.
In other news, I will be off any form of meat, chicken, etc. for a month after going back to India. From 20th May to 20th June. I want to know if there is a great difference in me.

So I leave the ways that are making me be what I really don't want to be?

Freedom

2010-04-14T15:54:00.000-07:00

Sexual intercourse with a person without that person's consent is qualified as rape. Reads about, visuals about or talks about rape infuriate me. I was surprised at how angry I became when I watched a particular scene from Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi.
What is it about helplessness that influences me? And by this I refer to rape, imprisonment, punishment, assaults, loss, etc.
The inability to fight back, to reason, to escape, to appeal and to influence, and the compulsion to succumb and accept - may be that's it.
Evolution of society has been able to drastically reduce such 'atrocities' and may be I am thankful that I belong to this generation, but, as always, a lot still needs to be done.
The simple problem is that we do not care enough about things that are not nearby.
As George Carlin once said:
"A bomb exploded!..."
"OMG!!! Where???"
"in X Country"
"Wtf do I care then!"

And no matter how much one denies it, it's true and it's, well, human.
If Maoist 'rebels' kill 75 soldiers, we care (at least a bit); but if 75 Maoist 'rebels' die - we don't care enough - may be because we chose sides.
If a woman is raped in Mizoram, there is no way one in Mumbai will hear about it; and if one does, it will be but a blip.
The reaction is obvious and understandable, but is also the reason why progress is slow and why responsibility of progress is shirked away towards social workers and the government.
This post is rather useless, as the reader knows everything that I am saying, but let me ask you this... When did you last think of valued control being snatched away from you?

Addendum:
" A friend of mine was scarred. She is a great person but she says she can never go on, and she can't think of being intimate with anybody ever. She had been raped once. I wonder when she will be able to snap back to normalcy..."

Travel

2010-04-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

I was just flipping through my passport and apparently, I've been to the following countries:
Singapore
USA
Netherlands / Belgium
Italy
England/ UK
Thailand
Malaysia
Switzerland
France
Germany
Hong Kong
& Nepal
Fortunate son?

Dogma

2010-04-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

Was having a discussion with a friend about how India fails to create focused movies without targeting the masses; of course, things are changing, especially off late, and some fine movies are coming out of Bollywood... I made an error by stating that America has a rather intelligent audience; to this, my friend knocked me down with a hail of words, stating some of the reasons why America creates some great movies once in a while. I accepted my error and then, as ALWAYS, my brain went into overdrive.
This country used to be, and still is, the envy of a large part of the world. A lot of incidences have occurred in the past which presented America with opportunities to become a great nation - a status which is now debatable.
With envy come brickbats and therefore, a lot of people around the world hate the excesses of the US, exaggerate the stupidity of its population, ridicule the narrow mindedness and this makes for interesting gossip.
But, I have been in America for a while now and I have this to say:
The will and the ability of the people of America (at least in the past) to reinvent itself and grasp at opportunities has helped grow this nation to what it is now.
America decided to develop its infrastructure to proportions that are hard to imagine outside this land; this infrastructure has, in turn, significantly improved the quality of life.

Americans only know one language! Of course there are people who speak only English but answer me this, why should they speak other languages when most of what they need is in the US and whomsoever wants to sell to the US decides to adjust themselves to English.
Of course there are people who don't know much about what is outside the US, but you will find such people everywhere in the world - people who don't know more than what exists within their community / state / country. Again, an American rarely needs to know what is outside the US (this too is changing).

Thing is, America is a very public nation. It is a watched nation. People love stupid people and the country which speaks the most known language in the world is the US. Imagine this, I am sure one can find a rather dumb person in Mumbai who can barely speak English; do you believe India has the consumer power to demand that person filmed? Either for Youtube or for a TV channel or for a comedy show? No. US does; consequently, pockets in the world do.

America is the land of great opportunities and rightly so. Largest reason - Judicial system and its enforceability. People feel relatively secure, businesses feel incentivized.
My belief is that America has managed to create such vast global organizations - it deserves that and its people deserve that.
Apple (The company ;) ) was a blip a few years ago; innovation, marketing and an active consumer market has made it what it is today.

_________
Addendum: Courtesy - My idiotic friend.
As said by Uncle Ben: "With great power comes great responsibility."
America wielded that power for many years, especially after the second world war; Western European countries still despise the conditions that allowed America to help rebuild, and thereby benefit from, these countries. An economic angle to all of this is the Gold standard and how it was pegged to the USD, which allowed the US to become the largest holder of gold reserves in the world (a title it still holds).
But, through this power, America came out victorious after the Cold War; it helped South Korean success and independence. I shudder to think of what may have transpired if the USSR had come out victorious. However, soon enough, the power got to America and thus, has been called for a long time - a bully.
The nonsense in the Middle East has been astonishing (over the last 3 decades). What I note is that, at first, America was the messiah; saving the world from communism and promoting capitalism. Of course there must have been hidden agendas, but all in all - it was a great force that helped the world. Then, something changed. America became greedy; natural resources, religion and terrorism took centrestage. It is amusing how any atrocities in Saudi Arabia or Russia would be overlooked, simply because they wield a lot of power.
I hate to go into examples but, Iraq attacked Kuwait; and international forces - primarily, US, UK, Egypt and Saudi Arabia - attacked Iraq. Was this war in pursuit of liberty and justness or was it to protect Oil - a major consumer of which was the US.
Terrorist attacks and that was a good reason to destroy (and help rebuild) Afghanistan, destroy Iraq (finally) and somehow, aid Pakistan. Were these measures to protect Oil and to promote the the global acceptance of the USD which could have possibly lost to the EUR.
The pretenses are debatable, the consequences are debatable, but the mere fact is that America held and still holds a lot of power. It went into Iraq (in the 2000s) after the UN came out with a report that no WMDs were found; what can stop brute force?
A thought that I have worded often - Who will regulate the regulators?
_________

Going back to the discussion with my friend; it's because America has so much money that it can afford to 'waste' money in creating niche movies, risking money on adventurous ventures; in addition, there are people who have the appreciation for art, much more than people from lesser countries where people would much rather worry about money and daily life.
One amazing thing I have noticed here is how much Americans love entertainment; they are crazy about sports, and that too, a variety of sports. Again, they do not play world sports, but nobody said they need to - they have a huge market which is more than sufficient.
Americans love to eat out, a life-style that is easier to live and at times, a necessity, but one that makes the entire community richer.
Americans love playing sports, just for fun. They love the outdoors, and they love travelling. They love their movies and their music. It's amazing when one thinks of the money that is generated at different stages of the production process of movies and songs. People around the world know American movies and music that has become popular through America. Why would a band such as U2 need to come to America - it has the money and its people have the capacity to spend it. Their standard of living has allowed them many comforts - but most importantly, they grasp at it - they are living their lives (some of them :D )

The perception that people have of Americans is that they live an easy life. I agree that living conditions in America are much more superior than those in most other countries, however, I believe that Americans work very hard to do what they do. It is a much more competitive place to work in than India. Of course there are exceptions and of course there are people who live beyond their means, but people work just as hard if not much harder (quality / quantity) than people from other countries.
If Indians have the audacity to point their fingers at Americans who live beyond their means, we should look at people in the political and bureaucratic circles who, in essence, rob other Indians. If Americans have the audacity to laugh at the Indian accent or think of Indians as an IT army, I would feel sorry for them; Indians are a whole lot more and individually we are an amazing people...

This post has been poorly worded.
This post was not about pro-Americanism.
I am promoting thought and rubbishing dogma.
I am going back to India because I believe I belong there.
I am going back to India because I believe in a story back home.
I am going back to India because I will always be an Indian at heart.
I love what America has managed to create for itself and for its people.
I wait to see what India (and I) can do for itself and for its people.

Skydiving

2010-04-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

So, once again... I could die tomorrow. Alas.
Going skydiving :)
In case they allow me to jump off alone, and in case I have the guts to do so, and in case I end - this is a note saying that:
"I have no intention of killing myself, therefore it should be considered an accident."

Addendum:
So it was awesome. Perfect health. And there is no way of describing the feeling of free-falling :)
All I can say is, there is probably nothing like it.

Hubris

2010-04-02T07:29:00.000-07:00

There are times when we are confident, when there is a spring in our step, when our head is slightly raised high and an attitude creeps in... Those times are good, because it's not often that we feel that way. But once in a while, the confidence gains permanence and that gives rise to a peak; a peak from where it is easy to fall down and from where the fall is hard. The pinnacle is not an issue, getting down is.
Once we fail to look within, continually, we develop a sense of self-esteem; a sense that is, at times, baseless.
"We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." - People utter this sentence often, trying to sound cool that they liked such a weird movie, but rarely do they realise the different connotations of this statement.
Pride is good, but it should be largely independent of external forces. Just because you are good at something, does not imply that you deserve something.
We deserve nothing. Happenstance is oft overlooked and there is very little that we have worked for. Remember, justness is a human creation; we have come to believe that life is a natural progression based on meritocracy.
"We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." We are nothing, and what we are here for is to try and exist or to try and prove ourselves (to whom?).
Hubris shall lead to your fall; I suffer from it, and I shall fall, for I am human too.

Freedom to be Independent

2010-03-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

"My dad is a guy and so he has an ego; as a girl I understand that I have to feed his ego."
There are very few people who make me smile; this is about a friend:
We were good friends quite a few years ago, and I went away - hence we were and are no longer the same friends we used to be. She loves dancing and she loved teaching. She seemed aimless and was trying to pursue something she really didn't want to do; finally she took a step and started teaching at a school. The kids are young and she loves kids. Money is not the motive right now and that always makes decisions simpler. I asked her today whether she loves what she is doing. There was a pregnant pause and I had to interject; 'Is there something else you would prefer doing?'. She then replied, 'Not really, I really enjoy what I am doing.' She went on to say how she would love to be a dance instructor; she has the fundamental credentials to match her ambition. She has done 5 stages of salsa and had learnt through Terence Lewis's academy, etc. I wonder where she is headed, but it makes me smile each time I think of her because I know that she is near something she, largely, looks forward to each day.

It makes me sad when I think of the pressures and ancestral baggage that girls and women in India have to carry; however, the changing face of Indian society gives me hope. What is still lacking is the freedom of a woman to be independent combined with a woman's intent to fight for the freedom which is attainable...
Intent to fight for the Freedom to be independent. Food for thought.

Politically Incorrect

2010-03-25T22:08:00.000-07:00

How would you feel if your son died? What would you do then?
What if you are inflicted with a disease that will slowly and painfully kill you?
Why do we care about our looks? Is it so that we look presentable in society and so that people are attracted to us and at the least, not repulsed by our presence?
Have we learnt about romance and companionship through the media, primarily through movies?
Does a man instinctively lean towards sex, but is weaned away from it because of societal correctness?
Why do we care about sex and physical pleasures when they are meant to be short lived? May be that is exactly why...
Looks will leave us and we will learn to be docile; we hope that we always remain outrageous even though it may be in a small way...
Some of us believe we don't belong, and we like to believe that it is only some of us who are this way...
What would it be like to be molested or raped? - and here I refer to both sexes.
What would it be like to know that someone you care about has been molested or raped?
What if you are locked away against your will?
What if you accidentally kill or injure or maim a person? - How would you live with that?
All of life's luxuries are taken away from you, against your will; what do you do?
One fine day, you lose a limb or you lose your speech and you are no longer normal and able - at least not as able as you used to be... you fear that people will slowly leave you... you fear that people will pity you and you hate the fact that you are helpless... What do you do?

Most of the aforementioned things will never happen to most of us; but when they do, we deal with them then; no use fretting over them just now. Most of life is mundane and normal; some of us like to make changes and make our respective lives interesting; and then, once in a while we stumble or are forced to stumble.